Rakshasa Boyfriend: Naveen (complete)

I never expected to meet anyone like Naveen, much less meet anyone willing to tolerate me. My anxiety can be a lot; some people aren’t patient, and others aren’t willing, but Naveen is both those things. I never wanted to be a burden on anyone - silly to think, I know, but my anxiety pushes those thoughts onto me. The thoughts keep spinning like food in a blender until they become a chaotic swirl, and it’s hard to tell one from the other.

It’s hard to find work. Retail and food are not an option for me - too much hustling, too many people. Luckily, I get a job at the local library; it’s small and quiet, perfect for me. Also, they allow my therapy dog, Milo, to join me as well. I got Milo when I was a teenager, so he’s getting up in age. He’s my best friend. He aids me when I have anxiety attacks, and he knows how to find my medication. He’s been a lifesaver more than once. 

Naveen is already working at the library as a volunteer, coming in every weekend. He’s a kindergarten teacher at the school, and at the library he does weekly readings for the kids. Sometimes he does puppet shows or plays the guitar. 

I help him set up on Saturday mornings, getting the kid’s corner of the library set with chairs and tables for whatever he has planned. At first, I’m a bit shy to talk to him. He’s quite handsome and dashing, And usually I only say things I’ve already rehearsed in my head to him. Until one day, when he looks at me with a smile.

“I have a joke for you.”

My tail bristles a bit, but I smile and nod. “OK.”

His eyes light up in the cutest way. “Can a snow leopard change his spots?” 

Naveen is a snow leopard Rakshasa, so this is probably something he had on hand for anything. “Can he?” I ask.

Naveen seems fit to burst with the punchline. “Only when he’s a cheetah!” He grins widely and watches me expectantly.

I am a cheetah Rakshasa, so this joke is significant coming from him. I’m only surprised he told it to me. It will take me awhile to realize that he’s trying to break the ice, using the joke as a way to get me to warm up and talk with him beyond my rehearsed lines.

I giggle, smiling up at him as he laughs along. “One of the kids taught me that! Funny, right? I thought that since, well, I’m a snow leopard and you’re a cheetah-” He chuckles to himself, trailing off as embarrassment sets in. “I thought it suited. Silly, I know.”

Naveen and I start to get closer. He knows I’m nervous. After two minutes with me, people generally realize I’m as jumpy as a goldfish out of water. 

One day, as I help Naveen clean up after the kids have left, he has a strange expression on his face. He keeps looking at me as if he wants to ask something, and then he looks away. It drives me crazy! I keep thinking of the worst possible scenarios. Is he going to tell me I stack papers wrong? Do I smell bad? Does he hate me and want me to stop coming to the library?

“Can I ask you something?” he asks gently, one of the key phrases sure to jangle my nerves. “Nothing bad at all, and I know it can be a bit personal.” Another key phrase! “I have a kid in my class who’s dealing with some bad anxiety. I was wondering if you could help me figure out how to help him.”

I’m caught off guard, unprepared for such a sentimental turn.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand,” Naveen quickly adds. “But I don’t really know where to begin. And I thought, someone who deals with it too could provide some insight that websites just won’t.”

“I don’t hide it well, do I?” I chuckle nervously. “Well, I’d like to help if I could. If he’s that young then surely his parents are already aware.”

“They’re doing their best,” he nods. “But I want to know what I can do as a teacher to help. He’s a sweet boy and I don’t want him to feel like he’s a nuisance while he’s in my class. What things have helped you? Things people did, or even do, that make you feel safe?”

“Well...” I swallow my nerves as best I can. “I don’t want to keep you too long, and I’m about to leave for the day. Would you like to talk over coffee?”

His smile is bright and enthusiastic. “Is that OK with you?”

I nod shyly. “There’s a cafe around the corner where my sister works. We can go there and I can try to help you with your student.”

We start going to lunch together each Saturday at the cafe. I feel comfortable being there with my sister nearby, so I become more relaxed around Naveen. Bit by bit, I’m able to open up to him more and feel less anxious around him. He tells me he became a teacher because of watching Mr. Rogers as a kid. His puppets are handmade, but they’re getting old and starting to fall apart. I invite him to dinner with my sister and I, so I can help him fix the puppets. I’m lucky my sister is eager to help. It makes me wonder if she likes Naveen, so I decide to ask her.

