The Life of Jacque Part Four (complete)

    I’m so excited I could burst. Sitting on this train and watching the scenery pass by, I’m starting to recognize things. I know I’m getting closer to home, I’m getting closer to my girls. I’ve gotten some time off school, and I’m surprising Bridget for her birthday. Most of my luggage are gifts for her, I may have gone a bit overboard. All I know is I want to make up for time lost. It’s her third birthday, and she’s starting to realize things.

    I only have a year left of school, and soon I’ll be able to be with Mirian and Bridget more. I hate leaving them. I hate that Mirian has been alone, raising out daughter by herself. I know she doesn’t like the housework, which I excel at. She’s more used to bigger projects. So when I’m at home, I try to take the brunt of the housework for her. 

    I glance out the window again, watching as the landscape zips by. It’ll be late when I get home, Bridget will probably be in bed. I do want to see her right away, but I know it will be a surprise in the morning for her. I’ll wake her up and make her whatever breakfast she wants.  I just want to see her and hold her. I never expected to love someone so much in my life.

    When I get off the train, it’s cold and dark, white steam billows from my mouth as I look around the empty platform. For a moment, I feel a dark nostalgia creep over me. Standing alone and cold in the dark, I’m reminded of the night I ran away from home. God, I haven’t thought about my parents in ages. They don’t even know about Bridget. They probably think I’m dead.

    As I walk off the platform, hauling my heavy luggage laden with gifts for my daughter, I see a car idling outside the station. I recognize it. The clunky old red truck, older than sin and yet somehow holding up just as well. I walk towards it, and Mirian steps out of it. 

    “How much for a night?” She asks me with a big grin on her face.

    I race to her, wrapping my arms around her. “Name your price, beautiful.”

    She laughs and kisses my face all over. “I couldn’t wait,” she says. “I didn’t want you having to pay for a cab either.” She smooths her hands down my chest, giving me the once over. 

    “What about Bridget?” I ask as I heft my bags into the truck bed. 

    “Nadie has her,” she says.

    I grimace. Nadie, her mother, doesn’t much like me at all. In fact, she often tells me that I should take advantage of the life insurance I have on myself. The old woman freaks me out.

    “I know, I know,” Bridget sighs as she pets my chest. “She’s probably asleep. You won’t have to deal with her.”

    I kiss Mirian’s soft cheek and long neck. I take in her scent, planting open mouth kisses on her skin. Having this warmth in the darkness and cold.

    “You better stop that,” Mirian moans as she cups her hand around the back of my head. “It’s been too long. I’m easy.”

    I chuckle in her ear, brushing her wild hair aside. “I like easy girls. Especially when they smell so good.” I bite down on her neck, and she lets out a loud, audible moan.

    “Fuck you,” she snarls. 

    I reach up under her shirt, pleased as punch to find she’s not wearing a bra. Her nipples are nice and hard already. I pinch one and listen to her sing.

    She presses her back against the rumbling truck, and she grabs my ass, squeezing it. “Baby, stop,” her argument is weak.

    “Let's drive to our favorite spot,” I growl. “I don’t want to wake your mother and have her yell at us again.”

    Mirian moans. “What if I can’t wait?”

    I chuckle and slip my fingers inside her pants. I’m pleased to find her bush is soft and curly. Her lips are already molten hot and slick. 

    “I bet you’d steam up the air if I dropped your pants right now,” I laugh as I slip my fingers inside her.

    She grunts and rolls her hips. “Fucking bastard,” she grips my shoulders. “How do you always make me feel like a horny teenager?”

    “Because I love you, baby.” I kiss her hard, pressing her against the truck. Open the passenger side door and lay her on the seat. I tug down her pants and spread her thighs, making her prop one leg up on the dashboard. 

    “Shit, you’re beautiful,” I snarl as I dive in like a starving man. 

    “Fucking shit!” Mirian gasps, shivering from the cold and my expert touch. Her cream dribbles down my chin, she must have been pent up for a long time. She gasps and moans, louder than she ever has. She then grabs my hair, pulling it and forcing me deeper. She grinds herself to my face, and I don’t fear death by suffocation, I welcome it. 

