Anime Appliances (Inanimate TF, Various Series)

She’d never been very good with names. 

She didn’t see the point of them, really. Yes, it was obvious that for the purpose of clear communication, a certain recognizable designation for a subject had to be agreed upon, but the actual designation itself could be arbitrary. In a fundamental sense, the word ‘tree’ had no more relation to the bark-covered plant it described than the words ‘moon’, ‘clock’, or ‘coal mine’ did. It was all pure etymology–the word ‘tree’ could have been anything. 

So why did her shareholders give her so much grief when she tried to name a new product what it was? “‘TOASTER™’, now on sale at your local STORE™.” What was wrong with that? She was just getting to the point! You didn’t have to get fancy with it. 

‘Oh, but Seigu, what if you decide to sell a different toaster?’ Well, then, she’d tack a number onto it, as high as necessary. No one could confuse the ‘TOASTER-179043’ with the ‘TOASTER-543592’, could they? They were perfectly distinguishable. 

Not according to her shareholders! They insisted people were likely to get them confused. Imbeciles. Frankly, if people couldn’t distinguish between the numbers ‘179043’ and ‘543592’, she didn’t want them as her customers. Honestly, what were they teaching them in kindergarten these days? Calculus? Hah! 

(Interestingly, no one had any issue when she did it with electronics. The GRAPHICS PROCESSOR XL-21260233582-934554381 had passed the committee without complaint. And it had sold like crazy! Clearly arbitrary strings of numbers weren’t that hard to remember.)

Nonetheless, for all her dislike of names, she did understand the importance of marketing. Oh, she hated it too. But she understood it. 

It was, in simple terms, the socio-economic equivalent of biological camouflage. Just as the wily octopus had learned to disguise itself as the seabed–right up until the moment a juicy fish swam overhead–she’d learned to disguise crappy products as amazing. And amazing products as miracles. 

Part of marketing, of course, is from where you sourced your materials. Her fellow Bakeneko, annoyingly, cared more about where a product came from than what it currently was, hence why all her most expensive products were sourced from Earth and similarly sustainable farm-worlds as opposed to automated baby factories. Her customers wanted products who’d grown up in humanity’s natural environment, their childhoods spent frolicking through the smog-filled streets of Tokyo, not floating in a nutrient-filled growth tank, the picky queens. Still, she had to admit there was something to it. Tormenting clones just didn’t feel the same. 

This had been complex enough before the opening of the Nyar Gate, which had heralded

a paradigm shift in Bakeneko culture unlike anything since the discovery of Earth. Now, her fellow cats spent much of their free time obsessing over the lives of these humans from other universes, and their tastes had changed to match their new interests: they no longer wanted normal prey, no matter how ethically sourced. Oh, no, they wanted transversal prey stolen from alternate Creations and delivered to them within 24 hours of their order, the entitled pieces of– It was tricky to pull off, but doable enough for someone with her resources.

The real pain in the ass was the fact they had favorites. They didn’t just want any transversal prey. Oh, no. They wanted this human, from this finite curve of the multiverse, and all wrapped up in a neat little package, if you please. She couldn’t roll her eyes hard enough, and they were saiba-eyes that could turn 360 degrees in any direction. They could also shoot laser beams. 

Standing there in the Mega-Store’s delivery depot, Seigu watched with her aforementioned eyes and restrained the urge to shoot lasers as the last of the delivery saucers extended its legs and came in to land. 

As its stubby feet hit the floor, she tapped into the Store’s data-web for the five-hundredth time in the last twenty seconds and saibanetically checked the craft’s name, class, and manifest: VSS Ship #435390782, Transport-class Transporter (Sub-type: Swift Transport-class), carrying a cargo of 75 humans and human-adjacent entities, including one elf, one spidery-thing, and one transmuted dragon. 

Nodding to herself, she closed the connection. Everything seemed to be in order. The prey carried by the Ship #435390782 had been sourced from a variety of alternate Creations as determined by a poll submitted to all registered members of the Store’s loyalty program. They were thus, so far as she cared to determine, the current most in-demand prey in the whole Grand Spiral. Anything she made of them should sell for a fortune. 

All she had to do was figure out what to do with them.

As the Ship #435390782 emptied its hold, laying bright hardlight egg-bubbles straight into a transport tube, Seigu turned and teleported to the Store’s nearby R&D department with a casual snap of her fingers.

The pleasant purring of transmuters tickled her ears as she arrived. Before her lay a long line of testing tubes, like gigantic glass jars just waiting for lewd figurines. Bakeneko in labcoats ran up and down the aisle, their tails flicking as they rushed from one tube to another. None of them were scientists, of course–she didn’t need them for anything this trivial–merely cosplaying volunteers, many on vacation from more serious duties, such as– 

“Seeeeeeeigu,” cried Seifuku, striking her from behind and wrapping her arms tight around her. “I spilled my juice on the control console again.” 

–captaining Seigu’s spaceships. “Nyes,” she said, peeling the little catgirl’s hands off of her. “Nyes, I expect nyou did, nya. Fortunately, after nyour last little accident, I took the precaution of juiceproofing it.” 

Something popped and fizzled. The lights flickered. Seigu smelled smoke. 

“Also,” said Seifuku, “I smashed it with a hammer.” 

Seigu’s teeth made a sound like a grindstone. 

As her technicians rushed to put out the flames, Seigu placed Seifuku on the nearest available chair, smoothed out the little neko’s labcoat, and miraculously managed to avoid strangling her. “‘Fuku, of all the places nyou could have picked for nyour vacation, how is it that nyou happened to end up here?” 

