Finch

Finch passed away today.

I’m sorry to bring you such sad news after so many hopeful updates. I want you to know I think he passed peacefully. I hope he did.

He waited until we weren’t home to slip away. We’d been with him consistently all weekend. Neither Zach or myself had left the house. We were only gone two hours today and when we came back it was apparent that he had passed not long after we left.

He seemed “fine” as fine as he could be with his condition. No different than he’s been any other day. He seemed to be on an upswing and had tried eating on his own several times yesterday, I woke up this morning to find little bits of food strewn through the living room from where he had snacked through the night. I fed him through his tube as usual this morning and he had enough energy to fight me some. He gracefully trotted away after and laid on the bed watching us get ready to leave the house. I assumed he would nap in the bedroom through the day as he has done every day for the past month. He gave me no indication that today would be any different.

I’m grateful that if he had to leave that he chose today.

I had been traveling this past week and I would have been devastated if he left us while I was so far from him and the others. Zach would have been distraught as well considering that Finch was in his care while I was away. I’m glad he let me have him a few more days after my return. I’m also thankful that he didn’t give me any warning. I’m so vigilant of the animals’ behavior and I would have noticed immediately that he was acting off, I would have rushed him to our vet, I would have been hysterical. We would have spent his last moments in a car or waiting room where he was stressed and I was panicked. Instead, he was home. Where he felt safe. He was inside the quiet house where the other animals were asleep in their rooms and I was in a Florida spring, swimming in crystal clear water with turtles swimming underneath me, I caught a banded water snake, and glided a canoe past dozens of alligators. I was peaceful today and I’m thankful he gave me that.

I let Juniper see him to say goodbye, his only real friend in the years he spent here. She sniffed him and went to her spot to lay down and did not get back up for hours. I didn’t let the babies see him. I felt it was better to not.

I sat with him for a long time before saying goodbye.

He’s been in the house everyday for over a month; Laying on the couch and in the bed, trotting to the kitchen to see what we were up to. The house feels empty now. I keep expecting to see him watching me from around a corner, or perking up his ears when I walk past the livingroom.

I’m both thankful and hurt that we became so close recently.

It’s definitely made this much harder.