Matt's Story Part 3 (End of Chapter 1)

Jade clutches my hand tight as I look deep into the whites of her eyes. The usual spark of mischief is gone—replaced with a genuine look of worry.

Having just seen the messages to and from Nathan, I’m probably not going to be able to talk my way around it! Do I trust her to keep it secret? She’s rather bad at keeping them.

“Don’t run away,” she says, still clutching my hand tight with her soft hands. “Talk to me!”

“You shouldn’t have taken my phone!” I hiss.

“I’m sorry,” Jade replies, gently shaking her head from side to side. “Just please explain to me what’s happening, Matt.”

Moments pass as we just stare at each other. I still don’t know if Jade can be trusted! I don’t want Nathan to get hurt!

“I can’t,” I answer, looking away from her expectant gaze.

“Why?”

“If the truth gets out—I’m worried it will cause pain for more than just me!” I answer passionately.

Recoiling, Jade quickly lets go of my hand and covers her mouth in shock. I can feel the tension in the room pressing down on me, and my heart hasn’t stopped thumping the entire time.

That’s when we both jump in freight as mom calls out to us both.

“Are you two okay in there?” mom says, swiftly appearing in the doorway.

We both instantly turn our attention to her.

“What are you two up to?” she asks with suspicion.

Knowing my face must be as red as a tomato, I look down at her feet. I honestly couldn’t bring myself to look at her. What would she say if she found out Sonya is Nathan? She’d be so mad!

“N-nothing….,” Jade innocently replies. “Matt was just asking for help with some stuff.”

I throw a rapid glance at Jade. She’s giving mom a very convincingly innocent smile. I can’t believe it—she’s covering for me!

Jade’s efforts aside, I can feel mom glaring at me.

“Why do you look so suspicious, Matthew?” she demandingly questions.

Trying to play it cool, I nervously run a hand through my messy hair. Then, I slowly look up to meet moms gaze.

“D-do I look suspicious?” I ask—my voice cracking as I talk.

“Yes, you do,” She promptly replies.

That’s when I hear Jade loudly sigh in frustration.

“Mom!” she groans, flicking her hair back. “Stop being such a Karen—we’re not kids anymore!”

“Well, why do you both look so red in the face?” mom replies, putting a hand on one hip. “I heard the commotion. Have you both been fighting again!?”

“We haven’t been fighting!” Jade whines.

Mom’s gaze darts back and forward between us. She’s still super suspicious of us. Usually, she would have reason to be! We argue about silly stuff all the time.

“Do you want help with your homework, or would you like me to talk you through it another time?” Jade asks me, making me turn to face her.

I don’t immediately answer her, and I just stare as she gives me an unmistakable wink.

“I’m happy to talk you through it now, Matt,” she continues, putting a gentle hand on my side. “Or we can work through it when you are ready?”

“You two must think I was born yesterday!” mom laughs, shaking her head. “Do I need to watch you both like children tonight…or can I go back to doing my thesis?”

“We’ll be good!” Jade chirps, still looking at me with a comforting smile.

“Yeah,” I say, playing along. “Jade is going to talk me through some homework issues, and we won’t be any bother.”

“I am…?” Jade questions in pure disbelief.

I throw her a dirty look. I can only guess that she didn’t think I’d cave so easily by that reaction.

“Yes…...!” I say, trying to get her to stop being so obvious.

“Yes—homework!” Jade giggles, childishly grinning wide in our mother’s direction.

Mom looks at us with equal suspicion and gives us a sideways glance. Folding her arms tight together, she gives us both a sour look.

“Homework….eh?” mom questions sarcastically, like she doesn’t believe it.

“Yes!” Jade yells back, grabbing my hand tight and yanking me forward.

As Jade pulls on my hand, I jerk forward toward where our mom is standing in the doorway. Giving her an awkward smile as we pass, Jade steers us towards the stairs.

“Behave you two!” mom demands as we make our way upstairs.

I throw her a nervous look as Jade continues forcedly pulling me

Eventually guiding me into her room, Jade lets go of my hand and points for me to sit on the edge of her bed. Awkwardly, I perch myself down. Jade keeps standing and looks a little pent up.

“Thanks for covering for me,” I say, watching her pace around her room. “I will go in a moment, so it seems like you’ve shown me something.”

“SO!” she replies, stopping directly before me and staring. “Who is Sonya!?”

“Jade,” I answer, furiously rubbing my neck, hoping she’d just let me leave. “I shouldn’t say! It might lead to other people getting hurt!”

Frustrated, Jade flicks her hair and rolls her eyes.

“It’s Nathan…. isn’t it?” she whispers, leaning in close.

I shake my head fiercely.

“No, please just drop it, Jade,” I reply, putting my hands together like I’m praying. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt!”