Seifuku looked up, her eyes wide and innocent. “Oh, I wanned to be nyear nyou still, nya.” 

Seigu spent a second counting to a million. “Of course nyou did, nya. How sweet of nyou.” Bittersweet.

“So, what are we gonna do nyow, nya?” said ‘Fuku, once the fire had been put out. “Do I get to push all the big buttons still?” 

“That’s right, nya.” Seigu was already assembling a new control panel, one mercifully disconnected from anything else in the lab. Normally ‘Fuku was insightful enough to notice her buttonmashing wasn’t doing anything, but this console played amusing barnyard sounds, so it should keep her distracted long enough for them to get some work done. “Here.” She pressed the tablet into ‘Fuku’s hands. 

“Moooo!” 

“Oooh…!” 

“Nyow,” said Seigu, turning to the tubes. “To answer nyour question, we’re going to–” 

“Baaaaa!” 

“--we’re going to be working out what kinds of products the Store’s latest product line should include. I’ve collected a test batch of popular prey to start. Nyow we simply have to figure what to make them into, nya. Do nyou understand?” 

“Neeeeigh!” 

“Excellent.” She didn’t need a console herself, of course. Instead, she simply reached into the Store’s network, grabbed the relevant strings, and tugged on them as hard as she could. 

With a plop, a big blue bubble dropped into one of the waiting tanks. Inside, a horned blonde in a maid’s outfit scrambled to escape, making the ball roll wildly around the tube.  She looked like she’d just dropped out of a gachapon machine.

Snapping her fingers, Seigu popped the blonde’s bubble. The maid took the chance to throw herself at the tank’s walls instead, making them flash as they strained to hold her snarling form. “Let me out! What have you done with Miss Kobayashi?! If you don’t tell me this instant, I’ll–” 

“Oooh, she’s feisty,” said Seifuku. 

“It’s probably because she’s a dragon,” said Seigu. “Nyot to be speciesist, but they do have something of a reputation for fiery personalities.” 

The maid exhaled, filling the tank with flame. The hardlight walls flickered as they fought to contain it. 

“Anyway,” continued Seigu, once the fireworks were over. “I’m thinking a vacuum for this one, nya.” 

“A vacuum?” said ‘Fuku, thumbing the chicken button. “Why’s that, nya?” (“Bawk-bawk-bawka!”)

Seigu’s eyes tightened. She was beginning to regret her choice of distraction. “Because she’s a maid, nya. Vacuuming is already one of her roles. It’s only appropriate that she continue to be used for it, don’t nyou think?” 

“Hmm… I guess that makes sense, nya. Personally, I’d turn her into a hot dog, nya.” 

“...Why?” 

“I wanna eat a hot dog, nya.” (“Oink!”)

Seigu decided to ignore this. Leaving ‘Fuku to salivate, she turned back to the tank, raised her hands, and gave the imprisoned Tohru one last look. The maid had stopped scratching the walls of the tank to stare at her furiously, fire seeping from between her fangs. It made Seigu want to laugh. “I hope nyou’re as hungry as ‘Fuku is, nya, because nyou’re going to be eating a lot from nyow on. Nyou might find it a little dry for nyour tastes though.” She smirked.

Before the dragon could even react, Seigu snapped her fingers. At once, the multi-type pointer array hidden in the testing tank’s ceiling lit up, making the tube glow with its vivid pink light. Tohru had just enough time to look up and see what was coming for her–a second later, the beam crashed into her skull and ended her current state of existence in a flash. 

With a great scream, she shot backwards, her arms raised and her eyes tightly shut, her entire body shaking as the pointer’s juice coursed through it. Her enormous boobs bounced energetically, her nipples poking straight through her apron, while a sticky fluid dripped from beneath her lips, forming a puddle beneath her. Her scream sounded more and more erotic with the second. 

Finally, with a splat, she dropped to her knees and planted her palms on the floor, kneeling there with her eyes wide as the pointer grabbed her head and tugged it back, raising it high. She squealed, eyes trembling, but the transmutative energy kept her from doing anything more. 

Wrapping its hands around her head, the pointer tightened its grip and tugged as if to rip it from her shoulders. Instead, her neck stretched as if made from gum, growing longer and longer, till she more closely resembled a giraffe than a dragon. Meanwhile, it slipped its fingers into her lips and stretched them wide, leaving her looking like she’d tried to swallow an envelope. Her eyes shook in terror.

Grabbing her hands, the pointer curled in on themselves, rounding into a pair of tiny wheels. It did the same to her feet, leaving them smooth and rollable, while her torso and hips it crushed into a squat cylinder above them. Her tail it squeezed, wringing and wringing, till all that remained was a long, thin cable capped in a small lump. 

Outside the tank, ‘Fuku giggled in amusement. Little of Tohru’s original shape remained: she’d become a strange mass of warped flesh, her eyes trembling over her stretched mouth, while her wheels spun uselessly against the floor. Her maid outfit, pulled tight against her skin, seemed a little harder, more solid, with the second. Glossier, as if it were made of something far smoother than fabric. 

With one last terrified tremble, Tohru’s eyes snapped shut, and they and the rest of her head collapsed into the vacuum’s rectangular nozzle. Half of her elongated neck hardened into a pipe with a handle, while the rest became a long, bendy tube connected to her torso. This promptly finished smoothing out, becoming a perfectly cylindrical tank to hold her motors and dust bag. Finally, the tip of her tail bulged and sprouted a pair of prongs, become a perfectly standard, perfectly serviceable plug. 

