970 - The Glimmering feat. Hesse Deni (9/18/25)

Ahh yes, the ancient Chinese art of phrenology

Paul Nakis

“He wakes until she turns 18” The Patient Man

Paul Nakis

Will's bishop line might be my favorite one-liner he's ever done on the show lmao

Griffin Smith

I just came back to say this Her speech check 100 comment was lol

Hardcore Virgin

Hesse is so fucking funny

Chris

Seagal running is the most un-athletic thing an action movie star has probably ever done.

Noctor

Will is slightly misremembering the specifics of the continuity error regarding the name of the restaurant. Both the maître d'hôtel and the Glimmer Man refer to it as "Lento's" when talking on the phone at the beginning and end of the scene respectively. But, in the establishing shot outside showing the Glimmer Man walking in, the marquee reads "Marcus Steakhouse." Possibly, he's conflated this error with the contradictory one-liners the Glimmer Man uses at the beginning of the scene, when he snatches the phone and tells the caller to come anyway, despite the private luncheon, and the one at the end when he tells the caller not to come because the restaurant is undergoing a two-month long "renovation" (on account of his wantonly destroying most of the furniture and tableware.)

zakesters

the old chapo seagal content is some of my favourite so this was a delightful callback

kiran

This is google+ take your ass back to Facebook

AB

My Chinese ass only moves diagonal, that’s why they call me the bishop

Tooffixer

Or Rome. Which took place during the fall of a Republic, where the only jobs were killing and grifting…

Dee Rubes

I don't subscribe to Chapo's Patrion for movie reviews. With everything thats going on right now... come on...

Kentucky Shitlib

The incredible mid century brutalist apartment the villain lives in is enough for me to be grateful to have watched this due to this ep lol

Lilbean

Steven Seagal didn’t play a cholo but he did play a Mexican cartel boss in Robert Rodriguez’ Machete. It seems like Robert Rodriguez has a thing about getting non-Hispanics to play Mexican cartel bosses (see Willem Dafoe in Once Upon a Time in Mexico).

Alex Bauman

Because we haven’t started cutting down the tall trees yet.

Jukka Surasti

https://youtu.be/3aCMTpJx2cs?si=WVBv1FzFljzVMcfH

MKatieUltra

This Irish practical effects artist Bobby Fingers makes amazing dioramas of celebrity moments and he did one of Steven Segal getting put in a choke hold by stuntman Jean Leel, you will not regret watching that or any of his videos!

MKatieUltra

LA: BECOME CHINESE

DappaDan

God damn this is peak chapo content

Harry

Get your white glimmery ass out of here!!!

Lord-Admiral of the Pyrenees

“It’s crack. It gets you really high.”

Breakaway

Hesse is so god damn funny

PublicMarkets

Why is Ivy Wolk still being cast in movies?

Ceruleania

I know Felix and Matt already covered it on Time For My Stories, but I would give my eye teeth for a long form, episode-by-episode Chapo review of Deadwood

Matthew

Imagine Seagal putting down the script that made him weep and it was "Norbit"

Anthony Bunker

You say it like Zimmerman

MCL

as Steven Segal once said, "Where mama at?"

BR34D

Chapo is and always has been primarily a video games and movie podcast

Henry

Incredible secondary effect—it would make Jacques so fucking angry

Benjamón Bellota

Steven Seagal and all the people who loved him were proto maga and it's important for us to understand this administrations' forefathers.

tendo

if you want to have a incredibly long, uncomfortable and disturbing experience you could just exist in Tampa

etienne

More Movie Mindset!

Katrina Harms

All 5 hours of Castration Movie are playing in Tampa this Tuesday. Do I dare?

David DeCorte

hesse is funnier than 90% of comedians out. always fun to hear from her. been trying to work in how the glimmer man was a documentary in casual conversations

B

Hesse Supremacy please make her third mic 🙏 🤲

Twistedsister

Love a movie episode. Would be awesome to get more talk track episodes like the Star Wars jobs.