    Mirian cries out, spasming and shaking. Her thighs squeeze tight around me, and she giggles with pleasure. “Oh fuck, I missed that.”

    I pull back and snicker, wiping my face. “Did you have fun?” I climb into the truck, tugging down my pants.

    Mirian sits up and gets on all fours. “Not yet.” She licks the head of my cock and takes it into her mouth. My tip presses into her cheek and she tongue laps along me. She pulls back and stroke it, grinning as she takes it in. 

    “Baby, you gotten thicker or something?” She licks my shaft from base to tip. 

    “What do you mean?” I run my fingers through her hair.

    She takes me into her mouth and takes me to her throat. She moans, and I feel the vibrations crawl from the head all the way down. I grunt, trying to keep still, so I don’t choke her.

    She pulls back and clears her throat. “That used to take no effort at all. Now I feel like you’re going to give me a good stretching.” She lays back on the seat and reaches down, spreading herself open for me. “C’mon baby, stretch me.”

    I dive in, grabbing her and thrusting in all at once. I love this woman, and I love her body, every delicious inch of it. We shake the truck, fogging the windows and filling it with the sounds of our lovemaking. We fuck like a couple of horny teenagers, unable to be satisfied until every ounce of energy is sapped from our limbs.

    I can feel her squeezing tight around me, her body seizing as she is overcome with release. Her voice chokes off in her throat as she tries to cry out. She claws at my back, and she bites my bottom lip.

    I thrust deeper and harder, slamming her into the driver side door. I feel my own peak nearing, and soon I’m cumming on her belly and tits, shaking every last drop out. She grins, smearing the cum around. “Fuck baby, that’s a load!”

    I chuckle, suddenly feeling silly. “It’s been a while.” I lick her up, lapping my cum from her soft, lovely skin.

    She readjusts herself, fixing her clothes and smoothing back her hair. “I know you belong to Bridget while you’re here, but is there any way I could steal you more this trip?” She flutters her eyelashes at me, and I melt.

    “I’m sure I can find time to fuck you like an animal again.” I kiss her neck as she starts the truck back up.

    Once at home and I walk inside, I hear Mirian’s mother’s snoring right away. I grunt, and Mirian shakes her head at me. “Let's go to bed and get some sleep. Mom has to leave first thing in the morning, so hopefully, you won’t cross paths.”

    We take a quick shower together, and all I can do is admire her. Afterward, we snuggle down in bed, and I find a quick sleep. I never sleep well away from home, but when I finally do get to lay down beside Mirian, it’s the best sleep of my life.

    In the morning, I wake up earlier than I wanted. It’s still dark outside, and there’s a thick mist everywhere coming off the river. I get up, stretching as I walk into the kitchen.

    “So, you’re still alive I see.” Her voice makes my insides shrink and turn to dust. Nadie is sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in her hands. She looks at me like I’m a cockroach that just crawled out from under the refrigerator.

    “H-hi, Nadie. How are you?” I feel like the breath is being squeezed from me.

    “Better,” he eyes flick over me, and she takes a sip of coffee.

    How do you respond to that? How am I even supposed to have a conversation with her? I walk into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee.

    “How long is it this time?” Nadie asks.

    I turn so I can see her, and she’s not even looking at me. Her gaze is focused somewhere on the wall. “Three weeks,” I reply.

    “Hmm,” her nostrils flare for a second, and she takes another drink of coffee.

    I look down at my cup of coffee and set it aside. “Thanks for watching Bridget last night. It meant a lot to me that Mirian could pick me up.”

    “Yeah well, as much as I hate that, I enjoy being with my granddaughter.” She turns and glares at me. “I still think you’d serve them better under a bridge.”

    I furrow my brow at her. “Nadie, please-”

    “What do you do at that school anyway?” She scoffs. “Away for weeks and months at a time, leaving Mirian here to do all your work.”

    I knew this was coming, but it still fucking hurts. “You think I like that?”

    “I think we like not having to get attached,” Nadie scoffs. “You were no good when you came here. In fact, you were running. You’re always running. Now you have a tether. You can run around like a dog chasing its tail all you want, but you still have to come back. Cut the tether,” she stands up from the table. “Cut it and just fucking leave.” She exits the house, and I suddenly don’t feel like my coffee anymore.

