Chapter 78: I Don't Want to Lose You

Sebastian tilted his head to the side and gave her a quizzical expression. “What are you talking about?”

She settled against the chair, but didn’t take her eyes off of him. “Before we left, you didn’t protest when I embraced my friends.”

“I don’t have a problem with you telling your friends good-bye and that you’ll miss them.”

“You have no problem with Ewan sleeping just outside my door when we’re in Axton’s inns,” she said, raising a brow.

Sebastian shrugged. “He was in the main room with the twins.”

“I slept right next to him on the way here,” Tori stressed. “You put a blanket over the both of us.”

“I only had one blanket.”

“Sebby.” Tori sat up straight and frowned. “I’m serious. Why are you so averse to Piers?”

The fire light danced across Sebastian’s face and he seemed to be thinking. Twice, he glanced towards the door, as if contemplating simply fleeing to avoid this conversation.

“Is this something we need to discuss?” he asked, his voice even. “I am your older brother. Can an older brother not be protective of his fifteen-year-old sister?”

“Protective against a specific person?” Tori frowned. “Whenever Piers is involved, you become hyper-vigilant against him. He’s never shown any hostility towards me nor has he made any unwelcome movements. Piers is unable to even hug me. He has always shown me the utmost respect.” She shook her head at her brother. “I don’t understand why you won’t let me be alone with him when you have no problem with my other friends.”

“Piers is different.” Her brother’s voice dropped and his eyes narrowed. “He is unlike your other friends. Piers’ situation is unique. He’s very attached to you.”

Tori closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’ve told you before-”

“I know, Tori, I know,” Sebastian said, closing his eyes and looking exhausted. “You’re not in love with Piers, but it’s very clear you care about him and I can’t help but worry that one day, you’ll end up marrying him.”

She stared at her brother and opened her mouth. “I...I am not planning on marrying anyone.”

“Maybe not right now, but the situation may change in the future,” Sebastian told her in a firm voice. “We don’t want you to marry into such a perilous position.”

Tori narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”

Her brother’s green eyes crinkled up and he didn’t seem to know what to say. He looked around the room and inhaled deeply.

“Do you have silence charms?” he asked, suddenly. Tori drew her head back, but nodded. “Good. Put one on each wall, door, and window.” He rose from his seat and reached into his pocket. He took out a raw, light blue stone and walked off the oval rug in front of the hearth, where their chairs were.

Tori stood up and stepped back, watching her brother put the stone on the tile ground and press down, dragging it to make a circle around them. She couldn’t make out the faint line with her eyes, but there was a sort of energy there, surrounding where they were seated.

“Sebby....”

“As a precaution, put up the silence charms,” Her brother said as he stood up straight once he completed the circle. “What I’m going to say can’t leave this room.”

Tori looked down and blinked. She gave him a small nod and went to her bag. She used silence charms to keep noise in and noise out of her rooms at inns. She took her small stack and placed one on each wall, door, and window in the main chamber. When she was done, she returned to her chair.

Sebastian’s eye swept over her room, lingering on each charm before he took a deep breath and returned to his seat. He leaned forward and placed the blue stone on the floor at his feet. It was glowing a faint light and there was a steady stream of energy coming from it.

Her brother closed his eyes and leaned forward, placing his arms on his knees.

“How many times do you think the Empress and Emperor’s lives were targeted?” His voice was hoarse and Tori drew her head back.

She narrowed her eyes. “Their lives were targeted? You mean assassination attempts?”

Sebastian lifted his head and stared ahead of him, into the fire. “It’s not something that is widely known. Whenever there is an attempt, it is kept quiet. Very quiet. As marches, we are made aware of any attempts as it gives us a warning on who to be careful of. We are the empire’s security, so this is something only Papa, I, and a few close members of the family know. Even Mama doesn’t know.”

Tori frowned. “Mama is a Marquess-”

“Imperial order from the Empress.” Sebastian gave her a sad smile. “She didn’t want Mama to worry about her.”

Tori crinkled her eyes and her hands clawed into the sides of her chair. She took a deep breath, but her voice was still unsteady. “Who would target them?”