“What do you mean?” She looks at me strangely as Milo chuffs beside me.

“Do you like Naveen?” I ask her again. “You’re always so eager to help when he’s involved, so...”

“Nadia,” Izzy says in a disbelieving tone. “Don’t you like him?”

“I… That isn’t what I asked.”

Izzy cocks a brow and sighs. “I was helping you because I thought you liked him. I know dating is hard for you, so I wanted to see my baby sister be happy.”

“You thought-” It didn’t occur to me. I mean, I do like Naveen, how could I not? He’s handsome, sweet, and charming, completely the opposite of what I am! I never thought about Naveen and I dating at all. It seems impossible.

“I mean, it’s obvious he likes you,” Izzy scoffs.

“No!” I nearly shout, and Milo stands to attention beside me. “I mean, uh-” I shake my head as I try to fit those very strange pieces together. “You know me. Who would ever be interested in me?”

“This again?” Izzy’s smile is soft and gentle. “Nadia, you’re very cute. Anxious, of course, but you’re sweet, you’re thoughtful, and Naveen is all touchy-feely like that.” She smirks at me. “He’s been trying to take care of his student, who is like you. I mean, the guy must have an entire bloodstream of gold.”

“No,” I laugh. “Really?”

Izzy nods. “Your anxiety is in your ear, telling you all sorts of lies. When you hear them long enough, you tend to start believing them. You know this. Why do you keep falling for those lies?”

I’m  making dinner for Naveen and I this evening, which is why I want to offer for Izzy to have the meal alone with him. Now, I’m fully aware of the situation and how very date-like it is. I have to get Izzy to help me cook, because I’m so nervous about Naveen coming over that my hands are shaking.

By the time Naveen arrives, Milo is on full alert, but I’ve gathered my courage. Izzy is right - I can’t keep listening to those voices and believing them. I have to shut them out in order to do what’s best for me.

Naveen is cute, dressed in a sweater that complements his golden-green eyes. I let him in and he shows me a bottle of wine. “I’m not sure if you drink, but this is one of my favorites.” He sets the bottle down on the table, then looks around. “Where’s Izzy? Is she not joining us?”

I fidget, wringing my hands as I gather up the nerve. “I thought it could just be the two of us tonight.” Thankfully, the words come out easily. “If that’s OK?”

“Aren’t you forgetting someone?” Naveen’s eyes widen.

My stomach turns in knots until Milo chuffs at my side. “Oh, yes, Milo.” I chuckle. “He’ll be with us, too.”

Naveen’s smile makes me realize how much I really do like him. I’ve been mistaking the pitter-patter of my silly heart as nerves all this time. “As long as you’re OK with it, I would love to have dinner - just the three of us.”

More and more, we spend time alone together. He starts offering to take me places, introducing me to new restaurants. He helps me by showing me the menus before we go, so I won’t be so worried when ordering. I can be prepared right from the start.

One evening, he takes hold of my hand and my heart leaps into my throat. Milo seems calm, so I remain calm. 

“Is this alright?” 

“Yes, it’s fine.” I inched a bit closer to him. “I mean, after all, you’re kind of my boyfriend now.” My heart begins pounding as the word comes out. I look up at him expectantly. What if he doesn’t see me as his girlfriend? What if he thinks I’m too clingy and needy? I should have played it more cool, right?

Naveen squeezes my hand. “What’s a kind-of boyfriend?” he chuckles. “Are you my kind-of girlfriend?”

Milo chuffs and turns his head towards me.

“Is that what you think?” I sound so timid I’m sure I’m being annoying.

“I think I would like to be your boyfriend - not kind of.” His smile makes my heart bounce all the way up to the top of my head. 

“Me too!” I blurt with a laugh. I take his hand back into mine and squeeze it. “Are you OK with that?”

“Perfectly.” He grins, showing off the crooked fang in his mouth. “I like being a boyfriend.”

“I'm not sure how I like being a girlfriend. I’ve never really...” I wonder if he knows I’ve never dated before. “Just give me time, OK?” I decide not to think about that. He wants to be with me, and if there are any deal breakers, I’m sure they would have come up by now.

“For you, I have all the time in the world.”

The first time we kiss comes so easily, I’m not too nervous about it. In fact, Milo doesn’t even pay attention as it happened. Naveen is gentle, and his hands rest around my waist. I place my hands on his chest, feeling how warm he is. It feels nice to be so close to him, to have this affection given to me. 