    I go to Bridget’s room and sit down in the rocking chair there. I can hear her breathing, and that sweet, soft sound keeps me from flying into a blind rage and crying. I hang my head, running my fingers through my hair.

    “Daddy?” The soft voice makes me sit in alert. 

    Bridget sits up her hair as smashed to one side. She rubs her eyes and sniffles. I rush to her and hold her in my arms. “It’s me mon ami,” I whisper to her.

    She wraps her tiny, chubby arms around my neck and squeezes me so tight. “Daddy here!” She squeals with joy.

    I kiss all over her sweet face and smile. “I’m home,” I kiss the tip of her nose, and she kisses the tip of mine. “What does my true love want for breakfast!”

    “Crepe Daddy!” She gasps, her eyes wide with awe. “Mommy can’t make em.”

    “Is that right?” I ask her, standing up as we walk into the kitchen. I sit her down in her little chair as I set to work on making her favorite breakfast.

    She bounces excitedly, eating fresh raspberries when I offer them to her. She grins, and I see her pretty teeth. I feel like any day now she’s going to be showing off her first loose tooth, and that scares me. She’s growing up far too fast for my taste.

    I feel the crepes with cream and her favorites fruits and place it before her. Her eyes widen, and sparkle and she dives in like a wild animal.

    “Who the hell taught you to eat like that?” I gasp in horror.

    “The wolves I let raise her,” Mirian yawns as she walks into the kitchen. She comes up to me and kisses me. “What about me? Have you forgotten me already for a younger woman?” She motions to Bridget who is ripping at the crepe like a bear beheading a trout. 

    “Seriously, where did she learn to eat like that?” I ask as I take her to the stove/

    “She likes the wildlife channel, what can I say? It’s better than those fucking puppet shows and their fucking singing.” She grimaces with a pure hatred. 

    “I saw your mom this morning,” I tell her as I plate her crepe.

    She hisses and makes a pained expression. “Sorry! Oh shit, what did she say this time?” She takes the plate from me. 

    I huff and shake my head. “She basically told me to fuck off and never come back.” I then shrug. “At least she didn’t tell me to kill myself this time. At least, not directly.”

    “I’m so sorry,” she touches my cheek, rubbing her fingers on my stubble. “I’ll have a word with her. I don’t want her saying anything at the birthday party.”

    “Party?” Bridget gasps.

    We look over at her and see she’s smeared with cream and berry juice. I try not to laugh, she looks like a rabid animal. 

    “Shh,” I whisper. “It’s a secret.” I wipe her face off as she grins uncontrollably. 

    “Secret?” She whispers softly and then giggles. “Ok, Daddy!”

    After breakfast, I give her a bath. She runs around the tub like it’s a race track, kicking up more bubbles as she whirls around tornado style. When I get her out of the bath and wrap her up in her favorite towel covered in dinosaurs, I simply hold her. It’s been so long, and I feel I don’t get to see her enough. I know I am not always here and my biggest fear is that Bridget will one day forget me. 

    “Love ooo Daddy!” She says to me, and that’s enough to make me want to fly to the and back for her.

    “I love you too, Bridget,” I whisper.

    During her nap, I go to Mirian, something heavy weighing on my chest.

    Mirian gives me one glance and sighs. “Uh oh, you look sick, what’s up?” 

    I sigh, pressing my lips together in a tight line. I look at her, studying her face for a moment before I reach out and take hold of her hand. “I’m thinking about inviting my parents to the birthday party.”

    Mirian furrows her brows. “What?” She asks.

    I shake my head and exhale loudly. “I just…” I scoff. “I feel like Bridget needs her grandparents. She has your grandmother and mother but from me?” I place my hand on my chest. “I feel like I haven’t given her anything. I want my parents to know her.”

    “Are you sure?” Mirian asks. “This is kind of a big deal, Jacque,” she says as she holds my hand. “When was the last time you even spoke to them?”

    “I don’t know,” I whisper and hang my head. “I can’t even remember.”

