2023/08/07

这只是一个碎碎念，简单说一下我目前的精神状态。

Explain my current mental state.

有时候我真的不知道为什么我的专注力很低，自从那次比赛结束之后知道了自身能力的不足，并且推掉了演唱会的工作，但我依旧不能进入创作状态，我不知道我该怎么办，没有可以让我放松的事，也没有可以倾诉的人，我也不知道要对其他人说什么，我没有任何存款所以我也没有能力去一趟短期旅游（目前甚至处于负债状态）。我的状态似乎已经进入了一个死循环了。

Sometimes I really don't know why my concentration is low. Since the end of that competition, I realized my own lack of ability and refused to work at the concert, but I still can't enter the creative state. I don't know what to do. There is nothing to relax me, no one to confide in, and I don't know what to say to others. I don't have any savings, so I don't have the ability to go on a short-term trip (Currently even in debt). My state seems to have entered a dead cycle.

我一点都不相信我已经来这里两年了。而制作HMV已经有三年之久。也许因为我无法在社交软件上对我的作品进行推广，我的支持者人数在两年内从未超过40人。我很开心有你们的支持，但来自Devil Carnival官方的技术封锁注定了我无法拥有更多的支持者，我无法吸引喜欢这款游戏的人或者爆乳爱好者来关注我。（因为游戏官方一旦在社交软件上查询到他们新的游戏CG出现在免费网站上，他们就会勒令让你删除并加强他们的防破解技术，让玩家们更难拿到cg图片。并且这件事已经经历过一次了。）

I don't believe at all that I have been here for two years.  And the production of HMV has been going on for three years.  Perhaps because I am unable to promote my work on social media, my number of supporters has never exceeded 40 in two years.  I am very happy to have your support, but the official technology lockdown from Devil Carnival has meant that I cannot have more supporters, and I cannot attract people who love this game or Big Breast Lovers to follow me.(Because once the game official finds their new game CG appearing on free websites on social media, they will order you to delete and strengthen their anti cracking technology, making it harder for players to obtain CG images. And this matter has already been experienced once.)

你们也许知道那句话吧？不进步就是在退步。我无法像Meliodas那样维护粉丝粘性，我不知道该如何做，一味的复制其他人的做法我不喜欢，甚至还可能出现反作用。在他最近的文章中我们知道他拥有至少540名粉丝，在他生病之前还有更多。每个月1600美元的收入他必须将这件事做好，而我连他的十分之一都无法达到。我承认我的作品相比于他的作品在质量上不如他，但我所做的一切真的无法触及到他的十分之一吗。这种想法是一把双刃剑，能在一瞬间击垮一个人，也能在一瞬间给予人动力，但我似乎哪一方都不是。

You may know that sentence, right? If you don't make progress, you are going backwards. I can't maintain fan stickiness like Meliodas, I don't know how to do it. I don't like blindly copying other people's methods, and it may even have negative effects. In his recent article, we know that he has at least 540 fans, and there were more before he fell ill. He must do this well with a monthly income of $1600, and I cannot even reach one tenth of his income. I admit that my works are not as good as his in terms of quality, but is it true that everything I do cannot touch a tenth of his? This idea is a double-edged sword that can crush a person in an instant and give them motivation in an instant, but I seem to be neither side.

我很庆幸我制作HMV能坚持两年，我也希望我能坚持下去。直到我崩溃的那一天。

I am fortunate that I can persist in producing HMV for two years, and I also hope that I can persist. Until the day I collapsed.

最后，请各位支持者们一定要保持健康，无论是身体上还是精神上，一定要保持健康！

Finally, all supporters must maintain their health. Both physically and mentally. Be sure to stay healthy!