With that, the pointer array snapped off, the lighting died, and Tohru’s inanimate new form dropped. Where she’d been standing sat a nothing more than a normal vacuum cleaner. Provided you ignored its strange choice of colors: its flesh and yellow head, its black and white body, and its long, green power cord. 

“Hmmm,” said Seigu, cocking her own head. “What are nyou thinking, ‘Fuku?” (“Mooooo!”) 

“Parasitoid wasps, nya.” 

Seigu blinked. “...Excuse me?” 

“Have nyou ever wondered what it would be like to be infected by parasitoid wasps? Do nyou think it’s like being pregnant, nya?” The smaller catgirl stared at her innocently.

“What do nyou think about the vacuum?!” 

“Oh!” ‘Fuku shrugged. “I like the colors.” 

“Baaaaaaa!” 

“Thank nyou for nyour contribution, ‘Fuku.” Sighing, Seigu made a mental note to revise the design. She liked the idea of the vacuum, but they’d have to do something about its appearance. Especially the colors.

In her tank, Tohru tried desperately to move, but she couldn’t even make her inanimate new form’s wheels spin. Finally, with a snap of her fingers, Seigu dispatched her to Testing. In the meantime, she made her way to the next tank in the line, ‘Fuku bouncing along happily behind her. 

*

No sooner had they arrived than their next guest dropped out of the piping, her transport bubble popping on impact with the floor. Sitting up, she brushed a lock of long white hair out of her face and studied them with her large, red eyes. They were the only part of her body that seemed to have any real color: the rest of her, skin and long robes alike, was as pale as her hair. 

“Shiraori,” said Seigu. 

“Baaaaaaa!” 

“What is she, nya?” said ‘Fuku. 

“Some kind of spider-monster,” said Seigu, waving her hand noncommittally. “Nyot that it matters to us, nya. As far as I’m concerned, she’s the same as any other material.” 

In the tank, the white-haired woman clambered to her feet and raised her hands as if to cast a spell, only to frown when it produced no effect. Frowning, she squinted at her fingers. “Wh-what is–?”

Seigu chuckled. “Nyou underestimate me if nyou think I wouldn’t account for something like that, nya. Honestly.” 

Leaving the white-haired woman to glare, she turned back to ‘Fuku. “So,” she said, “I already have a clear idea in mind for this one, nya. Do nyou want to guess what it is?” 

‘Fuku cocked her head and frowned. “A sewing machine, nya?” 

“Nyo, nyot a sewing machine. I’m going to make her into a sew–” Seigu froze, squinting. “...How could nyou possibly guess that, nya?”

“‘Cos she’s a spider,” said ‘Fuku. “And they, like, weave threads and stuff?” 

Seigu stared at her. “Nyes, I suppose that all makes sense. It’s nyot the reason I was going to make her into a sewing machine, of course, but–” 

“Why were nyou going to make her into a sewing machine, nya?” 

Seigu glared at her. “Don’t nyou have anyother button to press, nya?” 

“Mooooo!” 

Leaving Seifuku to focus on her console, Seigu closed her eyes and seized control of the tank’s pointers. It took only a second to design a fitting template and add it to the array’s list. No more difficult than scribbling a sketch on a piece of paper and tossing it to one of your employees to turn it into a workable product. 

A storm of pink lightning crackled around the testing tank’s ceiling. Shiraori looked up, and not an instant later it broke, striking her with an intense beam of light, ferocious. She flew to her feet, screaming as it coursed through her body, making her fingers twitch and her eyes shake in their sockets. Her clothing rippled, as if in the wind. 

Just as suddenly as she’d shot to her feet, she snapped straight upright and bent over, as if she were trying to bow, or possibly pick up something by her feet. In this position, she froze, trembling and twitching, clearly fighting to pull free and yet unable to move at all. Her bright eyes spasmed; her fingers twitched. Her nipples poked through the silken lattice of her top. 

Finally, like an aluminum can caught in a pressure chamber, she crumpled. Her legs slammed together, her arms collapsed into her sides, and her breasts flattened into her chest. Section by section, this process rolled over her, stealing away all her natural curves and leaving her looking horrendously cubic. And all she could do was twitch and squirm, struggling to escape it. 

Even as her head collapsed into another cube, the fingers dangling between it turned silver and stretched down to her toes, which were undergoing a very similar transmutation. Twining together, her pointer fingers promptly fused into a single enormous needle. A line of thread spewed from somewhere around her former butt and wove around her form, looping between one thread guide after another, till at last it slipped through the eye of it. She continued to shudder and twitch for a handful of seconds more, her fused clothes and skin slowly hardening into plastic, and with that the transformation came to an end. The lights cut off.

Where Shiraori had been sitting lay a large, white sewing machine. One with eight spindly little legs, just like some kind of spidery sort of creature. Possibly a scorpion. 

“On second thought,” said Seigu, studying it with a frown. “Do nyou actually know anyone who sews, ‘Fuku?” 

(“Baaaaaa!”) “Farmers?” 

“Close, but not quite. Think harder.” 

“Hmmm, I guess there’s always Panchira.” 

“Nyeeeees…” Seigu worked her jaw in distaste. “We may have to go back to the drawing board with this one, nya.” 

In the tank, Shiraori struggled and squirmed, furiously trying to communicate. Turn me back! Turn me back this instant! 