    She rubs my back slowly. “If you feel like this is the right thing to do, then I support you. But if it’s going to end up hurting you, I’ll put a stop to it.” She presses her forehead against mine, and she lays her warm palm on my cheek. “If you need to do this, then I trust you.”

    I sigh and stand up. “I’ll make it now before I run out of courage.”

    I go outside so I can smoke. I light up a cigarette and take a long drag before I dial in the number. Even after all these years, their home number is still burned into my brain. I take a deep breath as I hear the phone ring.

    One ring.

    Two ring.

    Three-ring.

    Four- “Hello?” Her voice hasn’t changed at all. “This is Claudette speaking.”

    I can’t seem to make myself speak. I’m frozen there, feeling like that kid who constantly had to call home from school when I got in trouble.

    “Hello? Is someone there?” She sounds irritated.

    “Hi, Claudette,” I murmur.

    She’s quiet, but I can hear her breath as it shudders.

    “Yeah, it’s who you think it is,” I murmur. “Listen, I’m sorry to call like this, I mean-” I grunt and take another pull on my cigarette. “I mean, after all this time. You know. Uhm...listen, I have something important I need to tell you.”

    “My god,” she whispers. “Jacque I just can’t believe it.” She sniffles and I hear her whimper.

    “Mom,” I start, “are you crying?”

    “I’m just so relieved,” she laughs through her tears. “I thought we’d never hear from you again. I thought-” she sobs. “Oh god, the things I thought!” She chokes back some tears. “I’ve been praying for you every day,” she gasps. “Everyday since you left! I knew you were still with us. I knew it!”

    “I’m fine mom, really.” I’m smiling and relieved. All these years and she still worried about me. What an ass I am. “I wanted to call you and invite you to a birthday party.”

    “Ah what?” She sputters through tears. “But your birthday isn’t until later this year!”

    I chuckle. “Not mine, Mom.” I take another puff of my cigarette. “Your granddaughters.”

    She’s silent again.

    “She’s turning three,” I say softly. “She’s fat and beautiful and…” I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. They’re painful and heavy and long overdue. “And I really want you and dad to be here for her.”

    “Oh!” She gasps, and I hear her footsteps. “Pierre! Oh, Pierre!” She calls for my dad through the house.

    “I know I don’t deserve anything, but Bridget...I really fucking want you here for her.” I’m sobbing, my shoulders shaking and my throat feels tight and strained.

    Behind me, Mirian lays her hands on my shoulders. She rubs gently as I cry with my mother over the phone. I never would’ve thought this would happen, that I would feel such a swell of emotion as I spoke to her. In my mind, I thought they’d be happy to never hear from me again. But here is my mother, confessing to me she’s prayed all these years that I was kept safe and happy. Well, I wasn’t always, but that was my own dumbass fault. Now I am though. I’m happy with my family I’ve made.

    I give mom the address and when the party is. Part of me is afraid to hope that my father will show up. We left things on worse terms than my mother, and I did.

    As I hang up the phone, Mirin sits in my lap and wraps her arms around me. “You ok?” She whispers to me. She strokes my hair from my face and looks into my eyes. “I didn’t expect crying. I kind of expected something else.” She uses the sleeve of her shirt to mop up my teary face.

    “I’m fine,” I smile. “I’m great. I just wanted this for Bridget but-” a sob catches in my throat.

    “I know,” Mirian whispers softly. 

    I wrap my arms tight around her and sniffle into her shoulder. After I calm down, I rub my eyes and chuckle. “I wonder what Bridget will think.”

    Mirian smirks. “I think she’ll just like getting extra attention and gifts.” We both laugh, and I kiss her. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate it once she’s older though.” She wipes my nose for me.

    “I just want to provide what I can for her. I know I haven’t been around enough and I just...I know my parents were shitty to me. I know they didn’t understand me but...they did their best when they tried. My mom especially. I think...even if it’s just her there,” I sniffle and swallow back the lump in my throat. “I think that will give Bridget the family she deserves.”

