The Life of Jacque Part Two (complete)

    Once upon a time, there was a princess and a piece of shit. No? Not any good? Ok well, last time I was here, I was telling you about Mirian. Then again, I probably leave off a lot of conversations on Mirian, she’s just amazing. After that first night together we agree to see each other more. It goes pretty hot and heavy at first. I also try to taper off heroin a bit, keyword there is a bit, just for her. 

    Usually, we have to do it in my truck. Technically I still don’t really have a home. I have a place I sleep in where we do all the manufacturing, but that’s no place to take a girl like Mirian. Hell, it’s barely liveable. So most of the time, I’ll pick Mirian up in my truck, and we’ll drive somewhere. At first, she seems shocked I want to spend time with her. The first time I asked her just to go driving with me, she looked suspicious. 

    “Go driving?” She asked. “Why? What for?”

    We’re still cooling down from sex, and she doesn’t seem to want to be held. I kiss her shoulder, coaxing her back to me. I’ve laid out a blanket in the back of the truck, so we’re outside but hidden. She slowly comes to me, letting me touch her and wrap my arms around her. She smells good, and her skin feels nice. I imagine her in her room at night, rubbing lotion into her skin while she listens to the radio. Such a silly fantasy but then again I’ve never had one like it.

    “I just...wanna hang out with you,” I don’t lie. I really do want to spend time with her. She’s smart, and she’s funny, I have a blast talking to her about anything and everything. I just haven’t really had the chance to do so yet.

    She taps her fingers to my chest, running her hand down to my stomach. “Hang out?”

    “Yeah. Is that weird or something?” I ask here.

    “No,” she murmurs. “It’s just...yeah it’s kind of weird.”

    I chuckle and kiss the top of her head. “How is it weird, baby?”

    “I thought this was just about sex,” she murmurs. She looks up at me, her dark eyes so beautiful in the moonlight. “Since it was so good.”

    I take her hand and kiss her knuckles. “The sex is amazing, of course. But so is the girl I’m having it with.” I rub her back, and she curls up to me, looping her leg around mine. “I want to get to know her better.”

    Her cheeks darken, and she kisses my chest. “Ok, I mean...yeah.” She smiles and lays her cheek back down. “I’d like that.” 

    I lay with her, holding her and looking up at the stars. The moon is so big and heavy I half expected it to fall from the sky. Considering how much my heart is hammering now, I expected it to collapse. I’ve never been in love before, I don’t know how to handle it.

    The next day I pick her up again with the intent of driving us around and just goofing off for the day. She’s dressed so cute in a yellow sundress. I try to admire how cute she is, but I can’t help but notice she’s not wearing a bra. I feel like a dirty old man.

    She hops into the truck and kisses me, wrapping her arms around me. The kiss is passionate and driven. She’s making it last as long as possible. I then realize she’s putting on a show for someone. Her mother in fact.

    “Don’t pay attention to her,” Mirian whispers in my ear.

    “Kind of hard not to,” I whisper back.

    She bites my bottom lip and tugs. “You smell so good today, baby.” She moans into my ear and as bad as I don’t want to be I’m hard.

    “You need to stop,” I groan.

    “Why?” She giggles.

    I plop her down in the seat beside me and start the truck. As I drive away, I feel her mother’s eyes boring into the back of my neck. Mirian snuggles up close to me as I drive.

    “That was bad,” I growl at her, putting my hand on her thigh.

    “What?” She tries to act all innocent. 

    I give her a glaring look, and she smirks up at me. “Showing off like that. Are you trying to make your mother hate me?”

    “I’m just trying to make her mad is all.” She rubs her palm to my crotch.

    “Hey,” I laugh. “I thought this was going to be just a fun little date.”

    “I like when you get hard,” she says. “I feel accomplished when you do.”

    I chuckle and tilt her chin up, kissing her at the stop sign. “I just wanna talk to you today. You can feel accomplished later.”

    She grins at me, kissing me back. This time it isn’t a show, and she kisses me with a sweet intent. “Mm,” she pulls back. “Ok, fine,” she huffs. She continues to sit next to me at least.

    I hold her hand, and she laces out fingers together. “You look pretty.”