*

Two bubbles dropped into the next tube they visited, one after the other. The first struck the floor and popped to reveal a curvaceous, red-headed woman with bright turquoise eyes. The second struck her, and popped to reveal a dark-haired girl with an equally ridiculous figure. If anything, her boobs were even bigger than the first girl’s, which was easy to tell when they were lying on top of each other, busts squished together, and moaning. 

“Rias Gremory and Akeno Himejima,” said Seigu. Not only did they come from the same universe, but they’d scored equally in her poll, obliging her to snatch up both of them. 

Groaning, the two of them pushed themselves off each other and struggled to stand. 

“Wh-where are we now?” cried Akeno, looking horrified.

“Let us out of here!” said Rias, throwing herself at the tank’s wall. 

Seigu and Seifuku watched, tails flexing in amusement. “What are nyou thinking for these two?” said ‘Fuku, eyes locked on Akeno’s boobs. 

Seigu tapped her chin in thought. “Something matching, ideally. Since they’re from the same universe, I’d like to keep them as a set. Nyow, ‘Fuku, if nyou were to have them in nyour house, where would you like them to be?” 

‘Fuku didn’t need to think about this for long. “My bedroom,” she said, grinning lasciviously. 

“Nyes, that’s exactly what I was thinking,” said Seigu. “Why don’t we–” 

“That or my living room,” continued ‘Fuku, oblivious.

“...Why nyour living room?” 

“I nyeed a nyew remote, nya. They keep breaking somehow.”

“Nyou nyeed a brain scan,” said Seigu, flatly. She turned back to the tank. “Returning to nyour previous, moderately sensible idea, why not a bedside lamp and an alarm clock?” 

“An alarm… clock, nya?” 

“Nyes, that’s on me, isn’t it? I should have guessed from nyour timekeeping that nyou were unfamiliar with the concept.” She snapped her fingers.

Pink lightning struck her captives’ bodies, raising them from the floor of the tank and making  them dance like a pair of busty dolls. Rias and Akeno screamed, their eyes wide and their boobs jiggling. “Nnnn~! Ah! Ah! Nnnah!” 

Seigu licked her lips and leaned in a little closer. 

For several seconds, her victims’ screams grew louder and louder as the energy of her pointers surged through their forms and excited every cell. Their faces flushed, their cheeks burned, their nipples perked, and their pussies poured. And finally, once they’d ruined their panties and made a nice puddle on the floor, they crumpled like a pair of spent tissues. 

Rias went first. Raising her arms with a sudden squeal of terror, she bowed, and bowed, and bowed, and bowed, and then she did it again, folding over and over and over and over, till all that remained of her was a boxy, fleshy cube thing wrapped in her equally crumpled clothes. She shivered, shaking on the spot. 

Akeno followed her not an instant later. Unlike her partner, she didn’t fold but simply shrank outright. Raising her arms and slamming her legs together, she collapsed, losing height and mass with the instant. Soon, she was no larger than Rias. 

Poking out of her folded flesh, Rias’s eyes trembled one last time and darkened as they turned to solid glass. And while her irises lost their color, her pupils gained their own, swelling into bright green lights that promptly split into an assortment of carefully-arranged lines.

Beside her, a little ball formed between Akeno’s outstretched palms and inflated into a large (relatively) balloon of glass, its filament already beginning to glow. Above it appeared a conical shade, while her feet stretched into a large, rounded base. Slowly, her whimpers and twitches slowed as her body lost what little mobility it retained, hardening into plastic. 

Finally, Rias’s pupils finished reassembling themselves into a quartet of numbers, and with that, the pairs’ transformation came to an end. Wobbling a little, they came to rest on the floor of the tank and sat there inanimate, unable to move at all. The only sign of motion was Rias’s changing numbers. 

Bending down, Seigu examined the pair with a smirk. “There,” she said. “All done. What do nyou think, ‘Fuku? Still want them in nyour bedroom?” 

‘Fuku examined the pair with a frown. “Do I still get to screw them?” 

“I won’t stop nyou trying, nya.” 

As the two turned to go, Rias and Akeno sat on the floor of the tank and shivered. Nn~! W-wait, come back! Wait! Please!…Turn us back! 

*

Their next guest landed in her tank with a squeal of terror so loud it drowned out the popping of her bubble. “What’s happening?!” cried Shylily, leaping to her feet and pounding on the barrier. “What’s going on?! Where am I?! Who are you people?!” 

Clicking her tongue, Seigu willed the hardlight to turn soundproof, cutting the orcat’s cries off at their peak. “Nyow,” she said, striding around the cylinder. “What shall we do with this one, nya? Any suggestions, ‘Fuku?” 

‘Fuku raised her console and smashed it with a final, baleful moo. She stared as its shattered remains disconsolately. “...Anyother control console, nya?” 

“Nyo. Although, I do think nyou’re on the right lines. It makes sense that she should become something entertaining, doesn’t it, nya? The only question is what…” A smile crept onto her face. “Fortunately, I already have an excellent idea.” 

Raising her hand, she snapped, and with a crackle of juice, the top of the tank lit up. Shylily raised her head with a squeal of fear, just in time to take a bolt to the temple. Striking her forehead, it coursed down her spine and surged through her figure, making her spasm and scream, shaking all over. 

