🌲🔥

This is one of my favourite self portraits.

My (almost ex) husband and I, camping on the north shore of Lake Superior, full moon in the sky, joint in hand, guitar by the fireside.

It was a good night. I set up the timer on my camera and took one shot. And this was it.

There’s been a lot of hard feelings back and forth between us this past year, but I have to say, our poly skills have really helped us through the divorce and mediation process. Our lawyer is awed by our compassion for each other, how our moral obligations to each other are outweighing the legal baselines, how little time we spend arguing, and how much we figure out on our own before our session with her even starts. It’s a relief and a blessing, and also a point of pride.

We are a good team. Still. Even when it’s hard. The compersion we have for each other still exists. The clear communication about expectations and motivations is second nature. Understanding that “fair” doesn’t mean “the same”, and equal doesn’t mean equitable, these are core foundations we already have. We have already practiced being happy for each other’s happiness, even in tough times.

I have hopes for us developing a new kind of relationship. I’m excited about that, getting rid of the resentment, letting it go and moving on. (It’ll take time I know, but one day....)

We send each other pictures of Lisa Bonet with Jason Momoa and Lenny Kravitz. Or Demi and Bruce and their new partners and families. A vision board for our modern family. I feel a glow when I imagine that future. Our marriage never looked like anyone else’s, why should our divorce. There’s still lots of work to be done to finalize things, but it’s heartening to know we’re off too a blazing start. The future is looking bright.

Fireside Self Portrait 2012