Rakshasa Boyfriend: Naveen 2 (complete)

My birthday is coming up, and I know my mom wants to throw a big dinner to celebrate. She’s already been shopping and bought a bunch of my favorite foods to prepare for the evening. I notice, too, that Izzy and Naveen are messaging each other a lot, so I figure they must be discussing gifts. I’ve really been wanting a new bedframe and mattress, so I kind of hope it will be that. Everyone can pitch in and not have to worry about separate gifts.

I was never one for big birthdays. I enjoy spending time with my family more than anything, but this year I have Naveen, so I feel particularly excited for this birthday. As Naveen, Milo, and I are walking to my parent’s place, Naveen smiles down at me.

“So, what sort of birthday gift are you hoping for?” 

“I don’t want to say,” I confess. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings in case you and Izzy guessed wrong.”

Naveen kisses the top of my head. “I just want to make sure. Because I’ll go out now and get you what you want.”

“I’m sure what you got me is wonderful. You don’t need to worry about it.” I can already smell my parents’ cooking as we approach the house. Just as we walk up the porch, Naveen stopps behind me. “Just a second, my shoe came untied.”

My brows knit together when I remember Naveen asking me earlier if my dad would approve of his shoes. “But you’re wearing loafers. You don’t have laces to-” I stare down at the ring Naveen is holding up to me. Milo sits at my feet, tail wagging as Naveen’s anxious smile grows.

“Nadia, you are a wonderful and beautiful woman. I am so lucky to have gotten to spend so much time getting to know you, and even luckier that I have gotten to fall in love with you. I want to spend my life feeling lucky, and being your best friend and lover.” His hands are trembling so badly, he has to hold the ring with both palms. “Nadia, would you, could you, even consider marrying me?”

Milo barks loudly, stomping his front paws as the tears cascade down my cheeks. I hiccup and sputter, clutching my hands around my face as I nod uncontrollably. Of course I want to marry him! Of course I want to spend my life with him!

He places the ring on my hand, both of us shaking. We embrace as the doors open and my mom starts screaming excitedly. We get dragged into the house, where everyone has started crying. Milo starts whining, unsure how to care for so many sobbing idiots.

Izzy helped pick the ring, which was what she and Naveen had been texting about so much. They went to dozens of ring shops, eventually finding one at an antique jeweler that was perfect. Izzy regales me with the tale of how Naveen wasn’t satisfied with anything, and how seeing the ring through the shop window set his heart aflame. My mom is already crying about wedding dresses, but the idea of an elaborate wedding sets my teeth on edge.

“I think it will be a long engagement,” Naveen chuckles. “Just until we get used to it.” He takes hold of my hands. “Once we’re comfortable, we can discuss the wedding.”

“You sure?” My voice cracks. “It doesn’t bother you?”

“I’m very sure.” Naveen kisses my knuckles. “This wedding doesn’t need to happen all of a sudden now that we’re engaged. We can take our time and figure out what we want.”

I wrap my arms around him, hugging him close as relief pours through me. ‘Until marriage’ still has an undetermined date, and I can live with that. Even so, I have a dark cloud looming over me. Eventually, I have to talk to him about being asexual, and if he can’t accept it then maybe I can’t accept him. I don’t want to think about losing him in any capacity, because I really and truly do want to marry Naveen. I also know I have to prepare for the possibility that this could all end.

I enjoy seeing the ring on my hand, and I like the idea of Naveen searching for the perfect one to give to me. I love the meaning behind the ring and the fact that there is a future behind it. I was always so scared of moving forward, and this is the first time the future doesn’t scare me.

One afternoon, I’m having a lunch date with my sister. We go downtown to our favorite sushi place when we pass by a wedding dress store. In the window there is a dress that, when I see it, I could only describe as love at first sight. I’m near tears seeing it, so Izzy takes me inside to see if I can try it on then and there.

The lady on duty is really nice and gets it from the window for us, telling us it has been in the shop for so long that she was ready to just leave it to gather dust in the window. She helps me try it on, and both Izzy and I cry when we see it. I schedule a fitting for the dress so my mother can see it too. I’m already going to choose the dress, but if my mother has the same reaction, then I know it’s fate. Up till now she cried at every dress, but for the one I want, she goes completely silent. Her mouth hangs open. I’ve never seen her so in awe before.