There comes a night, though, when the kisses start to get heavier than normal. They grow deeper and harder, and moans come from Naveen’s throat. His hands brush up my sides, pulling my shirt with them.

“Wait, stop.” I pull away, forcing myself to the corner of the couch, where I feel farthest away from him while still being with him. 

“Sorry. Was I getting ahead of myself?” He rubs his cheek bashfully. “Guess I did get excited. You OK?”

“It’s not that. It’s...” I’m not sure how to put it into words. I don’t want to scare Naveen off with how I feel, and I’ve been hoping I can push this back as much as possible. I’ve never been sure about sex, or whether I even want it. The urge has never arisen in me, and I’m perfectly happy never thinking about it. But Naveen is sexual. He’s told me about his past relationships, and even about the circumstances of his first time. I’m really falling in love with Naveen, and I don’t want to lose him because of this. 

“It’s fine, really. It’s just that I wanted to wait for marriage.” I fib just a little. I do want to wait, maybe forever, but marriage can be held off to the end of the world, so it feels like a safe fib.

“That’s fine,” Naveen kisses my cheek. “We can cuddle. I wish you had told me sooner. Were you nervous about that?”

“A little,” I murmur. “It must seem silly.”

Naveen shakes his head. “Not at all. If it’s what’s right for you, then it’s rational to me.” He puts his arm around me as I inch back towards him. We watch movies the rest of the night, and it’s never brought up again. After that, if kissing starts to get too heavy, he knows when to stop and pull away.

About a week later, I’m helping him clean up after another Saturday children’s hour at the library. The crafts he worked on involved glitter, and one exuberant kid has thrown it everywhere. There’s chunky gold glitter all over the tables, the chairs, the books, and the shelves. Naveen has even gotten a good splash of it to the face.

I notice some gold glitter precariously close to his eye. “Hold still.” I stand in front of him, reaching up to grab the gold flake before it falls into his vulnerable eye. “Don’t blink. Keep still...” I catch the glitter on my finger and show it to him. “Ta-da! I saved your life. You owe me a life debt.”

His eyes become starry, and he looks at me in a way I’ve never seen before. 

“You don’t really owe me anything. It’s just glitter.” I try to cover the tension I’m feeling. My heart is fluttering at a hummingbird pace. His gaze isn’t threatening, just new.

He chuckles and lets his smile grow even wider. He licks the corner of his mouth, then catches the tip of his tongue between his teeth. “No, it’s not that. I just realized something.”

I dust the glitter off my hand. “What’s that? Glitter never really goes away?”

His eyes are alight and he seems to glow from within. My heart continues to patter wildly, waiting for whatever it is he has to say.

“I love you.”

Milo shoots up beside me and his tail starts wagging furiously. I blink, and tears fall down my cheeks. I lower my head as I start to cry.

“Nadia,” Naveen says tenderly. “Don’t cry. I didn’t want to make you cry. I just knew, and I couldn’t hold back.” He rubs my arms comfortingly as Milo prances in excitement.

I shake my head, blubbering like a baby. “It isn’t that. I’m happy you said it! But it’s a lot for three words, so give me a minute!” 

Naveen puts his arms around me, hugging me close while I cry onto his sweater. Milo is grinning, his tongue hanging from his mouth as he watches us with glee. His two favorite people are so happy. How could he not be happy, too?

I nod my head furiously and slowly lift it to look Naveen in the eyes. “I really love you too! I love you so much.”

I’ve never said those words outside of family, but it feels like such a relief to get them out into the world. Knowing that he loves me, returning something I feared would be one-sided, is like a weight lifted from me. But there’s still the matter of the fib I told. I know eventually I have to tell him my feelings about sex, but that scares me more than anything. Now that we’ve those three little words that weigh as much as elephants, what if he stops loving me when I tell him? What if I say, ‘I don’t want sex at all’ and he says, ‘then I don’t love you’?

I calm down by reminding myself that my fib can last for a while. ‘Until marriage’ is an undetermined length of time. It could mean months, maybe years, maybe even a lifetime. There is no set date because the date hasn’t even been chosen. Naveen respects my wishes on the matter, but in the back of my mind, I can’t help but think he’s growing impatient with me.