Jade steps back and tucks hair behind one ear. Then glaring at me intently, I feel myself beginning to sweat.

“Why would Nathan dress as a girl….?” She says, quickly looking away in thought.

Not giving me a second to deny it, Jade snaps her attention back to me with a big old grin.

“Maybe I should go ask his sister!” she remarks.

Rubbing my face in distress, I let out a long sigh.

“If I tell you, Jade….,” I say, desperately looking her directly in the eyes. “You promise to keep it to yourself. It’s not only me you could hurt, but Nathan too.”

“So…….., Sonya is Nathan!” she says, giving me a warm smile. “I promise I won’t say anything.”

My face tightens up as she guesses correctly. I just stare at her to make her understand I don’t find it funny.

“I promise!” she exclaims, giving me an innocent look back. “Just tell me already. I can’t help you if I don’t understand what’s upsetting you!”

I lower my head and look at the floor. Then after a few moments of heavy breathing, I look up.

“Yes,” I admit, feeling the adrenaline coursing through my veins. “Nathan is Sonya.”

Jade gasps and quickly sits next to me on the bed.

“So, you pretended to be a couple!?” Jade questions, leaning in.

I could tell she was excited to learn more from the sound of her voice. It always goes up an octave when she thinks she’s onto something juicy,

My shoulders sag. “Yes, Nathan was my girlfriend for that weekend away.”

Expecting Jade to freak out, she just gently smiles.

She didn’t instantly jump to her phone or laugh! She didn’t make any jokes or poke fun! I was confused because this was not being like my sister at all!

“That explains why you all came back so soon,” she remarks. “Nathan got caught by the other people at the cabin…. right?”

I raise an eyebrow at her. I guess that would be the obvious assumption.

“I mean….,” she continues, giggling. “Nathan is a little weedy looking, but there is no way he could just pass off as a girl like that. I bet he hated it…. being forced to be your girlfriend.”

“Hey!” I complain, taking offense to her comments. “Stop being mean to me. I’m not that awful.”

“Well, that would explain why it’s been so awkward between you both,” Jade explains. “I’d be angry at you if you’d forced me into doing something I didn’t want to.”

Frowning, I give Jade a dirty look.

“Will you just let me explain it, Jade,” I growl. “I didn’t force him to do anything! He went along with my plan without much hesitation!”

“Okay…...!” she replies, now giving me an inquisitive expression. “Tell me then.”

Allowing my shoulders to slump further, I let out a long, drawn breath.

“Do you remember my friend Mitch?” I ask, staring down at the floor as memories of him flood the forefront of my mind.

“Yes….,” Jade answers with a hint of confusion. “I remember him—haven’t seen him around here in ages!”

Another long breath to leaves my body as I allow myself to remember the pain.

“I tried to kiss him,” I say quickly, looking away from any judgment. “That’s why we aren’t friends anymore.”

“Wait ...wait …wait,” Jade huffs, putting a soft hand on my shoulder. “Are you trying to tell me that you're………………..gay?”

I don’t answer for a moment or two, and I just listen to the sound of my heart thumping away in my chest. Eventually, as Jade squeezes my shoulder for comfort, I build up the courage.

“I…err….,” I mumble, turning to look at her with misty eyes. “I think so……. yeah.”

Jade scrunches her face and frowns.

“Holly Goldfish,” Jade says, reacting to my confession.

“Please don’t tell anyone!” I groan, looking at her in desperation. “I don’t want anyone to know.”

She cups my shaking hands and smiles.

“I won’t say anything,” she says softly.

Then as a cheeky grin appears on her face, she blushes.

“Honestly, though,” she continues, giving me a warm smile. “I think I……already kinda……knew. You act like a love-struck puppy in Nathan’s presence—it’s out there for all of us to see.”

“No, I don’t!” I reply, getting defensive.

“Do you like him...?” Jade asks gently, ignoring me.

Another hard-hitting question. Something I thought I’d never have to admit to anyone only a week ago. I just stare at the supportive expression Jade is giving me. Eventually, I smile.

“I love him,” I admit, thinking about how bright and warm he makes me feel on the inside.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that first kiss. How Nathan was so delicately trembling in my hands as I embraced him, and how he seemed so much more confident after. Like we’d both discovered a magical secret world together.

Jade’s eyes light up with a bright spark of joy. She bounces on the bed and gently squeals.

“OH MY GOD!” she screams with pure excitement. “Have you told him!?”

That’s when I feel the tears forming behind my eyes.

“I told him,” I say softly, allowing myself to cry in front of her. “I’m so fucking worried I’ve ruined our friendship. He seems so distant with me now and like incredibly awkward around me!”

Jade’s happy grin slowly softens, and she looks at me with worry. Gently rubbing the top of my hand, she makes a noise like he’s confused.

