Peek: Size Doesn't Matter

Ah, it's so rare when we shelter in caves anymore, but the Seer says a nasty winter storm is headed this way.  While we could probably weather it in our tents, why bother when there's a perfectly serviceable cave system right here?  I don't believe it goes into the true Depths, but we should be able to do a bit of hunting and foraging before we head out.  Let's make sure everyone has their bedrolls properly stuffed before I tell tonight's tale.  I've slept in a cave without a nice roll before, and I'm not going to inflict that on anyone else, let me tell you!

Good.  Now, where was I?  Ah yes, tonight's tale.  Caves always remind me of the Diminutive Dungeon, despite its entrance being, of all things, a small mouse hole in the back of a huge warehouse.  Sure, it's technically in the dwarven Holds, but it's quite the insult to compare Holdhome to a simple cave.

You see dwarves are fond of three things: good work, good wealth, and good drink.  It's no surprise that so many of them take up being some kind of merchant.  Even mercenaries are merchants, they just sell you an arm to swing the sword and a body to wear the armor, too.  I know some of the tribes like to hire dwarven mercenaries through the summer.  They're slow, but if your tribe happens upon something interesting, they're great for protecting it until you're done.

Anyway: the Diminutive Dungeon.  It was Cloistered, which means people didn't discover it for quite some time, and I've heard some Dungeoneers suggest it was solitary for a century or more!  Having been inside it once, I wouldn't be surprised.  You see, Cloistered dungeons are always a bit weird.  Most of them are a very insular belligerent, wishing to be left alone once more.  But some get curious about the new things outside.  But the Diminutive Dungeon is stranger still, as it's spatial affinity.  Where something like a fate dungeon will have strange denizens, a spatial dungeon will have the most mind-bending terrain you've ever seen.

So a cloistered spatial dungeon, of course, is going to have a very unique perspective, in both senses of the word.  You see, its entrance is a mouse hole, sized for a mouse, and hidden behind boxes, barrels, bags, kegs, crates, and anything else that might store product for a bustling business.  It was only discovered when the business stopped being so bustling and had to start pinching pennies.  They had lots of product in their warehouse, so they really should try to sell it, or at least get rid of it to make room for things that will actually sell.

The merchants didn't know they had a dungeon under their noses until the workers emptying the warehouse returned with strange tales of the warehouse being haunted, or maybe cursed.  Things just felt off about a certain dark corner, the warehouse itself seeming to loom over those who would stray too far.  Adventurers were hired, and the workers waited with bated breath to see what they would discover.  Imagine their surprise when the adventurers seemed to shrink!  Dwarves don't have enough height to just go losing it like that, after all.

Eventually, after weaving through the containers of ancient goods, the adventurers found the entrance to a dungeon.  They came back to give the news, and were surprised when the workers said they shrank!  They were back to normal once away, but still!  The Dungeoneers were called and an inspector sent, and details soon followed.

The suspicions of it being spatial affinity were confirmed, and the merchants were shocked to discover how old the dungeon seemed to be!  They were further shocked when they learned how small the dungeon was, too.  It seemed to be situated fully in the mouse hole, yet was incredibly vast inside!  The inspector wasn't certain if the dungeon would continue to shrink delvers, or if it was simply greatly expanded, possibly even both!

It's also an odd dungeon.  The inspector was only able to confirm a single spawner: spatial elementals, which would help to explain how warped reality inside is.  The dungeon is a toybox, and seems to primarily deal with invaders by simply disorienting them with confusing architecture, making them simple for the elementals to destroy.  It doesn't have much that traditional delvers are looking for, but the merchants could smell an opportunity.  With so much space, they could have their warehouse filled with even more goods!  And they could pay the dungeon by simply being active in moving, storing, and removing goods.  

After a time, they even expanded on their deal.  Despite the dungeon being determined to take up as little real space as possible, it's very curious about outside.  The merchants like to bring in paintings and books of the lands, of the cities, of the people of the world.  And with inspiration like that, the dungeon happily makes more and more strange combinations of reality and its own strange imagination.  They even like to train their guards in there, taking advantage of the impossible scenery to get used to all kinds of terrains.

I was actually let in on one of the tours they like to give of the dungeon.  The merchants get coin, the dungeon gets plenty of people oohing and ahhing and making mana, and the people get to see things they can't see anywhere else.  I think my favorite was the Crumpled Map.  It was like walking on the surface of a crumpled map, going up and down impossible inclines like they were flat ground, and being able to see other portions of the map around you as you explore the crevasses.

Honestly, if any of you decide to wander from our Wanderlands, you can do a lot worse than visit the Diminutive Dungeon.  While I prefer the natural beauty of our home to live in, it's definitely a nice place to visit.

-Onthar, Orc Bard Historian

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Inspired by Raufgar, who wanted to see a cloistered dungeon.