She promptly snapped straight, raising her arms high and bringing her legs together. For a second, she stood there frozen in this pose, her eyes shaking, sweat dripping from her face, but otherwise unmoving. Then, like Rias before her, she folded, bowing into herself and repeating the motion again and again, till she looked less like a human being and more like a block of solid flesh. Her clothes ran around her, semi-liquid, unable to settle into shape. 

The pointer grabbed her sides and tugged them, stretching her wide. It repeated the process several times, pausing to squish her back into something rectangular each time she slipped out of shape. By the time it finished, she’d become a shallow cuboid, 99 inches from corner to corner. She could still squirm a little, but not very much. 

Pinching her underside, the pointers plucked a lump of flesh and cloth and stretched it and sculpted it, reshaping it into a base for her to stand on. This done, it ran its hands all over, polishing her clothes and her skin till they’d both assumed the same smooth, plasticky look, distinguishable only by their color. By this point, she couldn’t even shudder. 

Now they turned their attention back to her face and began to rub it intensely, working in circles, slowly vanishing the color and leaving only a dark, black rectangle in its place. It shone, vibrant, the light of the lab glinting off its glass. 

With that, the tank lowered her to the floor again, and with a feeble zzzzip, the pointers snapped off. Where Shylily had been standing sat a flatscreen TV, black and fleshy with a few neat white stripes. 

Smirking, Seigu reached into the tank and pulled it out and placed it on a nearby countertop. “‘Fuku,” she said, snapping her fingers to attract the smaller cat’s attention–she’d been about to stick a fork into a socket. “Come and look at this.” 

Hair on end, tail sparking, ‘Fuku bounced over. “What is it, nya?” 

Seigu handed her a remote. “Go on, try it.” 

“Does it go ‘moooo’, nya?” 

“Nyot quite, but it does do something very similar.” 

Frowning, ‘Fuku pushed the ‘On’ button, and in a flash, the TV turned on. For a moment, the screen crackled with static, and then who should appear but Shylily herself. Naked and struggling to cover her exposed body. “H-help me! Where am I?” 

“Ooooo!” cried ‘Fuku, lips curling into a grin. “I think I’ve seen this program before, nya.” 

“Try pressing one of the colored buttons,” said Seigu, pointing to them, just in case she’d forgotten what colors were. “It’s an interactive show.” 

‘Fuku pushed the red one. On cue, a giant red dildo flew onto the screen and slammed straight into Shylily’s exposed sex, slammed deep. Throwing back her head, she screamed and writhed, emitting a strange sound as she did so. It was a little like the mooing of a cow, if you squinted your ears a little. 

‘Fuku started to giggle. Licking her lips, she punched the red button once more, making the dildo pull back out and thrust into the unfortunate vtuber again. And again. And again. 

“Make sure nyou try the other buttons too,” said Seigu, pointing to the other elements of the rainbow. “They’re just as fun as red.” 

‘Fuku pushed the blue button, making Shylily screamed even louder as a fat blue buttplug slipped straight between her cheeks and wedged itself deep in her asshole. Green produced a pair of clamps that snapped to her nipples, and yellow made everything already in her start vibrating madly. By the time Seigu turned away, the unfortunate streamer lay on her side shaking and whimpering, tears pouring out of her eyes and juice gushing out of her pussy. ‘Fuku couldn’t be happy. 

There, thought Seigu, turning her attention to the next tank in line. That should keep her occupied for a while…

*

Leaving ‘Fuku to enjoy her new toy, Seigu approached the next cylinder and summoned another set of raw materials. This one came in three parts, one red-haired, one blue-haired, and one blonde. As the three of them landed with a thump on the floor of their testing tubes, bodies entangling like earbuds in a pocket, Seigu stepped forward and scanned them, tasting the panicked flow of confusion and embarrassment flowing out of their little heads. It came with overtones of enjoyment on one of their parts, which made an interesting change to say the least. 

It was the blonde she was most interested in, but it was the blue-haired one was the loudest. “Wuh-wuh-wuhere are we nooooow?!” cried Aqua, her eyes full of tears. Rubbing them, she looked around in terror, and her tears grew even bigger as she took in the sight of the lab. 

Besides her, the smaller, red-headed girl looked around with a frown, her expression set. She looked like she was waiting for something. A gap in Seigu’s defenses, a weakness she could exploit. Anything. Seigu didn’t intend to give her even a millimeter, of course.

Finally, there was Seigu’s real target: the blonde at the back, who looked like she couldn’t be enjoying her situation more. As Seigu approached her, she blushed, struggling to meet her eyes. “Y-you–you’ll never get away with this!” she cried. She sounded like she really hoped Seigu would.

Stepping back, Seigu studied the three thoughtfully. Here was another tricky challenge for her. What could she do with the three that fit them both individually and as a group? She tapped her chin. Well, the easiest option was to start by picking a room, as she had for Rias and Akeno, but which room would best fit these three idiots? 

Her stomach rumbled. She really should have eaten before making all these hard deci–Ah! A smile crept onto her face. Now that she thought about it, she knew exactly what to do with them. 

Licking her lips, she raised her hand and snapped, once and emphatically. Her captives didn’t even have time to gasp before the lightning struck them. 

Flung to their feet, they stood there and screamed, bodies shaking like a trio of exotic dancers as the energy ran through their cells and melted their resistance. Their eyes shook, their faces flushed, and their nipples fought to escape their tops. Juice poured from under their skirts, forming a fast puddle on the floor of the tank. The blonde seemed a lot happier about all of this than the other two. 