    Her cheeks darken, and she bites back her smile. “It’s new.” She tugs up the skirt, showing me that, once again, she’s gone without panties.

    “Do we need to stop by a lingerie store and buy you some underwear?” I chuckle.

    “I have plenty, I just knew I wouldn’t need them today while I was with you.” She winks at me, and I want to turn into a puddle.

    “Bad baby,” I growl. “You’re making this harder and harder.”

    She snorts and laughs. “I can see how hard that is very clearly.” She kiss the back of my hand. “You aren’t hiding it.”

    “You know I can’t.”

    She leans on my side and smiles. “Why do you like me?” She asks.

    “Why?” I glance down at her then back on the road. “There’s a lot of reasons I like you.” I squeeze her hand. “You’re beautiful,” I tell her. “You’re strange but fascinating. Your smile makes me feel things I...it makes me feel hopeful for once.”

    She looks up at me, and I smile at her.

    “Your eyes too,” I touch her cheek as we stop at a red light. “So dark and deep. I get lost in them constantly.” I run my thumb over her lips. “And these sweet things here, not just your smile, but the way they touch me. I could-” A car horn behind us blares, and she nearly jumps out of her seat.

    I drive forward, and she giggles, hiding her face against my arm. 

    “I’m falling hard for your Mirian,” I tell her. “I get all nervous and sick when I think about how fast I’m falling.”

    “You mean all that?” She whispers to me. “They aren’t just words, are they?”

    “They’re everything to me right now.”

    Mirian sniffles and I squeeze her hand fast. “What’s wrong?”

    “Nothing!” She lets go of me and finds a napkin to wipe at her eyes. “Nothing! I swear,” she sniffles and sobs.

    I pull us over, parking at an abandoned gas station. I wipe away her tears, and she kisses me. “I’m falling for you too,” she whispers to me.

    I kiss her cheek and lick away her tears. “Don’t cry.”

    “I don’t want to it’s just-” she whimpers. “I’ve been so scared I’d be alone,” she gazes back up at me. “I didn’t care if I was used-” I plant my finger over her lips.

    “I’ll use you,” I whisper to her. “I’ll use every inch of you. I’ll fill you completely,” I pet up her thigh and under her skirt. “You can be sure there won’t be an inch missed.”

    She moans softly. “Promise?”

    “It’s law,” I whisper as I kiss her again. 

    I never had any hope in finding a jewel as beautiful and perfect as Mirian. How did someone like me end up with a gem like her? After she’s calmed down, I continue our drive. We follow a small dirt road leading to a secluded area of the river. We walk along the bank just talking. Not really about anything. We ramble on and on until it starts to get dark. When we go back to the truck Mirian climbs into my lap.

    “Wait,” I moan.

    “I can’t anymore,” she grabs my face and kisses me. “I need you, mon chou.”

    I hold her waist, kissing her as she grinds to the front of my pants. I can feel her wetness and her heat. Fuck, I needed her too.

    “Mon chou,” I moan, “I don’t have any condoms.”

    She giggles and licks my ear. “I do.” She reaches for her purse and produces one. She wiggles her brows and kisses me. 

    “Ah ha,” I laugh. “So you were planning to seduce me today.”

    “Hoping was more like it.” She kisses me, opening my pants and pulling me out. “I do need you.”

    “I know,” I groan as she slides the condom over me.

    She moves into place, easily taking me inside her. She grits her teeth then throws her head back and sighs. “I can’t believe how good you feel.”

    “I was thinking the same thing,” I tug down her dress, kissing her breasts as she slowly starts to bounce on me. All I want is her. There is nothing else in this world that matters anymore except for the woman I’m with. We stay by the river all night, sometimes in the truck, sometimes out of it. All the while I can’t believe the remarkable creature willing to stay with me.

    Come morning, our bliss is interrupted by a shock. Turns out, one of the condoms broke. The color drains from Mirian’s face and the look she gives me for the briefest moment shows her fear. She then laughs.

    “It’ll be ok,” she says.

    “But...Mirian we should-”

    She scoffs and shakes her head. “No, no, no, it’s fine really. Just once? Who knows it could have been a misfire.”

    I look at her, seeing that she’s sweating. “Mirian, we should still be careful and-”

    “It’s fine!” She insists. “I’ve been wanting to raw you anyways, just hate I didn’t know it.” She kisses me and touches my cheek. “Let's just go home, ok?”

