Chapter Four Colour, Chapter Five Writing, and The Holy Grail

Happy Friday! Or whenever you're reading this!

This week, a little gem I discovered that REALLY opened my eyes on some important things. But first, a quick DD4 progress update…

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I've been working on Chapter Four colour keys this week, as well as writing Chapter Five.

On the days where I'm looking after our kiddo, I get about two-and-a-half work hours in the mornings while he's at preschool. This week I took Chapter Five to the library and did some writing.

I like our local library. It's small, open, warm, it smells nice, and I've got to know a few of the wonderful librarians by taking kiddo to "story time." I wasn't sure if I'd be comfortable writing there — no, that's a lie. It's a great place to write and I knew it would be. It was quiet and they have big windows and big tables and few distractions and I loved it. I wish I had more writing to do.

There's always something new to learn (or be reminded-of) from every writing session. Here are some recent lessons either learned or re-learned:

• Symbolism. Even if you don't know what they might symbolize, throw a bunch of potentially-symbolic Things into your story. It's like making sure your pantry is stocked with a variety of cookie ingredients — when you want to make cookies, you won't have to get in the car and drive to the grocery store, you can just pull what you need from the available stuff. Later on you can edit out anything superfluous. Is this irresponsible writing? Well…
• Writing is impossible to do. I've got to the point where I understand that my writing habit is most akin to setting out wildlife traps. I have to dump, dump, dump everything out of my head (setting up traps), then wait, go for an evening walk, and at roughly the same point in the walk, I'll think of the line of dialogue or character choice that makes a whole sequence possible (I catch a rabbit). Jot it down on my phone, then skin and butcher it the next morn— ah, hrrrm this metaphor has taken an unpleasant turn.
• There's no better time to review Writing Advice than when you're in the middle of writing. I checked in on the elements of the "Scene and Sequel" approach just to see if it sparked anything — and it did — but it also got me going on a whole other unrelated aspect. Un-jam one part of the writing, watch how other elements follow suit.
• There's no worse time to review Writing Advice than when you're in the middle of writing. Gotta be careful or you'll start second-guessing everything. Or is that just me?

In other news, if you had to guess which of these panels was the most difficult to colour, which would it be?

My guess would have been Panel (A). Maybe Panel (D).

If you guessed Panel (B), though, you're the winner. It's a relatively straightforward lighting setup, the concept was strong, but I had a hell of a time getting it to look like I thought it should look. It's like when I made oatmeal cookies the other month. I swear I had all the right ingredients, I swear I used all the right measurements, and yet they came out flat. Same with this panel. No joke, it put me in a funk for a couple of days.

But then I came back to it and looked again and thought, "oh, that's not so bad." I think when I get around to the final page, it'll come together properly.

Colouring, like writing, is an inscrutable process.

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I promised a gem. Here's a gem.

In one of the comments on this MetaFilter thread about script-doctoring, someone mentioned this detailed analysis of two drafts of the script for Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

The author, Mike Fitzgerald, introduces it like this (in a related article):

Last Crusade was written by Jeffrey Boam, from a story by  George Lucas and Menno Meyjes. So say the opening credits. Boam’s final  draft, dated March 1, 1988 (ten weeks before production) differs drastically from the published script which reflects the released version of the film. Differences come as no shock, but with Last Crusade they aren’t just a few deleted scenes and some line changes. Whole sections of the Boam draft were reimagined, major set pieces were added,  and the pacing and tone were markedly transformed. Whoever made these changes possessed a profound grasp of story craft.

This makes it sound like the revisions merely improve the script. Based solely on reading Fitzgerald's comparison, I am ready to argue that the revisions — written by Tom Stoppard — turn Last Crusade into a different movie. I might have liked the movie they made out of the first script. I loved — and still love — the movie they made out of the revised script. Perhaps this is not a surprise.

Of all the points that Fitzgerald mentions, my favourite are his comments on tone, a topic which came up in last week's look at DD1. He says,

The franchise has a certain pulpy charm to it, but Boam’s draft is noticeably more cartoonish than Stoppard’s. For example, the earlier draft has a throwaway gag where Indy’s secretary hands him his mail, including a shrunken head. A joke like this pulls the tone closer to Temple of Doom than to Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Stoppard cuts this joke, part of his overall effort to push the tone into more refined, clever territory. Overt sexuality is replaced with oblique flirtation. Cliched insults are replaced with character-based barbs. Illogical motivations are rectified, and ribald humor is exchanged for quippy puns.

YES.

THANK YOU.

SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS.
"Cartoonish" is exactly how I would characterize the ghastly fourth Indiana Jones movie, and is probably the reason I was so aggressively repelled by it. It was so not a suitable follow-up to the relatively-clever Last Crusade.

TANGENT: I wonder if this is what made Last Crusade so potent and appealing to me. Did I see it in the theatres? I don't remember. I might have been too young. But I probably saw it somewhere around age 10-12. The movie takes exaggerated, exciting things and presents them with earnestness and… class? When the flaming fighter plane slides through the tunnel past Indy and his dad, no one's going to argue that's not silly. But the movie takes it seriously, like Michael Caine in Muppet Christmas Carol. Like a parent earnestly willing to meet a child in his imagined world of vibrant colours and vivid happenings. I see how excited and engaged our three-year-old gets when we do this for him. Is that what Last Crusade does? Applies grown-up validation to a child's fantasies? I wonder.

Anyway, I was, overall, thrilled to learn what I learned looking at this comparison. I am not exaggerating. It is literally thrilling to see how an eye-rolling script was made awe-inspiring and unforgettable.

"She talks in her sleep." "Junior." The umbrella and the gulls. The librarian's stamp. The fight next to the ship's propellor. Unforgettable, and if I'm reading Fitzgerald's notes right, it's mostly thanks to Stoppard.

(In fairness, the "no ticket" line is in the "Boam" script.)

And the thing that is simultaneously encouraging and disheartening is that I think what makes this improvement possible is a good writer applying good taste and sensibilities. This is encouraging because it's nice to know that good writers are good writers. It is disheartening because obviously it would be nice to be able to bottle some of this quality.

Fizgerald's detailed notes are available as a PDF or a Google Sheets document. He summarizes his findings in this article and presents a nerdier summary on his introduction page.

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Indiana Jones Sidebar: repelled as I was by the fourth movie, I had no interest in last year's Dial of Destiny. Reliable friends had warned me away from it, too. But, eventually, I watched it. I'll admit: some of the action setpieces were ingenious. On the other hand, during the entire final sequence I thought I was watching someone play Age of Empires. Still: it's better than the fourth movie, for sure.

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That script comparison was a delight to discover this week. What a treat.

It's mid-day Friday as I write this. I'm going to try to finish up a pass on Chapter Five's "script" while I still have Writing Brain, then it's all colour, all the time.

I hope you're all doing well out there. Thank you for the kind words on the retrospective posts. I'll dive into DELILAH DIRK AND THE BLADES OF ENGLAND— oops, I mean KING'S SHILLING — next week, though I am skeptical about my ability to finish it during February. I have fewer solid work days than I did in January, but I am honestly excited to dive into it and see what it looks like with the same fresh eyes I had for DD1!

Until next week,
I remain,
ribald humor exchanged for quippy puns,

TC