That evening, I’ve already planned a dinner with Naveen. I go to his place with food to cook, so while we chat over the stove and things sizzle, I blurt out my find.

“You found a dress?” Naveen has a slice of bell pepper hanging in his mouth as he looks at me, golden eyes wide as I stand there, shivering, waiting for his response. His smile widens and he steps closer. “Can I see it?”

“Isn’t that against the rules?” I laugh anxiously. I twist the dish rag in my hands nervously. “It’s perfect, and it was on sale too. But now that I’ve found a dress, maybe...” I gulp down the large lump in my throat. “Maybe we should start looking for other pieces to the wedding?”

Naveen eyes me carefully. “You sure?”

I nod. “Yes.” I know my answer is definitive. “I want to marry you, Naveen.”

Naveen dips down, kissing me while unwinding my hands from the cloth. “We’ll take our time, no rush. We can do this our way.”

“I know,” I whisper. “I’m not worried about that.”

This is true. The wedding doesn’t scare me, it’s the fact that I have yet to tell Naveen I’m asexual. I need to tell him, and I feel like an asshole for withholding it for so long. I should have said something in the beginning, but now I’m too deep. I need to screw my courage to the sticking place, but I keep putting it off. 

We decide to have the wedding in the park adjacent to the library. It’s close to where we met, and there is a darling gazebo where we can do the ceremony. After that, we’ll have the reception in the big meeting room of the library. Things are moving smoothly, which is best for me. But once the date is set, I start to feel the pressure build. Milo is on high alert, and I grow more concerned that I can’t hide it. 

“We should start looking for places,” Naveen says one afternoon.

“We have a place. What are you talking about?” I look up at him as he gazes across the street, where downtown turns into a row of houses.

“Not a place for the wedding, but a place for us.” He takes my hand and clutches it close. “I mean, we could move into my place, but wouldn’t it be nice to make our own little love nest?”

My eyes grow wide, and Naveen puts his hand on the small of my back. “Not to panic you or anything. Just a thought, is all.” His hand rubs up and down my back slowly. “I know your mind is focused on other things right now, so we’ll keep living in my place and we can start looking for something once the honeymoon ends. OK?”

“Honeymoon.” I can take moving to a new place with Naveen, but he has to go and mention a honeymoon too. Love nest. Honeymoon. I want all those things with Naveen, but he has expectations for those things too. 

“Hey, hey.” Naveen has gotten as good as Milo at sensing when I’m in distress. “One thing at a time. I’m sorry.”

I rest my head against his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for.” He rubs my back some more. “I’m just excited about spending my life with you. Doesn’t matter where, I just want the best for you.”

“I know.” I keep my face against his sweater. “I want that for you too.” I can’t look him in the eye, I’m so afraid he would see just how terrified I am. “But we don’t need to rush these things, right?”

“You’re right.” He kisses the top of my head. “We have so much time. A lifetime, if you will.” He tilts up my chin, giving me a soft, warm kiss. “Speaking of a honeymoon, I hope you don’t mind if I keep it a surprise.”

I shake my head. “I trust you to make that call, Naveen. Just make sure I’m prepared, OK? I don’t want to be left too completely in the dark.”

“Izzy and I have it all figured out. She’s going to help you pack, and sneak in some clues along the way.” He winks, and I feel a smile bubble up inside me. He’s so excited to whisk me off my feet.

“OK, as long as you’re sure.” We continue on our way to lunch.

My mom and sister throw my bridal shower for me. It’s beautiful. One of the fanciest restaurants in town is a tea cottage that seems to only serve fancy old ladies in hats, but we’ve reserved the big back room that looks out over the rose garden. They’ve decorated using our wedding colors of peach and sky blue. The plates, the tablecloths, even the wrapping paper on the gifts match.

Naveen’s mother also comes to the bridal shower. I only met her once before when Naveen and I were starting to date seriously. She terrifies me. She’s the editor of a fashion magazine and can be very intimidating. She dotes on Naveen, of course, him being her only child. To her, I may not have been good enough for Naveen, but because she sees how happy he is with me, she lets all of that slide for the sake of her son.

