Behemoth Boyfriend: Ikshan Part One (complete)

I was once one of the most promising warriors in the Rajah’s army. I had grown up a peasant child on the island of Sita, barely scraping by, selling the handkerchiefs my mother made. When I got older, I volunteered for the Rajah’s service, which gave my mother a monthly stipend and rations for my service. I was barely fourteen and passing myself off as eighteen. It was lucky I was big like my father, or else they might have questioned my baby face a bit more.

I worked myself up through the ranks, going from the lowest of the low and up into the officers of the military. I was awarded medals of honor when war came to our shores, and even got the honor of attending the Rajah’s convoy to the coronation of King Dhaval in Rakshasa Country. It had been a dream for me as a boy, when I had no hope of ever leaving Sita.

I was hoping one day to make General, to be able to give my mother the life she deserved, and to take care of Sita the way she took care of me. But that was not meant to be. During the siege of Obresh, the Rajah sent reinforcements to help. I had gone along, hoping this mission would be what earned me my place in the ranks of the Royal Guard. Unfortunately, we were not enough to add to Empress Emmeline’s numbers. We were ambushed, and I was struck down by a Minotaur warrior. I thought for sure I was dead, but I awoke on the vessel heading home. I was one of the lucky ones, as many of our men had been struck down during the siege. Even with my luck, my career was ended. 

The wounds I received from the Minotaur resulted in my left leg being amputated below the knee. Kobold doctors from Afan had come to do the operation in hopes of saving it, but even with their advances in medicine, it was too late. They stayed and helped with my rehabilitation, even giving me a prosthetic leg. I could walk again, but I still had to rely on a cane most days. 

That wasn’t all the Minotaur did to me, either. My right arm often spasmed in pain, and sometimes the fingers would move without my will. I suffered phantom pains from my missing leg nightly as I went to sleep, and when I did sleep, I endured horrible nightmares about a bull charging towards me.

I was given a place in the palace to stay, and my mother took care of me. It wasn’t the life I wanted to give her, but at least we had a roof over our heads and warm meals every day. My mother was allowed to join the laundry staff, and she was making extra money that way. But at her age, I was supposed to be the one who took care of her, not the other way around. I was sinking slowly into a darkness that I felt there was no way to pull myself out of.

My mother saw the shadows in my eyes that were slowly taking root in my heart, so every day she took me outside to the gardens. The Rajah kept an extensive garden filled with fruit trees, vegetables, berry bushes, herbs and spices, and an assortment of flowers whose petals were used to make dyes. Everything in the garden had a purpose, a special use. Except for me.

“Sit here, my darling.” My mother pats her hand on a stone bench. “Enjoy the sunlight for a moment and I will go fetch us something refreshing to drink.” She kisses my forehead as I sit down and turns away quickly, but I know there are tears in her eyes.

I had quit grooming a long time ago, although my mother forced me to bathe regularly. I had grown a thick beard, and my hair had gotten long and wild. I had also stopped shaving my armpits and legs - well, ‘leg’ now. Usually, the warriors of Sita will shave their entire bodies, as a sign to the Goddess of Lapis that we are connected to her and her power. Now, I am a hairy beast connected only to the animals that walk the earth, fated to be like the beasts of burden. 

I watch as a small butterfly falls into a rain puddle. It struggles and struggles. I reach down, taking it onto my finger and looking at it. For a moment, I consider crushing it, but instead, as it settles on my finger and shifts its wet and heavy wings, I start to cry.

A warm hand lays on my back and I think it is my mother, but as I look up, I stare into the dark eyes of the Rajah. I suck in a shocked breath and I move to bow before him, but his great hand grips onto my shoulder and stops me.

“I know you,” he says. “You’re Veer.”

I feel even closer to tears than I did before. Somehow, the Rajah knows me and my name. I don’t deserve such an honor. 

The Rajah is one of the Behemoths, a race of creatures blessed by the Goddess of Lapis to resemble her most. He is a great elephant and was born pink-skinned, another blessing from the Goddess. His great trunk hangs over his shoulder as he looks at me, and his ears are raised in alarm. 

