Sleepy tripod

It’s wild how my worst bipolar episode in years started when I lost my cat Clemente and my little tripod Burton lost her leg… all in the same week.

I’m pretty sure it was a massive empathy dump. My brain couldn’t handle the loss and potential loss. I recall the hours, days, weeks, months of trying to mourn the loss of Clemente and stay present for Burtons recovery. I recall that the medical care available to Burton was minimal where we are and the anxiety and guilt I felt about it.

I recall having to super glue the entire amputation closed as the few stitches she had fell out. Having to traumatize her over and over every day to clean and care for her wound. She couldn’t eat, became depressed, in severe pain constantly…. But something beautiful grew out of these events, for both of us. We grew to trust and understand each other deeply. I could only sleep when she did. I started to understand what every noise she made meant. Before that Burton was a wild, wild outdoor cat that did not enjoy peopling. After the amputation however, she became very needy, insecure, fearful of everything except me. She needed me for everything. She wouldn’t eat unless I fed her with my fingers. Through this trauma we connected deeply. Now she follows me everywhere, needs my affection, counts on me for emotional support. She still loves for me to feed her by hand. She actually talks to me. It’s so funny. It’s a chirping sound mixed with a kind of soft howling but it sounds like she is actually talking.

I’m so happy to see her personality blossom after such trauma. I was fearful it would make her more afraid permanently but it’s really shown me how healing is possible if you have access to folks who can support that healing. It made me look at my own healing and my support group and make much needed changes to avoid folks who don’t encourage my healing and to draw close to those who do. To be a better support to my friends and family who are also healing. It made me understand empathy on a deeper level. How do you like that? I’m learning important life lessons from a cat.