    I kiss her and nod. “If you’re sure.”

    “Sure I’m sure,” she hops into the truck and pats my seat. “I’m hungry. Let's go eat a great big breakfast.”

    I know she’s anxious, I can see it in her eyes. Hell, I’m eager too, but she has a way of making you forget. She charms you and wraps you around her finger, but that’s probably why I’m so in love with her.

    Oh, fuck? Did I just say that? Did I just admit I’m in love with Mirian? Shit, I did. I love her, more than anyone or anything. I nearly miss the breakfast joint as I ponder this. She floats as she goes inside, or maybe since I love her, I’m just imagining that she floats.

    She orders and then looks at me across the table. Her expression is dreamy, and she takes hold of my hands. “What’re you thinking about?”

    “You.” I just don’t tell her the extent I’m thinking about her.

    She smiles and kisses my hand. “I’m glad. I was thinking about you too.”

    “Really?” I ask.

    “Last night was amazing,” she sighs. “So different than all the other times. I can’t put my finger on why.”

    A condom broke, I love you, there’s a lot of reasons it was different.

    “I can tell you really care about me,” she murmurs, cupping my hand to her cheek. “It feels so good.”

    “You know I’d do anything for you Mirian,” I murmur to her. “I mean it. I’d die if I had to.”

    She kisses the inside of my palm. “I don’t want that. So knock that thought away. I’d rather have you alive at any cost.” Her eyes gaze at me with so much feeling. I feel so light headed with her.

    I drop her off at her home, feeling the eyes of her mother boring red hot holes into my head. I kiss her goodbye and head back to the life I’m not really feeling anymore. Being with Mirian makes me want to reconsider my life, which is extremely scary. I’ve got it ok I guess. I don’t have a home, but at least I’m not dying. Well, I assume I’m not dying. 

    If I love Mirian, I want to give her the best life I can provide. What I’m doing now is far from that. I feel like I can’t love someone and continuously put them in harm’s way by making drugs. It isn’t fair to them. It’s not fair to me either. I want to stay with Mirian and provide for her. What if, god forbid, we had a real accident, and it turned into a genuine problem. What would we do? There was no way in hell I’d be raising a kid the way I am right now. I can guarantee that.

    Things continue like normal after that. I go to see Mirian as much as possible. I also borrow a camper from a friend, so I at least feel like I have a roof over my head. Some nights, Mirian sneaks over and stays with me. I love waking up to hearing her giggle as she climbs into bed with me.

    “What the fuck is this pleasure?” I kiss her temple as she curls up beside me.

    “What do you think?” She clings to me. “I missed you.”

    “You saw me this morning,” I laugh.

    “Still,” she nuzzles to my cheek. 

    I hold her, and I can no longer hold on to what has been building inside me. “I fucking love you.”

    She’s silent for a long pause. “What?” She gasps. 

    “Mon amour,” I whisper to her. “I love you.”

    She kisses me. “I love you too.”

    I hold tight onto her, barely believing the words she just told me. “No joke?”

    She laughs. “None at all I swear.” She snuggles close to me. “I love you. I’ve been dying to say it but…”

    “You were afraid?”

    She nuzzles to my cheek again. “Yeah, I’m sorry.”

    “I was too,” I whisper to her. “I’ve been wanting to say it since that night at the river. I just...fuck I don’t know why I didn’t.”

    “It’s nice to hear.”

    About a week after that, a month after we went to the river, she comes to my door. She looks pale and afraid, and she’s been crying.

    “What’s wrong?” I let her inside, and she sits down. 

    She looks in shock. Did her mother die? Her grandmother? I go to hold her, but she yanks away from me. “Don’t-” she whispers then holds her head in her hands.

    “What is it?” I insist.

    “It’s not alright,” she replies. “It’s not...oh god-” she starts to shake.

    I stare at her, and suddenly it clicks in my mind. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

    She silent.

    “You told me it would be ok!” I bark at her.

    “I was scared!” She sits up and barks back at me. “Ok? I was scared! I wanted to forget about it! I thought if I ignored it long enough-”

    “You can’t fucking ignore this kind of thing!” I snap at her. “How could you try and shove this under the rug!”

