Still feeling a bit upside down

A few days ago I wrote that I was feeling a bit upside down. Still feeling that way today. Yesterday got pretty intense healthwise. But I think I’ve put the pieces together. I have an appointment with my doctor today and hopefully will be able to figure out what’s going on, but I have a bruise on the left side of my stomach And I’m feeling generally terrible and have a lot of tenderness through my belly. I think I overdid it a little bit cleaning the house, wrapping Christmas, presents, adventuring out, etc. It’s very hard for me to find the balance right now. As I mentioned before, I’ll have two or three really good high energy days and then I’m down for a couple of days, lethargic, exhausted, feeling more pain than I prefer to, etc. I think these are just the ups and downs of healing post abdominal surgery. I think I have figured it out though! I will talk to the doctor today and double check everything but a few days ago I was at my daughters house Laying on the floor flat on my back, stretching out. Her tiny little 4 pound Chihuahua, pico Lena ran across the room and jumped on my stomach, and launched herself off of my stomach, because she saw something that caught her attention. It was something that I was definitely not prepared for, was very painful at the time, but the pain subsided within about five minutes, so I didn’t really think much of it. I’m pretty sure the bruise on my belly is from that, but, we are going to go get it checked out today. I think the tenderness is because I’m trying to gain some weight since I lost so much weight so fast it was affecting my body in a really negative way. My body was not getting the nutrients it needed to heal properly so I have been eating more than I have before. I think that eating more is affecting my digestion negatively, making digestion a bit more uncomfortable. So I’ve auto corrected to go back to my liquid diet for a few days and just in just calorie rich liquid alternatives, like Endure, lots of heavy bone broth, etc. So I think there’s a few things happening, me, overdoing it, as usual, possibly eating too much at a time, since my stomach has shrunk, the bruise, I’m pretty sure is from my run in with Picolina. So I think I’m OK! But just to be safe I’m heading to see my doctor and get it all checked out this morning.

But I wanted to share this photo with you, because I love it so much! This is me at my last performance for Riot Fest in Chicago right before I had to cancel my Buffalo New York performance. I am with my dear friend and dance partner from Puerto Rico, Yulietta. I miss performing with her so much! She’s always so encouraging and adventurous! This was the last time I was able to explore body movement and it was glorious! Little did I know at that time what was to follow the next day, nonstop, bleeding, pain, lack of movement, surgery, etc. I hope this evening very dear to my heart because I was with so many of my friends, that night, friends, I have not seen in a long time, including Yulietta because she had just come back from teaching in Egypt. We all celebrated together, danced together, loved on each other until the night was done. I really treasure these moments on stage and off with my performance, friends and partners. This is what I feel the most alive. sometimes I get deeply sad because I can’t be with my friends in movement for a while. But then I get to look back at all of these beautiful photos, this one that my niece, Alaina took, and I get to relive those moments over and over again. this is where I find my joy. Where do you find your joy? What makes you feel the most alive? I know I’ve asked you this before but I think it changes from day today. Some days I find joy in my children, my partner, my dogs and cats and chickens, food, entertainment, etc. today I’m finding joy in reliving this night. So where do you find your joy today?

On my way to the doctor now, wish me luck!