I look away from him and hang my head low. I am in no shape to meet with the Rajah. I feel barely human. I start to weep, and my shoulders shudder from the weight of it. To my alarm, the Rajah kneels down and puts his great arms around me. 

The Rajah is well over eight feet tall, and is built with a powerful stature. It seems impossible for him to kneel and embrace me like he is. But I lean into him, burying my face in his shoulder as he holds me close. After a while, when my tears are all spent, he lets me go and looks me in the eye.

“I’m so sorry, my Rajah,” I whimper.

“Don’t be,” he bows his head gently. “And here, call me Ikshan.” His voice is soothing. “Now tell me, Veer - why are you suffering?”

I look up at him and rub the tears from my face. “All my life I have worked to be in your service. I have dreamed of one day being in your Royal Guard and becoming a general, and yet-” My voice catches in my throat, and I cannot speak anymore.

“I was told of your injuries. I’ve kept track of your accomplishments. Your strategies and tactics have served Sita well.” Ikshan sits beside me and folds his hands in his lap. His ears rise up and flick forward before falling back against his head again. “But why are you crying?” He reaches out and brushes his thick fingers through my hair. “Why have you let yourself become so unkempt?”

I turn my head away, escaping his touch. “I am useless,” I whisper. “To my Rajah, my army, even my own mother.” I clasp my hands around my face and dig my fingers into my skin. “I am worthless and garbage!”

Ikshan grabs my wrists and pulls my hands from my face. “Such a cruel thing to say about anyone, especially yourself.” He glares at me with his sharp eyes. “Just because you can no longer fight, that does not mean you are useless,” he snarls at me. He forces my hands down then turns away from me. “The body may be broken, but that does not mean you can allow your spirit to be as well.” He places his hand over his barrel-like chest. “Your soul is what matters. The body is temporary, but your soul is eternal. Do not let it rot and fester because of your self pity. You have so much more to offer in this world than just how well you can fight.”

A few more tears slip down my cheeks and my heart shudders.

Ikshan places his hand on my back again. “I want you to shave,” he tells me. “Just your face, if that is all you can muster. And I want you to come meet with me tomorrow.”

“My Rajah,” I gasp as I stare at him.

“Ikshan,” he corrects me with a smile. “Come to my study tomorrow during high tea. I’m not sure of it yet, but I want to discuss a possible job with you, one I think you might be able to do well if you are willing.”

“I am-” I flounder with the feelings rising inside me. “I am honored! My… Ikshan,” I quickly correct myself. “But what is there that I can do for you? How am I supposed to serve you?”

Ikshan smiles and winks at me. “Save those questions for tomorrow.” He stands from the bench and bows his head to me. “I eagerly await your visit, Veer.” He then glances up and chuckles. “That must be your mother.”

My mother nearly drops the tray of drinks and snacks she is holding, and she trembles as she tries to figure out how to bow to the Rajah while holding them.

Ikshan takes the tray from her. “I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?”

“My Rajah! I’m sorry! I have dishonored you, I must-” 

Ikshan smiles at her. “You’ve done me many honors by giving your son to us,” he replies. “Do not worry yourself so much.” He hands the tray over to me. “I will let you two return to your meal. Forgive me for interrupting.” He walks away while my mother is still combating every urge to throw herself on the ground and pray to him. 

My mother rushes over to me, grabbing me and speaking so fast I can barely understand her fifty thousand questions. 

“Mother, it is alright!” I tell her. I clasp her hands in both of mine. “He wants to meet with me tomorrow.”

“Not looking like this!” My mother blurts.

I chuckle and shake my head. “No, he did ask me to shave my face.”

“Then let’s go! We have a lot of work to do!” She grabs me and we go back to our quarters. There, she shaves me, trimming my beard and taking a razor to the stubble. She has me wash, and she uses her special oils on my skin. My mother then trims my hair and styles it into a braid. Come morning, she shaves the stubble again, takes my hair from the braid and combs it out, making my hair into a mane of luscious waves.