Jesse Brukman

All that glimmers is not gold

Lord-Admiral of the Pyrenees

“i dont like this” OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP WHO CARES, patreon worse than the yt comments sometimes

Riley Stratton

the "looking in the mirror" bit kills me, because the line was clearly supposed to be some version of "I'm going to make sure that you're horrified every time you look in a mirror," but he got about halfway through the setup and said "Time to put whip a little Chinese on it"

Michael S. Judge

"What does Glimmer Man mean?" "It means Japanese Sword."

Tanner

how tf can i watch Castration Movie Anthology II ? like actually no irony how

glaourgbn

I admire your passion

Chapo Bath House

Hesse was on fire on this one. Goddamn.

Richard Cochnar

He’s black but his home is Asia.

Max

Crazy that they forgot that Brian Cox was also in Deadwood

Jake

II Is in b K hi u n

Adam Kumatz

Two Kings Chess exists and its name is, I kid you not, "Gay Chess"

T

Hell yes BeamNG mentioned.

the dumpist

Please direct your attention to 11:30 in this episode where felix fully produces a drowned-man gargling noise purely with the enormous quantity of spit in his throat. Him and will both do this. Swallow your fucking spit! Do you have rabies or something? Why are your bodies producing this much spittle? It's disgusting! Fuck! Seriously drink some diluted lemon juice or something to dry your mouths out, it's actually fuckin unnatural how much spit your bodies are producing, and it's extremely audible

spacerainbow000

Song at the end ?

Riley Bloomer-Ludwig

"He's a little country, I'm a little bit Rock and Roll Part 2"

T

Justice for the woman on that track bc she goes in

Chapo Bath House

see his role as ex-federale in Machete on the quest for his ethnic identity

cafighteria

The Gary Glitter Man

Nitelife Mingus

I don’t know how they haven’t done The China Salesman, one of the most chapo movies ever created

Ronan Hart

wish we had matt back for his insights on current stuff…lampooning weird films is all well and good but hogs like me need some more nutritional content in our chapo slop

Matt jbg

Please go through the entire Seagal canon. It must be done.

James Duffy

wonderful. makes for a great double-listening with How Did This Get Made’s ep on The Glimmer Man

tyler

I need to become stupider than I knew possible or I will kms

Chapo Bath House

I hate when Glimmer man takes over my thoughts LOOK AT THIS KATANA I JUST BOUGHT

Elai Kehler

LAWMAN

Will

"When the moment is right, you will already be Chinese."

drunk cig

I quite liked how Seagal used an Apple Newton to thwart bad guys on “Under Seige 2”

David Cox

"Steven, have your ever taken a train and eaten it piece by piece... after you just derailed it with your penis?"

Schwartz666

Ngl I don’t need this. Happy for them taking a break and I should too but idk

Jake

*runs over to E1*

Shivvy

Critical support for Keenen Ivory Wayans getting a Purple Heart for this

Shivvy

I'm not sure if anyone remembers but there is a reality show of Steven Segal as a sheriff in New Orleans. He basically just sits in a squad car and orders deputies to do his job

RFK'S BRAINWORM

Conflict is not abuse!

Dongo

Dry Leaf Dane combat arts.

Hardcore Virgin

In case no one suggested it, y’all need to do an E1 Biden ep of many Segals (all the races)

Shivvy

pass

Basil

Also I was inspired to try to do an Seagal Elden Ring run, but beyond having Max Equip load at all times, I'm stumped at what else needs to be taken into consideration

Will

I have never been angrier at someone who's name I'll never know before

Will

The world is madness, return to slop 🐷

I am become reply guy

I love the headline for the reality of “cop slashes throats of 4 in downtown parking garage “

Hardcore Virgin

Get the MullDog on Movie Mindset

The Real Spiro Agnew

Just imagine if Nick Mullen also guested on a Seagal episode

Wiley

We love you Hesse ❤️ God Tier podcaster

The Real Spiro Agnew

I'm getting my penis sucked on rn but you can't see it

The Real Spiro Agnew

what is up with 90s villains falling off shit and being impaled at the end of movies

Ray

Was the tag line “all that glimmers is not gold”?

