My road dogs are barkin’

It’s been a few days now since I returned home from Illinois and my dogs are barkin! So much walking through the airports has made my feet swell. To combat that I’m closely watching my sodium. As I have explained, we needed to make sure that Azrael was safe on her flight home so we chose to drive to Miami from Illinois, it’s a long drive, which she enjoyed, but it meant a short two hour flight for Azriel instead of the normal 4 1/2 hours it takes from Chicago to Puerto Rico. Plus the cargo plane she has to fly on (due to her size) is warmer from Miami. We didn’t want her to freeze flying from Chicago. Azriel does not like flying so we wanted to make sure she was as comfortable as possible during this transition and was created for the minimal amount of time. Which is funny because when our friend Carlos picked her up, she had already Peed and pooped all over her crate so she literally hit Puerto Rico in a shit storm, lol! Thank God Carlos loves her so much because he cleaned her up before we got home. That’s what real friends do, they try their hardest to give you a soft landing. We love you Carlos and Isabella.

Anyhow, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard that story before, so I’ll just go ahead and fast forward to this morning. Oddly, I had a pretty great night sleep. I’m still waking up a few times a night to Pee, my bladder is still adjusting to post surgery life . But my bladder still works! That’s the good news! So I woke up this morning. Extremely excited to go on our morning walk on the beach. It is where I can get the most consistent exercise for the damage I have, post surgery. I really love spending these moments with Jeremy walking along the beach, Ridiculous funny conversations, sometimes serious ones, but the communication is always best when we are both walking for an hour and focusing on our health. It seems that when we are focusing on our health, our conversations are the most productive. Jeremy has to pick up the physical weight for both of us right now (I’m still only allowed to lift 3kbs) so he’s working extra hard, so that I don’t have to hurt myself but I can still be productive. Given that he’s been doing so much heavy lifting lately, he walked most of the way and took a little break while I did a little extra on my own. When we came home, he finished putting up my wall planters inside my dining room, where I grow my herbs, tomatoes, peppers, anything that is difficult to grow outside here in Puerto Rico. Insects and hungry little animals eat just about anything that doesn’t have a very hard shell here so tomatoes don’t grow well outside, I have a really nice hydroponic tower that I purchased a few years back during the pandemic and have set that back up, it needed a good cleaning since I had been gone for almost 6 months. I spent last night cleaning and detailing it to get it ready for use again. Today I am Planting basil, tomatoes, arugula, spinach, Brussel sprouts. I went to the plant store that I love yesterday and picked up some more citrus trees, mandarin trees, live pre-started plants to get us through until our seedlings grow in. I’ve noticed that having fresh herbs readily available, not only make everything taste better, but they heal my body from the inside out. Right after the surgery, I started making my tea and broth with fresh ingredients and it has helped immensely in my healing so I continue to do the same here, now, I will have access to everything I need again. Plus our papaya tree is starting to fruit now! The first few days here without these ingredients was difficult, but I pushed through it, but I definitely felt unwell without it.

Fortunately, I made enough broth last night so it should get me through the rest of today. After our nice long, walk on the beach, one hour minimum, we jumped in the ocean. I realized I’m not quite ready for the waves yet. My body is not strong enough yet to be in any sort of wavy water right now. I need to get that stabilizing core balance back before I trust myself in any sort of deep water again. I was able to dive in the water and spend a few minutes in there before I realized it was time for me to get out and I really enjoyed that time. I can’t wait until I can be in the water and feel secure in my body again. But hey, today is not the day, but at least I get to enjoy the beautiful view and dip my toes in the ocean. It was nice to have that feeling of total baptism even just for a moment. my friend, Carmen tells me that it is a spiritual healing to dip your entire body in the water up to the hair on your head. It does feel a bit like a baptism, especially since I haven’t experienced being fully immersed in the water for so long.

I was lucky enough to see a sea turtle and a couple of Wales, while I was looking on the beach. Jeremy was enjoying the water, goggles on, looking for sea creatures underneath the water. After that, we stopped for a coffee, coffee is so much better here! If you’re not aware, coffee is a major export from Puerto Rico because the weather here is perfect for growing it. I noticed the difference in coffee right away. Back in Illinois, we do have some delicious coffee but none as delicious as what is growing here. Maybe it’s because it’s so fresh? I’m home now, laying in the bathtub, soaking in the sun is shining through the bamboo. I love these moments in the bathtub, outside, breeze flowing, I can hear the chickens and the birds and the cats and dogs in the neighborhood. Feel a tropical breeze against my skin while laying in a hot bath tub. It is truly heaven! After not being able to take a bath since October 25, this moment is a dream come true every time I get to relive it. I’m thankful to be alive, I’m thankful to be here, I’m thankful to be rooted to my family and my friends, I’m thankful for the way everything has happened, even the most difficult parts of it. I’m still thankful, every day. I’ve learned so much about my body and spirit.

Today brings me back together with my students this evening. I still have a few of my students/friends that I have not seen yet and my heart longs to hug them. Tonight will be a good night for that and for some slow intentional movement and organizational conversation. Now that I’m back home in Puerto Rico, I intend to perform as much as I can. It’s going to be really interesting to figure out different ways of performing in a completely new and different body. I guess it’s still the same body but different limited abilities now. I still feel like this body is not my own. My movements are still very limited but, if you don’t use it, you lose it, so I’m gonna do my best to stay in practice with the limited movements I can do right now. Any progress is a huge accomplishment at this point, and I am up for the challenge of learning new ways to move. I must admit, I did have a moment of jealousy, while I was watching Jeremy in the water moving so freely about. I had a moment of FOMO for sure. But, it only lasted for a second and then I realized that there is so much to enjoy out here, underwater, or above water. On top of that, I love that his body is still strong and that he gets to live these experiences. Truly, it’s always better to choose the most positive, least exhausting emotions I can at this time. I’m not one for toxic positivity but I’m also not one for toxic negativity. I’m just tired of anything that feels toxic anymore.

I’m searching for my light wherever I can find it. I’m trying to remember that only I can create my light and only I can allow it to be extinguished. Both happen, and that’s ok, but I’m focusing on stoking that flame by still having adventures, even if they’re a bit more tame for now. I’m still a road dog, I’m just a road dog in recovery ❤️‍🩹.

If you would like to join in my bathtub, experience, more intimately, feel free to join my uncensored super volcano tier.

Till then, here is a fun little video of my pineapple I grew in my yard, from last year.

https://vimeo.com/729773783