His Idol Part 5

His Idol Part 5

Last month I pretended to be my mom in front of a complete stranger. All things considered, It didn’t go badly at all. I totally pulled it off!

She’s been so super fantastic about my crossdressing since she caught me! Still, what that’s led to what's been long conversations about me and who I am.

She’s has been like my best friend ever since. That, however, didn’t stop her from asking some very difficult and probing questions!

When she asks me if I see myself as a girl or a boy, I find it extremely difficult to answer. I know she’s worried about me, but I just honestly can’t answer her. I’m so mixed up myself!

Mom suggested we see a doctor, but I wasn’t too keen on talking about my activities so openly. I’ve made huge strides with her, but talking about it with other people—I shudder at that thought.

I think my vague answers didn’t help explain it much either, I’m just as confused about this as she is. It’s not like I asked to be this way.

That leads us to this morning. Mom said she had a great idea and that she’d share it with me today! Being the summer break, I did wonder what it would be.

Yawning as I enter the kitchen, mom greets me with a warm smile. I’m a little surprised she’s already dressed for work! Her curly hair and pristine makeup, make me wonder how long she's been up!

“Morning sweety,” she says, holding out a bowl of my favorite breakfast cereal.

I look at the clock on the wall.

“Mom…,” I whine, rubbing my eyes. “It’s six in the morning! Why are we up and how are you already dressed!”

“We need to be up early today sweetheart,” she replies, giving me a grin. “Once you’ve eaten your breakfast, we can talk about my surprise.”

Taking hold of the cereal bowl, I shuffle over to the table and park myself in my usual spot. Mom then joins me with her coffee.

Shoving large spoonfuls of cereal into my mouth, Mom gently sips her coffee as she watches over me.

“Do you have to…?” I ask, not really wanting an audience.

“Did you shave your legs last night Paul…?” She asks, ignoring me.

I nod and gulp down my mouth full.

“Good,” she says sipping her coffee.

“Why?”

“Oh….I have my reasons.”

Stopping to give her a curious look, I hold my spoonful of cereal and hover it over my bowl.

“Is it to do with my surprise?” I ask, giving her a cheeky smile.

Mom beams a big old smile and giggles.

“I thought I could wait…but I can’t!” she says with excitement, flapping her hands “I’ve got you in at the company as an intern for today!”

“Huh….?” I reply, confused at why she thinks that’s a good surprise. “Y-you…want me to come to work with you?”

“Yes!” she answers, grinning wider than before. “That’s not even the best part!”

I look down at my bowl and find it hard to muster any actual excitement. Last night she had me thinking we were going to Disney land or something!

“I’ve got you down as my intern!” mom continues, reaching out to touch me gently on the arm. “Do you know what that means!?”

I look up at her very pleased face and gently shake my head from side to side.

“You can go as Pauline if you want to!”

My face drops and I look at my mom in terror.

“Y-you…w-want me to g-go to your work dressed….!?” I question, feeling my anxieties build up.

Mom nods her head, then gives me a wide smile.

“Yeah!” she says, rubbing my arm. “I hoped it might help you build some confidence in your feminine side. Might also help us both understand who the real you really is!”

Gently putting my spoon onto the table, I just stare in her direction. My heart rate was going into overdrive and I could feel my chest becoming tight. I can’t do what she’s asking—she’s gone mad!

“Paul,” she says, looking concerned, squeezing my arm. “Please don’t look so worried! It’s only if you really want to. I’d never force you into the next step before you are ready.”

“You should have told me about this!” I angrily reply. “Maybe I don’t want others to know I’m a freak!”

As I wait for her to answer, she just looks me dead in the eyes. Her expression quickly changes from smiles to something more chilling

“What have I said about calling yourself that?” mom answers. “You are not a freak!”

“I am,” I instantly retort, feeling extremely frustrated at her.

“No, you are not!”

“Yes, I am mom!” I yell, gritting my teeth. “Dad knew it and he left because of me!”

I watch my mother's eyes twitch before she slowly pushes back her chair. Not looking at me, she walks softly over to the sink and holds her head in her hands.

“Mom….?” I say, now feeling as small as a mouse after my outburst. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t answer. I watch her cut a dejected figure. Every so often she would sniff and whimper.

Getting up from the table, I creep up behind her.

“Mom…?” I say again, moving to her side. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk about him.”