Now that Naveen isn’t around, I’m afraid she’s going to let me have it.  I stay close to people I know so I don’t have to be alone with her. That is, until she takes my arm and leads me aside.

“Nadia, dear, can we talk?” She enunciates so perfectly, it feels like she’s hiding the real tension of her tone with grammar. 

“What is it, Hilmiya?” I grip Milo’s leash for dear life as she leads me away.

Her headwrap is a designer piece, possibly a gift from the designer themselves. There is a brooch near her heart, one that matches the scarf perfectly and glitters with gemstones. She takes me out to the garden, where we sit down on a bench. Milo settles at my feet while Hilmiya continues to hold my arm.

“I’m sure you know how protective I am of my son. I’ve never cared for his relationships in the past, male or female.” She sniffs and tilted her chin up. “But even I must admit my defeat in this moment. You’ve captured him in a way I’ve never seen before. But this does not mean my eye has left you, Nadia.”

I gulp down the painful lump in my throat. “Hilmiya, I-”

She pats my hand. “I know you and Naveen are waiting until marriage, but take it from a divorced woman when I say that is a bad idea.”

My heart drops into my stomach, dissolving in the acid. I look away from her and down at Milo, who had stood up again.

“I waited until marriage with Naveen’s father because I thought it was the right and proper thing to do. I am not judging your decision, I am simply giving you a recommendation. It wasn’t until our honeymoon that I found out Naveen’s father and I had no chemistry between us. For ten years I put up with it, thinking eventually we would grow together, but it never happened.” She gives me a keen look. “I do not want Naveen making the same mistakes I did.”

The tears started to well up, and I can’t hide them.

“My god, what is wrong?” Hilmiya takes a handkerchief from her pocket and hands it to me. “Surely what I said could not have been so-”

“I’m so sorry!” I blubber. “Hilmiya! I’m so sorry! I don’t know if I’ll be enough for your son!”

Her expression flashes like a concealed knife. She grabs my shoulder, then puts her other hand on my cheek. She says nothing, but her eyes spoke volumes.

“I haven’t told him,” I wept. “I’m so scared!”

“What are you hiding?” she hisses at me. “Tell me now or I swear to god, I will drag you out in front of my son until you do.”

“I’m asexual,” I blubber. I start to sob again, and Hilmiya lets out a deep, heavy sigh. 

“You know my son is not so shallow, correct?” she demands. She dabs my eyes with the handkerchief, careful to mop up my running mascara. “If you’re so terrified of telling him that, then maybe it is you who has the problem.”

“I don’t want to lose him.”

“If this causes my son to drop you, then you don’t want him anyway! Someone who doesn’t listen to his spouse becomes an ex for a reason, my dear.” Hilmiya grabs hold of both my hands. “But if you do not tell my son, then you are the one in the wrong. You need to do it soon.”

“I know, but...” I hiccup, and she places her finger over my mouth.

“No buts, Nadia.” She gives me that stern, cold look again. “It isn’t my place to tell him, but I will if you piss me off.”

Now I am standing in front of Naveen’s apartment door, shaking and quivering all over. No matter how many times I recite it in my head, it doesn’t feel like enough. It’s late, and I know he’ll already be a little upset about that. I mean, I don’t know. He could be upset, or he could be fine with it. Milo nudges my hand as I wait for Naveen to answer my knock.

As the door opens, Naveen is standing there, shirtless and in his pajama bottoms. “Nadia, what’s wrong?” he grumbles sleepily. I step into his apartment, and he closes the door behind me, reaching out to hold me. “OK, what’s wrong? You’re shaking like a leaf.”

I knock his hands back and look up at him with wide, fearful eyes. I feel like I’m being twisted like a screw. I try to breathe, but I can’t. I stumble back into the wall as my breathing becomes erratic. Milo jumps to attention and places himself between Naveen and me. Naveen moves to the kitchen, where he fetches cold water and a damp rag. 

Milo manages to get me calm enough to take the water, shakily, and I splash myself as I take a drink. I go to the sofa, sitting down as I place the cold rag over my face. I sob while Naveen sits there, waiting to comfort me.

