Journal Entry #10
Added 2020-04-04 17:52:13 +0000 UTCJust realized somethings... now that I’ve been talking with my ex/best friend from “the accident,” I’ve been having to deal with, well a lot of overwhelming emotions, but also the judgment and assumptions of her parents again. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve grown and matured and come a LONG way, but they always viewed me so grotesquely wrong and could never see all the good in me and my heart. If they were to ever think I’m a good person, it would be from their doing; that their decision to erase me from her life and not allow me to see or talk to her for 7 years... was the right one.
They made so many wrong assumptions and built me as a person in their heads that just simply wasn’t true. So much of my insecurity and wanting to be good enough comes from her parents’ awful treatment of me.
I’m finally closing in on not having to prove to anyone and everyone who I am and it’s opening up so many scars and old wounds and it feels so toxic.
Im a good person. I’m a better person after 7 years of growing and learning and changing, but I was always a good person. I know.... “if you’re a good person, you don’t have to say it.” Well, you do when delusional/paranoid/broken people gaslight you and manipulate you and tell everyone that matters to believe otherwise.
How they thought I was: calculated, manipulative, devilish, a serpent that made their daughter love me
How I actually was: scared, emotional, insecure, confused and self-abusive
Venting. Trying to get my thoughts together. In the end, I’ll be fine. I’m strong. But man is it difficult right now to love myself and stay confident.
Comments
BTW, was there ever a Journal Entry #9?
Bryan Connors
2020-04-05 10:53:39 +0000 UTCI know this must be really rough emotionally, but I’m so happy that you guys are talking again. I was hoping that someday she’d recover enough that you’d be able to do that. When you briefly mentioned that you were talking to her again in that video a few posts ago I almost fell off of my bed. I have so many questions about this, and I want to hear all about it, but obviously it’s very personal and it’s none of my business. But I hope you’re both doing OK. Don’t worry about what her parents think. You clearly are a good person, and if they can’t see that, that’s their problem.
Bryan Connors
2020-04-05 10:35:17 +0000 UTCJust because you got there through their judgment and pressure doesn't mean you wouldn't have without it. Only bad people have complete faith that they're good people, because you become good by continually trying to be better, and it's neverending work. Love love love.
Alexis Lee
2020-04-05 10:01:36 +0000 UTCGrowth is fun isn't it 🤗🙃
Alex
2020-04-05 02:22:55 +0000 UTCIt is sad that they missunderstand you like this but you know what kind of Person you are and that is what matters the moast 🤗🤗🤗
Red Velvet Kitty
2020-04-05 02:16:30 +0000 UTCI say self examination and being able to deal with this stuff is self love. Cleaning out a wound so it can heal properly.
Tig
2020-04-04 20:05:39 +0000 UTCFrivvi. You working through some heavy business. You aren't running away from it and you are going to come out stronger for it. I am so glad you are digging down through and getting to a place of not having to prove yourself to anyone but you. Keep on keeping on, be the the best Frivvi you know you are! ❤️❤️❤️
Stephen Lincoln
2020-04-04 19:49:39 +0000 UTC💙💙💙
Blooby
2020-04-04 19:26:20 +0000 UTCLove Love Love ❤❤❤
MrAtalon
2020-04-04 19:01:24 +0000 UTCIn case you still have any insecurity, I can confirm that you are as you say, a good person or even better. Perhaps it has been because of so many bad things that have happened to you, but I assure you that I have never met someone with a bigger heart. And I am sure that it is not just me who believes it, but there are thousands and thousands of people you help and comfort and that the world is a little better thanks to you.
Juan Ruiz
2020-04-04 18:41:48 +0000 UTCI'm not good at words, glad your talking to your ex/friend again. Hope it's good stuff. ❤️❤️❤️
chris pacos
2020-04-04 18:30:28 +0000 UTCFinni's spot on. [Edit - and so many other people who posted while I was babbling.] You say you're just venting but those are super-important realizations to give voice to. Maybe putting them in writing will be an effective reminder of them when your mind and heart are in a darker place down the road? (Naturally I hope those times are fewer and farther between.) I could work myself up into a really good rant about how you were treated, before and after, but that wouldn't do you any good. Maybe a little tirade about how much you put yourself out there and how much it helps your community. (Think about those words for a sec - "your community"!) You've heard that many a time I'm sure, but little reminders, right? FWIW, my daughter's coming up on the same age range of that part of your life story, currently identifies as questioning, and your sharing of your past adds to my determination to do right by her. We're already pretty aggressively liberal, but every parent should realize there's going to be things they don't understand right off the bat about their kid and their experiences no matter how hard they try, and keep striving to bridge those gaps.
Lambent Regret
2020-04-04 18:21:13 +0000 UTCDemonizing someone else in the midst of horrible tragedy is the path of least resistance for many folks. They'll do that far sooner than they will stop and question their own values. You're doing amazingly well in the midst of a situation that is really, really hard.
eigentourist
2020-04-04 18:20:47 +0000 UTCTrauma has a funny way of distorting how we look at ourselves and how people look at us. You seem like you’re on the right track and all of us support you. You got this.
Chase Frankel
2020-04-04 18:13:53 +0000 UTCIt makes me sad that they can view you that way. Runs completely counter to how i know you are. I wish you the best my friend, getting it out is good ❤❤❤
Tom (Zoigle)
2020-04-04 18:13:00 +0000 UTCYou're a strong, beautiful, wonderful person and the only person you need to prove it to is yourself and it's looking like you have that all figured out. Stay strong and stay healthy. We love ya and know how wonderful you are.
Blain Eno
2020-04-04 18:09:48 +0000 UTCKeep going Friv, no matter how difficult it is. You already know what kind of person you are, and the people that matter will see you for that. Take your time and continue to grow, I’m rooting for you ❤️❤️❤️
unleashluis22
2020-04-04 18:00:53 +0000 UTCCompletely agree with Finni here. You're an awesome person and didn't deserve that bs hate.
LeFringe27
2020-04-04 17:56:17 +0000 UTCIt may have been a coping mechanism for them to "blame" someone for their distorted views on your relationship. The couldn't blame themselves or their daughter, so you were the easy scapegoat. Their treatment of you reflects on them, not you. We know who you are ❤
Finnigan
2020-04-04 17:55:26 +0000 UTC❤️❤️❤️
2020-04-04 17:54:43 +0000 UTC💕💕💕
Hummerdummer
2020-04-04 17:54:22 +0000 UTC💖💖💖
Tony XM
2020-04-04 17:53:59 +0000 UTC
