Weekly Update - 115

Ugh, what a week.

So on Friday I was planning to draw but I got to ride in an ambulance and go to the hospital instead!  That was fun.

Except it was the opposite of fun.  It was more like crippling agony that could not be helped no matter how much fentanyl they gave me.

Fortunately after about 7 hours in the hospital I was discharged with a fairly okay prognosis.  Turns out it's just a kidney stone.  I say "just" because it's not all that dangerous, and it seems like it's actually really common, but I didn't realize what a hugely big deal they are/can be or just how unpleasant they can be.  First time in an ambulance.  Achievement unlocked?

The other "good" news is that since I've had one once, I'm very likely to get them again!  The doctor assures me that's the case.  Because that's how it works I guess (I'm not convinced they really know, tbh).

Anyway...

Comic This Week?  Yes.

Drawing: Riley Page 2

Playing: Animal Crossing and WoW

Ramble:

As one might expect, the rather harrowing experience on Friday has taken a lot of the energy out of me.  I was, however, entertained how they repeatedly had me sign forms to state that they weren't kidnapping me to the hospital against my will.  Good ol' American healthcare system.  "We see that you are in crippling agony and vomiting.  Do you consent to us draining your bank account so that you can be seen by a doctor?  Keep in mind that if you sign this form you won't be able to sue us later for anything."

Anyway, I've released episode 1 of Riley's minicomic to you guys, and I'm hoping it was well-received.  The comic, for me, is intended to cover a lot of things, but doing a cold open where Riley lashes out against one of her hallucinations is a bit of a callback to the first time we see her in Kiva's story.  It's not necessarily her "normal" reaction to most gremlins, but it's kind of an attention-getter.  The following pages will show her more typical day-to-day.

Hallucinations can be caused by, but can also cause and worsen with stress, and her lashing out can be, I imagine, a form of catharsis.  While it wouldn't necessarily stop the hallucinations, I wonder if such an act might at least temporarily provide a modicum of relief, lessening the symptoms indirectly, temporarily.

Showing the world from Riley's perspective is a challenge, but I feel like it's worth at least exploring?  Idk.  The self-doubt is creeping in again, like it do.  Am I writing a story about a topic I'm unqualified to speak on?  Probably.  Is that generally always the case?  Probably.  Do I need to do it anyway because no one else can tell this story that's in my head?  Probably.

I'm a writer and an artist, not a mental health professional.  I explore my topics through creativity and imagination, not clinical analysis.  My hope though, is that I know enough to portray the topic of mental health in a way that is both entertaining and respectful to my character and to other people who struggle with these kinds of issues...  I hope to show it in a way that inspires others to consider the topic from perhaps a different angle.  Again, there's no shortage of media that portrays mental health issues in a very poorly thought-out and disrespectful way, and thanks to centuries of stigma and widespread cultural misunderstanding, that's been "normal" for a very long time.  It is only recently, I feel, that our understanding of such things has started to shift so that people with mental illnesses aren't just portrayed as the insane sociopathic psychopaths that blow up banks and murder people for fun, but that what can be considered mental issues is actually something we all struggle with at different levels, and that the people who struggle with their own minds the most can still be people, even heroes too.

But there's also a balance.  Because while I want to prop up people who struggle with mental illnesses and support them, I also want to show that it is, in fact, a struggle.  I want to prop up the people, not the issues they are fighting.  Riley has accomplished all that she's accomplished in SPITE of her mental issues, not because of them.  They are an obstacle for her, not a boon.  I mention this because I imagine there may be times where it seems like her hallucinations are giving her clues or ideas or thoughts, or even pretending like they are being helpful to her.  There may even be times where she believes they are helping her, but it's important to note that no matter what her gremlins may say or what they may appear to do, they are ALL still HER ideas and thoughts.

Anyway, sheesh, I could ramble about this forever I guess... and it's not even the first time.

It's having the desired effect though, on me, at least, to work on Riley's minicomic for a time, as the small deviation from Kiva's story is serving the purpose of getting me excited to return to it, so I'll probably draw about 4-5 pages of Riley's comic before we check in to see what Max is up to while Kiva's being dragged through the Citadel.