“I see why that would make you sad,” she remarks. “You're worried that Nathan will stop being your friend……. like Mike.”

Tears stream down as my face painfully contorts with my deep down hidden emotions bubbling to the surface. I’m fucking terrified that’s going to happen.

“Shit Matthew,” Jade says gently, grabbing my hands tightly. “How long have you been holding this all in?”

I can’t bring myself to answer. The fear of my best friend dropping me like an unwanted tissue is too much to deal with, and all I can do is pathetically weep in my sister's presence.

As I close my eyes tight, tears roll down my face. As I whimper, my chest feels constricted, and my breathing is heavy.

“It's okay, Matt!” Jade says, placing her soft, warm hands on my cheeks. “It’s okay. I’m here for you.”

Opening my eyes, I can’t see her face through the tears.

“He hates me, Jade!” I cry, sobbing my heart out. “H-he doesn’t even want to hang around me anymore!”

“Why on earth would you think that!” Jade replies instantly.

She wipes a tear from my eye, taking her hand from my face. “Why do you think that?” he asks again.

Taking a long breath, I open my eyes and wipe away the tears with my forearm.

“I think he likes Lara,” I answer, feeling the pain of heartbreak as those words leave my mouth.

Jade’s face scrunches up once more, and she frowns.

“Lara…?” she questions, looking at me with narrowed eyes. “Lara Maxwell….from my grade?”

“Yup,” I answer, allowing myself to calm down. “Her.”

Jade bites a lip and looks worried.

“He needs to be careful with her if that is the case,” she says. “She’s got a bit of a reputation for being a complete slut.”

Jade glances out the window for a second, then looks back at me in fear.

“Do you think Nathan is the reason Lara and Barry have split up…?” she asks, clearly putting two and two together.

“No, that’s not right!” I’m quick to reply. “She’s broken up with Barry because we caught him trying it on with Nathan!”

Jade’s eyes spring wide open in surprise. The sort of expression reserved for when you stumble across some hidden treasure.

“Are you serious!!??” she blurts out, leaning so close to me I could feel her breath. “Is Barry gay for Nathan too!?”

“No….,” I reply, wanting to giggle at the thought. “Remember, Nathan was dressed as a girl—pretending to be Sonya. Barry tried to force himself onto Nathan thinking he’s a girl.”

Revealing that to her, I don’t think Jade could look any more shocked. Her eyeballs are about to pop right out of her head.

“Poor Nathan!” she squeals and puts her hands over her mouth in shock. “That must have really upset him!”

Feeling the guilt from the night resurface in my mind, I just stare down at my hands.

“Is he okay!?” Jade questions, tapping me lightly on the leg to regain my attention.

“Oh….,” I respond, looking up and scratching the back of my head. “I think so, yeah.”

Jade’s eyes then narrow, and she gives me a proper filthy look.

“What you mean—you think so!?” she groans, wagging a finger in front of my face like I’m a naughty child. “You say you love him—yet you’re not really sure how he’s feeling after that!? Having anyone do that to you is traumatic, Matthew!”

Her staring at me in total disbelief makes our last few conversations flash through my mind. She’s more than probably right.

“Yeah……,” I slowly answer, nodding gently to tell her she’s right.

“I can’t believe you sometimes,” Jade hisses, shaking her head. “Such a dork!”

I scratch the back of my head once more and give her a small but nervous laugh.

“Yeah….,” I chuckle, feeling my face go bright red with embarrassment. “I dunno what I was thinking. It’s just with Nathan being a crossdresser and all—I thought…well….err—I dunno what I thought!”

Jade’s eyes spring open wide once again. I’m then confused about why she’s getting so worked up!

“He’s a crossdresser!?” she asks, squealing so loud I’m pretty sure the whole house heard.

“Yes…. did we not cover this already,” I say with a whisper, looking at her with concern for how loud her voice is. “Keep it down.”

Jade shrugs and shakes her head.

“No…..,” she whispers in reply. “You just said he dressed like a girl—you never said he was a blooming crossdresser.”

I look at her, confused. Is she just not listening or something!?

“I’m sure I did,” I whisper back, still trying to get her to lower her voice further. “I went around his house the other night and caught him wearing one of his sister’s dresses.”

“You didn’t!?” Jade exclaims, instantly covering her mouth, knowing how loud she’s talking.

I give her a wide-eyed stare in frustration.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” I plea, whispering gently. “Yes, I caught him. I was surprised at first, but honestly—it made me love him that little bit more.”

Jade’s face lights up with a beaming smile.

“Awww,” she says, touching me gently on the leg. “That’s so cute!”

Blushing, I turn and look away.

“Can I ask a question?” Jade then says, giving me a serious look as I turn back to face her.

