The Importance of Self-Care

For those of you who don't remember/weren't alive/didn't own a TV during the early 90's, the image above is Al Franken as Stuart Smalley on SNL. Stuart had his own local access talk show that was known for the line, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it-- people like me!"

And I want you to say that to yourself right now. Say it in a silly voice. Be goofy or totally sincere. What I'm saying is, we all need to keep a teeny Stuart inside of us at all times. We need someone who's looking out for ourselves--someone whose goal is indulging in a little self-care. 

And I say this knowing full well that I am 100%, totally garbage at doing this for myself. I stayed with my mom for a few weeks this summer and while I was there, we stayed up late chatting. My mom and I talk a lot, but it was nice to rehash some things face to face. And I mentioned that I've been so stressed out that stress isn't even registering anymore. It's my new baseline. I'm not sure how to come back from that. I honestly don't even know how to relax most days. I sit there thinking, "Shouldn't I be doing something?" I envy my husband's ability to sit down and tune out with zero guilt about other things. My mom's response was, "You're just now figuring this out? You've been like this for about four years now." Which is both true and sort of horrifying. That kind of living, well it takes a serious toll on your body.

Several times over the last few years, my husband has had to step in and basically order me to bed. He finds me exhausted, crying (I'm not a big crier, just FYI) or having some sort of melt down and he has to tell me to stop. To breathe. To go nap, and he'll take what he can off my plate. It's something we're pretty good about doing for eachother. But I'm absolutely terrible about doing it myself.

I'm not sure if it's run off from being a parent (Mommy guilt--it's a fun and terrible thing) or juggling a creative job on top of a day job. I belive it to be a combination of these things. As a parent, I try to put my kids first...even knowing  logically that if I don't take care of myself, that shit runs downhill, and ends up making them miserable, too. As a writer, I'm always juggling work and trying to write All of The Things, even when I know I'm tapped out. And as my friend Martha Brockenbrough likes to remind me, we're not making widgets here. Writing books is a creative act--not the mass production of a product. If creators don't pause, rest, and refill that well, we've got nothing left. The Oatmeal posted a comic about this awhile back and likened it to always breathing out but never taking that recharging breath back in--sooner or later you run out of air. 

This week I was very much reminded that I need to take care of myself. That self-care isn't self idulgence. If I don't take breaks, rest, go for a walk, play, everything I do suffers. I suffer. And that's no good, friends. And since I think I'm pretty good at taking care of others, there is no reason that I can't be just as good at taking care of myself. After all, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and I'm reasonably certain people like me. (Not all of them. But I don't like all the people, either, so I feel like this evens itself out.)

I thought I'd share this as a reminder to all of you out there, that you are worth taking care of. We only got this one life, and we should do our best to enjoy some of it. Even if you can only manage little things. Trying a new kind of tea. Reading a book just because you feel like it. Taking a nap. If you have any good self-care suggestions, leave them in the comments!