“There are extremist factions within Soleil; groups that don’t agree with where the policies approved by the imperial family are going. There are outside forces trying to cause conflict and chaos to weaken the empire internally. There are those who simply want revenge because the imperial family did something that ruined their lives. That is the reason the imperial family is always surrounded by knights, poison testers, and rarely leave Horizon.”

Sebastian took a deep breath before he continued. “The safety and stability of the empire are an illusion, Tori. We are not an indomitable entity and the marches and the imperial family are well aware of that. It is our job to protect our people as best as we can so that they may live without fear.”

Tori looked down at the table between them. In this world, everything seemed so peaceful aside from defending the eastern border. Soleil seemed politically stable with many allied-nations. It was wealthy, there appeared to be minimal internal conflict. Certainly, there was a danger for the imperial family for simply being figureheads, but Sebastian’s words made the danger much larger than she anticipated.

“Have Piers and his brother been targeted?”

Sebastian turned his head towards her. “Why do you think Axton and that von Dorn kid have a position? They have agreed to become expendable lives for Piers and Gideon, should the case come to it. Axton is both lucky that Piers can defend himself in a fight, but unlucky in that not only is Piers the first born, but he has difficulty dealing with people, which can lead to panic attacks that make him vulnerable.”

Tori swallowed hard. “But has there been any attempt?”

Her brother held her gaze for a moment before turning back to the fire. “We thought Gideon would be the primary target for a while, as Piers seemed out of the picture; however, Piers’ food has been tampered with a few times at gatherings in the past. If you see him eat and he’s just moving things around his plate, it’s because he knows it’s been tampered with.”

Tori frowned. “Why doesn’t he say anything if he knows?”

“To protect the imperial family’s appearance of strength,” Sebastian told her. “If he brought it up, it would cause a wave of fear. Fear leads to uncertainty. Uncertainty leads to panic.”

“But what if he’s poisoned?” Her stomach twisted. “What if there are no poison testers, such as at meals outside the palace?”

“Piers and his brother carry around charms to test for poison,” Sebastian said. “And the cooks and kitchen staff at Lycée are carefully monitored.”

Now that she thought about it, Piers always ate food from Cafe Fortuna; food his nanny cooked and was delivered to him by his knight. People he could trust. When they were at the Three Queens, she didn’t doubt that Axton made sure whoever was preparing and delivering Piers’ food was trustworthy.

He had food testers at the delta and the only other food she’d seen him eat in large quantities without hesitation was hers. She’d put food directly on his plate. She drew her lips inward. He never questioned her.

“Have they been attacked before?” Her voice was tight.

Sebastian, unfortunately, nodded. “Gideon was well protected with plain clothes knights who were able to step in before he knew what was going on. I doubt von Dorn knows that Gideon was targeted and almost attacked twice. Piers has also been attacked, but he was able to focus and defend himself. At the time, Axton was away on training.”

“What about the Emperor and Empress?” She didn't answer him when he asked. She hadn’t dwelled on their possible assassinations.

Sebastian continued to look at the fire. “At least a dozen times each since they were crowned. The Emperor was poisoned several times in his youth and twice more when they were married and had yet to ascend the throne. One particular instance had him bedridden for a month. Empress Monica has had her food tampered with, her carriage broken into with her inside, has had her entourage attacked when she was outside the city, and been physically assaulted. She was stabbed in the leg, and once, she dislocated her shoulder.” He looked at Tori. “Do you know why?”

She shook her head. “No.”

Sebastian’s eyes reddened as he stared at her. “The Empress stepped in during an assassination attempt on the Emperor. I don’t know if it was because he is her husband or because she was raised in a marquis family and it was her instinct, or if it was both, but when I see you with your friends, I know that you would do the same for them in a heartbeat. I would do the same for Idunn. Kasen....” Sebastian’s damp eyes narrowed for a moment. “I don’t know if Kasen has any friends he’s that close to, but if he does, he would do the same. It is an instinct that, for lack of a better word, has been bred into us.”

Tori’s throat was dry. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing....”