I dress in my best, or what my mother says is best, and I go to meet Ikshan at his study. Most rooms in the palace are large, to accommodate the royal family and the Behemoths. The study is a wide room with high ceilings, and the walls are nothing but shelves stuffed with books, artifacts, and treasures of Sita and the royal family. There is a painting on one wall depicting Ikshan’s father with King Dhaval of the Rakshasa, from when they were young boys.

Ikshan is behind his desk, a massive white island in a sea of pink tiles. His head is down and he wears a pair of thick glasses. His ears are raised, and he lifts his hand and beckons me forward. 

“Come in, come in. I am nearly done here, Veer, please have a-” As he looks up at me, his words stick on his tongue and his mouth hangs open. He adjusts his glasses and his ears slope down a bit. 

“Is something wrong, my Rajah?” I duck my chin and avert my eyes from him.

“Ikshan,” he corrects me. “And no, nothing is so wrong as it is right,” he whispers breathlessly. “Look at me, Veer. Raise your head.”

I slowly lift my chin as Ikshan rises from his desk.

“My goddess,” Ikshan’s voice is weak and awed. “You’re more beautiful than I remember.” He then shakes his head and swallows. “Forgive me I… I’m just struck.”

“Thank you.” I’m struck as well, to say the least! “I’m honored you think so, my Rajah… Ikshan.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “My mother forced me to shave,” I try to laugh, but find the air in the room has become too heavy to draw breath.

Ikshan moves away from his desk and picks up the pot from the tea service on a side table. He fills a cup and passes it my way. “She worked wonders. Your hair yesterday didn’t seem so…” he clears his throat and pours another cup of tea.

“She forced me to do a lot of grooming yesterday,” I try to laugh again. 

“This is cinnamon tea, a gift from Queen Mythri,” He seems to be avoiding the topic at hand. “It’s become a favorite of mine, as well as hers. When I studied at the academy, she treated me like one of her own. Have you ever met her?”

I shake my head. “Goddess, no. I wouldn’t be worthy of such an honor.”

“You would be worthy. Everyone is.” He chuckles then looks down into his tea. “I suppose I need to get over myself and tell you why I’ve asked you here.”

I eye him curiously, wondering what his words mean.

“I’m sure you know, as everyone does, why I do not have a queen,” Ikshan murmurs. “Not everyone is willing to accept it, but it is not something I am ashamed of.”

I nod at him. “It isn’t my place to pry, Ikshan. So I never questioned it, but many of the men I served with often whispered about it.”

“I prefer men - a preference I indulged a bit when I was at the Rakshasa Academy,” He chuckles, then frowns. “But there is more to it than that.” He sets his teacup aside. “Even though I experimented, it still took me a long time to realize that I enjoy men. But it is sex I have a hard time with.”

“Is there a reason you’re telling me this, Ikshan?” I ask. “I feel as though this is leading to something, and would rather you say it outright than go on forcing a story.”

Ikshan sighs and relaxes his shoulders. “You’re right.” He glances back to me. “You have one of the greatest minds I have ever come across. You think in a novel way, and your strategies are still being used in my Royal Guard. But as you said yesterday, they feel you are no longer useful to them.”

I close my eyes and tighten my hands around my teacup.

“But you’re very useful to me,” Ikshan says with conviction. “This may seem like a strange and odd premise, but I want you to hear me out. You will be serving me in more ways than one, and I plan on compensating you for every one tenfold.”

I stare up at him and shake my head. “What is worth all that?”

“Become my concubine,” Ikshan says.

For some reason - I do not know if it is the stress, the depression, or even my own mind playing tricks on me - I burst into laughter that rocks me from my gut. I double over, nearly drop the cup, and hold onto my stomach. I laugh so hard my sides ache, my ribs feel cracked, and my face stings from having smiled for the first time in months.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and try to breathe. “I’m sorry! I did not mean to laugh like that! Do not take it as an offense.”

“It isn’t the worst reaction you could have given me,” Ikshan sighs and shakes his head. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but please hear my plan out before you burst into hysterics again.” 

He explains, and his plan is more elaborate than I gave him credit for. Since he does not enjoy sexual acts, and rather company, my role as concubine would be merely a ruse. It would be a way for me to stay close to him without being questioned. I could get intimate details of matters that would usually never reach my ears, and I would be privy to any of Ikshan’s personal business. This all would aid me in what Ikshan really wanted, which is for me to be his private advisor and handle all his military strategies.

