funeralkazoo

Drugs and knives and mail, oh my

Added 2023-10-10 18:12:45 +0000 UTC

That's right, the shivs are in the mail! But I'm not one to gloss on about what a strange statement that was, so instead I will share a tale from my past that includes Canada Post, the police, the wrong kind of drugs and a party gone weird.

At my very first professional job, we did marketing, and after two-and-a-half years the bosses decided to celebrate with an unusual anniversary party. For the occasion, an unusual invitation was required. The joke was supposed to be that you keep the pain relievers till the day after the party, because you were going to need them. What we didn't know at the time was that envelopes passing through the sorters crushed the aspirin, and our party invites with a baggie of white powder attached became quite the topic of discussion. Guests received their invites in police bags. Others called to say they hurt their sinuses snorting our aspirin. In the end, a ridiculous number of postal employees crashed the party, a client got his wife's name misspelled on his ass by our complimentary tattoo artist, and someone stole a stun gun from my coat.

All that was a long way of saying if you don't get a souvenir weapon in the mail - sorry about that.