    She stands up from the couch. “It was the first time, I didn’t think anything can happen!”

    “First time,” I scoff.

    She glares at me, her jaw taut. “What is that supposed to mean?”

    I shake my head. “Nothing.”

    She comes towards me. “Like fucking hell that was nothing, Jacques!” She slaps me upside the head. I turn, grabbing her by the throat and pin her to the wall. As she stares at me, terrified and crying I let her go. She runs from me, running out the camper and far away from me. I fall to the floor, sobbing my eyes out.

    I’m too afraid to talk to her after that. I don’t reach out, and I don’t even look at my phone. I want to though. I want to apologize so badly, I should never have laid a hand on her. I should have held her. I should have let her cry. I should have told her I would take care of everything and do what was right for us. But no. I lashed out. I blamed her. I knew it was my fault and I blamed her.

    After about a week I swallow my fear and pride. I call her, and I am overjoyed when she answers.

    “Where have you been?” Her voice is small and weak.

    “Hiding,” I mutter. 

    “Yeah,” she sighs. “Jacques...what was that?”

    “A mistake,” I huff. “Mon amour...I want to see you.”

    “I know,” she replies quietly. “I want to see you too. I’m so scared.”

    I sigh. “I shouldn’t be one of the things you are scared of. Please...if you can forgive me come by. We’ll talk. I promise, I still love you.”

    She sniffles. “I still love you too.”

    She shows up an hour later. I hold her tight in my arms for the longest time. We sit down together, and we are silent and awkward.

    “Look,” I start, breaking the silence. “This is the toughest thing that anyone has to go through,” I speak slowly. “I know this is hard on you and your heart is being torn into a million pieces.” I look down at my hands. Never once in my life did I plan on being dad, let alone having a responsibility to my name. This has all been a lot to take in, and I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few days. About you,” I take hold of her hand and squeeze it. “About us.”

    “I’m glad we can agree that this is not ideal,” she says.  

My heart breaks a little, but I know I need to continue. “There are two options in my heart. Both of them feel right, and neither of them are easy.” I take a deep breath and kiss her knuckles. “The first one is that I will take you to Toronto. I’ll pay for the abortion and take care of you and make sure you’re healthy and happy. After that, you never have to see me again. I won’t tell a soul, and we can go back to our lives like normal.”

“Jacque,” she shakes her head.

“Two,” I place my fingers on her lips. I take a long moment to contemplate my words. I need these words to sound sane. “Two,” I’m breathless and about to shit my pants. “We make this work.”

Her eyes widen.

    “We have this baby. We start a family. From this moment forward I will work my ass off. I’ll go to trade school I’ll work as many jobs as we need. I’ll go clean. I’ll cut ties with the cartels. I’ll give you and the baby a husband and father to be proud of.” Tears are streaming down my cheeks as well as her’s.

    She takes my hand, kissing my palm and she smiles at me. “What the fuck is that?” She chuckles.

    I laugh and butt my forehead to hers. I kiss her, and she kisses me. We are silent for a long time, and then she sighs. 

    “I’m so scared, Jacque,” she whispers. “Two,” she murmurs. “I so badly want option two.” I pull back to gaze into her face. “But I don’t know...I...I don’t know anything at all. I can’t even find a way to tell my mom.”

    I wrap her up in my arms. “Starting now I belong to you and our baby.”

    She clings to me, sniffling and sobbing.

    I do exactly as promised. I start living clean then and there, taking only small jobs with the cartel to save up money. Mirian moves in with her grandmother Keme while I start applying to trade schools. The first doctor’s appointment knocks me on my ass. Each one continues to make me realize how small I am. The first time I hear the baby’s heartbeat I start wondering if I’m going to be good enough. I didn’t have the best father as an example. Did I have what it takes?

    During one of her appointments, I have to go away for an interview. I don’t want to, I would much rather stay with her, but this is important to our future. Once I get back home, she brings me something. In my lap, she lays a bright pink onesie reading “Daddy’s princess.”

    I look at Mirian and her bright, great big grin. “A girl?” I whisper.

    She nods and bounces excitedly. “Yeah,” she whispers. “I just found out.”

