747 - Make ’em Say Ugh (7/6/23)

how's your wee guy doing man

dog stone

Re leaving money on the counter to pay for stuff: when this happened to Jack Reacher he said "go ahead, call the cops & tell them commerce has broken out in town"

Emily Hines

Nervous about that last segment because I was in an accident that destroyed my junk last month and they had to rebuild it in surgery. Waiting to see if it can recover but needing a prosthesis installed for basic function is a possibility. So pretty sensitive to that kind of thing, as bad as you think the pain sounds it's an even worse experience having that operated on, so idk why anyone would do so willingly outside of an emergency.

Dustin Nelson

DO NOT LISTEN TO THE LAST 25 MINUTES!!

DC714

I hope we all gave a collective “what” with the boys when the 6.5 inch was revealed

Tim

These champagne socialists and their maligning of the proletariat’s preferred sweet, salt water taffy.

Tim

Something something socialists, something something no one wants to work anymore

Sparky

Why didn’t they play the Trump moaning clip during the penis segment?

Hector Jaime

Oh im bastin alright

casey

They've got cold feet about dropping the news that Matt Taibbi has been added to the show as the permanent 4th mic.

Rohmer Simpson

How am i supposed to do the dishes without my SLOP!

stand steadfast, faithful hogs. the slop shall drop in due time

john

Nailed it. But still, I need my Monday evening drop so I have it for my Tuesday morning hike. They are messing up my entire life.

Jessica Rios

It's late because of a freak confluence of technical issues. Felix's alarm clock, Will's volcano vaporizer, Matt's self-assembled Ikea chair, and Chris's revolver from Phil Spector's estate sale all failed simultaneously.

Tommy

It is annoying when the drop is late, being that we all have horrible jobs and rely on this stuff, but it’s also so cringe to be lambasting them about it. Don’t turn on ya boys!

Evan Hayward

Imagine how grueling their schedules must be working two hours a week that consists entirely of a group chat from their own homes and still being consistently late

Sparky

is this like week 3 of late uploads cmon man

rough customer

Circling back to last week's meeting, can we touch base and get KPI estimates on the content update?

etienne

Let's be honest, they just wanted to let the Rubik's Cube dick content linger as long as possible

Sparky

The implant segment elicited the most laughs since Will’s glimpse into the Donald’s inner debate about milk

Bloggystyle

Because it feels good, dammit!

Terrance McDonald

Hey Chris just wanted to let you know I'm looking forward to the new episode, can you let me know when you post it?? Thabks

casey

Must be nice

Sparky

Us men really will do anything other than go to therapy.

Steve D

Im a chapo fan but I have so many friends and interesting things going on that I didn't even notice the ep was late

Steeeeve

I’m in charge of the episode this week, sorry 😞

Rohmer Simpson

jesus christ that first story -- why does everyone have such a stick up their ass?

Slop don't drop til the hogs start to hop

Tristan Clark

Slop's late

Tommy

pouring a sip out for 10-yr old Felix 😢

Shivvy

Chapo coming thru on media analysis again—just realizing I forgot to read the dick chop shop article!

Shivvy

If we made a hip hop tier list. How much of a negative modifier is being a billionaire?

Ahmed Razick

Had a neighbor kid who pronounced it that way. It drove everyone up the wall. I blame this on the Dutch.

Khemith

Penis talk almost made up for salt water taffy talk. UNSUB!

Degrassi Knoll

i almost threw up during the last reading what is wrong with this

“Mary-O”

Keenan Fitzgerald

Eric Adams petty lying habit is paving the way for Adam Friedland's future mayoral race.

Samuel64

Maybe they only got the green ones... Also spending my formative years vacationing in beautiful Wildwood I'm jaded.

Degrassi Knoll

would love to hear will's ranking of the various songs about new york city, tbh, empire state of mind is definitely bottom-tier

A M

You wouldn’t say shit about saltwater taffy to my face.

Nolan

saltwater taffy is S tier, you all are goofin'

realm lich

I’ve never felt compelled to comment but I can’t let this slide. Saltwater taffy fucking rules.

I'm not complaining about it, it's just funny thinking back on it and wondering what I was even expecting to happen (this happened back in 2012). I think my mindset was "I'm doing the responsible thing by asking the authorities what to do, with these bullets, that, uh, I have brought into the airport"

Zachary Sloan

dumbest people on earth: "yeah I tried taking a landmine back home on a commercial flight and the authorities gave me no end of trouble about it"

etienne

Will's airport story reminded me of the time I was almost arrested for trying to take some of my late grandpa's old WW2 bullets home on a flight back from NYC. Before going through the metal detector, I went up to a TSA person like "what should I do with these" and he just went "oh jeez, oh no" and so I was taken back and the police came, and I got a summons to return to NYC for a court date. I get on the plane, and suddenly I'm summoned back off the plane by the police guy I spoke to. He tells me "Good news! Because those bullets were inert, you don't have to return for a court date anymore!" I missed the flight because of this and fortunately was able to stay at my friend's apartment until another flight the next day.