Slowly taking her head from her hands, she allows her arms to aimlessly fall to her sides. Letting out the longest sigh, she looks down at me with tears In her eyes.

“It’s okay…,” she replies, wiping tears from her face. “You have nothing to say sorry about.”

“Ok……,” I say unconvincingly, feeling so very awful about making her cry. Her perfect makeup is now ruined!

“No seriously,” she continues, softly putting a hand on the top of my head. “You had nothing to do with him leaving! He absolutely doesn’t think you’re a freak. Do you understand what I’m saying!”

“Yes..”

“Good.”

If that’s not the case--why did she cry when I talked about it?

“Why did you start crying then?” I ask, quickly looking down from her tearful red eyes. “You’re crying because it's true….aren’t you?”

“NO!” she barks, taking her hand from my head “That just is not true!”

I jump in fear. I’d never heard her raise her voice like that before. I move slightly back from her and she looks mortified at my reaction to her.

“Sorry,” she says, in a calmer voice. “That’s not true Paul. Please believe me.”

Still a little taken back by her, all I wanted to do was leave the room and lock myself in my room. I start slowly backing away from her. That’s when she lightly touches my arm to stop me.

“Baby….,” she says with sadness, “I’m scared--that’s why I’m crying.”

Instantly looking up at her, I’m baffled. She’s so strong and brave. What on earth does she have to be scared of!

“Y-you’re scared?” I question with disbelief. “No way—of what?”

“Oh very much so,” she replies with a long and loud sniff.

“Must be something super scary to upset you mom,” I reply, stepping closer to her

She starts welling up again and gives me a forced smile.

“I’m t-trying my best,” she whimpers. “Just know I love you and your father loves you…ok!”

“Ok mom..,” I answer. “I’m really sorry I upset you.”

She gives me the biggest, warmest smile.

“No... sweat pea, It’s me that should be sorry.” She says, wiping away more tears. “I thought you’d be thrilled at the idea of being at work like me. Y’know like wearing feminine office wear like me and that. It didn’t even occur to me how huge that would be for you!”

“It is a great idea mom!” I swiftly reply, biting my top lip. “It’s just…I don’t want your friends at work to make fun of you--because of me.”

“Is that what you’re worried about Paul? People making fun?”

“Yeah. I’m not like normal boys, mom.”

“I wouldn’t change you for anything. Do you understand that!”

“You wouldn’t?”

“Not a chance baby. You’re my child and whoever and whatever you decided you want to be, I’m going to be standing right behind you. Standing proud of the brave person you are becoming!”

At that moment, I feel my eyes beginning to water. I can’t help but feel happiness, but I feel like crying too.

“Y-you….think I’m brave?” I ask, wanting to burst out into tears of happiness.

She leans towards me a kisses me on the forehead.

“I do,” she says with a big comforting smile.

Her gentle kiss made me feel safe. I always feel less scared with my mom around! Maybe going to her work dressed might really be a good thing for me?

“Do you think going with you to work today would be a good idea?” I ask, now really considering it.

“Sweety,” she says softly. “I honestly don’t know. If you can be the brave person I know you are, then it could well be a very positive moment for us both.”

“Would we tell everyone that I’m your son or would we introduce me as a girl?”

Mom looks at me with a playful grin.

“That’s totally up to you sweetheart. If you’d rather people not know, then we can work with that.”

Giving her a wide smile, I nod my head. Maybe if people don’t know who I really am, I can just focus on helping mom rather than worrying about what they are saying about her.

“Ok!” I say proudly. “Let's do it, mom. I wanna got to work with you as girl me.”

Mom’s eyes grow wide with delight. She looks almost shell-shocked at my decision.

“One hundred percent?” she asks, looking me directly in the eyes.

“Yeah…,” I softly reply, giving her a warm smile. “If you are there, I’m safe.”

“Hunny—that’s wonderful!”

Touching my hair, I know now why she’s got me up so early. I’ve got a lot to do if I’m going to pass off as a girl.

“Mom….?” I say, hoping she’s going to say yes. “Can you help me with my makeup?”

Mom claps her hands together in excitement. She looks even more thrilled than before.

“Yes!” she cheers. “I was hoping you’d ask me to help.”

I look down at my pajamas and wonder about my outfit.

“What should I wear?” I ask.

Mom gives a cheeky grin.

“I’ve already picked out a super cute little outfit for you. How do you feel about wearing Mommy's old blue suit with the knee-length skirt?”