As the seconds passed, they seemed to grow a little taller, stretching as the pointers grabbed their wrists and their ankles and pulled them like gum. Just as suddenly, they collapsed, crushed, crumpled down to less than half their heights and compacted, like a trio of cars in a crusher. Their screams cut off, become muffled, as their faces were pressed into their breasts. Only their eyes remained, trembling in horror (or happiness, in Darkness’s case). 

By the time, they stopped shrinking, each had become a differently-sized cuboid. The brunette, Megumin, was the smallest of the three, wider than she was tall or deep, her arms and her legs neatly compacted. The blue-haired Aqua had become the largest, a perfect cube a meter in each direction. Finally, the blonde Darkness had assumed a size in between them, still cuboid but taller than anything else. Unlike the others, her face rested at the top instead of on the front, and her happiness couldn’t have been more evident. Nnn~! No! Please don’t turn me into anything nasty~! Nnn~! 

A moment later, the pointers obliged. With an ear-splitting zzzap!, a fresh beam struck the trio, and for a moment their screams could be heard over the muffling of their breasts again. 

On the left side of the tank, Megumin’s mouth slammed tight and grew wide, wide, wider, pushing the rest of her face aside as it did so. Between her stretched lips, her teeth formed an impenetrable wall. Flowing around her body, her nipples took place beside them, and slowly her entire form began to harden. 

Beside her, Aqua squealed in terror, her vagina stretching tall and wide and cavernous, forming a great ‘O’ that just kept growing bigger and bigger. Her own mouth changed too, moving to her left and hardening into a drawer, while her nipples took up a new spot beside it, expanding as they moved.

Next to her in turn, Darkness moaned as her own mouth opened wide, her bottom jaw fusing with the cuboid of her torso while her upper jaw sucked in her head and took the shape of a lid. Between her legs, her clitoris dropped, flowing down to the floor and stretching into a large pedal. Somehow, she managed to squeal, as if she couldn’t wait for someone to step on it. 

Finally, the trio’s muffled moans and shaking came to an abrupt end as their warped flesh and clothing started to harden, turning as smooth and glossy as the surrounding machinery. With that, the pointers snapped off and the lightning died away, leaving three ordinary if brightly-colored appliances where the former trio of adventurers had been sitting. 

Dismissing the wall of the tank, Seigu stepped in to examine them. The first to catch her attention was Megumin, who’d become a bright red microwave. Leaning in, Seigu tweaked her dials, enjoying the silent screams of ecstasy it earned from the former wizard. She could only imagine how good she’d feel when she was actually used to cook something. Ah! St-stop touching me! 

She turned her attention to the goddess besides her, who’d become a bright blue washing machine. Teasing the appliance’s dials, she dropped its attention to the drum below; it was already soaking wet, of course. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ah! Ah! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

Finally, she turned her attention to the prize of the hour, who’d found herself transmuted into a bright, gold yellow home trash compactor, around the size of a typical wastebin. Seigu could hear her moaning in pleasure as she approached, pleading for Seigu not to do anything more to her and (just as loudly) for Seigu to do anything she could. St-stay away from me, you monster! D-don’t come any closer! I beg you! I beg you! Nnn~! Oh Eris! Nnnnnn~!

Frowning, Seigu planted her foot on the former-crusader’s former-clit and pressed down on it, hard. Darkness’s lid open, and a tremendous scream flew out of her mouth. Seigu had heard people orgasm less dramatically.

Peering into the compactor’s interior, she paused for a second, wondering what kind of trash she had on her to put in, and finally decided on her complete collection of Ayn Rand’s novels, all signed, first edition copies. Stuffing them into Darkness’s jaw, she stepped back, allowing it to slam shut, and pushed the nipple-button to start her. 

No sooner had her finger left it than Darkness started to rumble and groan, shaking slightly from side to side as her internal crushed Ayn Rand’s finest work into a smaller, denser, and probably more readable form. Meanwhile, her mind burned, rich with ecstasy–she felt fuller than she’d ever been in her life, and it made her want to scream in pleasure. 

*

Leaving Darkness to enjoy her meal, Seigu approached the next tank in line and watched with a faint smile as her next batch of material crashed into view. This time, it comprised two individuals, sisters, one skinny and red-haired, and one curvy and blonde. Striking the floor of the tank, the former bounced and ended up in the latter’s lap, which might have appeared incredibly wholesome in any other set of circumstances. Here, less so.

“Hello, nya~,” said Seigu, tapping the hardlight with a claw. “Nyow, what should I do with nyou two?” 

Ruby Rose and Yang Xiao Long, stared at her in wide-eyed horror, too stunned even to reply. 

Seigu snickered. “Hello…?” she repeated, tapping the wall of the tank again. “Hello…?” Just as Yang opened her mouth to respond (to shout, actually, not that Seigu cared either way), a thought occurred to her. She knew exactly what to do with them. Hello indeed. 

Raising her hand, she snapped her fingers. The pointer fired before Ruby and Yang even knew what to make of it. With a zzap, it drove its lightning into their skulls and lifted them to their feet, shaking and trembling, its energy making them dance like a pair of little dolls. 

Wrenching them apart, it twirled them around them a pair of ballerinas and slammed them straight back together again, mouth to mouth, bust to bust. The pair squealed, their eyes going wide in horror as they struggled to pull away, but the pointer kept them locked quite firmly together. It actually rubbed them a little, making them squeal in an entirely different sense of the word as Yang’s giant breasts smothered Ruby’s smaller ones. All of a sudden, things were considerably less wholesome. 