Zachary Sloan

Resubbing for the cbt tho

I am become reply guy

Salt water taffy is good, may the boys all get botched penis surgery

C. Ries

Unsubscribing cause of the taffy take

tanmantincan

That Master P joke may literally be the funniest joke Will has made in like 6 months, an all-timer for sure

concernedmom420

Primitive root penis enhancement surgery

This is what equality looks like under capitalism. Sorry ladies but if you feel comfortable in your bodies it would devastate the economy. However, companies have learned that there's profit to be made by making guys feel like shit too

Jimmy McMillan

Micropenis pride flag

Putting the Monster in ‘monster cock’

Stephen

True!

Shimosanz

Imagine arguing with Joe Biden over text, waiting for him to tap out each letter with his pointer finger every three seconds

Tim Lyons

best episode ever. I've been listening since 2016. Do miss gorka tho

Phil Darovic

there's so many weird butcheries like this that people come up with. all this shit needs to be banned

William Beamish

NOOOOOOOOOOO

William Beamish

Yes! And those 5 people had already seen “Titanic.”

Jed Levin

I’m surprised that Cock News wasn’t given its own episode. There’s clearly a lot more to cover, but this was brave journalism.

Jed Levin

Dude had a full 6" too

Woke Batou

Eric Adams taking one straight from the Poppy playbook, with that dead cop bit. HW carried Edward Byrne's badge around in 88, like some kind of talisman.

Travis Linnemann

Aside from having a micro-penis, seems there's something analogous here to paying for the privilege of imploding next to the Titanic.

Julie Baxter

spy family is perfectly fine and inoffensive, but yeah oof. Great ending theme though

Here's a penis story: Around puberty I got it in my head that girls like very straight cocks, and that my penis was starting to tilt slightly to the left. I obsessed about it and developed a habit where I would hold the shaft with one hand while pulling the upper half to the right--by the time I was in my mid 20's, this was just something I did every time I masturbated, without giving it much thought. Flash forward to Nov. 2 2008. I'm staying at my mother's one bedroom apartment for a few days and I've setup my laptop in the kitchen to masturbate in the middle of the night. I'm doing my typical routine during whacking it and stretching it when I hear a *pop* and feel something snap. There wasn't much pain initially, and half of my penis seemed to stay erect while the other half looked like a deflating balloon. I didn't immediately even think something was wrong, maybe pure adrenaline was numbing any pain, but within a minute or so half of my penis had completely deflated while the other half was still semi-erect, creating a bend nearly 45 degrees. During this time, my balls were also quickly swelling, eventually to three times their normal size and turning a dark blue color. My penis also turned a bizarre mix of red and blue colors. Can't remember what I googled exactly, but the photos were horrific and pretty much exactly what I was looking at between my legs. I also read online that I needed to go to the ER room immediately, and (I can't believe I actually did this) went in to wake my mother up to let her now that I had "broken my dick, and needed to go to the hospital." "What the hell are you talking about," is the only response I remember. I drove myself there and was checked in to await surgery in the morning for a fractured penis. Around 9 or so, my mother actually came by, and at one point asked how I was going to pay for the surgery without healthcare. After she left, I sat there thinking about it, and decided to just walk out of the hospital to get a second opinion. Part II coming...

I had to stop listening to this lmao

Ben

Recently, I had surgery on my face that required wiring my jaw shut for a month. I thought I had it bad until I heard this

Kevin

Red eyes, clenched teeth, can’t lose!

Scot Forsythe

I heard a lesbian stand up with a funny bit about guys with micro penises. The punch line was, 'I've got no penis... And I fuck like crazy'

Jimmy McMillan

Felix, my brother. My comrade in ADHD. How many of our brethren have been looking down at their own dicks and catastrophizing about future sexual failures before even entering puberty? Yeah I think it's an ADHD thing: you think about the future and bam!, you're already there in your head. But it only works if you are worried [cry-laughing emoji].

fredbaroque

Jesus that guy who had an entire cup of amber pus leak out of his dick. I couldn't even imagine.

Spy x Family is alright, tbh I mainly watch it because Yor is hot. Dub is ruff. You didn’t even get to hear Saori Hayami’s lovely voice.

Shimosanz

The main sin is watching Spy Family with dub

5'8 fat thighs with a 4x4 hose

No

Micropenis having cis men 🤝 trans men ❌ whatever the fuck this is

coridactyl

This episode was worse than watching the Bobbitt trial

Demented Avenger

I don't need big govt making my dick longer, one day I'll be a big businessman and it'll grow on its own!

Chris

the radical left wants everyone to have the exact same penis

Karl Childers

that whole article was exclusively about flaccid dick size, not even erect. Who cares about flaccid length?

Penile enlargement under capitalism is futile. Communism is the only way to enlarge penises.

Marcus

“Doctor Frankensteins normal guy” was the funniest thing I’ve heard in a very long time.

Folks,,

"If you don't win you ain't black"

Sean Marshall

lol wait til these guys discover phalloplasty and vaginoplasty

Great ep. won't be relistening

John Tobias

https://apnews.com/article/straw-donor-scheme-adams-new-york-mayor-525f6603843d49ec0df8f15919ba43b5