    I hold the tiny onesie in my hands, just gobsmacked that she will fit in something too small. Mirian holds me in her arms. “Daddy.”

    “Awes fuck, c’mon!” I hold her back, crying.

    Her belly gets big real quick. I love touching it and feeling the little girl inside move around. I talk to her all the time, whispering to her I’m going to do as much as I possibly can for her.

    “And what about me?” Mirian asks.

    I smirk at her. “I’ll do everything for you as well.”

    She smirks then bites her lip.

    “Oh? Is there something mon chou wants?” I tease.

    She playfully swats at me then tugs me close, kissing me. “I do want something,” she murmurs. “But I’m afraid you’ll say no.”

    “Oh?” I snuggle up beside her. 

    She looks up at me then touches her belly. “I need you.”

    My heart hammers. “Oh uh...can we?” I ask. “Is it...is it ok. I mean...with the baby and all?”

    She giggles. “I was looking it up.” She smiles at me. “It’s ok.” She stands up and takes my hand, leading me off to the bedroom.

    She undresses, and I have to admit, I see her in a much different light. She is still so beautiful, even more so that before. Of course, she maintains that beautiful pregnant glow about her. I kiss her, holding her fast. I kiss her neck and chest, gently brushing my lips along her breasts.

    “Careful,” she smirks. “They’re really sensitive right now.”

    I kiss her shoulder. “Sorry.” I grope her rear and move my fingers between her thighs. “Oh wow,” I whisper.

    “What?” She clings to me.

    “You’re wet already,” I giggle.

    She shoves me against the wall. “I’ve been dying to have sex for weeks now,” she tugs away my pants and strokes me, rubbing her palm along my shaft. “I’ve been in complete agony!”

    “Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask.

    She licks me, and I groan. I glance down at her as she gets on her knees. She takes me in her mouth, and I remember the night we met. She wanted a drink from me and a good time. She got two orgasms and me, unfortunately. I got her, I feel like I was the winner that night.

    She pulls back and licks up my hardened shaft. “Good boy.”

    “Mon chou,” I help her up, and we go to the bed. I lay down, and she presses her back to me. She rubs her ass against me, grinding me until I slip between her thighs.

    “And this won’t hurt that baby?” I ask.

    “Hardly,” she glances over her shoulder at me. “It’s ok. Promise.”

    I kiss her shoulder and start to ease inside her. She gasps and bites her lip. “Oh fucking finally,” she mewls in pleasure.

    I feel her tighten around me, begging me in deeper. I kiss her shoulder and nibble at the nape of her neck. She reaches back, grabbing my hip and making me move. She sighs and grunts, thrusting back to meet me. “Hurry, hurry,” she mewls. “More.”

    I give her what I can, still a bit of fear lingering in me. She gasps and shudders, and I feel her inner walls ripple around me. She cries out, grunting and shivering. I hold her fast, bracing her against me. I tilt her head back and kiss her. I continue to drive into her, and this makes her buck and twitch. She grunts and chokes on her words, slapping my legs until I stuff her full.

    Aside from that one night, this is the only time I’ve cum inside her. She pants and shivers. “Oh thank god. Fuck. Thank god,” she laughs. She then coos and kisses me, wrapping her arms around me.

    “You’re not going to thank me?” I smirk.

    She kisses me. “I think you’re thanked enough.”

    All too quickly time passes. The next thing I know we’re at the hospital. She’s screaming and has broken a bone in my hand. Then I hear it the most fantastic sound in the world. Her little voice rings out as clear as a bell. Her screams are the first thing I’ve ever truly listened to.

    She is placed in my arms, all red and squirmy. I just grin. I’m holding my baby girl, my Bridget. “Hi,” I whisper to her. “It’s Daddy.”

    “Awe fuck,” Mirian sniffles.

    “There’s Mommy,” I sit down on the edge of the bed and hand Bridget over to her. She clutches the little baby, and I know she will never let her go.

    “Oh my god,” Mirian whispers. “She’s here.”

    “Yeah, ”I hold her in my arms and kiss the top of her head. “Thank you.”

    Mirian stares at disbelief at Bridget. She kisses her and laughs. “She’ll get prettier right?”

    I laugh and kiss her. “Just like you. I know she will.”

    She looks at me and smiles. “Just like you too.”