“Sure.”

“You say you’re gay, right?” She asks, giving me a puzzled look.

“Yeah….?”

“So, I have to assume you find boys attractive…?” she continues.

“Not all, but yeah—I do find boys attractive.”

Jade looks away for a moment and rubs her arm. Then with a flick of her long brown hair, she turns to me with a worried expression.

“So, you told Nathan you loved him when he was dressed as Sonya?” she asks.

“That’s right….,” I reply, now understanding what she might be getting at.

“I don’t get it,” she continues, scratching her face. “Do you only fancy him when he’s dressed as a girl? That doesn’t make sense to me.”

I roll my eyes and blink slowly. I knew that question was coming.

“I guess that confusion does make sense,” I reply, looking up at the ceiling. “I’m not sure I overly understand myself yet either. When I saw Nath in that dress looking so venerable—I knew in that instant that he needed me just as much as I needed him.”

Jade looks at me, perplexed. I knew I had to explain it further.

“It’s hard to explain,” I continue. “Seeing him—I instantly understood how he must have felt, hiding that part of himself away. I just wanted to make him feel good about who he is!

Quickly rubbing my face, I let out a long breath.

“Argh!” I growl, getting frustrated. “I’m getting myself confused. Just know—I love Nathan for who he is. No matter what or who he decides to be, I’m in love with Nathan as a person.”

For the first time in my life, Jade is speechless, and she just looks at me vacantly.

Nervous, I just keep talking, trying to explain myself. My mouth betrays my brain as I just start speaking from the heart.

“I love him so much, and it pains me to know my actions caused him pain too!” I groan, hiding behind my hands. “I feel so guilty about what happened. That’s why I don’t know how he feels about it, and I can’t bring myself to ask him!”

“You feel guilty?” Jade asks slowly.

“YES!” I cry, tears stinging my already red eyes. “It’s my fault Barry did what he did.”

“Why?” Jade asks without hesitation.

I hold my head in shame. Taking my hands from my face, I allow the tears to roll down my cheeks. Maybe telling her will make the guilt go away.

“Barry kept asking so many questions about our relationship,” I say, sniffing loudly. “I just wanted to make him think I was cool. That’s why I said what I said!”

“What did you…. say?” Jade questions softly, almost like he’s worried about what I’m about to tell her.

Wiping one eye, I feel my body shaking like a leaf.

“He kept asking me if we are having sex together,” I reply shamefully. “I thought telling him we were doing it—he’d think I was cool.”

“Jesus, Matt!” Jade moans, lowering her head into her hands. “Are you king of the dorks!”

Jade’s reaction confirms all my fears. It is my fault! Feeling on the edge of a nervous breakdown, I burst into a full-blown weep of utter despair.

That’s when Jade Gently taps me on the side of the head.

“Stop crying, dork,” She laughs. Tapping me again but harder. “What Barry did to Nathan… is NOT your fault.”

Through the tears, I try and focus on her and her words.

“What you said wasn’t cool for sure,” Jade continues, placing a comforting hand on my knee. “But you can’t blame yourself for Barry’s actions.”

“…. I shouldn’t?” I desperately question, rubbing tears from my eyes.

“NO….!” she quickly replies. “You really are king dork for even thinking that!”

Giving her a forced smile, I let out a long-labored sigh. This has been emotional!

“Give me a hug!” Jade frivolously giggles, reaching around my sagging shoulders.

As she embraces me, I’m glad for her comfort. Having confided in her, somehow, I feel a little lighter on the inside. With my guilt about that night at the cabin fading, I thought I could finally forgive myself.

I’d also never felt so close to my sister! Never in a million years did I think this conversation would take place. I’m glad she took my phone—overwise, I’d never have told her. I’m so relieved how cool she is about my sexuality.

“Thanks…. Jade,” I say softly, tucking my face into her shoulder. “I’ve been so scared about sharing all this. Please don’ tell anyone.”

She squeezes me tighter.

“I won’t,” she whispers. “I promise.”

I give her a warm smile. “Thanks.”

“You know, rather than worrying about stupid stuff other people do….,” Jade says, giving me a gentle smile. “Maybe you should take the lead with your relationship with him and do something positive!”

I look at her, slightly confused. What does she mean?

“Oh, come on, Matt,” she giggles, lightly pushing my shoulder as I fail to say anything. “A girl likes nothing more than the guy to be confident.”

“Riiight…?” I reply, wonder where she’s going with this.”

“Ask him out on a date—you dork!” she exclaims, pushing my shoulder again, but this time harder.

“You think I should!?” I ask, feeling my mouth go dry at the idea.

“Yes! Nathan won’t wait around forever!” she exclaims, bouncing on the bed again. “Overwise, you’ll be king dork forever!