Czarina of the Polar: Mila #2 (complete)

I wake up to the comforting feeling of a familiar bed and smell. I don’t open my eyes, afraid that everything might be a dream. Being kept up in Sothen the beds that had been given to Emmeline and me were stiff, lumpy, and smelled like oil. My whole body feels tight and sore, whatever blood magic Sanguis performed on me really did me in.

I wake up, gazing out the window as light shimmers through the windows. I’m in Dhaval’s room, tucked into his wonderful blankets and resting my head on his own pillow. No wonder everything smelled so good. I try to sit up from bed but it feels like I’m strapped to a board.

“Don’t move,” Dhaval’s voice is soft and sweet. His warm paw presses to my temple then runs through my hair.

“Have you been up all night?” I groan.

Dhaval sets a tray at the edge of the bed and pours a glass of water. “Not really,” he sighs. “Yes.” He smiles at me and slips his paw under my head to help me drink. “I couldn’t…” his voice cracks. “Not when you were-”

“I’m not some helpless doll, Dhaval,” I roll my eyes. “I obviously survived a fight with Sanguis Rex so I mean, I’ve got bragging right.” I try to laugh but it makes me feel like my skin is shredding.

“Shh, easy,” Dhaval coaxes me. He moves the tray aside and sits beside me. “Himank says there’s been a great stress on your body. You need to take it easy.”

“How the hell can I take it easy?” I snarl at him. “He kidnapped me, threatened me, tortured me.” I sit up with much effort. My skin feels tight all over. “Let me get in contact with my father and have our military rip his asshole wide open so dragons can fuck him.”

“Mila,” Dhaval urges as he places a cold rag on my forehead.

“Easy, easy,” I mock him. “I know, love.” I clutch his paw and squeeze it. “But I am so angry, my love,” I whisper at him. “He used you against me. He was using me against you. I want his cock in a jar so I can make fun of how small it is all my life.”

Dhaval kisses my knuckles. “I was so terrified,” he whispers to me. “After seeing what Emmeline’s family was going through I didn’t know what to do.”

“You would have carried on like normal.” My voice cracks and I take another sip of water. “You would be strong and do your best. I trust you to do what’s right.”

“Do you not understand how much I love you?” He fusses. “Even now-” tears slip down his cheeks.

“Don’t you dare cry!” My voice trembles. “Because if you cry I won’t-” I force his paw over my eyes as the hot pain of tears stings me.

Dhaval sniffles and wipes my tears away. “I’m sorry. But all I could think when I heard you were taken was how much I had lost. You’re my entire world, Mila, my everything.”

“Don’t get sad you fool,” I whimper. “Get angry. Get vicious.” I touch his cheek as he presses his forehead to mine. “Don’t do as the Rakshasa, do as the Polar.”

Dhaval chuckles. “That’s easy for you to say.”

I kiss him softly and look into his lovely eyes. “It really isn’t.” As I blink more tears fall from my eyes. “You were my strength, you know?” I whisper to him. “In there, as I waited. I thought about you.”

Dhaval kisses my cheeks. “I did the same, during these passed few weeks. During the battle in Ophirin. I thought what you would say. How you would act.”

“And that is exactly why I can’t lay still.” I grunt as I relax back into the bed. “I need to get up and moving.” My face contorts as I start to move more of my body. “I have to make my way home and start planning things with my family. Ophirin will just be the start.”

“You will be doing no such thing. You need to rest while you are here.” Dhaval fusses at me, his voice turning stern. “I have sent word home to your family, they will know you are back safe and sound. But for the time being you will stay here and rest.”

“In this heat?” I snap. “You’re a fool. I need to go home to my cold. I won’t survive here to rest and relax.”

“You will,” Dhaval kisses me again. “Doctor’s orders.”

I roll my eyes. “The doctor is your idiot brother. I once saw him eat a caterpillar on a dare. How the hell am I supposed to trust him with my health?”

“I’ll send my mother in,” Dhaval warns. “And you’re the one that dared him!”