    Mirian smiles and kisses my forehead. I know she doesn’t like kissing me when I smoke. “Ok big guy, you’ve done enough for one day.” She stands up, and I follow her inside. “Well, enough emotional stuff.” She then leads me to the living room where she has pillows and blankets stacked up. “Get to work!” She shoves a blanket at me. “I want there to be a blanket fort the size of Cinderella’s castle when Bridget wakes up.” She claps her hands together demandingly. “Chop chop! The princess will see you hanged if she is not pleased!

    I grin and wrap Mirian in the blanket, trapping her as I give her a deep kiss. “What will the queen do to me?”

    “The queen is twice as merciless as the princess,” She coos. “If she is displeased it will be fifty lashing for you and then she will see you bound and gagged in the dungeon.”

    I smirk and purr. “Oooh my. And what will happen if she’s pleased.”

    “The queen is never pleased,” she smirks. “But if the princess is happy, then the queen will reduce the lashing.”

    I snarl into her ear and bite her neck. “Damn you, you sultry devil!”

    She giggles and shoves me back. “Get to building! No time for this.” She kisses my cheek. “I have to go into town and get supplies. I should be back before she wakes up from her nap.”

    “As the queen commands,” I smile at her, swatting her rear as she walks away.

    I get to work, setting up the blanket fort for Bridget. I try to make it as big as possible without it collapsing. I’ve always promised Bridget to build her a fort, but this will have to do until I can actually afford building her a proper playhouse.

    Once I’m done with school and I’m home for good, I’m going to build her a great big playhouse, one where she can play to her heart’s content and never feel unloved. I suppose that’s my biggest fear, not just Bridget forgetting me. If that baby girl ever for a moment felt she was unloved, or I didn’t love her, I think it would kill me. I love that chubby little monster with all my heart. She’s my whole world, my universe, she’s everything to me.  She’s my tiny monster goddess, and I worship at her alter. I want to see her grow and become something miraculous and amazing. I don’t want her ending up like me.

    I don’t want that feeling of not being loved growing into some overwhelming desire to please. Not like me. Anyone but me. I pray to god that she will be nothing like me. I want her to be like her mother, wise, tough, and brilliant. Hell, I’d even be proud if she came out like Nadie. Nadie is as mean as a bag of shaken snakes, but she’s a good woman and a remarkable grandparent. Keme, Mirian’s grandmother, would be who I hope Bridget becomes like. She’s twice as terrifying as Nadie for different reasons, but she’s probably one of the few people in this world I respect and admire. A mix of those three terrifying women is what I want for my Bridget. 

    She is going to be loved and powerful, and I’ll die trying to make her that amazing woman.

    “Daddy!” He loud squeal fills the room.

    I pop my head out of the tent and glare at her. “You’re supposed to be in bed, you monster!” I then grin at her. “I’m not done yet. Can you wait?”

    “No!” she races forward, barreling into the blanket fort and tripping over pillows. She giggles and squeals then gasps in amazement. “It’s so big!”

    “You think so?” I lay on my back and let her crawl on top of me. “I’m not even done.”

    “We gonna live here?” She burbles.

    “Do you want to?” I ask.

    She lays her head on my chest and sighs deeply. “You stay?”

    God, this kid knows how to find my heart and jam her chubby fingers into it. “For as long as I possibly can mon ami.”

Bridget sits up on my chest and looks down at me. “Forever?”

I beam up at her, touching her chubby cheek and brushing her wild hair away. “How long is forever, mon ami?” I ask her. “Can you tell me?”

“Uhh-” it’s so cute to see the way her brain short circuits. She blinks a lot, and she ducks her chin until she’s got three of them. She squeezes her fingers on me, and she pouts out her lips real big.

“Forever is a lot,” she says.

“That’s right,” I whisper. “When I’m gone is it forever?”

He furrows her brow and ducks her head down. “Yeah,” she grunts.

“But I come back,” I tell her. 

She looks up at me, and I see fat tears in her eyes. I sit up, wrapping her up in my arms and I kiss the top of her head. “When I’m gone. It isn’t forever,” I whisper to her. “When I am gone, that is merely a fragment of forever.” I look back at her. “Forever is a lot,” I tell her. “That’s very true/, And I know missing me seems like a lot. I know. When I’m away from you, it hurts so much that even a second feels like a year.”

