[STATIC] HPE

Please, sir... may I have a link?

Today is Easter. A day of rabbits. And Jesus crawling out of his tomb saying, "I'm a lot harder to kill than you think, you Roman bastards!" Or something, I never really paid much attention in Bible school. Today is also 4/20, a day of slonkin' the dankest of weeds. Honestly, this day can't get much better. It's easily my second favorite day behind Velociraptor Awareness Day, which is-

Wait, Velociraptor Awareness Day is real? I thought it was just a meme. Ron, could you pull that up? Fact check that for me.

...Uh, Ron...?

Oh, Ron's dead. Let me pull that up myself.

Well I'll be, it is real. And it was on the 18th! I missed it! I wasn't aware! I'm going to be fucking sick. Well, whatever. Today still rules. Rabbits, Jesus, weed... uh... colorful eggs... literally my favorite things. So what else could make this day kick ass? By drawing a MILF, of course. We all know about my crippling addiction to MILFs, here. To be honest, I have no idea why I like MILFs so much. Let's find out from an esteemed psychologist.

...Yeah, I dunno about that. Let's ask Siri.

Well, there you have it. We'll never know. It's just going to be one of life's great mysteries.

Anyways, onto the art. This is... honestly I can't remember. She's from Mega Man. She's... his mom, or something. Which is crazy, I didn't know Mega Man had a mom. I thought he was a robot. I didn't know women could give birth to robots. Man, women are really magical. Nature never ceases to amaze. Her name is Ak... Akane... Akane Hosh... I can't spell this shit. But luckily, she has an Anglicized name for Gaijin like me. Her name is Hope Stelar. I "Hope" she's single, you know what I'm saying? I've literally never played a Mega Man game, so I have no idea who she is or why I drew her. Basically all I know about Mega Man is this gif:

It's probably one of my favorite gifs BESIDES MY OWN and it never fails to make me laugh. Back to Hope Stelar. I think I've seen her on the internet before, and my brain just went "Ouuoogh... anime mom..." I like her design quite a bit. I like the spiky messy ponytail thing she's got going on back there. It almost... reminds me of someone... someone I'm supposed to draw... hmm. Well, if I can't remember who, it probably isn't important. But, just look at her.

What a cutie pie. I wish she'd give birth to me. This is from the anime apparently, I thought Mega Man was a game, but no. It's an anime. This is from the scene where she's watching the September 11th attacks on the TV. Wait a minute, wait a minute! By the power of me having basic photo-editing abilities, I can make this picture based!

"Uuaah! Mom, what do I do?! I stole all of dad's boner pills thinking they were Benzos, and now my giant, throbbing cock won't go down!! Uh... mom...?"

Now that's based. I can preemptively read all your comments now. Wow! KYDE's so based! I'm glad I pay him for doing nothing! And you know what, if I don't read any comments, then my own assumptions will be reality. Hell yeah, I'm on a roll. Let's make some even based-er images.

"Uuuahh! Mom, this is the ninth time I've shot hot sticky ropes in the last three hours, and my raging python still isn't going down! I think... I think it's time I went to a doctor. I dunno, mom, I really don't think what we're doing here is okay."

Alright, I'll stop.

I think that's all the jokes I had lined up for this one. Onto rambling about the piece itself.

I've had a lot of people come to me and say things like, "Oh, KYDE! I wish you'd draw more! Why not post the rough animations you do? Oh, KYDE! What about static pieces? KYDE, please, draw anything! I'll pay you! Name the price, and I'll pay it! KYDE, for the love of god! Someone strapped a bomb to my chest! It's gonna go off unless you post something!" Yeah, whatever, I'll get around to it. I guess, even after all this time, I have a hard time grasping the idea that people actually want to see my art. Still totally blows my mind.

