Naruto: Freeloading is Great! [3]

Once his head cooled a little, Hoshino immediately figured out who that white-eyed little girl was.

The Hyūga clan’s heiress—who else could it be but Hyūga Hinata, daughter of clan head Hyūga Hiashi? It’s not like the Hyūga girl could actually be Hyūga Neji, right?

Impossible, sure—but deep down Hoshino still wished she wasn’t Hinata but Neji, because that super obedient, super cute Hinata from the story… her true face turned out to be a little liar who could spout nonsense with her eyes wide open…

Yeah, he still couldn’t accept it!

Setting aside what didn’t matter: right now Hoshino and Naruto had been lugged along under the arms of the Hyūga man for quite a stretch; they’d probably reach the Hyūga compound soon.

On the way, even though Naruto kept struggling and yelling without pause, not one passerby stepped up for them.

Makes sense. On one side you’ve got Konoha’s second-largest clan; on the other, Naruto—the “demon fox” everyone wants to chase off. Forget expecting help—if not for the Hyūga’s face, the crowd would’ve already started pelting stones.

Hanging around with Naruto really was cursed luck. Might as well cut ties with the little brat; he’d just given false testimony to frame Hoshino a moment ago anyway.

Thinking of Naruto, Hoshino suddenly noticed something.

“Hey, Naruto, you okay? Why’d you suddenly stop your idiotic howling?”

As embarrassing as his caterwauling was, a guy who could knock on a door for half a day had scary persistence; by rights, he shouldn’t go quiet this fast. Did the Hyūga man knock him out?

With no response from Naruto, Hoshino turned his head, suspicious—and there it was: Naruto’s eyes clamped shut, a clear bubble on his nose inflating and deflating…

Damn it! He’d fallen asleep!

To snooze while being carried around like a sack—this idiot was truly next-level.

While Hoshino’s balls ached from sheer secondhand stupidity, someone finally “noticed” him and Naruto after all the bystanders had ignored them for ages.

“Onii-chan, look over there.”

The speaker was a black-haired little boy tugging at the sleeve of the black-haired teenager next to him, though his gaze was on Hinata and the Hyūga man.

The black-haired teen with two nasolabial lines on his face answered with a quiet “Mm,” then walked over with the boy.

Seeing the two approach of their own accord, Kūsū turned away with a disgusted spit.

“You two want something from us?”

“Nothing major. We just suspect the Hyūga are abducting children for human experimentation.”

The black-haired teen opened his mouth and immediately dropped a bomb. Then he and Kūsū locked eyes, while the black-haired little boy and Hinata stared at each other.

The air went tight in an instant; invisible fumes of war seemed to waft around them. Ordinary folks passing by acted like they’d seen it all before, keeping to their business and not getting involved.

From the fan crests on their clothes, Hoshino got it at once.

Konoha’s two big power blocs, Uchiha and Hyūga—whenever they met, they’d start squabbling for no reason. Not strange at all: both clans literally ate with their eyes. And today it was the Uchiha clan’s eldest son meeting the Hyūga heiress, to boot.

Itachi and Kūsū’s face-off was intimidating. But Sasuke and Hinata… those two weren’t tigers trying to scare anyone; they looked more like two kitten-cubs wearing expressions that screamed, “I’m fierce. I’m super fierce.”

Hoshino knew they were serious, but he still wanted to ask: are you two selling cute?

“Uchiha—don’t think being in charge of policing the village means you can slap random labels on the Hyūga.”

“Labels? Not at all…”

Kūsū almost looked pleased at Itachi’s words. Seemed like, for once, he wouldn’t be dragged to the Police Force on some trumped-up pretext to “cooperate with an investigation.”

Too bad Itachi liked to—break his sentences—on purpose. He waited several beats before finishing:

“I’m stating facts, not labeling. Those two kids who keep struggling, whose eyes are filled with despair, hatred, and sorrow—that is your proof of guilt. Move. You’re coming with me to the Police Force for a full investigation.”