Her brother gave her a bittersweet smile and shook his head. “It’s not,” he said. “But it’s a dangerous thing. Your other friends: Ewan, Miss Agafonova, and the others...they won’t face the same dangers as Piers. Even the Zisos boy, who was followed around by plain clothes Belcoy guards the entire time we were in Karap, doesn’t face as much of a threat as Piers.” Sebastian ran a hand down his face and met Tori’s eyes. “Tori, Piers is a good kid. I know that. He’s different, but he’s an honest and diligent person. And I know he would treat you well. I’m not doubting he would. If you asked him for the moon, he would bring it back with stars and lay them at your feet, only asking you to spare him a glance. What terrifies me is that being connected to him may cost you your life.”

40-years-old and that never crossed her mind. At most, she thought it would be annoying to have people misconstrue her intention and treat her as someone she wasn’t. She wasn’t interested in any of the ‘honor’ and massive amounts of responsibility that Piers’ partner would be forced to have, and wanted to avoid it.

But when her brother explained his concern, it brought to light a terrifying risk she never considered and her body grew cold.

Sebastian seemed to watch her sink into her thoughts. “I heard that in Horizon, people are talking and saying that you are being looked at as a prospective partner for him. I’m sure you already know how troublesome just a rumor is. People will begin to treat you differently. How much worse would it be if things became official? How many people do you think would want you out of that position so badly, that they would risk everything to remove you from it?”

“What?” Tori lifted her head.

“Master - the General, told me that there were many rivals for the Emperor’s spouse when they were younger. The Empress faced constant verbal attacks, rumors, hostile peers, and got into several physical altercations all because the Emperor was pursuing her.”

“Were there attempts on her life?”

Sebastian seemed to glance around the room, as if making sure no one was listening. He quietly nodded his head. “Sometimes, the General doesn’t understand why she married the Emperor when it put her in so much danger.” Sebastian looked down at his hand as he clasped them in front of him. He took a deep breath and looked at her. “How can I sit back and let you be targeted? I care about Piers, too. He is my pupil...but you are my sister....”

His voice began to shake and Tori’s eyes reddened. “Sebby....”

“I don’t want you to die....” His broken voice reached her ears and Tori’s eyes rimmed to tears. She watched his arms fall at his sides as he shut his eyes and looked away. “I don’t want to lose you.”

She rose from her seat and rushed in front of him, putting her arms around him and pulling him close so she could hold him. “Sebby, we can try to avoid death, but if it wants us, it will come.” That was something that lingered in the back of her mind constantly.

His trembling arms wrapped around her so tightly, she almost couldn’t breathe. “Don’t say that....”

She closed her eyes and tried to stroke his back. If this was in intensity at the thought of her death, then she could see why he’d try to resurrect her. “If I die, don’t blame others. Just let me rest.”

Sebastian’s head shook against her. “I won’t let you.” He buried his head against hers. “Please...not then, not now.”

Tori blinked through her tears and tried to look at her brother. “Then? You mean the accident?”

She felt him tense against her before slowly pulling away. “Yes.” He lowered his eyes and put his hands back on his knees. He gripped them tight. “I saw my baby sister almost lose her life. I don’t want to see it again.” He choked out his words.

Her heart ached. There was no way she could promise him everything would be fine. She knew her position in the game. She knew what her possible ending was.

“I will try,” she said in a breathy voice. “But I can’t make any promises....”

Sebastian looked pained. His hands rose and gripped her shoulders. “But Piers-”

“I’m not going to abandon him,” Tori told him.

Her words seemed to inflict even more pain on her brother. “Don’t marry him.”

Tori closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Sebby, I’m only fifteen. There is still so much I want to do and so many places I want to see. Marrying him would trap me in Horizon. The chances of me marrying him are low to none.”

This seemed to calm her brother. Sebastian nodded. “Good, good...”

“But I still won’t abandon him,” Tori said. She did not and never had abandoned anyone who was good to her. “I won’t abandon any of them. And if it’s dangerous, then I will just need to make my chances of survival better.”

Tori looked up at the bookshelves in front of her and narrowed her eyes. Floor to ceiling shelves and she’d need to climb a ladder. She walked towards the wooden ladder that seemed to connect to a rail part way up the wall. She could slide it left and right, but it was a bit steep. If she climbed up and found her book, she’d be one hand short in gripping the sides of the ladder for dear life.

“Should I get my satchel...?” She muttered to herself as she narrowed her eyes.