I lay back and grumble profanity under my breath. “You do that and I won’t forgive you.” I sigh and look up at the ceiling. “Who was that?” I ask quietly. “The Lich who came and took Emmeline and me?”

“My ancestor,” Dhaval replies. “The originator of the Amit Bloodline.” He lays down beside me and I rest my head on his chest. “He’s been buried in the catacombs for centuries. Albion and Theodred alerted up to his presence.”

“So he’s your grandfather?” I chuckle. “It figures you have some deep hidden secret,” I scoff. “I guess that’s kind of cool.”

“More than that,” Dhaval’s voice cracks. “It turns out I am also related to Balafelamona.”

“The blood bitch?” I frown up at him. 

“Amit the First believes that I might be able to use Blood Magic. If I can do such a thing, he believes we have a fighting chance against Sanguis.” Dhaval looks torn by this. “Amit spent a long time with Balafelamona, he knows her ways. He taught me-” his voice goes soft and timid. “I used it in Ophirin.”

“Did you?” I murmur.

“I healed Emory,” he continues. “But I also used it on Reginald.”

I scoff. “Good.”

“No,” Dhaval whimpers. “It wasn’t. I let go of it but...using those powers made me feel a part of myself that scared me.”

I lay my palm on his chest. “Blood Magic doesn’t make you a bad person, Dhaval. The ability to use it isn’t evil. It’s the person who uses it.”

“I know but it’s just-” Dhaval closes his eyes. “After seeing what Sanguis can do with it-”

“That is Sanguis,” I snap at him. I then wince and Dhaval sits up to tend to me. “You will use it for good rather than how he is. If I could do what he did to me you couldn’t stop my fury. He’s been using your entire family since the beginning.”

Dhaval furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

“He took Amon because Othet’s family can control through will. He chose your family because of your connection to Balafelamona and the blood magic. He has been calculating this since before...who knows?” I whisper and look to him. “I’m angry as hell.”

“He was using Demir as well, and other royals in the empire.” Dhaval lays back down beside me and closes his eyes again. “But at least he doesn’t have you.”

“He never did.” I rest my head on his chest again. 

Each day Himank comes and works with me, checking on my progress healing as well as seeing what my limitations were. For the first few days I could barely walk, and then I needed help in order to do it. By the time my mother and Nicolai came to see me I had start to walk using a cane. 

My mother was never one to show emotion, so when she cried as she held me I started to take in the seriousness of what had happened to me. I had thought my family would go with the Polar way and adapt to my absence rather than mourn it. They went the Rakshasa way because they loved me and while my father would have done what was best, he was ready to do what he could to save me as well.

After supper and drinks with my mother and brother I go and sit alone in my room. I am used to such cold nights back in the Polar, but the cool breeze scented like cinnamon that flows through the palace now has its own strong memories tied to it. 

“There you are,” Dhaval walks into the room and sits down beside me. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” I sigh. “Ready to go home.”

Dhaval clutches my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I still would like you to stay. I know Himank says it’s ok for you to travel but-”

“You worry,” I whisper. I touch his cheek and kiss him hungrily. “I know.” I brush my fingers along his cheek and forehead. “But I need to so I don’t show my weakness, Dhaval.” I kiss him again and he leans into it. “I need the world to know my strength.” We kiss more and he wraps his arms around me. “Take me to bed now,” I moan.

“Are you sure?” His rough tongue licks down my neck as his tail fluffs and swirls behind him.

“If I leave this place without having made love with you once, I would consider it a failure.” I then gasp as Dhaval scoops me off the seat and lays me down in bed. He kisses me, slowly moving his paw up my skirt. His touch is tender a warm and I am aching for more of it.

I love feeling our naked bodies pressed together, where I am soft, he is hard and we melt together perfectly. His rough tongue on my folds makes my nerves feel on fire. I am much more sensitive than before and I have to beg him to stop or I’ll kick him in the head.

“Are you sure then?” He whispers.

“Please,” I grab hold of his arms. “I need you.”

