Depression/Life Update/Apology
Added 2020-02-07 22:40:51 +0000 UTCHey friends,
Thank you as always for your patience and support. Like I've reiterated before, I wouldn't be able to fund these videos without you, and I'm supremely grateful for all the kind feedback I've received from so many of you over the years (can you believe I released my first video in 2018? Although truth be told...those first sets of clips with Jennifer were shot in late 2016). I've always wanted to be fully transparent and honest with all of you, and I've worked hard to be able to release brief updates weekly/bi-weekly most of the time. However, as I'm sure some of you have noticed over the last couple of months...the updates have become less and less frequent. This is due to a few factors: 1) moving; 2) a job that sometimes requires me to travel for weeks at a time; 3) working more to balance crippling student debt on top of normal bills; and 4) depression.
I have a really bad tendency of letting things spiral out of control. With this most recent video I've been trying to edit, I quickly realized that I bit off more than I could chew. Sometimes my eyes are larger than my stomach when it comes to being creative (as those who have followed me for a long time know, this has been somewhat of a habitual problem). I'm always aiming to make things as creative as possible, but sometimes it's better to execute something you know you can do competently, instead of reaching for the stars when you don't have a spaceship lol. At the same time, I never want to completely abandon a clip when the performance is good, and Jennifer is really, really good in that livestream one. Still, we changed the idea halfway into shooting, so I am missing a lot of cutaway footage, and thus, I have been forced to make some transitions I wouldn't have liked to. Not to mention, I made a serious shooting error that made half of the footage unusable. This led to me becoming super frustrated with what I was working on, feeling like it was going to be inevitably terrible, and that I would disappoint a lot of you in relation to how long you've been waiting. My thought process then moved from feeling bad about making everybody wait, and feeling horrible for taking money from people without much to show for it, and then worrying about alienating people to the point of losing patrons altogether, thus leading to me to not being able to fund these shoots in the first place haha. In some ways, I'm not sure if I should try to finish the video as is, and perhaps make it a Patreon exclusive? Or if I should begin working on something else, or if I should just try to be okay with finishing it, even though it won't be *ideal*. I'm still not quite sure about what I should do.
I want to start getting back to posting more again, even if it's not always related to the next thing that's coming (even if it's just screenshots again, or blooper footage, etc.). Thanks again for bearing with me. I'm so sorry that it feels like a quarter of my posts are long-winded apologies.
Comments
Thank you, that means a lot. I try to keep it at $5 even though I see lots and lots of folks charging quite exorbitant monthly amounts. Much appreciated <3
godqueen
2020-02-11 22:39:33 +0000 UTCI've got no problem chipping in a latte's worth of $ to someone who cares. Much preferred to paying a premium price to see someone approximate someone else's idea without any real creative energy.
DotNet
2020-02-11 21:40:59 +0000 UTCLelouch! Thank you! That means a lot <3 Thankful to be held in such high regard.
godqueen
2020-02-09 18:55:28 +0000 UTCSorry to hear about your struggles as well. I don't know about you, but mine definitely comes in waves, but of course can also be triggered by whatever stressful circumstances might arise, you know? I always appreciate you having my back, Alex. While I may not share your confidence in your belief in me, I do appreciate it haha. Much love, friend <3
godqueen
2020-02-09 18:54:41 +0000 UTCThanks Aragono, I really appreciate that. From the polls I've done in the past, it definitely seems like people are far more likely to give that sort of feedback in an anonymous form than from inside comments or messages, so I think that could certainly be a helpful idea. This was a super thoughtful post, and the support/guidance definitely helps. I never want folks to feel ripped off, you know? As a consumer myself, I know that there have been lots of times when I've spent $15-20 on something I didn't even get one good viewing out of, so I never want to leave a poor taste in anyone's mouth. But I think you're right, so thank you <3
godqueen
2020-02-09 18:50:04 +0000 UTCHey Guillermo, I appreciate all the thoughtful ideas, and for taking the time to type this up! I think doing little quick shorts could be fun...or even releasing takes that aren't used (slo-mo POVs or something?) could be interesting. I would definitely like to diversify the things I could offer y'all to buy some time in between the longer clips, so I'm always willing to listen. If you ever have any more ideas, feel free to share. Thanks for all the kind feedback <3
godqueen
2020-02-09 18:44:40 +0000 UTCSo I'm not good at typing good shit and im drunk rn buttttt illl say that you're probably the best patron i contribute so plz take my mouny and its okay if you're taking long one of them.