“Tori?” She turned towards the entrance of the library and saw Kasen opening the door further and stepping inside. He had two books of his own on his hand and he gave her a curious look. “What are you doing here?”

“Trying to find some books,” she said. She pointed to the cards from the catalog that she had pulled out on the table nearest her. She then looked up at the wall of books in front of her. “I found the right section...but it’s up there.”

Kasen smiled a bit and put his books on the long table that stretched the length of the room. He walked towards her and picked up the catalog cards she’d pulled. His dark brows knit together.

“Poisons and Old Sulfae?” He looked towards her and frowned. “Why are you trying to find books on these?”

“I have an idea,” Tori said. He narrowed his eyes and she looked to the side. “I was wondering if it was possible to apply food testing charms and crystals to wearable jewelry for discrete testing.”

Kasen’s suspicious look did not lessen. “Can’t you simply use testing charms? You can slip them beside dishes and drop a little food on them to see if there is a reaction.”

“What if you run out?” Tori asked. “Not everyone knows how to make charms.”

Her second brother lowered the catalog cards back onto the table and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the desk behind him. “Is this about what Sebastian told you?”

Tori drew her lips inward and looked away. “Told me what?”

Kasen let out a low breath and shook his head. “This is why we didn’t tell you. You’d get worried.”

“I think if it concerns me somehow, I should know,” Tori said as she straightened up. “Besides, the rumors have already started. We’re trying to mitigate them as much as possible, but I’m sure there are people who find me...unsightly.”

Kasen closed his eyes for a moment and seemed to try to calm himself. “You can always come back to Presidio.”

“I have a city I’m in the middle of building and crystal projects I’m working on,” Tori said. “Even if I come home after I graduate, there will be time between then and now. I just think that this will be a good precaution to take. I can defend myself quite well with a dagger, but I don’t know how I’d deal with poison ingestion.”

“Or inhalation.” She looked towards him and noticed how pale he’d become. She squinted her eyes and leaned forward.

“Kasey?”

He looked up and blinked before giving his head a small shake. “Smoke,” he said. “You can ingest poison by breathing it in, as well.”

Tori nodded. “It would be useful to have something that would sense the proximity of poison with just a touch. Such as if it’s on a plate, touching the plate with an object can detect poison that it has touched.”

Kasen didn’t take his eyes away from her, even as they crinkled up and began to redden. He seemed to take a deep breath and looked down. “Come with me.”

He walked past her, towards the door, and Tori followed behind him, curious. He didn’t say a word as they walked through the fortress to get to the hall where their rooms were. They passed the training yard and she could see Ewan amongst their knights, joining in the morning exercises and drills.

His schedule was mainly training in the morning, then strategy classes after lunch, followed by reviews in knightly conduct after dinner, for which he’d join the family. Her Uncle Rom had experience teaching others and when she asked how Ewan was doing, her uncle beamed.

Ewan was a fast learner when he put his mind to it and he was genuinely curious and now interested in strategy. He didn’t need to learn everything in a month, just the basic terminology, formations, and the importance of logistics, time, and topography. All of which seemed to captivate her friend.

If he was interested, he’d likely retain the knowledge, which was a relief to Tori. He wouldn’t take the tests for another few months. Auntie Lucia said that when he got into La Garda, he would have formal classes on the subjects. They would be tested again upon graduation and a La Garda knight’s overall score would be used to assess which branch of the imperial knights they could be accepted into.

Ewan’s hope was to one day serve the imperial family directly as a first level internal knight. While it could be regarded as the most dangerous and demanding position, the pay was high and it was prestigious. Very few knights qualified for first level internal.

Sebastian told her that Axton qualified upon completion of La Garda at eighteen. Axton was required to complete a series of tests, but doing so cemented his position as Piers personal knight. Fabian had yet to reach that level, but that wasn’t her concern.

She followed Kasen up a flight of stairs to get to their hall. Kasen’s room was opposite Sebastian’s and down the hall from hers. Kasen’s room had many more books, assorted ink wells, pens, brushes, and stacks of blank paper on shelves. It was set up similarly to Sebastian’s with a large four poster canopy bed, a massive desk, chaise lounges in front of the hearth, and smaller rooms for his clothes, a toilet, and a private bathing room.