Dhaval kisses me and he places himself between my thigh. My legs are weak, but I can still hug them around his waist. His cock rubs against me and I lose my breath for a moment. Dhaval licks his chops as he nudges gently until he’s inside.

He has either gotten bigger, or my insides have shrunk for it feels like trying to fit a ring over a cucumber. It takes Dhaval a moment but soon his snug inside me.

“Does it hurt?” He pants.

“I would have told you-” I moan. “It must just be my nerves still.” I run my fingertips over his lips. “Keep going, it’s starting to feel so good.”

Dhaval kisses me, grinding himself inside me first to make sure everything is as it should be. I moan softly and urge him to move. His hips tremble at first but as he begins to gain confidence his strokes are strong and sure. 

My Dhaval has always had an impressive package, but as things are now he feels like he has the prowess of an orc. He stretches me and reaches places I’ve not felt before, and we have tried everything. I cling to him, even as my arms begin to tire. It is when I start to lose my breath and my vision doubles that I start to go limp.

Dhaval snarls and grunts as he gain momentum, my body is trembling and spasming as we both draw nearer. As it peaks and courses through me I let out a single guttural cry of relief. His warmth inside me makes me relax and feel comforted. I want to keep this feeling inside me forever.

“You were squeezing me so tight,” Dhaval pants.

“I couldn’t help it,” I drool slightly. “I didn’t ever want you to stop.”

He laughs and kisses my neck and cheek. “I can do it again if you want. I’ll give you everything tonight.”

I drag my nails down the back of his neck. “Maybe after a short rest.” I snuggle up close to him. “I don’t know why I feel so weak.”

He kisses the top of my head and rubs my back. “It’s ok,” he whispers. “Just rest. We have forever anyways.”

When I travel back home not only did my father send extra guards but Dhaval sent along some of his own guards. My mother holds my hand tight and looks around with caution as the journey ventures into the territory I had been ambushed before.

“It’s ok,” I coax her. “They aren’t going to attack again. There’s no way they could have gotten here so fast.”

“I trust nothing these days,” Katrina hisses. “If they want you back they will have to kill me to get to you.”

“Mama, it’s ok,” I whisper and put my arms around her.

She wraps her arms around me and holds me in a vice. “I would rather die a thousand times than anything happen to you and Nicolal,” she whispers into my hair.

I close my eyes the entire way through the desert path. Once we enter Lizardfolk country, King Niran and his men welcome us into his home for a few days. After we rest, we continue on our way home, reaching the Polar where my father runs out beyond the gate to meet us.

Papa doesn’t let me go, keeping his big, strong arms around me until we are inside the palace. “Let me look at you! Let me know how to tally up the wounds he will receive!”

“Papa, it’s ok!” I scoff. “I’m fine now, really.” I finally manage to break away from him. “I want us to get back to normalcy,” I reply. “To our anger. Let’s focus on how we are going to back Dhaval and this war against Sanguis.”

“Whatever you say,” Gregori nods his head and immediately I begin planning with him.

Over the next few weeks I continue to heal, but I still rely on the cane. I also start to feel a little sick, but it fades in and out through the day. Although one afternoon I have some pretty horrible cramps and notice I am bleeding heavily below. I go to the doctor just to get some pain medicine, but when I tell him what has been going on the past few months after my kidnapping something changes.

After a while of laying in the hospital bed the doctor comes back to me with a strange expression on his face. 

“What’s wrong?” I grumble. “Tell me now and don’t sugar coat it.”

“Czarina, I’m sorry,” he whispers. “But what you’ve just experienced is a miscarriage.”

I blink a few times and shake my head. I have the doctor repeat it over and over as I do not believe what he has just said. As he continues to talk to me I get up from the bed and walk away from him. The news isn’t sinking in well. After everything that has happened, everything with Dhaval and the empire. How could this happen?

I stumble down the hallway, tripping as I have forgotten my cane behind. I press against the wall for balance, not paying attention to anything around me. I’m lost, in my mind, in my home, in my heart, I have nowhere to go.