Hoshino glanced, speechless, at Naruto—still asleep.

Excuse me, Itachi-sama: how exactly did you read all that from the “eyes” of someone whose are closed because he’s asleep?

“Y-you—you—you damned Uchiha bastards! Did you know I’m assigned to protect the heiress today, so you’ve spent the whole day framing me from every angle, trying to drag me away from her side again!”

“Hyūga dogs, watch your language! Even if I don’t accuse you of child trafficking, you still can’t dodge charges like insulting an officer, obstructing official duty, and—bad breath!”

“Hey! Did you just indirectly admit you’re deliberately slandering me—!!”

Kūsū shook with rage.

And he should. No matter how Hoshino looked at it, calling someone’s entire clan “dogs” was way harsher than “bastards,” yet Itachi still had the face to tell the Hyūga guy to mind his civility. Society in decline, seriously. Also—since when was bad breath a crime in Konoha? If you’re going to make things up, at least try harder!

All that said, as a spectator, Hoshino thought Itachi vs. Kūsū was wonderfully entertaining.

As for Sasuke vs. Hinata…

“You're an idiot, Hinata!”

“Whoever calls others an idiot is the real idiot! Idiot Sasuke!”

“Hey! No you~!”

“Ah—! Sasuke, that’s cheating!”

Are you two morons playing house?!

While Hoshino despaired over the toddler “battle,” the fire Itachi and Kūsū were trading dragged him and Naruto into the line of fire.

“How many times do I have to say it? That silver-haired brat is a criminal attempting to assassinate our heiress!”

“Criminal? You think my handsome Sharingan can’t see clearly? What about that silver-haired brat says ‘criminal’ to you? Even if he were, jurisdiction lies with the Konoha Police Force—your Hyūga don’t get to meddle.”

“Stop hiding behind your Sharingan and the Police Force! If you don’t believe me, I’ll prove it right now!”

Enraged, Kūsū shook the blonde he held in his left arm awake and made him lock eyes with Itachi.

“Blond brat, tell that blind man what you saw in the snowy woods!”

Naruto blinked sleepily for a moment at Kūsū’s words, then began to “recount” the facts.

“Oh great and handsome big brother of the Uchiha, when this Hyūga-dog clan saw me and Hoshino in the snow, they suddenly showed evil grins and said, ‘Let’s catch these two brats and take them back for the clan head’s human experiments.’ Then they used force and grabbed me and Hoshino!”

“Even though I knew the evil Hyūga-dog clan would do all sorts of inhuman things to me and Hoshino, I believed that as long as the Konoha Police Force made up of the great Uchiha existed, we’d be fine, so actually I wasn’t scared at all.”

When his “detailed account” ended, Naruto’s empty eyes shed “sincere” tears.

“Boo-hoo… thank you, great Uchiha, thank you, Konoha Police Force, thank you for saving me from the filthy hands of the Hyūga-dog clan. Long live the Uchiha—! Hyūga dogs, eat shit—!!”

At this point, you didn’t need Hoshino—who knew exactly how low Naruto’s IQ ran—to realize how a five-year-old could spew lines that slick.

Because when Itachi had said, “You think my Sharingan can’t see clearly?” he’d already activated it. Forget kid Naruto—nine out of ten jōnin would fall for Itachi’s tricks.

“...U-Uchi—Uchiha bastards! Y-you—you actually used genjutsu on kids who barely even have chakra to forge testimony! Ever heard of shame!?”

“Hyūga dogs! What kind of attitude is that? Can’t handle solid evidence, so you’re hunting excuses to make an arrest, is that it? Hm—!?”

Facing Kūsū’s Gentle Fist stance, Itachi didn’t back down a millimeter; those eyes with three little tomoe spinning in each stared Kūsū down.

A private showdown between Sharingan and Byakugan was about to explode!

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T/N: LMAOOOO this is just a crack fic huh

This is a fan translation of 火影之软饭真好吃 by 肾亏能力者 All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!