Tori looked around to see if anything had changed since the last time she’d been there, but couldn’t make out much of a difference. It was only when she saw the framed watercolor of Reflection Lake that she made hanging beside his desk that she chuckled to herself.

“Have a seat,” Kasen said. “I have something that may help.”

He motioned to one of the chaise lounges by the hearth as he walked across the room to his closet and supply room. Tori sat down. The room certainly reminded her of her brother, right down to the selected cobalt and black color combination of the decor. Sebastian’s was in warm earth tones; greens and browns with some gold. His room had various mounted swords and weapons on the wall.

She heard creaking and shuffling coming from behind the door Kasen had disappeared behind. A moment later, his foot stuck out and he pushed it to the side as he walked with a wooden box. Tori scooted to the edge of the seat as he reached her and placed the box on the table.

There was a decent layer of dust on the top of the box and Kasen looked around for something to wipe it with. He came back with what appeared to be a used shirt and wiped around the box.

“What is it?” Tori asked.

He lifted the lid and took out some old charms and some notebooks. “I had a phase where I was interested in getting charms to react to things in order to find them. Usually, the charms would glow upon close contact with a source.”

“How close?” Tori asked. “Direct contact?”

“With what I was searching for, about a hand’s width away,” Kasen told her. “The caveat is that the charm must know what it's looking for, so it has to touch and register the object first. For example, if you were looking for traces of gold on a person, the charm would have had to touch gold and record its energy source for reference. Then, you can take the charm and move it over a person’s hands. There will be some residual material from everything that person touches and if it remains, the charm will react.”

Tori furrowed her brows and looked up as she held the old strips of paper with ugly handwriting of Old Sulfae written on them. “Residual material?”

“I don’t know how else to describe it. Think of it as dust after you pick up a rock,” Kasen told her. He looked down at the contents of the box and began shifting through them. He separated three charms from the small pile of paper. “These three are a set. Each one picks up a certain material. When the materials are put together, they form a gas that can put people to sleep. Prolonged exposure to that gas can cause internal bleeding.”

Tori narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t know there was such a thing.”

Kasen gave her a wry smile. “Not many people do.”

“Is it possible to put the Old Sulfae on a crystal, like how I’ve been scraping Old Sulfae into the obsidian safety talismans I made Andy and Axton, and use the crystal to react? Tori asked. “It should, right? We just need to find the right crystal that will work.”

Kasen raised his shoulders a bit. “Crystals aren’t my area of expertise. Since you can program them, like you can with charms, I would think so. However, the type of crystal used is likely important, too.”

Tori nodded. “I’m going to do some tests then.” She gathered the loose charms and prepared to put them in the box. “Does this notebook have the translations?”

“Yes, though some are crude. Some pages are just practicing the characters.” Kasen crossed his arms over his chest once more and frowned at the box. “I didn’t have much formal lessons in Old Sulfae and was going from what I could find in books. My notes may not have all the information you need. And it mainly applies to charms. Crystals have different properties you should consider.”

Tori put the charms in the box and closed the lid. “That’s fine. It seems that people either do charms or crystals now. Master Ramos says the combination of the two is a lost art.” She picked up the box and held it against her. “Thanks, Kasey.”

She turned and walked towards the door. “Tori.”

“Hm?” She looked over her shoulder, attentive.

Kasen lowered his arms to his side and took a deep breath. “I hope you consider the risks that Sebastian told you about in regards to your relationships. Not only with Piers, but with anyone else. The last thing we want is to lose you.”

Her eyes softened and she exhaled. “I don’t want to lose the family, either. I want to live, Kasey, but I have to be realistic. I’m not invulnerable.”

He lowered his eyes and nodded. Tori stepped back and left his room, clutching the box against her. She headed to her room before she could be caught by the twins and dragged off to play. As much as she loved them, she had things to work on, including this new endeavor.

Once inside her room, she walked to her desk and opened the lid of the box. She fished out the notebook and put it aside before looking for her own notebook to write down her thoughts, ideas, and translations.

First, she had to figure out what the charms said. She’d start off with the format of a single charm to detect traces of an object. She would work within the confines of a charm and then expand out to crystals. She scribbled words into her notebook, replacing ‘residual material’ with ‘chemical’. Visualization was a big part of working with crystals; if she broke it down to imagining small units, like particles, maybe it would help when she programmed the crystal.