Once inside my room and lock myself in. Before I know it I’ve barricaded myself inside my room and place myself in the farthest corner.

Soon, I hear my family banging and pounding at the door. I hear my mother screaming and Nicolai begging me to let them in. I ignore them all. I don’t deserve their help or their praise. After everything that has happened, the loss of Bastat, my kidnapping, the fact that I now must rely on help to walk, all of Sanguis in general, this was all I need for my world to crumble.

Dhaval was my everything, he was my rock and my hero. Knowing I had failed him and lost his child was more than I could bare. I failed him so horribly how could I ever face him again? No tonly that, I couldn’t tell anyone! No one still knew how Dhaval and I were married. Well, maybe still married if he still even wants me.

I am not sure how long I stayed sealed up in my room. But one day the window was kicked open and a snow covered figure falls into my room. He’s huffing and puffing and a rope hangs in the open window from above. He falls to his knees, ripping away the scarf and coat around him.

Dhaval embraces me and holds me close. “It’s ok! I promise,” he whispers to me. “I’m here now. It’s going to be alright.”

I hold onto to him for dear life, so grateful and happy to see him, but so terrified at the same time. “Oh god, you’re here.”

“Nicolai came and fetched me,” Dhaval cups my face between his palms. “He told me what happened. He thought I would be the only person you’d talk to.”

“I’m so sorry!” I sob. “I’m not who you married! I’m so weak! I’m pathetic.” I pull at my hair but Dhaval rips my hands down and forces me to look at him.

Dhaval’s tears flow freely from his eyes. “No. You’re not.” He swallows hard. “What happened wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself at all! Himank says they’re more common than you’d think and after what you went through-” He has tears flowing down his cheek. “Mama had one just before Dhavya. Even Auntie Chiyo.” He holds me up tight. “You’re not at fault. You’ve not hurt me at all!”

I break down sobbing loudly against his chest. For the longest time he holds me in silence. He rocks me back in forth and presses kisses to my hair and temple. He lets my cry myself out and fall asleep in his embrace. When I wake up I feel just as weak and helpless as I did the day Amit the First saved Emmeline and me. My eyes hurt more than anything, they feel swollen and hot still. Dhaval is lying awake beside me as as I rise he gets up and fetches me some water to drink.

The furniture has been removed from the door but I can see it is still locked. “How long as it been?” My voice cracks even after a deep drink.

“Long enough for Nicolai to come get me and for me to get here,” Dhaval sighs. He slips back into bed beside me and puts his arms around me.

“I’m sorry,” I whimper.

“Stop apologizing, you did nothing wrong except doubt yourself.” He brushes the hair from my face and kisses my cheek. “I made record time getting here. I simply left Nicolai behind,” he chuckles.

I smile softly. “Did he know...what happened?”

“He did,” Dhaval snuggles against me. “He was confused and hurt that you didn’t talk to him. I’ve never seen someone so big cry like he was so small.” He shakes his head. “Then when I got here Gregori was crying, that was a sight.”

“My dad?” I whisper.

Dhaval nods and kisses my cheek. “We were all worried about you. That’s why I came down from the roof. I figured your window would open one way or another.”

“I can’t believe you did that.” I go limp in his arms. “Weren’t you scared?”

“No,” he whispers. “I didn’t even consider myself when the time came.” He rubs his paw up and down my arm. “All I wanted to do was see you and make sure you were alright.” It goes silent again and then he growls low in his chest.

“I can’t stand this anymore,” Dhaval whispers. “I don’t want to hide you anymore.” He holds me fast. “Please, let’s end this before it takes us down any further.”

“Are you so sure?” I look up at him with my puffy eyes. “Wouldn’t it be better if we never even began? Lets just call it quits now before anyone knows.”

The look on his face is angrier than I have ever seen him. His eyes almost seem to glow with the rage that fills him. “I lost you once,” he snarls urgently. “I won’t lose you ever again especially not like this.” 