“I want to help my friends who are trying to combat this new threat,” Ikshan tells me. “My council won’t allow me to send any more troops to help Dhaval against Sanguis. But if I can send them battle plans and strategies, then perhaps I can still be of some help to my friend. You’re brilliant, and you’re going to waste. Let me help you, and you can help me.”

“A fake concubine, huh?” I sigh. “There are worse things that I could be.”

“You’d have to walk around looking quite provocative,” Ikshan chuckles and looks away from me. “Would that be an issue?”

“I’m not in the good shape I used to be, but if you don’t mind it, I don’t think I care one way or the other. Clothes are clothes.” I give a shrug.

Ikshan looks back at me. “I have a hard time looking you in the eye right now.”

My cheeks burn with his confession. “What do you mean?”

“You’re very handsome, Veer. With your beautiful hair and stunning features - I don’t mean to offend, but you very much look the part of a concubine.”

I chuckle and cup my hand around my chin. “This baby face has gotten me into all sorts of trouble!” I scoff. “I never thought it was of any use to me, but apparently I had no idea what the Goddess had in store for me.”

“I suppose no one would be,” Ikshan chuckles. “You do realize that, in order to keep up the act, you may have to act intimate with me?”

“You mean kisses, touching, that sort of thing?” I ask him. “It shouldn’t be an issue. I’ve done worse things with men I served with.”

“Oh,” Ikshan gasps. “Does that mean-”

“Men, women, in my mind it’s all the same,” I tilt my head to the side. “Different parts are fun, but it’s the person the parts are attached to that means more to me.” I look up at him again. “So acting like your doting concubine won’t be an issue. A kiss here or there won’t bother me.”

Ikshan relaxes a bit and he takes his cup back up. “I’m glad to know you’re so understanding.”

I place my palm over my chest. “To be honest, I’m excited. I haven’t felt this way in so long. I thought for sure something in me was broken.” I smile and tug on my shirt. “It feels good to feel something again. I owe you so much.”

“I owe you,” Ikshan replies. “I’ll have your new quarters readied - close to mine, of course,” he winks. “Your mother will be able to stay with you as well, and she won’t have to work unless she truly wants to.” 

“You must be joking,” I gasp. “Quarters in the royal wing?”

“You are my courtesan, are you not?” He winks at me with a smile. “Of course I have to keep you nearby. What if I need you during the night?”

I chuckle and duck my head down. “Yes, of course.” I swallow as a tightness constricts my throat. “That makes perfect sense.”

When I tell my mother everything, she at first doesn’t believe me and she laughs. But when some of Ikshan’s men arrive to help us pack and move our things, she grows faint and nearly falls to the floor. We’re moved that evening, and Ikshan joins us for dinner that night. My mother is so stunned, she barely speaks at all. I think it may take her a while to realize that I am not really a concubine, and it’s all an act.

After she goes to bed, Ikshan and I go out onto the veranda to have drinks and to talk in private.

“Tomorrow afternoon, I have a meeting with some of the lords of Sita,” he tells me. “I’d like you to be there, serving drinks and listening in on what they have to say.”

I flex my right arm. “Hopefully this will behave, and I can serve without shaking.”

Ikshan sets his cup aside and takes hold of my hands. His strong fingers rub up my arm and I’m surprised to find how nice his touch feels. “Does it cause you pain?”

“Sometimes.” I sigh. “Other times, the fingers will move on their own. I get more pain in the leg that isn’t there than anything else.”

Ikshan furrows his brow at me. “How do you mean?”

I pull up my clothes to show him the fake leg the Kobolds of Afan had made for me. “Even now, I can feel the leg tingling.” I tell him. “And at night, more often than not, the pain is still there. I feel it in my toes and in my knee, things that don’t exist for me anymore.”

“Such a shame,” Ikshan murmurs. “It’s so strange how the mind works.”

“You’re telling me.” I drop my clothes back down and tuck my false leg away. “If it weren’t for the nightmares, things might have been liveable. But I believe the nightmares mixed with the pain are what made me start to collapse from the inside.”

