Chapter 7 of A Young Woman's War and Love
Added 2024-05-20 03:33:50 +0000 UTChttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1eyLHsH9DFaCE83pLh7EIEQwQo8cg54gymZ8zks66Qqw/edit?usp=sharing
Comments
Yep, I read the edit. Thanks for the in-depth comment.
Lorelei Stockhausen
2024-05-20 14:21:43 +0000 UTCI have had the chance to read the rest of the chapter as my work needed to do a system wide update. I have finished reading the chapter and have updated my comment with my full thoughts. But overall really enjoyed the chapter, keep up the great work!
Old Hammer
2024-05-20 14:13:01 +0000 UTCI did not originally want it to be angsty, but it could have been even more intense. I scaled it back from Max's version (the 2nd version), which is typical in our co-writing style. Max turns things up to 11. I turn them down to at most a 6, and then we compromise at 8 at most.
Lorelei Stockhausen
2024-05-20 14:09:40 +0000 UTCGlad you liked the first half. This is the first time I wrote almost all of the chapter with the feedback of Max and our betareaders, and there were some very challenging sections. Usually, Max writes the skeleton and I flesh it out into my style. Then we go back and forth on changes. Sometimes I add a section. This was an experiment in having me lead on a chapter. It was supposed to help get more content out faster, but backfired spectacularly. We scrapped like 40 pages. It really burned us out. The original did not have the flashbacks and was more fluffy and comedic. Max gave feedback, and we compromised for this version of the opening half. These are very touchy subjects that can be mishandled easily by well-meaning people, including those who have gone through them themselves.
Lorelei Stockhausen
2024-05-20 13:33:46 +0000 UTCA very well written chapter so far. The Visha dynamic is very well put together and a good read. The angst of both of them worrying that they might have made a mistake with the other is put together well. The previous life flashbacks hit hard and are something I have not seen in general from Youjo Senki fanfics. Not usually my cup of tea but it reads well and handles the subject maturely. Tanya being a heavily closeted Transwoman in her previous life and her previous closeted life giving her angst in this one is well written. Her aversion to dresses being tied to that previous closeted state is an interesting choice that works well. But god, so much angst in the first part of the chapter. Very well written and certainly a good read, but damn lots of angst. Elya was definitely a breath of fresh air more comical and fun with a deeper personality and thoughts under the surface. The dress shopping scene is fun. Really enjoyed this section. The Zettour scene is good and interesting. I enjoy the misunderstanding he has about her being a socialist. After having Elya report on the books Tanya has. All in all Great chapter.
Old Hammer
2024-05-20 13:04:20 +0000 UTC
