Naruto: Freeloading is Great! [7]

“Take me mushroom-picking, quick!”

After Sasuke shouted that, his reception wasn’t half as warm as before—Hoshino and Naruto were both a little distracted.

“No. If you want to go, go by yourself. It’s freezing; I don’t want to do meaningless stuff anymore. We’ve got money anyway… Naruto, let’s eat ramen today. Extra-large tonkotsu, to make up for missing nutrients.”

“Y-yeah. Let’s not go out to prep ingredients today. Hoshino, y-you really do need to rest and… and, um, replenish…! Also, um—that, that… I’ll stay out playing until very late before I come back, so tonight, p-please, please, please… take your time and enjoy… I absolutely won’t come back early. Don’t… don’t mind me…”

“Nonsense. Who’d mind a little brat like you? Even if you didn’t say it, I was going to savor it slowly. This chance is so rare—how could I not relish that long-awaited top-tier flavor! Heh heh!”

“Eek—! R-relish it… Hoshino, you’re planning to use your mouth too!? Th-then… I’ll… I’ll make sure you’ve got lots of ch-chances to get it again in the future… so maybe don’t use your mouth, okay? It’s… dirty… Actually, actually I read in a book that if you only use your nose, it’s almost the same…”

Naruto realized Hoshino was getting more and more perverted. Using it at all was already… that. He hadn’t expected Hoshino wouldn’t be satisfied with just using and sniffing—Hoshino, stop, don’t take another step down the pervert path!

“O-only the nose…!? That’s a bit…”

Hoshino was thunderstruck by Naruto’s words. Sure, this “wife” of Sasuke’s could indeed create plenty of chances for him to “take money” off Sasuke, but to be extravagant enough to eat ramen with a nose that has zero taste buds… As expected of this Perverted Naruto—perverted from every angle!

While Hoshino and Naruto were mutually speechless at each other’s “perversions,” Sasuke—who felt completely shut out of their weird topic circle—finally got mad, which oddly eased the awkward atmosphere.

“You two liars have been babbling stuff I can’t understand since just now. You said you’d take me mushroom-picking! Hurry up and take me——!!”

…

In the end, Hoshino and Naruto still didn’t take Sasuke mushroom-picking—they took him to eat ramen.

If Naruto hadn’t been desperate for Hoshino to “rest up and conserve strength” today, working hard to help Hoshino lie, Hoshino would probably have had to take Sasuke picking after all.

What can you do? He’s the Uchiha family’s second son. If you get along nicely, not only can you sc—borrow some living expenses, you can also pry out a flawless training plan tailored to a five-year-old.

If luck gets even better, maybe you can swindle some high-level ninjutsu out of him. Three birds with one stone!

Feeling Hoshino’s villainous gaze on him, Sasuke hugged his shoulders and edged closer to Naruto. He felt like a big bad wolf had set sights on him.

The three arrived at the tiny Ichiraku Ramen shop. Just as Sasuke was about to go in, Hoshino solemnly stopped him.

“Sasuke, when you meet the strongest man in the world, you must be polite. Otherwise you’ll provoke disaster. Remember: be polite~”

“...S-strongest man in the world?”

“That’s right. The boss of this place is the strongest man alive. In this shop that only looks shabby—in fact, it is shabby—dwells Ōtsutsuki Ichiraku. Back in the day, when he roamed—”

Before Hoshino could finish, a ladle flew out of the shop and clocked him square on the skull.

“Who are you calling shabby! Stop telling every customer those weird rumors when you come here. What the heck is ‘Ōtsutsuki Ichiraku’? Never heard of him!”

Out stormed an uncle with a face full of anger, and he gave Hoshino a thorough scolding.

“As expected of Ōtsutsuki Ichiraku—using an ordinary ladle like a deadly hidden weapon, the might of a sage!”

“Good afternoon, Ōtsutsuki oji-san! We’ll have tonkotsu ramen today, extra-large!”

“Don’t call me Ōtsutsuki——!!”

Fuming, Ichiraku-ojisan snatched up the fallen ladle and delivered a solid bonk to both Hoshino and Naruto’s heads. After disciplining the two brats who insisted on changing his surname every day, he finally noticed Sasuke, shrinking on the side.

“You friends with these two idiots?”

“Yes! I’m Uchiha Sasuke. P-please don’t turn me into ramen… please!”

Ichiraku-ojisan stared speechlessly at Sasuke’s deep bow. What kind of monster does this kid think I am?

After a few simple words, the three sat down to wait for their ramen.

Since they were idle anyway, Hoshino asked Sasuke why the Hyūga hadn’t sent anyone to kill him. The answer:

“Why would they kill you? Wasn’t that lie Hinata’s? I heard she got grounded at home for lying with malicious intent.”

“...Unbelievable! Aren’t you big clans supposed to be brain-dead and unreasonable—just send people to kill innocent little me, like total idiots? How can you be so rational? I don’t buy it!!”

“Hey—! Who are you calling brain-dead idiots? If you want to be treated unreasonably, I can help!”

After shouting at Hoshino, Sasuke grumbled:

“I felt like you were biased against me from the moment we met—so this is why. Don’t tag us big clans as villains just because of fake stories in stories. Compared to us, what’s truly disgusting is people like you who smear our character out of jealousy!”

Normally, Hoshino would never believe what sounded like PR spin for a major faction. But the more he thought about how this real Naruto-world seemed totally unlike the manga’s story, the more despairingly he believed it.

“W-what do I do… If reality isn’t like the story—if the big clans aren’t idiots, if girls don’t burst into tears at the sight of a transmigrated protagonist and beg to marry him, and they don’t say, ‘As long as I’m in your heart, that’s enough,’ while proactively helping him pick up more girls… Troubling! I’d be so troubled!”

“…” ×4

SasuNaru, Ichiraku-ojisan, and Ichiraku-oneesan all fell silent at once, staring at Hoshino with contempt.

This guy is truly trash. How can he daydream that outrageously and feel no shame at all?!

...

At the very moment someone’s daydream shattered, in a spacious, imposing residence in Konoha, a Byakugan girl’s dream was just beginning—

“Hinata, you’re growing up, and you’ve reached the age where you start taking interest in boys. I think it’s time I tell you the Hyūga clan’s greatest secret. Listen carefully. Though we Hyūga always claim to the outside that the Byakugan cannot see through clothing and can only see acupoints, chakra, and meridians, in truth… our Byakugan can see through clothes!”

Hyūga Hiashi dared not meet his daughter’s pure eyes. Right hand over the faintly aching conscience in his chest, he spoke the words every Hyūga parent tells their child.

It was a lie only a Hyūga could tell, a grand lie written into the clan rules. Precisely because of this rule, the Hyūga had remained prosperous for so many years.

Feeling his daughter hugging his leg and shouting, “Father, I’m going to train!” Hiashi quietly closed his sorrowful, tearful eyes.

Forgive me, Hinata. Your father was tricked by your grandfather the same way back then. This is the fate our Hyūga clan cannot escape…!

---

This is a fan translation of 火影之软饭真好吃 by 肾亏能力者 All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!