Anyways, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Anyone who is familiar with me knows I do a lot of thinking. I came to grips with something, and it was... I just wasn't enjoying drawing. At all. And what was causing that was revealed to me... by one of those dudebro self-help guys. I'm not even kidding, I wish I was. He wasn't Andrew Tate, but he was kind of a cunt. Anyways, his point was, stop listening to music. Why? Because everything we do gives some dopamine. And in this day in age, where everything is a few taps away, like music, books, smut, smut drawn by mentally and emotionally stunted men who pretend to be goblins on the internet, all that shit gives our brains dopamine. Cheap, shitty dopamine. My problem was, I was looking at so much goddamn art, that why on earth would I want to draw it myself? I collect art that I like, on my phone. And I'm not exaggerating, there are 10,000 art pieces saved in there. It's like, 15 gigs or something, just by itself. I would get a... craving. That's the best way to put it. A craving for an art piece. As an example, let's say Toriel from Underwear or whatever it's called. There's two ways I could go. I could draw Toriel myself. Something that could take me 20-40 hours, since I'm so goddamn slow still. 40 hours, for one picture. Or, I could scour the internet and find thousands in a single hour. See how that works? A general rule of nature is, things tend to find the path of least resistance. Humanity and human behaviors are no different. Why on earth would I spend all this time drawing one measly picture, even if I had complete control over what was happening in it, when I could spend a fraction of the time and get hundreds?? And hell, it's even like, gambling in a way! Say I wanted to see Toriel in a really specific way, so I hunted and hunted for that specific thing? Ooh, you don't know! Maybe I'll find it!

So, what I did, was I just stopped all of that. I don't look at art anymore. Or listen to music. My friend thought I was going to end up hanging myself out of boredom. But, wouldn't you know it? I have been having a great time drawing. I'm coming up with ideas I actually want to work on. I'm coming up with jokes while drawing. The biggest litmus test, if I'm using that phrase right, for whether or not I'm right about all this, is a static piece of a character I have no familiarity with. Static pieces... always used to feel cheap to me. I dunno why. And I really prefer to be familiar with a character if I draw them. So here's Mega Mom, as a static. And wouldn't you know it, I had a bunch of fun. I tried a bunch of new things, and I think... dare I say it... it may just be the best thing I've done, yet. Sure, she doesn't move. But we'll get there. I'm not yet excited for moving shit yet, but that's right around the corner.

I'm really very happy with how this turned out. It's probably one of the more dynamic poses I've done, even if she's simply doing a little lean forward. I think I did a decent job on the shading. I had a friend give me some pointers, and I used a program called Anatomy 360 to further try to understand light. Normally, I really struggle with the faces, and this... well, this was no different. I really struggled with the face here, too. My biggest problem is the perspective on the eyes, and every pair of eyes I do has a "Seriously creepy" stage to them, that's like... really long, honestly. That Jucika animation I did recently, her eyes really freaked me out for the longest time. This one was no different.

"Have you been hiding something from Mama? Mama knows what you've been doing!"

"Mama's seen those socks in your laundry bin, all of them stiff as a board! You wouldn't be doing something Mama would disapprove of, would you?"

Ugh, that's getting a little too real for me. My own mom would give me a look like that if I was doing something wrong. Man, I remember this one time, she wanted me to help get rid of a body by stabbing it a bunch of times so it wouldn't float to the surface of a lake, but I wanted to play Starfox Assault instead. Boy, did I ever get a walloping for that.

My point is, the takeaway for all of this is that I'm afraid of my own drawings. Maybe someone else has a similar experience, but man. It's like, they're judging me sometimes. But like, have you seen the shit I draw? No wonder they judge me.

But yeah, the rest I'm very happy about. I had a lot of fun with this one, and that's a good sign for me, since who the fuck even knows who Hope Stelar is? If I can draw a random anime mom and have a good time, then I'm well on my way to becoming a proper artist.

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Alright, I think that's actually it. No more jokes. I think those are all done.

I'll be trying to draw more statics. See what else I can come up with. I'm tired of posting once a month. I want to be posting, like, a bunch a month. Plus, y'all like... pay me to post stuff, so. I think I should do that.

Stay tuned for more shit. "Hope" y'all like this one.

KYDE