Lord-Admiral of the Pyrenees

Lol love the chess riffs

Will

Petition for permanent third mic rotation between Ben Mora and Hesse. Jacques every now and then (as a treat)

Madeline

The Credit Card Throat Slash was 120% influenced by The Three Stooges

Mike Kuzia-Carmel

thank you for this needle drop chris

bruce

LETS FUCKING GO

GoopyGoo

I just peed a little

Hardcore Virgin

A movie review is Chapo's version of TrueAnon putting out a 3 part pre-recorded series during weeks where 9,000 things happen

syd

How Did THIS Get Made?

Sam

and I'll listen every time, for some reason

syd

DYK that, had Deadwood been given a fourth season, Brian Cox's character and his acting troupe would've performed "The Mikado" by G&S? Whoever it was at HBO who canceled Deadwood needs to join Netanyahu at The Hague.

Bryan Williams

Imagine all of the people living today. I try to imagine what the world would be like if Segal got the role in crouching tiger.

Ryan Murphy

"And then he's like... And then he's like..." "Bwahh hahahaha... oh man. You should have seen it."

Braden Maccke

you we re the worst transpottation secretary we ever had

Craven Moorehead

Glad someone reminded me of Castration Movie Anthology II, since I backed in on kickstarter but missed the update emails. Shame I missed the premier, but I wait for the Blu Ray for what is sure to be an easy breezy watch

Malcolm Donaldson

in regards to additional co-stars in Castration Movie pt. II, have either Will or Hesse seen www.RachelOrmont.com yet, and can you please get Betsey Brown and Peter Vack on an episode of Movie Mindset?

Erik Aldrich

You laugh but if he didn't have a sixth sense for guessing races they never woulda found that bullet hole

Doug Cartel

Mucho Gracias! Tres Bien!

Quaritch

HESSE EPISODE YAYYYYY HESSE!!!

Twall

yayyyyyy Hesse 💗

Reece Coren

Glimerman is just a really weird rush hour prequel. They should have just used Damon waynes in living color character. Glimmerman a Homie the clown story.

travis adams

WE all ship Hesse and Felix

J O T

☝️🤓 He begins singing, actually

Tim O'

The glimmer man is a cryptid seen in the woods, usually described as looking like a shimmery outline of a humanoid shape, or like the Predator when cloaked

Anomalie

In the seminal text Seagalogy by Vern, The Glimmer Man marks the point where things start going downhill

Will

nate stop crying like a little bitch

Uly Johnston

You ever see a white boy do something crazy like this?

Tom

millennials love to recount the entire plot of a movie to you ffs

Nate Wood

Brian Cox, whom you may know from the time he committed the most epic suicide ever in The Ring

Tim O'

Gunton is forever CE Lively’s bitch ass to me

Paul Hurdle

Between this, episode 1 and seeking derangements, hesse fans are dining today 🍽️

drewb

This movie is insanely convoluted

Josh Martin

MODS! MODS!!!

Steeeeve

October

Must point out he was pretending to be native American in On deadly ground, kinda hard to realize that I know

Trapped in gay gacha hell

I should probably include the link: https://www.avclub.com/richard-riehle-on-his-long-career-and-short-mustache-i-1798260453 Also, Troy Evans has a great Under Siege story where Seagal was doing his "abuse his coworkers" shtick and Evans was like "Stop the damn cameras! I did two tours in Nam and I will not be pushed around by some faux asiatic fake tough guy!" https://www.avclub.com/troy-evans-twin-peaks-demolition-man-china-beach

THEKILLERWHALE

We love Hesse don't we folks

Sam D

Felix begins speaking at 34 seconds

Travis

I'm going to be thinking about "Two King Chess" for a long while

Ale

It's becoming more and more obvious that Will is over covering politics.

Pete Bootysex

More than I could have ever hoped for. Thank you Great Spirit for blessing us with the Holy Algorithm to our nourishment and for your humble servants Chapo Trap House and Steven Seagull.