“If we ended this little play now it would be safer for both of us. We wouldn’t have to worry-” my voice chokes up.

“I would always worry, you fool!” He shakes his head at me. “No matter what our relation you would remain the most important force in my life. No matter what becomes of us that will never change. I will love you always, Mila.”

There is a knock at the door before I can reply. Dhaval stands up and goes to the door. “I’m telling our families,” he whispers. “I love you.”

I nod at him. “I love you too.”

My mother and Mythri rush into the door. Behind them, Gregori is carrying a tray of food that he sets on the table. Mythri and my mother are coaxing me while also fussing at me. As my father sets aside the food Dhaval stands in the doorway as Nicolai approaches from behind.

“Mom, Katrina, Gregori” Dhaval’s voice is deep and serious. “Mila and I married a year ago in a secret ceremony.”

“You did what?” Gregori yanks Dhaval by the back of neck and holds him there.

“It was you?” Nicolai blurts.

My mom looks at me with fury and concern somehow mixed together while Mythri looks like she’s trying to solve a complicated equation. 

“It’s true,” I whisper weakly. “We married, we didn’t know how it would affect things. We both didn’t want to abandon our kingdoms. So we kept it hidden.” I look up at Dhaval with my father’s fist around the back of his neck. “I’ve loved him since longer than I can remember,” I sniffle. “It was never to spite anyone.”

“Why couldn’t you tell us?” Nicolai’s voice booms and the walls shake. “Why not me? Why was this all so secret?”

“We both didn’t want our responsibilities to seemed trivial compared to our own feelings.” Dhaval’s voice cracks with nerves as my father holds him. “I wasn’t going to make Mila give up her dream and quit ruling. I could never ask her to do something she’s wanted since she was a child. And she would never ask the same of me.”

“You are both idiots!” Katrina rises up from the bed. “You’re both stupid children! You don’t even deserve to get married if this is how you’re going to go about it!”

“Did you wait until marriage to have sex?” Mythri seems stunned. The poor thing is calculating things in her mind that don’t matter.  “Or were you two active for-”

“Oh shut up Mythri!” Katrina snaps. “That is not the fucking point! Who gives a shit if they fucked!”

“Far from the point,” Gregori snarls, his fist still clenched around Dhaval’s neck. “You cats have waltzed through our lives with too much ease these past few decades. Now I realize why.”

“Oh trust me he hasn’t,” I grump. “Let him go, this instant. He’s your son now, so show some respect. He’s your king too, or did you forget that?”

Gregori releases Dhaval who instantly tries to evade him and Nicolai. He steps behind the bed where I am laying and rubs the back of his neck. “We had our reasons for hiding, you have to believe us.”

“Well now what?” Mythri whispers. “Do you have a plan?”

“We’ll keep ruling,” I say simply. “Nothing will change and we will stay married,” I frown at my mother. “From now on though we will remain honest with you.”

“Yeah you will!” Katrina snarls. She then flops onto the bed and holds her head in her hands. “I need a drink.”

I look up at Dhaval and he smiles at me. “I’m sorry, we both are.”

“You two will face consequences,” Mythri growls. “You know how much I love planning weddings why did you take this from me?”

“Mythri!” Katrina snarls.

“Let’s calm,” Gregori snaps suddenly. “A lot has happened these passed few months and more is on the horizon. Let’s not fall into the wrong but instead embrace what is right. Somehow, amongst all this chaos or children have created peace. They have found love in a world that is falling apart all around them. I suggest we support them while we can.”

“Wow Papa,” I sniffle. “That’s beautiful.”

“Once the world stops falling that is when I kick his ass!” Gregori points at Dhaval.

I am not sure what will happen after this or how we are going to carry on. Inside me I still carry doubts. My body is weak and my mind has been frayed, but with the support of my family I will be able to carry on ruling. Dhaval and I both will. I will grow strong again with them and I will one day bare Dhaval is child. I won’t let this bump in the road be the end of me. It will only add to my armor and make me stronger.