Feeling blessed rn

Heya, late night update because I finally just got back home after a really rough day. I know it's been a while since I spoke about stuff, but I will just say right off the bat I am getting back in the habit of doing artwork again and reorienting my focus towards a new lifestyle now that I've quit my day job -- part of that includes a bigger commitment towards projects I wanna announce very soon for April, and I'm excited to talk about that.

Part of the silence has admittedly been because of another personal issue that's been going on that I feel like I should finally discuss, if only because now it's over, and at long last, I can sigh relief. I think I previously alluded to this in a previous post that something was still taking up my headspace -- this is it.

So here it goes: my mom had to get surgery for a brain tumor. This had been arranged for almost 2 months now, and she had it this morning. Thankfully, it apparently went perfectly. She's currently in recovery, and we're expecting her to be able to return home tomorrow.

to divulge a bit of context: my mom has been dealing with issues surrounding her physical and mental health for quite a while now, and had been seeing a neurologist for the better part of a year or two, and at some point fairly recently, she was identified as having a tumor in her brain. By some grace of god, it turned out to be way less cataclysmic than it sounds: they were able to pin it as being a benign tumor, and also noted that due to its position in the frontside of her brain, they noted that it could be treated with a minimally invasive surgery through the nasal cavity. After she and my dad talked with many different doctors, including a very well-esteemed neurosurgeon at USC with a phenomenal track record, they were informed that the status of the tumor is that they weren't sure if it would end up being a significant problem or not -- there was a possibility that it could be left alone, and it would stay there, not affecting much for the rest of my mother's life, but there was also a possibility that it COULD become problematic, and that there is a certain point where one can be too old for surgery to be an option. After much consulting and deliberation among doctors and themselves, mom opted to have the surgery sooner than later.

The circumstances were way more optimistic and likelihood were pretty high -- again, the particular neurosurgeon has done fantastic work, is a generally lovely human being, and my parents said that they trust him wholeheartedly. Plus, they also had a lot of personal cross-references to feel confident that the procedure would be alright -- one of their family friends in Canada a few years ago had to get a surgery for a fairly large tumor on the upper back of her spine spine that apparently required cutting through some of the skull -- she currently is still dealing with trouble balancing and can't drive. Compared to that, this procedure is one that is just to be treated through going up the nose and in a spot behind the eyes -- the nasal cavity is almost entirely a direct line to the brain anyway, so that's convenient.

Still, despite all of the reassurances and being told that this is a "low risk" operation, having to mentally be aware of "my mom is scheduled for brain surgery to get rid of a tumor" was really fucking with me for a while. I already do involve assisting my parents physically, emotionally, financially, etc. and especially regarding my mom's health stuff, and I'd be lying if I said that a lot of my stress over the last few months weren't related to the preparation of this date. It also really didn't help that like, me learning that my mom was getting the surgery was when she sent an email also letting me know that my sister would be back in LA in order to be with the family. I legit got really scared by the implication of why she was going to come back to be with the rest of us on seemingly short notice for a potentially dramatic thing as BRAIN SURGERY. Fortunately, dad was able to explain all the info the surgeon provided to us and gave me refs to determine how relatively low-risk it was, and I would also learn that my sister just happened to be arriving for a personal vacation -- apparently she wanted to come by earlier in March but was postponed by her work; she just happened to arrive during a pretty major time entirely by serendipity.

Needless to say, this shit has felt, like... dramatic? in a way that's like, I really should not be telling this to folks online. However, I really would not had I been able to come out the other end, and I can confidently say that things did indeed go very well.

Last night, I had a fairly early homemade dinner together with my parents and sister, because mom and dad would have to wake up at 4 AM for the 5 AM appointment -- once mom was there, she would have to do some extra preliminary examinations before the actual procedure, which was scheduled to be a quick operation. In the meantime, my dad was permitted to head back home to rest for a while -- they would stay in touch with him and report to any updates on mom's status, and he in turn would relay that to us. I took the day off from classes because I felt that I knew I was gonna need to be on standby to head to the hospital depending on however it went.

As implied, however, we did get good news. at 10 AM, my sister texted saying that she and dad got word back of the surgery going "perfectly." My dad WAS presented with a last-second scare while dropping my mom off about a risk of the nasal cavity not being able to adequately heal, and being informed of the possibility that she may need some kind of skin graft freaked him out. But fortunately, mom didn't need that. After a few hours I was called to the hospital to await visiting once mom's anesthesia wore off and she was in recovery, where my dad, my sister, and also my great aunt were waiting... for a few hours, actually (man it's hard to find a room lol).

But eventually, we did manage to see her. She had an IV line, was dealing with a really sore throat (due to the respiratory tube she required during the surgery -- it's standard procedure and is expected to heal), and she may still have a nosebleed risks, but she was otherwise fully coherent and talked with all of us, talking about how kind the nurses have been to her, and the nurses further specified that she was allowed to and was able to walk around and eat a normal diet (she kept telling them that she didn't want to eat -- we had to clarify to the nurses that that's not a result of the surgery or the mds, she just very much doesn't like eating a lot for whatever reason lol).

Currently, she still is staying at the hospital. My sister is permitted to stay there overnight --technically she wasn't allowed on normal circumstances bc mom's sharing a room with another patient, but she convinced the head nurse to make an exception on account of her "being a healthcare professional" [which is sorta true, she is studying at UBC] who flew in from Canada to see her mom, so currently she's keeping an eye out, spending time with her, and also sharing the cafeteria food (which is legit quite good haha). Ideally in the morning, the neurosurgeon is gonna come in and make final checks to determine if she's in fit condition to return home, so that will also be a thing I will likely be assisting with tomorrow.

But yeah... it's been a day. Mercifully, a lucky one, and one where I'm glad that my mom is still alive and healthy, surrounded by loved ones who are all rooting for her. I know it's kinda like..... not exactly kosher and maybe a bit TMI-y to have to process this emotionally aloud in a blog post, but it IS kinda relevant to the nature of my work and my ability to focus on doing what I love -- including art, including also supporting my family and being with them when it really matters.

Dovetailing that conversation, I can say that even regardless of what this situation with my mom has been, I have indeed been feeling much better of myself and understanding more of how I'm gonna pilot my life now that I've actually had the time to think about it and devote it to "work" that I think matters. Once again, I have a lot of big plans with regards to future content, especially Patreon-related stuff and commissions that I'm very happy to say I'm working to complete as soon as possible, with planned stuff I want to announce at least roughly very soon. I feel extremely blessed and fortunate to have such an understanding, patient, and loving community like yall supporting me throughout all me and my particular bullshit considering the (gestures with arms wildly) "all of this" happening that I'm sure everyone is also taking note of... here's to me being able to repay you all in kind with the stuff I do and the stories I can tell.

Thank you for indulging me :D