“I’m sorry,” I breathe after what feels like hours. “I’m so sorry.”

Naveen shakes his head. “Don’t apologize, Nadia, it’s OK. I just want to know what brought it on.”

I gulp down more water and turn to look at him with my puffy eyes and runny nose. “It’s about our wedding.”

His brows pinch together in worry, but he remains quiet.

“I’ve been hiding something, something I was terrified would upset you.” I look up at him as I feel the shakes returning. “The reason I said I wanted to wait until marriage...” I stop as I look at him. I don’t want to disappoint him, and I don’t want him to feel as if he made a mistake by choosing me. I want him to smile and be happy, but this could be the end of it.

“I am-” I tremble all over and I hang my head. “I don’t want to have sex,” I squeak. “Not with anybody. I never have. But I still love you and I want to be with you. I don’t see sex as a-” I close my eyes and whimper, feeling as though my chest could explode. Everything is so tight and heavy, I can barely breathe.

“I wish you had told me sooner,” Naveen murmurs quietly. He leans back into the sofa with his hands in his lap. He’s looking down at the floor, but isn’t really focusing on anything.

“I wanted to be with you so badly, I thought I would change and I would grow to want to do it with you.” I glance up at him as he continues to stare into nothing. “I’m so sorry, but, even for you, I just don’t know if it’s something I want.”

“I just wish you had told me.” Naveen runs his hands over his face and scalp. He presses his palms over his ears and closes his eyes tight. “Did I do something or say something that made you feel like you couldn’t tell me? Did you think that’s all I wanted?”

“You didn’t do anything,” I hiccup. “I just knew you’d had sex with partners before, and-” I hold the rag over my face, which is still damp but warm. 

“We did,” he murmurs. “Because we wanted to do that together. I’m not with you or marrying you because of that, Nadia.” He looks irritated now. “I am marrying you because I want to spend my life with you. I love you, and sex is just a part of it, it isn’t all of the relationship. Of course I would have liked to have sex with you. But I’m not going to make you miserable. I don’t need sex to be happy with you.”

I can’t hold back my sobs any more. Naveen holds me in his arms, pulling me close. 

“I’m so upset you felt you couldn’t tell me this sooner.” He hugs me tight. 

“I’m so sorry,” I blubber.

Naveen puts his hands on my shoulders and looks me dead in the eye. “You’re asexual, and that’s OK. You’re Nadia, and that’s who I fell in love with. Don’t ever think for a moment you have to hide yourself from me.”

“You don’t hate me?” I choke. “You can get mad at me, you can yell at me. I deserve it!”

“Of course I’m mad, but I don’t hate you.” Naveen places his hands around my face and smoothes away the tears spilling from my eyes. “And I am not going to yell at you. I’m just hurt you couldn’t tell me.”

“Do you still want to marry me?” I whimper.

“I do.” He kisses my forehead. “But we are going to have to have a talk about this. Can you do that now?”

I take a deep breath and nod. “I think so.”

Naveen sighs, trying to gather his thoughts. “Will you want to share a bed with me? Because I’ve gotten a brand new bed and sheets. I need to know now if I should return it and get two full-sized beds.”

I nod my head vigorously. “I want to share a bed with you. I like cuddling with you. But will it make you uncomfortable?” 

“That’s my point. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. If I get an erection or something, I don’t want you to feel pressured or disgusted by my urges. Because of course I am sexually attracted to you, and things happen out of my control. But what I can control is your comfort in the situation.”

“I don’t mind that. I know it’s bound to happen. I want you to be able to express your sexual urges too. I just don’t think I can be part of that.”

“What is your feelings towards sex?” Naveen scoots closer to me. “Are you repulsed by it? Does the action make you sick? Or do you just have no feelings towards it? No libido? I want to understand as best I can.”

“I’m not repulsed. Sometimes I’m curious about it. It’s more like a preference for me. Like, I would rather have chocolate cake than apple pie.” My hands are shaking as I try to explain myself, and I’m not sure baked goods are the correct analogy. “I see why people like apple pie, and I can understand the appeal of it. I just don’t want apple pie. I would rather have chocolate cake.”