lelouch11
2020-02-08 11:32:24 +0000 UTCI've dealt with depression before, and I'm so sorry you're going through it. A very nasty beast. In terms of the video, I echo what others have said. Releasing it unfinished would actually be really exciting and give an insight into your process. But I respect any decision you make with your work <3 As for yourself, please don't think we would be upset with you(or are upset now). We really like your work and I think it's fair to say we really like you too! We have your back and are excited for whatever you can put out whenever you can put it out. Your mental health is more important than producing perfect videos. And besides, I know for a fact that you are your own harshest critic. At the end of the day, I truly believe you are the best video producer in this field! And I also believe you are a very conscientious and outstanding human. So just keep on being you :)
Alex W
2020-02-08 09:14:58 +0000 UTCHey mate, maybe set up a poll with your rough plans/ideas for whenever your stuck or frustrated on how to finish a vid or whether you need a second opinion on a final descision. I'm sure people here are willing to give you their thoughts on no matter the topic. I for one am all ways glad to hear from you on what's going on .... I get it completely when life gets in the way on making creative choices, I can see how it can be frustrating to make the quick decisions because you feel time is so short but the more you think on it the more you realise time is moving on too. That is why I suggested the 'Poll' idea. So you can give your thoughts, situation and get a solid option on what to do next. Of course more important than anything else is to give yourself space to breathe, depression is no joke from my understanding so letting your patreons decide on what to do next can give you time to relax if you leave the poll out for a certain time so everyone gets a chance to put their vote. Sorry this got long too but I really wanted to say something and also another thing even if you release a video in bits or even a compilation of sorts to just release it and move on that's definitely fine. If you say the problem is finding the right context to scenes so they flow consistently then maybe use text to fill the gap, I know it may seem low quality but I've seen long time veterans of content creators use that idea and sell the videos for high prices so your not stepping out the ordinary too much and it can help to give a set up of immersion if the material you have doesn't add up and that is my compilation idea explained, small scenes/scenarios mashed together. Also all ways remember to take a step back and think more clearly, sometimes simple and rough is all you can do and that's fine, don't worry about what people will think at the end because as long we know whats going on, we cool haha I mean you are a one man army here so just let it slide and move on I say. I feel also the more you express yourself with your fans which are also your patreons the more we express ourselves too and that's important I reckon because the more you talk about something the easier it is to resolve another, I hope that makes sense. Anyway thank you for what you do and cheers to you.
Aragono
2020-02-08 03:47:31 +0000 UTCAs far as the release of the clips you've been working on, if you feel like you're never really going to get to a place you're fully happy with it, maybe release it to your patrons then if you ever do have a chance later, you can always jump back to it. As far as stuff to release to patrons, bloopers and pictures are awesome, so defs yes to those XD but maybe something you could consider when doing shoots in the future, maybe have mini scenes done? Like little concise scenes of say like Jennifer walking into a room, being disgusted, then crushing the viewer, just as an example. Just a tiny clip that would likely not require as much editing, and dependingly could even be eventually woven into whatever full sized video you're working on at the time. Just an idea really. Hell this was is even further out, but have Jennifer or whenever actress you're working with read the description of the clip, (like in their perspective as the giant in the situation if that makes sense) The latter is definitely more out there, but I'm sure people would get a kick out of it, so it's just an idea to spitball. Like I said earlier though, bloopers and such would be awesome too, or maybe pics that didn't end up used in addition to stills from the coming clip? Not sure. Either way, I do sincerely hope that you feel better, both in general and with your working in this amazing work. We know you're still hard at work, and it's very much appreciated! (Sorry this was so long lol)
Guireyart
2020-02-07 23:32:50 +0000 UTC
