Weekly Update - 264 - 3/31/25

Tummies are nice.

Comic this week? I guess so.

Drawing: Tehra Spicy Bonus Art (sketch preview above) and Page 223 (not featured, the parts I've drawn so far are kinda spoilery.)

Playing: Whatever

Max Body Pillow: I'm kinda scared to touch it now that I almost broke it, but that's on me and I'll get over it soon b/c it's fixed now. And I still need to draw the "back side." As well as some variants.

Ramble:
I haven't been rambling much of late. That's largely because my rambles are often just venting about shit that's bothering me and I haven't had a whole lot to vent about these past few years. I've been managing my depression pretty well, and everything has been more or less fine.

However, I feel myself falling deeply into a sort of mental malaise of late. And I want to ramble about it because rambling makes me feel better sometimes and who knows, maybe some of you might be feeling the same way, maybe we can shine some light on this misery together.

It's not quite depression, I don't think. At least not in the usual "I hate everything but especially myself" kind of way that depression usually manifests for me. This is more like a general overshadowing despondency with... everything. Every single day, I wake up, look out across the landscape of this world we share, and I am just... drowning in disappointment. I've taken steps to try and protect myself. I've stopped following the news. I've detached myself from a lot of social media, and I've turned inward to focus on my own life and my own shit, but I still can't shake this overbearing feeling of ... dread. 

No matter how optimistic I try to be, I can't help but feel like the worst is still to come. It feels like we've become trapped in a cycle where only the very worst among us, the traitors, charlatans, and hypocrites, are being empowered and uplifted, while those with any shred of decency have been stomped into silence. I want to believe the best in people. I want to believe that the trends of history always inevitably cycle back towards lasting positive change. I want to believe that the younger generations will bring about a better future. Fuck, I still do believe in those things, and I want other people to believe in those things as well. Yet... it also feels like things will have to get a great deal worse for everyone before enough people are motivated to change anything for the better. Which means we're stuck here for who knows how long? Years? A decade? A few more generations? How much are we willing to tolerate, collectively? How much longer do I need to rely on my dwindling reservoir of optimism and hope alone to get me through these days? How much longer until people start actually fighting to protect ideologies as basic as, oh I don't know, just as an example, "thou shalt not be a stupid lying shitbag about literally fucking everything?" That's gotta be etched in stone somewhere, hasn't it?

Anyway, I'm sure that none of you want to hear about this stuff or be reminded of it. Believe me, I'd rather never have to think about it again. But if I'm never able to vent about it, then the only alternative is bottling it up inside until I drive myself fucking crazy. I've tried that. I've been doing that. It's not working. Much to my dismay, I haven't succeeded in driving myself crazy. All it's doing instead is progressively turning my mood to shit, and I would be lying if I didn't say my motivation and effort to work on the things I do here depends greatly upon my mood. As much as I would love to, I cannot shut reality off or ignore it entirely, and nor SHOULD we, if I'm being honest, because that's probably a form of delusional psychosis. Not exactly a healthy state of mind.

Anyway. That's all I want to say about it. I'll just keep drawing furries because that's literally all I know how to do. And if someone tries to make it illegal, then I'll just keep doing it anyway because fuck 'em.