My comfy Halloween costume… and doctor stuff leading up to surgery

This is a giant bunny that my baby girl Memphis left at my place in Illinois years ago, And she keeps wanting to take it back but I won’t let that happen. I like having it in the house, it reminds me of her. I keep little things of my sons as well. I like these little reminders of my babies around me.

Memphis has always loved stuffed animals. She loves anything cute and I’m starting to understand why. This bunny takes me away to a haven of comfort and hugs every time I enter my living room.💗🐰💗

The pain is much less today. The Cipro is working for my UTI and my uterus is contracting less and less. This means I’m also bleeding less and less🎉.

My last few days before surgery are feeling oddly comfortable compared to the last few months. It’s maddening to think of all the bad advice I’ve listened to in regards to this fibroid pain. So many folks telling me it’s psychosomatic or that my diet and weight is the culprit, trying to sell me diet plans etc. trust your gut. That’s my life lesson out of this.

I even had a trusted person in my life, who has no idea what’s going on tell me I’m drinking too much and that’s why I’m feeling this pain, when I haven’t been able to drink in a long while, due to the Nausea and pain. It’s been hilarious reading the absolute stupidity of some dudes (yes, men commenting on my uterus) on socials trying to convince me it’s nothing or something entirely different.

So here’s what I’m realizing about all that shit. I don’t listen to anybody unless they are a qualified and well respected professional, trusted within their career path. I’m all for natural medicine, homeopathy, alternative paths to healing etc. I have one trusted professional in Puerto Rico who I have seen regularly over the last three years who has been helping me with this issue. Her name is Vivienne, she owns an incredible wellness center called Centro La Paz in Rincón Puerto Rico. she has been a lifesaver until I could find a female gynecologist. I’m so appreciative for her tender, caring bedside manner and her desire to heal my pain. Without her over the last few years, life would’ve been much more difficult. So trust the people you can trust obviously. If somebody is giving you advice and they are in the medical field or a healer, if the advice is working, excellent, wonderful! But remember, everybody thinks they’re an expert on everything. It’s wild the number of uneducated men who have tried to tell me what’s going on with my body just to shut me up or avoid an uncomfortable conversation for them. Often times when we are sick, unwell etc. our discomfort will make other people uncomfortable. A lot of people want to talk over our discomfort to make themselves more comfortable. Don’t allow it. Cut the conversation short, hang up the phone or get the fuck out of there. I always try to leave with some sort of smile on my face. I just moonwalk right out of that conversation as quick as possible. “Oh look at the time, I’ve got to go. Nice talking to you bye”.

It can be way too confusing to take in too many different opinions about My own body. I know exactly what I’m feeling, I’m very good at articulating what I feel, I am very good at noting and reporting what I feel to my health practitioner. I don’t need to sit and listen to somebody else’s bullshit Sunday quarterback diagnosis of my health. I’ve spent too many years hearing that it’s all in my head when it is literally in my uterus. Keep your opinions to yourself. If you’re not a healer or doctor I’m paying for an opinion. I’m simply not interested.

However true well wishes are always welcomed in whatever form they come. I’m not Christian but I like when folks pray for me. If its genuine, go ahead and send all prayers and meditations, rituals, etc.

If a medical professional says that they’re there for you, yet they don’t show up for you emotionally or physically, drop them. Do not continue to count on somebody who does not show up for you in the ways that matter to you. There are other options. I spent three years trying to find the right doctor and finally found her. I know that number one, no matter what happens during the course of this surgery, i’ve had a wonderful experience with this doctor, I have relied on her, she has pulled through, even if the very worst were to happen, I feel confident that this doctor/surgeon will do her very best to prioritize my well being. Of course that doesn’t mean that she’s perfect, things happen every day. I do believe that I’ve made the right choice. I do have faith going into this surgery that I am in good hands. And that’s really all you can ask for. “will this doctor fight for my life? does this doctor view me as somebody who deserves quality healthcare? Does this doctor view me as other, or less than? Do they make eye contact with me? Do they respect my words when I speak? Do they go out of their way to avoid putting me in situations of extreme discomfort if possible? Do they take the time and energy to explain what is happening to me what has happened to me and what’s about to happen to me? Do they get frustrated with me if I ask the same question twice? Do they have a calm and kind demeanor and touch?”

At one point during our discussion I mentioned to my doctor that I was doing nightly rituals for my uterus. When I woke up with pain in the middle of the night I would light a candle and do a ritual and communicate with my uterus through my rituals. My gynecologist responded by saying “What type of ritual? Why are you doing rituals?” I answered “because that’s my faith and it makes me feel better”. She smiled at me and said I’m glad that makes you feel better I put my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and that’s who I will be praying to as I operate on you. I stopped the conversation I looked at my doctor and I said “does it make you feel strange or uneasy that I do not subscribe to your beliefs and I’m not a Christian? Will that be an issue during the surgery?” She answered, “no, the more the merrier. Whatever you believe that is helping you, whatever I believe that is helping me, will help us get to a healthy place together”. I loved this answer. I feel the same way. pray to whomever you like as long as we are on the same page, both praying for the same outcome… for you to have a steady surgical hand and for my ultimate health and wellness.

These are very important conversations to have with my doctors. Especially in regards to a major surgical procedure.

Also, one last little thing. As a femme, If you feel comfortable with male gynecologist or doctors, go for it! If a male doctor makes you feel heard, seen and they do a good job at managing your pain and your health care, super awesome! You have definitely found a good one. My aversion to male doctors is due to my experience with them. Maybe your experiences have been different? I’m sure there are good ones out there, except for my dentist, I have personally not run into them. But I do like my male dentist. He does a great job.