Patty Plunge [early ver.]
Added 2023-04-09 01:33:51 +0000 UTCI tried styling this one like a Totally Spies scene. Dunno how accurately I pulled it off. π€
...though, definitely needs a little TLC in regards to pacing. I'll touch that up next week before it goes live.
Comments
I dunno about adding lines, but slowing the pace by at least a *little* is something I'm aiming for.
Swell Reads
2023-04-09 05:02:04 +0000 UTCWhen Sam and Alex start getting force fed cookie dough, it's hard to tell that's what is happening, aside from Inga's gloating stating that. Some inner-thoughts from Sam and Alex about how they are trapped and how it feels getting stuffed and growing fat would have helped. For that matter, you skipped right over them being fattened up. Why cut away from the action like that? I know that you had to get back to Clover, but that was still a mistake IMO. And it's hard to tell what Clover is even doing when Inga makes her angry. Did she smash up equipment or something to get to the chamber or wherever Sam and Alex are? It overall feels like the action is really shortchanged and as a result there isn't enough focus on anyone's weight gain. Especially Clover's. This whole thing is too rushed.
SonicStantz
2023-04-09 02:38:34 +0000 UTC
