Dysphoria Part 2

Dysphoria Part 2

The emptiness of this dingy rundown diner was not helping to drown out my intrusive thoughts. Looking up from my table to itch my scalp, I see the waitress approaching. Stick-thin with puffy blonde hair, she fits the theme of the place.

“Hiya,” the waitress sings, standing at my table. “What can I get for you?”

Slowly looking up at her fake smile, I lament my choice to even come into this place. I’m never one form long enough to need any food. Just seems pointless to feed these forms I take. The idea of feeding these bodies is almost as meaningless as showering them.

“Coffee…,” I grunt, looking back down at my hands. “Black.”

Like nails on a chalkboard, the waitress keeps talking. Her shrill voice makes me clench my jaw tight.

“Sure you don’t want to order any breakfast, Hunny?” She asks, obnoxiously chewing her gum.

Unable to stop myself, I twitch. Annoyed by her continued presence near me and angered by her assumption that I need anything more!

Darn weak humans! Why are there always so many of them!? Day after day, they grind out their meaningless existence. Their mundane lives—chasing a never-ending series of pointless endeavors to end up with nothing but pointless memories.

“No,” I answer abruptly, gripping the table edge to calm my rage. “Just coffee.”

Clearly unable to read my hateful expressions, the girl continues to talk to me. As my frustrations grow, I feel the orb emanating in my pocket! I must resist its urges to feed in such a public place!

“Do I know you….?” She asks, leaning down to look at my face.

Looking up at her, my face twitches again. This girl is playing with fire right now!

“You don’t” I reply, rudely dismissing her from my table. “Go get my coffee already!”

“Gwad…,” the girl whines, recoiling back from me with a face like thunder. “No need to be rude.”

Persisting to stand near me, staring down at me with disapproval, I feel the orb grabbing at me—pulling me in! Like a sinkhole, I feel it violently urging me to take it from my pocket and rip this girl's existence from her.

The pain! I can’t! The pain! Not here—not now!

“Fine then!” she hisses, flicking her long blonde hair as she turns. “One coffee for this guy!” she spitefully shouts, heading back towards the counter.

All I feel is intense burning. A fowl itch that cannot be scratched!

Lowering my head into my hands, I grip my face with my nails until it hurts! “Not here,” I mumble under my breath. “Not here.”

As my nails dig into the surface layer of my skin, the urges relent. However, my relief is fleeting and only for a second. Returning to my table with coffee in hand, I’m like a vial kettle, steaming and hissing to come off the boil.

“Here,” she huffs with attitude, spilling the warm black liquid as it hits the tabletop.

Shaking, I allow a single hand to reach for the coffee cup. Unable to hold it straight, the drink spills out as I try to drink it. Her presence is now like a thorn buried deep into my heart.

The orb wants her. It needs her. I need her.

“A-are…you ok..?” She asks, her voice now filled with concern.

All I wanted was this coffee. Why must I wake each morning!? Why can’t this end?

“N-no…,” I answer, my voice creaking under the intense stress and pain.

The orb wants this person and resisting it will break me. I’m at my limit…I can’t refrain!

Snapping my head up to look at her, I can barely see straight through my bloodshot eyes. She Instantly jumps back from me in terror.

“Bathroom…,” I blurt out. “Help me to the bathroom!”

Staggering from my seating booth, like a beer-soaked lunatic, I feel her soft hands grabbing me to stop me from falling to the floor.

Regaining my footing, the girl leads me toward the bathrooms. Shaking and lurching with every step, I clench my hands tightly closed to stop myself from caving into its desires.

I could end this. My torture would be over in seconds if I’d only allow myself to take it from my pocket to fest.

The pain! Not yet! The pain! The bathroom—out of sight!

Eventually, dazed, confused and in server misery, she guides me to the single small bathroom in the diner.

The room is just big enough for a toilet stool and sink. The small window barely allows enough of the morning light to illuminate the dank piss stained room.

It’s just big enough for what must happen next.

Failing to my knees in front of the toilet, I cough and splutter thick darkened blood from my mouth.

Spitting the remains into the toilet bowl, I feel the warmth and iron smell of my blood pooling at the back of my throat.

“A-are you ok!?” the girl gasps, standing directly behind me, clearly looking over at the blood swimming in the rancid toilet water.

“S-shut the door,” I cough, spitting up yet more blood.

I can’t have any in this dive to see what's about to happen. I need that door closed tight

Sensing her hesitation to be shut in this piss riddle room with me, I get desperate. Time is no longer my friend—my vision is blurring and my heart is about to cave.

“SHUT THE DOOR!” I growl. “I don’t want people seeing me like this!

That’s when I hear the satisfying clink of metal. She’s closed the door for me and that leaves us in here together—alone.

Struggling to stand, I wipe the blood from my mouth and turn to face her. As I smile at her, I feel blood oozing from my mouth, dribbling down my chin.

Her expression is twisted and terrified. A face that I’ve come to enjoy. Usually, when I see such an expression, it signals relief from my anguish!

“I’m….,” I cough and splutter, reaching desperately into my jean pocket for the orb. “S-sorry about..this.”

