Staying paused for April + Additional thoughts

Hey folks, hope you're doing well. We're nearing the end of the month, so it's about time for another update. To put it simply, I'm going to keep my page paused for April because I'm just continually overwhelmed with pretty much everything.

My friends are constantly worn out and there's always something new causing major problems for them, which is always so disheartening. Every day there's some awful thing happening in the news where people are the victims of hate crimes or killings (a recent one occurred just a few hours from where one of my friends lives). And, in my direct personal life, I still live with family and over these last couple weeks my sister has been relapsing on old mental illness issues, having psychotic breakdowns and threatening self-harm.

I'm largely skimming over how much all of this has affected me just for the sake of not making this post a mile long, but the short of it is that I've been so incredibly stressed/drained that I've barely even thought about art for, like, 1-2 months now. I've invested so much energy into checking in on other people and making sure they're doing okay, shouldering emotional burdens, preventing fights, and literally keeping people alive in some cases that I just don't have any energy for myself at this point. And, I don't know how to say that without sounding selfish or disrespectful to what everyone else is going through (especially since some of them have trouble opening up about their problems in the first place). I do all these things because I care about these people or because I know they see me as the most reliable person to turn to in these situations, but it takes a toll on me too, I can't deny that. We're already approaching April and life is still so tough on everyone, I just wish we could all catch a break already.

Where art fits into all of this? I honestly have no idea. I've been contemplating unpublishing my Patreon for a while now, but I need the income and I also can't bring myself to throw the last 6 years of progress in the trash (I mean, I could close and re-launch my page at any point, but I'd lose my Founder status benefits). I've thought about just getting rid of poll rewards altogether so that my page is basically just a big tip jar while I focus on making whatever content I can, but (understandably) I know that wouldn't be nearly enough incentive for a lot of you to stick around and, again, it still relies on me actually being able to put out content in the first place. And, it's not that I want to stop drawing, it's just that (again) I can't seem to find the energy for it with life being so difficult.

I just don't know what to do. I think the most frustrating thing is that there are days when things do seem alright, when I do feel like I might be able to start on a new drawing, but some new problem/concern always arises and the positive vibes just end up getting buried once again. I have to believe something will actually change for the better eventually, but I also have no idea when that'll be and I just feel like such a failure when I'm sitting here endlessly floating in this unproductive, high-stress limbo, writing up yet another post about how I have to disappoint all of you (again).

So, my page is paused for April too and I'll give another update in a couple weeks or so. Hopefully that will give me time to figure out where I want to go from here and, if I do keep my page up, it'll allow you all to adjust your pledges accordingly. Until then, thank you for everything so far and I'm sorry I haven't been able to power through the bad like many other creators have been able to do. I wish life was easier and safer, for all of us.