AftynRose

Update

Added 2018-06-19 22:09:44 +0000 UTC

I’m sorry I haven’t been very active yet this month. I’d been working on getting all of my recordings down and was going to do editing afterwards- to try a different method of production. I have a few things that have been finished up for you all so I will try to post those soon, but I am not very well at the moment and Imagining getting back into ASMR related things doesn’t feel right. This past weekend one of my best friends passed away. Before I started making ASMR I worked at a greenhouse, and one of the reasons I loved working there was my friend Dono. He was the epitome of so many things I disagreed with and yet I admired him so much. We would talk about everything from music, to relationship issues, to family, god, death, and politics and even if we disagreed it was fun to debate- every conversation was a new opportunity to connect with someone. Maybe that’s just what happens when you’re outside playing around with dirt but he was an easy person to talk to, he was special. He made me question what I thought I knew and gave me faith that every person in the world, no matter their beliefs or history, has a strong heart worthy of love. You need one in order to make it in this life. We all have a soft gushy center that gets hardened as we try to tackle our own struggles. We deserve a little love and understanding at least for all of that. Dono had a lot of demons that he struggled with and I always wanted to help him, but once things started working out for me with ASMR and other jobs I stopped going to the greenhouse and I stopped talking to him. I regret that. A couple of months ago I reached out to him to see how he was doing and apparently it was not so good, apparently things had just continued to fall out of step. He had such a clear vision of where life could go, and so many big dreams to go along with it, but when they didn’t fall together like he had imagined, it must have gotten really hard for him. The struggles just piling up and eventually he couldn’t take it anymore and instead took his own life. I can barely compose this post without falling apart, he was such an incredible kid and died way too early. I can’t help but wish that I had been persistent with him, that I’d stayed at the greenhouse, that I’d hugged him more or asked him to come over, smoke a bowl and go cliff jumping. He was always a thrill seeker. I’ve never wished so badly that I could turn back time and do things differently. This is the closest I’ve ever been to a person who has died in my lifetime and I’m not really sure how to handle it. I’m sorry if I handle it poorly. All I can think to do now is be with his family and honor his life. I’m going to try to go on hikes, eat lots of pizza, do something fun and spontaneous. I know he would appreciate that. And I’ll try to get back into ASMR as soon as I can- I’m really sorry for this setback. You will all be getting your rewards this month as promised, just probably not in a timely manner. I love you all so so much and if you ever ever need anyone to help you, give you love, I am here- and if I can’t be here soon enough than please go out and seek that help. I know it isn’t easy but someone out there can help you. You’re worthy, you’re not alone, and life is too precious to give up on the future. This too shall pass.