DiamondDave

One of my all time favorite recurring columns is Random Roles on the avclub (shout out to Will Harris). For those not in the know, he essentially does long interviews with beloved character actors over their entire career. The sheer number of Seagal stories is staggering. My favorite is Richard Riehle, who was hosting an event for the Dalai Lama. Seagal, a practitioner of some bizarre form of white guy Buddhism that permits the karate chopping of throats, came expecting and demanding a private audience with his holiness. When he was rebuked, Seagal stormed out of the party under the pretext that he and the Dalai Lama were wearing matching dashikis. I would encourage you to raid the entire Random Roles archive and CTRL+F Seagal because there is ALWAYS something.

THEKILLERWHALE

Certified banger!!!

N

Felix is just OOZING metal gear commentary from the side project lol. Can't wait for the phantom pain ep

Alex C

they also know exactly when society needs a movie episode

Uriah Wilson

Petition for Hesse permanent 3rd mic

Bur Nur

Where?

James Whale

Hesse!

Marcos Rubios

Worst Person In The World mentioned, good Felix pull

Wagner Koop

Wattup shrek!

Anthony koz

Welcome!

Anthony koz

Dude, it's Brian Cox from super troopers. Learn your audience!

Bob K Ross

I think Chris is on leave still, so that ain’t happenin anytime soon

Isaac

Hate to do this to you Will, but Gunton is not the bad guy, but a red herring to the bad guy in ace Ventura: when nature calls in his classic role as Burton Quinn… consider this my application to guest on movie mindset…

Anthony koz

Steven Seagal was trying to be black until he realized "Asia's my home."

T.A. Martin

I actually like this movie.

Dark Alliance

I’ve never posted on Patreon before but now feel inexorably compelled. The gang’s fantasies about Mr. Seagal doing Latino-play are indeed reality. I introduce exhibit A: his performance in Machete.

Eugene Marder

A soothing balm of a movie episode will be welcome relief from the relentless news cycle

Mr Tu Damn Quoque

When the news is rapid fire, I know I can always rely on chapo (my go-to political commentators), to ignore it all completely

niceman

Damn you guys sort of made this joke right after I posted

Horseloverfat

This isn’t really fair to gweilo. Segal’s films are actually successful and intentional experiments in conveying what it feels like to have a rebar based TBI

Horseloverfat

can you guys update ur movie review eps collections cuz i swear you guys have done more reviews than listed official there at least since demolition man

January99th

I needed some good shit after the past week thank christ

wet_poptart

Hesse 🤩

Shivvy

Hell yes

Harry Sachs

shit is so bad even Chapo is taking a metal health break smh

etienne

thank god, I need to hear the Movie Mindset crew (feat. Felix Cumtree) talk about a dumb Seagal movie more now than I even realised

Declan Kennedy

Period

Smooth Shrek

It's the slow burn my man. Some more marginalized people are feeling the brunt of it right now but things will just keep getting progressively worse at a maddening pace

Ball Atreides

I want to crucify you on your front door with nails from your well stocked garage, Family Man. Family MAN.

ZeeBee

The dry boys won't be cows!

Alex C

Is the country imploding and is mass violence gonna starting happening soon ? or is this all just happening on the internet and i’m just a dumbass alarmist?

January99th

that's because talking about movies and tv shows is the lowest form of conversation

Craven Moorehead

I needed this tonight. Let's go!

RyKy

Peeeeriod

JDF

Hesse <3

Ian H. B.

I’ve given up on watching the dumb movies they review but I still chuckle at the episodes. Am I missing out?

Richard

This should be good 😂

Steve Powell

Me wan tha poonani 🎵🫦👅

JD Nonce

Hesse if you’re reading this we’re from the same part of Sicily so you are basically my cousin

Claire Simon

SEAGAL EPISODE LETS GOOOOO

hu4d

I see Hesse I click

Ninja_Rigatoni

Girth

corn salad

Queen

Richard Cochnar