Naveen’s ears go flat, and his tail twitches. “What’s the chocolate cake in this scenario?”

I try to think. “Anything really. Cooking. Watching a movie. Reading a book. I’d rather have something besides apple pie.”

Naveen nods while taking in a deep breath. “I think I understand.”

“I’ll do anything for you, Naveen, I want you to know that. Whatever we have to do to make this work, I’m with you all the way.” I look into his eyes. “Just tell me what that is.”

Naveen shrugs. “Just marry me, OK? Just trust me and stay open to me. We have a lifetime to explore each other and learn how to live our lives. You being asexual is not the end of the world. It’s just new for me.” He smiles at me, and more tears spills down my cheeks. “Do you love me?”

“Of course I do.”

Naveen gives me a gentle kiss. “And I love you. We’re going to be OK, I promise. I’ll be angry for a bit, but I will get over it. I just need you to get over feeling awful, ok?”

“I’m still so sorry,” I whisper.

He kisses me again. “Stop apologizing. I forgive you.”

I cuddle close to him for a few minutes, enjoying the warmth of his chest and arms. Then I straighten up and look at him. “You bought a new bed.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t going to have my wife sleeping on my gross bachelor bed. That thing has been around for far too long. New life, new start, new bed.” He shrugs. “Is that OK with you?”

“Is it set up already?” I wring my hands.

Naveen chuckles. “I haven't got the frame set up yet, I’ve just been sleeping on the mattress and box spring.” He stands up and takes my hand. “Why don’t you and Milo stay the night? It’s way too late now. I wouldn’t feel right sending you out.”

I rise from the sofa and follow him to his bedroom. “Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

I spend the night with Naveen, curled up beside him on the mattress we will share as a married couple. As we lay together, Naveen strokes his hand down my arm, trailing his fingers down until he touches the engagement ring. 

“I bought some lingerie for you. I suppose it’s kind of silly now,” he chuckles.

I shake my head. “Not really.” I turn my hand around so our palms touch, and I lace our fingers together. “I just don’t think it would do anything for me, but you can still wear it.”

Navven sputters as he laughs. “It’s a little small. Might show off more than you’d wanna see.” He kisses my shoulder and relaxes again. “Should the honeymoon still be a surprise, or can I tell you now?”

I kiss the back of his hand. “Izzy bought me a new winter jacket, so I’ve already figured out it’s Hawaii.”

Naveen chuckles. “I know you like the cold, so I found this amazing winter cottage by a lake. It’s close enough to town too, so we could go have fancy meals and then come back to the cottage and enjoy our time together.”

“It’ll be nice.” Sleep starts to steal over me as Naveen’s warmth floods over me.

Naveen purrs softly in my ear. “It will. Sleep tight, Nadia.”

Naveen walks me to work in the morning. As we hold hands, our tails wrap around one another. They whisk back and forth, chasing each other, trying to grab one another before twirling around each other again.

I look up at Naveen with a big smile, and he returns it to me. I snuggle up close to him and give his hand a tight squeeze. 

“Last night wasn’t so horrible, was it?” I tease.

Naveen kisses the top of my head, and I can feel his warmth flow through me. My heart flutters excitedly. This man loves me no matter what. 

“Any night with you is a good one. Maybe next time I can model that lingerie for you. What do you say?” He winks.

I titter and grin up at him. “As long as it’s green. That’s your color. I think you’ll be lovely.”

“We can do this,” he whispers to me. “Together. We’re going to be happy. Even when we fight, we’ll always work together.”

I turn and beam up at him. “I know that now.”

Naveen gives me a kiss just before we separate to go to work. “I’ll see you after work, OK?”

Our tails untangle, although I don’t want them to. “Of course. I love you.”

“I love you one more than what you say,” Naveen grins.

I giggle, kissing him again. “We’ll be here all day.”

Naveen winks. “That’s fine. A lifetime of this won’t be so bad.” He gives me one last kiss and our tails tangle again. “But I do need my job, and so do you. Love you, Nadia.”

“Love you too. Love you lots and lots.”

“One more than that!” he shouts back at me.

I wave goodbye to him, grinning like a fool. It will take time to get used to, but with Naveen, I’m willing to fight through anything.