“Then how many years have you missed me?”

“Let’s see, that’s a lot of math,” I grin at her. “Ok so, there are twenty-four hours in a day,” I start. “There are second minutes in an hour and sixty seconds in a minute. Does that make sense?”

She frowns. “Yes.”

I laugh and kiss her cheek. “Ok then. Let’s start with the fact that there are eighty-six thousand and four hundred seconds a day.”

For a child who can only count to three, she takes this with great stride. “So every day you gone, that’s how many years?”

“Everyday I’m gone it feels like eighty-six thousand and four hundred minutes,” I tell her and kiss her hand. “Now, for bigger math, I’ve been going to school since you were born. That’s three years. There are three hundred and fifty-two days a year.”

He mouth drops open then. “Daddy,” she gasps.

“Should I try to figure out that number?” I ask.

She shakes her head and tucks it under my chin. “Too sad, Daddy. Too sad.”

“Exactly,” I murmur as I rock her. “It’s too sad when we’re apart. But soon, I’ll be home everyday, and you’ll grow sick of me.”

She giggles loudly. “No, I won’t! Never!”

“You promise?” I ask.

She gives me the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on her. “Promise!”

When Bridget’s birthday party comes, the usuals show up. Mostly Mirian’s family, her mom and grandmother, Keme. They show up with tons of gifts and presents, and Bridget is ready to burst. She’s running around, screaming in excitement for gifts and cake and her favorite, ice cream.

When there’s another knock on the door, Mirian and I are shocked. We had thought everyone was there. I answer the door and nearly drop dead. Standing there are my mom and dad.

“Look at you!” My mother grabs my face between my hands. “You look so healthy! Pierre look!” She’s crying.

“Hi,” I gasp in shock and hug my mother. I look to my dad, seeing that old, starchy face doesn’t comfort me at all. But when he holds out my hand and shakes it, I can’t help but feel an inkling of hope.

I introduce them to Mirian and their granddaughter. Claudette won’t let Bridget go, she covers her in kisses and promises her the moon and more. 

“Are you two married?” Pierre, my dad, asks. 

“No,” Mirian says flatly. “We feel it’s better if we don’t.”

My mom shakes her head. “That’s not good! You have a child together! You need to show her some responsibility and get married!

Mirian and I exchange weary glances, but we laugh nervously. “We just thought, since all of this happened sort of unplanned-”

“When it happened was when you should have planned!” Pierre says. “Having a baby isn’t easy. It's better when you can have a partner there.”

They beat that into us a bit more, but aside from that the visit is, dare I say, extremely pleasant. My dad isn’t the same hard-nosed, pig-headed, religious zealot he used to be. In fact, when he asks me if I want to have a drink with him, I about flip.

I take him to my favorite bar and watch him order a whiskey. I’m shocked beyond belief. “I always said, the day I saw you drink would be the day I died.”

“Don’t count your chickens son,” he sighs. “It could happen at any second.” He takes a sip and shakes his head. “To be honest, son, it’s not been the best of times since you left.”

“Oh?” My voice wavers.

“I’ve had to learn a lot and...I’ve had to realize that, even if I thought my intentions were good, I was not being a good person. I’m not a good husband or father. I owe you an apology for...back then.”

“Shit,” I whisper.

“I never should have threatened you the way I did,” he says. “Your mother never forgave me and...if you never did I wouldn’t blame you. But that signaled the end for us, and I’ve got no one to look back on a blame but myself.” He huffs.

“I was shit, Dad. I mean, what choice did you have?” I ask.

“I could have tried harder, son,” he says. “I didn’t try at all. You didn’t fit my image for a son, so I gave up. I didn’t try and...it hurt everyone.”

“This is surreal,” I murmur.

“You don’t need to forgive me, I get it,” he huffs. “But it would be nice if you stayed in touch with your mother. She needs you.”

I nod. “Thanks,” I murmur. “I plan on it.” It’s strange and surreal, but I think in some way I can forgive him. He’s changed and so have I, we’re different people, and I want to get to know this new person someday.