As my shaking hands take hold of the orb, I feel the warmth of it emanating through my body. Almost like it’s rewarding me.

Holding it out towards this girl—this waitress—this innocent young woman, I’m able to see her horrified expression before the intensely bright light engulfs us both.

Gone. The pain—is gone.

My vision returning, I take my bearings.

Reaching out with my newly accrued femininely dainty manicured fingers, I delicately turn the lock on the bathroom door. The transformation is complete and I can’t have anyone walking on me right now.

They wouldn’t understand what happened. From the outside in, it would appear the waitress has made me vanish and has stolen my clothes.

Exhausted, I lean against the bathroom sink. Locks of long golden blonde hair fall around my face as I stare down at the plug hole.

I spit and remnants of blood slide down the sink edge.

I feel my clothes now hanging from my new slender but curvy body. They are Ill suited for this feminine frame I present.

Bringing my face up to look into the small dirty mirror above the sink, I see the girl's eyes staring back at me. Her youthful face and sparkling blue eyes only torment me further.

Gazing deep into her pearly blues, I hope that somehow she can hear me. I hope that somewhere she’s still alive and can forgive me.

“I-I’m…s-sorry,” I whimper with her voice.

Not being allowed the luxury to feel my deep resentment for what I am, I know I must continue as normal—as her.

Turning to look at the pile of clothing she’s left after the transformation, I know that staying in this bathroom for too long will arouse suspicion.

Reaching down to grab at the blue front button dress and pine, I lift it against my new body.

“Still warm,” I say to myself, grumbling at the idea of actually wearing it.

Doesn’t take me long to get myself redressed in this girl's entire outfit—underwear and all.

I like that the dress has large white buttons at the front—made it very easy to put on. The fact it all kinda smells like coffee had me desperate for my morning fix.

Trying my best to recreate how she had her hair tied up, I look into the mirror at her face and let out a long sigh.

Those eyes full of life moments ago have already faded. All I see is nothing that I am staring back. The only sensation I can feel Is the warmth of the orb pulsating in my hand.

“Satisfied?” I sarcastically ask it, stuffing it into the pouch of my dress.

I can’t shake the feeling it is never satisfied. Almost lusting for more!

Quietly unlocking the toilet door, I step out into the diner expecting everyone to be gawking in my direction. Yet, no one is looking. Nobody appears to care.

Smirking, I know that makes my life easier. No one will have any…difficult questions as to what just happened.

Ambling towards my suitcase, still waiting for me at my seating booth, I know I want away from this place as soon as possible.

“JODY!” a large heavy-set bowl of a man growls, poking his head through a small opening to the diner's kitchen. “Where have you been!?”

Jody? So that’s her name.

“The bathroom,” I flippantly reply, not caring for this guy's attitude.

“I need service to table ten!” he shouts back, almost slamming the grease-filled plates he is holding.

Staring at the plates of food, then back at the angry sweaty face of this man, I give him a dirty look.

“Don’t give me attitude Jody!” he hisses, clicking above the plate. “Get it together girly or your out!”

Snarling, I walk towards the counter. This guy is lucky the orb has fed otherwise he’d be next!

Grabbing the two plates he’d left, I look down at the diner to see only one table without food. That must be where it’s going.

Putting on the best smile I could, I start to take the plates over to them. Seems a good idea right now to avoid more suspicion.

As I approach, something feels off. Something seems extremely different. Almost like the smell of death is eradiating from behind me.

It repulses me! The smell almost burns me.

The pain engulfs me! It rips across my body, making me jerk out in repulsion

It’s not the orb! What's the heck happening to me!?

The plates in my hand fall to the floor with an almighty crash. Food splattering across the floor, I grip my face tight with my manicured nails.

THE PAIN!

WHAT IS THIS PAIN!?

It feels as if someone is reaching into my being and forcibly pulling at my being. I can almost see the strings attached to me. I can almost see my life force being drained away and in what direction it’s headed

What is this!?

Is this what the orb is looking for!?

Is this what I must find!?

Falling to my knee’s around the smashed plates and scattered food, I slide a hand into the pouch of the dress to touch the orb.

Like a bolt of cold energy, the orb stabs my probing finger. Almost like a wounded animal defending itself.

What is this force!? Why does it cause us pain!?

I must follow it! I must find it! I need it!

Getting to my feet, the pain still causing crushing anguish with every step, I snatch at my suitcase and head towards the door.

Unable to stand straight, I tumble into counters and tables trying to find the exit. I feel the blunt blows to my body as the smell of death incapacitates my every breath.

“JODY!?” the gruff man shouts as I stumble towards the exit. “What are you doing!?”

With my vision cloudy and blurred, I snatch at the door handle and throw the diner door open. The large glass and metal door crashes against the side and instantly smashes into a million pieces. The impact was enough for the door to fall off its hinges.

Stepping over the smashed glass, I grip my face tight with my fingernails. I feel my long bright red nails dig into my skin.

“I must have it!” I scream in pain, stepping out of the diner and into the morning sunlight.