Ikshan tilts his head to the side. “You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to, but tell me, how are you feeling now?”

“Better than I have been,” I murmur. “But still worse than I used to be.” I rub my hand on my shoulder. “It may take a while for me to get back to who I was. And who knows? Maybe I’ll never get back there.” I frown a bit and shake my head. “I am hoping that serving you and finding a place to belong will help me.”

“If it gets worse, you tell me,” Ikshan takes hold of my hand. “I’ll get you help before it gets worse, Veer.”

I smile at him. “Thank you, my Rajah.” I squeeze his hand back. “But you have done more than enough for me.”

“I would do that regardless.” He places a gentle kiss on my knuckles before he lets go of my hand. “If your mother can stand it, I’ll come have breakfast with you in the morning before we go off to the meeting.”

I chuckle. “She will have to get used to this, so it’s better to immerse her now than to hold it off.” I take a sip of my drink and exhale a deep breath. “Is there anything I should expect from the meeting tomorrow?”

“What do you mean?” Ikshan eyes me.

“I mean, do you have any special expectations for me?” I elaborate. “What should I do? How do you want me to act? Should I be serious? Should I be doting? Clueless?”

Ikshan chuckles. “The role you should play, I see.” He nods and pours himself another drink. “I hadn’t considered that. You’re much more attuned to details than I am, that’s good.” He sips his drink then rolls it around in the glass. “I suppose that’s up to you. Some people around here already know you, so perhaps acting too clueless would seem suspicious. Relaxed, maybe haughty would be better suited.”

“I’ll just act like some house cat,” I chuckle. I stand up and try to saunter as best I can. I then go over to him and drape myself across his lap and place my arms around his neck. “Something like this?”

Ikshan laughs and his cheeks darken. “You’re much too good at that!”

“I used to visit the bars where the men impersonate women,” I say as I get comfortable in his lap. “I’ll take a note or two from that experience.” I take his glass and drink from it.

“I suppose a touch of arrogance would work in your favor.” Ikshan replies. “They cast you out and I pull you back in, so of course, you’d feel a bit superior.”

I stand up from his lap with some help. “I do feel like rubbing it in their faces. Does that make me such a bad person?”

“Not at all,” Ikshan chuckles, his cheeks still ruddy. He then sighs and sets his empty glass down. “It is getting late. You’re probably exhausted from everything this afternoon.” He stands up from his chair.

“You could stay a little longer. I was beginning to enjoy creating my character,” I chuckle as I follow him out to the door.

“I’m glad. I cannot wait to meet the new Veer tomorrow.” Ikshan places his hand on the door handle. “After the meeting, I’ll give you all my notes and we can discuss things in private,” he says as he opens the door.

“Be as detailed as possible.” I say quietly to him. “Minor notes can be of the most help sometimes.”

“Will do.” Ikshan steps outside the door.

I hear voices in the hall behind Ikshan, so I try on my new character for a moment. “I saw my new wardrobe. Is there anything in particular that I should wear for tomorrow’s meeting?” I place my hand on his hip. “Since you won’t stay any longer with me tonight.”

Ikshan’s eyes widen. He turns and behind him, I spot some of my old superior officers walking the halls. Ikshan turns and looks at me again, an amused smile on his lips. “I’ll pick something out for you in the morning. But for now, my treasure, I have to go to bed.” Already he’s putting on an act for prying eyes. “If you want, I’ll give you one last kiss before bed.”

I suppose he’s expecting me to say no and turn away in a pout. Instead, I step closer to him. “One last one,” I answer. “It is the least you can do.”

A shocked expression crosses his eyes but he leans forward, bending down at his waist so I can reach him. He places a kiss on my lips and behind him, I can hear people whispering. His kiss is soft, and I find myself enjoying it. As we part, he winks at me.

“Until tomorrow morning.” He closes the door behind himself and I stand there, staring at the handles. My face is burning, and the fingers of my right hand start to tremble. I wasn’t supposed to like it. I was supposed to play along with the role, but for some reason, I truly liked the kiss. Perhaps I am not prepared to take on this role after all.