For several seconds, the two floated there in this position, squirming, struggling, desperately trying to pull free, before one of them rubbed a little too hard and accidentally orgasmed or something. Finally, just as it seemed as if this were inevitable, their erogenous bodies gave like clay, warping and deforming into interesting new shapes. 

Each changed in a slightly different way. Yang flattened, her body stretching to Ruby’s right, though her face and her other chest remained locked to her sister’s. Ruby, on the other hand, became blocky, her body compacting into a smoother, more cuboid shape, slightly arched, as if she were lying on her sister and raising her hips to avoid touching pussies. Actually, this might have been exactly what she was doing. 

Whatever the case, the two screamed, their voices high-pitched and orgasmic, as their bodies continued to change. Now that their new shapes had settled, their hair started to stretch, curling as it did so to form long, spring-like coils. Finally, their ends met and entangled, joining them as a single loop of wire. As their cries cut out (not that they weren’t already muffled), the two shrank slowly to the floor of the tank. As their size left them, so did their remaining softness: sparkling, their skin and their clothes fusing and then hardening, turned to solid, glossy plastic, just like all of their fellow victims. 

Finally, the light of the pointers snapped off. The two dropped the last couple of inches to the floor, struck it with a clack, and sat there inanimate. 

Seigu waited for a second, watching. Finally, she reached into the Store’s data-web and plucked a string she didn’t very often have to use. 

The phone in the tank started ringing. 

Seigu folded her arms and waited patiently. Finally, just as she thought it would never end, the ringing stopped, and the phone emitted a strange click. 

Nnn~! H-hello! came a voice in her head–two voices actually, intertwined. You’ve reached–Nnnn~! Oh Dust! Oh Dust, oh–! R-Ruby and Y-Yang–! We’re not available to take your call at the m-moment–Nnnn~! Oh, Dust, it feels like you’re licking my–so leave a message after the beep! Oh Dust! Oh Dust! Oh fu–BEEEEEEEEEEEP.

Seigu hung up. 

Reaching into the tank, she plucked out the bulky red phone and its bright yellow answering machine and held them up, weighing them in her hands. She liked the idea, truly, especially the slutty answering message. 

On the other hand, who used landlines these days? 

*

Seigu approached the final tank with a frown, heels clacking against the floor of the lab. Only one item remained on her list before she could wrap this whole project up and move onto something more exciting, like cheating on her tax forms. 

She just hoped she could get through it without any more interrupt-

“Seeeeigu! Seeeeigu! Seeigu! Seigu! Seigu! The TV broke! The TV broke, nya!” 

Seigu’s eyes rolled 360 degrees and came to a stop flashing, ready to shoot the biggest lasers anyone had ever seen. “What are nyou talking about, nya? How did nyou break her?! Do nyou know how much she was worth…?” 

‘Fuku rubbed her fingertips together guiltily. “I tried pressing all the buttons at once, nya, and I think she kinda died.” 

Seigu squinted at the TV. Shylily lay on her back, frozen in the middle of the world’s worst orgasm. Every few seconds, the screen crackled and the speakers emitted a staticky moan. The streamer twitched but remained frozen. 

She massaged her brow. “Whatever. Just try nyot to break anything else.” 

‘Fuku froze mid-hammer swing and cautiously hid it behind her back. 

The final tank looked much the same as all the others they’d used. With a snap, Seigu summoned their final guest, who dropped from above, bounced once in her bubble, and came to a stop, resting on the wall, her eyes closed, snoring. 

Seigu sighed. “‘Fuku?” 

‘Fuku hit the tank with her hammer, making the entire thing ring like a bell. And so their final item of the day, the white-haired elven mage Freiren, snapped awake with a gasp of surprise, looking around and blinking. “H-huh…? This isn’t the inn…”

“Hmm,” said Seigu, studying her with a frown. “What do nyou th–Do nyou have any suggestions as to what with should do with her, nya? Any ideas?” 

“She has pointy ears, nya.” 

“...Nyes, ‘Fuku. Excellent observation.”

“Is she an elf?” 

“As a matter of fact, she is,” replied Seigu. “Nyice deduction.” 

“Can she make me some nyew toys?” 

“Wrong kind. Think Tolkien.”

‘Fuku tapped her chin. “Hmmm… Ooo, I know what to make her into then, nya.” Wiggling her fingers, ‘Fuku gestured for Seigu to come closer. 

Bending down, Seigu allowed the smaller catgirl to whisper in her ear. “Iiiiiiiinteresting. I can see the logic. For once.” 

“I can see nyour boobies, nya.” 

Seigu pulled her leotard up. “Nyow, why don’t we begin.” Taking a step closer to the tank, she raised her hand, sized up her target one final time, and with an emphatic snap–

“E-eh? What’s…?” Even if Freiren had been expecting a wake-up call, she probably didn’t expect it to take the form of a high-energy juicebolt driven straight into her skull. Snapping upright with a scream, she stood rigid, her arms locked against her sides, her eyes trembling in their sockets. Juice arced up and down the lengths of her ears, flying from their ends in little sparks. Slamming her legs together, she squealed. 

Tiny bolts of pink lightning zipped up and down her form. Trembling, she slammed her arms against her sides and, with an intense moan, started to bloat like dough in the oven. It was like someone had been forcefeeding her: in an instant, she fattened to twice her size, and her figure continued to grow plumper and plumper with the second. Strangely, her clothes didn’t tear, not even as her swollen thighs and arms pressed against the sides of the tank. Instead, they stretched with her, as if they were as part of her skin. 