Kasen did tell her to imagine dust.

She took out some scrap paper from her desk and began to break down the format of the charm. She copied the Old Sulfae Kasen wrote around the edges of his old charms and then began to fill in the center.

She spent the entire afternoon practicing and to no avail. The charms she made wouldn’t glow or react.

“Maybe the wording is wrong....” She muttered under her breath and went to find her Old Sulfae translation book. Sometimes, the only thing that needed to be changed was a character in the script.

A knock came from her door, followed by the voice of one of the maids. “My lady, dinner will be served in the dining hall soon.”

“I’ll be there!” she called out. She looked around and shuddered. She hadn’t noticed it was dark out and that the light crystals in her room automatically began to glow. The hearth was not automatic and she made a note to ask one of the servants to start it while she was at dinner.

She paused for a moment and looked at the unlit hearth. The ambiance of a fireplace was not to be looked down upon, but it did take up a lot of wood. Carnelian heaters would do a better job without using so much material.

Next winter break, I’ll bring a few back to test them in large rooms. Tori raised her arms and stretched them over her head. Her back cracked and her eyes widened. I did not think this body was old enough to crack its back.... She rolled her shoulders back and stood up. Perhaps she had been sitting too long with her body hunched over the desk.

This world lacked her ergonomic chair and desk set up at the office. A standing desk would be good, but it wasn’t as if she were working in front of a monitor the entire time.

She walked around her desk and knocked over some paper she’d pushed to the edge. She wrinkled her nose and let out a small grumble as she knelt down and began to collect the scrap paper, old charms, and one of Kasen’s notebooks.

She put handful after handful back on to the desk and when she picked up Kasen’s notebook last, she rose to her feet. She held it in one hand and casually fingered through.

A few pages were stuck together. Frowning, Tori put the notebook on her desk and opened it up to the stuck pages. This notebook appeared to mainly be used for practice characters. The Old Sulfae was nearly illegible and Tori was sure Kasen was just learning to use them when he practiced in that notebook.

Several pages that were stuck together were hard and rippled, as if something wet had been dropped on them. It wasn’t enough to be spilled from a cup. There were several drops dotting the page. Perhaps Kasen had spilled something near-by and it splashed onto the sheets.

After the clump of pages, the rest of the notebook was empty. Her brother probably gave up on using it when it was damaged.

She tried to pry apart the pages and found that they spread easily. There were random scribbles within and Tori chuckled. Kasen had terrible handwriting as a child.

Then her name caught her eye.

It was written with a thin brush, probably in between Kasen’s practice characters. Tori narrowed her eyes. The handwriting was bad, but she could still read it.

“Come back, Victoria...?”

Her brows furrowed as her lips tightened. She read the other scribbles she hadn’t paid attention to.

I miss her.

Please, let her come back.

Why did they take her?

I won’t let them get away.

I want her home.

Come home.

Big brother misses you.

I’m sorry I poked your cheeks.

Tori turned the page and found more scribbles. Some were smeared and it struck her that the liquid wasn’t something that Kasen spilled, but he was likely crying when he wrote this.

Another page and more pleas for her to return, more laments that she was gone, and more sharp brush strokes wishing death upon those who took her. Another page, another painful appeal for her safety.

Tori shut her eyes tightly and readied herself for another sharp pain that came with a memory, but nothing happened. Tori couldn’t remember being kidnapped or getting lost. Something like that would stick with a young child.

Her eyes opened and narrowed. Unless it happened before she could remember. She looked back at the notebook.

Kasen was eight years older than her. If he wrote in the notebook when he was around that age, then something would’ve happened to her when she was an infant.

Her eyes drifted back to the mess of charms that had been piled in the box and her heart sank. She reached out and picked up a stiff, old charm. “He had a phase where he was trying to get charms to react in order to find something....”

Her eyes began to water as she clutched the charm against her chest. There were so many charms, so many notes. Was eight-year-old Kasen learning to use charms to find her? She swallowed hard as she heard Sebastian’s broken voice in her head.

“I don’t want to lose you.”