Sourcebook Page 1 Alleycat
Added 2020-03-09 05:07:20 +0000 UTCCongrats, you get to be my proof readers
Comments
No, Artica's agility is a 5 awhile Alleycat's is an 8.
Ebonyleopard
2020-03-19 17:03:44 +0000 UTCSo Artica has a greater Agility then Alley cat? I thought Alley cat was an acrobat
Lordgriffin
2020-03-17 16:32:19 +0000 UTCGod, past and present tense always gets me.
Ebonyleopard
2020-03-10 16:06:31 +0000 UTCIn Powers, "slipping her molecules pass" should be "slipping her molecules past"
UltraFennec
2020-03-09 16:00:08 +0000 UTCGreat job! Can't wait to see more, especially Walice, CeeCee , Pandora & Micro!
Shawn Savage
2020-03-09 15:11:24 +0000 UTCNope, this is why I'm posting these. You all will help make these perfect.
Ebonyleopard
2020-03-09 14:52:24 +0000 UTCFan participation! thanks. The more eyes on this will make it better.
Ebonyleopard
2020-03-09 14:50:36 +0000 UTCAaand done ... sorry for the spam, I figured it would be easier to follow stream of thought rather than giving you one huge block.
MountainGoat
2020-03-09 14:43:25 +0000 UTC"She also can" should probably be "She can also" ... makes me wonder if that phrasing is a regional language difference :)
MountainGoat
2020-03-09 14:42:18 +0000 UTC"She can extend this effect beyond her immediate body to outward towards things she is touching." Try instead: She can extend this effect beyond her immediate body outward towards things she is touching.
MountainGoat
2020-03-09 14:41:14 +0000 UTCPotential extra comma: She was rescued by a group of vulpins calling themselves the Solarfoxes" You might actually be looking for a colon there ... She was rescued by a group of vulpins calling themselves: the Solarfoxes. No comma reads more naturally, colon makes it more presentational.
MountainGoat
2020-03-09 14:38:00 +0000 UTCMissing comma: During an attempt to flee, <--
MountainGoat
2020-03-09 14:36:07 +0000 UTCIt would flow better to say, "giant hunter determined to either capture or eliminate her" rather than duplicate the 'her' there.
MountainGoat
2020-03-09 14:35:31 +0000 UTCIt should be "and with dreams of becoming a writer"
MountainGoat
2020-03-09 14:32:43 +0000 UTCThat still feels a little awkward. I'm sure someone else can massage it a little more. :) But I am loving this sheet... and I always liked Alleycat.
Karl Maurer
2020-03-09 09:21:26 +0000 UTCIs it supposed to be Lost Angles? Which angle did they lose? The first paragraph of her profile could use a little re-wording. It comes across as a carry-on sentence and might need a little massaging. Other than my question about the name of the city and that first paragraph of her profile, it looks great. Here's my try at that paragraph: KATHERINE FELA HAD A PROMISING FUTURE AHEAD OF HER, BEING ONE OF THE TOP STUDENTS IN HER CLASS, AN ACCOMPLISHED GYMNAST, AND DREAMS OF BECOMING A WRITER. SECOND OLDEST OF FOUR, KAT WAS SEEN AS THE RESPONSIBLE ONE AND TRIED HER BEST TO LIVE UP TO THAT TITLE IN THE EYES OF HER PARENTS, AND TO THE EVER GROWING ANNOYANCE OF HER OLDER SISTER, CATRINA. HER LIFE WOULD TAKE A DRAMATIC CHANGE ON HER 16TH BIRTHDAY,
Karl Maurer
2020-03-09 09:18:42 +0000 UTCKickass, another Sourcebook sheet! I'm really loving how these are turning out. It really helps with finally getting official stats on everyone. I can't wait to see everyone else's!
Maxx001
2020-03-09 06:51:59 +0000 UTC