Just as suddenly as her growth started, it came to an abrupt halt, arrested. And as if she were caught in a crusher, she started to shrink, forced down from her new rotundness and back to a smaller, tighter, more cuboid shape. One with two distinct halves, right around the middle, like two big blocks of ice, one stacked atop the other. This was appropriate. 

Because they’re long-lived, thought Seigu. Just like the food she stores will be. 

Finally, Freiren compacted, her skin and her clothing sparkling and fusing like all the other victims before her. This achieved, they changed: turning hard and smooth and plasticky to the touch, just like an appliance’s surface should be. At last, the remains of her left hand turned silver and warped into a slim handle, and with that, the lights died and Freiren ceased to change. 

Approaching the tank, Seigu dismissed the walls with a snap of her fingers, grabbed the handle, and tugged. Freiren’s top door flew open, exposing her smooth white interior. A little bulb snapped on, much to the indignation of the former elf. G-get out of me! And turn me back to normal! 

Peering inside, Seigu looked from left to right and frowned. “Hmm, there’s something disconcerting about an empty fridge, nya.” 

‘Fuku handed her a pig on a platter, complete with the mandatory apple. 

“Thank nyou…?” Shrugging off her concerns, Seigu stuffed it into the refrigerator’s mouth-turned-fridge, pushing the platter hard to get it all the way inside. 

H-hey! cried Freiren. St-stop that! Don’t you dare put that in me! Don’t you–! Mmmphf! Mmmphf! Nnnnn~! 

Finally, Seigu stepped back. “Well, what do nyou think of her, ‘Fuku?”

“She’s pretty cool, nya.” 

“...‘Fuku, kill nyourself.” 

*

Afterward, they headed to the other side of the lab, where several of the products she’d created were being tested by a specially-trained team of random catgirls cosplaying as scientists. “Which end of da magnyet is da sucky end again?” said one, squinting at a magnet-styled eraser. 

Stepping past, Seigu watched as another group of technicians tried to reset Shylily via the time-tested method of thumbing every button on the remote and, when that didn’t work, throwing it at the wall. 

“Hmm,” she said, studying her creations. 

‘Fuku slurped loudly from her juice carton. “What are nyou thinking, nya?” 

“I think it probably hurts a lot more than being pregnant,” said Seigu at last. 

“Huh?” 

“The wasps.” 

“Oooh!” 

Seigu shrugged. “I’m nyot an expert on that particular topic, of course.” Seifuku shuffled on the spot, looking uncomfortable. Seigu sighed. “Nyow, as for what I’m thinking about our latest line of appliances… Well…” 

‘Fuku cocked her head. 

Seigu brought her hands together in a clap. “Nyaturally, like all my ideas, they’re perfect, nya.” 

“Of course, nya.” ‘Fuku nodded knowingly. 

“Well, apart from the color scheme of that vacuum–that still nyeeds fixing. And the sewing machine is probably a waste of energy. I’ll send the one we made to Panchira, tell her it can do her job better, but I’m nyot going to bother mass-producing them.” 

“Aw, but I liked the vacuum’s color scheme.” 

“Nyes, I know.” 

One of the fake technicians tapped Seigu on the shoulder. “What should we do with all the other prey nyou brought, nya?” 

The two of them folded her gaze to pen in the corner of the lab, where the remaining 60 or so humans from the ship lay trapped in a hardlight box. Most of them seemed to have given up on struggling, but some of them continued to pound against the walls. 

Seigu frowned. She hadn’t actually forgotten about them, of course, because she didn’t forget about anything. But she had written them off. Perhaps that was a mistake–there might still be something she could do with them. 

Approaching the cage, she stood on the edge, looking in, and frowned. Several of the occupants stood out as possessing potential: the busty blonde with the mismatched eyes could make a good mini-fridge. And the pig-tailed brunette magical girl: she’d make an excellent lamp. The green-haired girl with the antlers–perhaps an good AC unit? And the dark-haired princess could certainly become something popular. A nice fan, perhaps? Or what about the blue-haired with twintails? She looked like she’d make a good music player. Or the petite blonde with the burning eyes: she’d made a perfect coffee machine, Seigu was sure.

Her brain beeped. Her eye twitched. Urgh, she had an incoming call. 

On the other hand, she already had an excellent selection of new products to sell. Why waste time upcycling second-class materials? 

She turned back to the technician. “Eh, just send them all to recycling, nya.” 

“Nyou got it!” Throwing a salute, the technician turned and snapped. With a schunk, the bottom of the cage opened up, and its occupants screamed as they tumbled into the vast, bubbling pot of cardboardium frothing beneath. Plop! Plop! Plopplopplopplopplop! 

Seigu couldn’t resist a smirk. They might not make excellent appliances, but she was sure they’d served excellently as wall panels and flooring. Maybe they’d even end up as part of of the same rooms as their friends. She chuckled at the thought. 

Now, about that call. She tapped her forehead. “Hello, who is it, nya?” 

“Hi, Seigu! It’s, um, it’s, er, Kōkoku from Marketing. I just wanted to talk to nyou about the nyame nyou’ve chosen for the latest line of pointers. I know nyou’re nyot a big fan of nyames, but, um, but do nyou think we can call it something besides ‘The NYEW Pointer!’? Nyot that there’s anything wrong with that, but maybe we could be a little more, um, well, nyou know…” 

Covering her eyes, Seigu groaned.