Xander and the Remote Part 7

Giles twitched as Xander and two other women appeared out of thin air in the library. “Why does your friend looks like Jeannie from...” he trailed off as he realized he couldn’t talk.

Genie twitched as she felt the evil miasma lurking under the ground and in the air react to her brief use of magic by creeping in her direction. ‘Yeah, that’s not good.’ She made a mental note to warn Xander against using any magic on the hellmouth without wearing his ring or something that did the same thing as she doubted long term exposure to the crap was all that healthy for mortals. “We rescued her from a desert island, understand?” she asked as she cancelled the silence effect she’d hit him with to keep him from saying anything about the show. She was planning on telling Jeannie eventually, just not until she was a bit more attached to Xander emotionally and not just riding the high of having a new master. 

“Ah, sorry, you just looked familiar,” Giles said, not sure why the other lady didn’t want him to make the comparison to the show, but willing to go along with it.

Xander glanced around the library then smiled at Willow and Buffy who were in the process of walking over to chat. “Everyone, this is Genie and Jeannie, girls, Giles, Willow, and Buffy.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Willow said to Jeannie.

“Same,” Jeannie agreed, happy that her master had nice friends though she wished they didn’t live somewhere that made her skin crawl.

“What are you doing back?” Buffy asked, concerned about someone realizing he wasn’t injured and wasn’t where he was supposed to be. “Someone might see you.”

Xander grinned. “I wanted to see everyone and I need some help starting a tech company. I figured Willow would know how to deal with the paperwork.”

“Sweet!” Willow squealed.

“Good intentions aside, I have to agree with Buffy, this is a bit reckless,” Giles complained.

Genie shook her head. “Nah, I tossed up a S.E.P. field over us. We’ll be mistaken for teachers, students, customers or whatever makes people think we’re not their problem at the time.”

“Mind control or illusion?” he asked warily, thinking about how bad mind control spells could go even when they weren’t used on the hellmouth.

“Illusion, the spell basically reads people’s minds and then alters what they see. It won’t work on someone with decent mental defenses or who we consider friends, but it should be more than enough to make sure Xander isn’t recognized.”

“I guess that’s acceptable,” Giles admitted reluctantly as he considered the matter, seeing little way the Hellmouth could twist that to cause the caster’s corruption.

“Any way to get that in the form of a magical item?” Buffy asked hopefully.

“I’m sure we can figure out something,” Genie offered with a smirk.

“Thanks,” Buffy replied, happy to have someone willing to step up and help with more than research and basic combat training. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate Giles’s help, the problem was she knew magic existed and that there were protective spells and magical charms that could probably help, but whenever she brought the subject up, it was always ‘They’re too dangerous.’ or mondo expensive.

“What type of tech company?” Willow asked excitedly.

Xander shrugged. “Laptops, computers, video games, decent memory cards, hoverboards, possibly medical tech eventually if we can prove that some of the stuff I remember from Halloween is viable.”

“There’s a decent chance that your inventions won’t work in the real world,” Giles cautioned.

“You’re right, they might not, but there should be something I can use to make enough money to bankroll the extra supplies we need or to pay Buffy a decent salary for hunting vampires. It’s worth looking into and Genie should be able to tell me which inventions are a waste of time.“

“It’s a sacred calling,” Giles pointed out. “But you’re right, I wouldn’t mind not having to argue with the council every time we need additional supplies.”

“Sacred Calling?” Jeannie whispered to Xander, not used to being around so many people.

“Buffy is the Slayer, you have my wish to know the general magical situation in this world if you need it,” Xander whispered back, causing her to smile and give a slight nod casting the wish to fill herself in.

“We’re going to need an adult to sign off on things,” Willow mused, already thinking about ways to set things up.

Genie raised her hand. “I’m old enough and I sort of need a fake identity anyways.”

“Do you even have a legal background?” Giles asked as he glanced at Jeannie then looked at Genie.

“Eh,” Genie muttered as she used magic to create backdated records in all of the appropriate places including the DMV and school that ‘proved’ she was twenty one and had graduated with honors from UC Sunnydale with a B.A. in general studies which meant a lot of everything. “Legal is such a complicated word but yeah, I have all of the appropriate records now.”

“Now?” Giles asked, before realizing how silly it was to doubt a genie could grant such a simple wish.

“Yep,” Genie replied smugly as she conjured an official Driver’s licence then held it out toward Giles.

Giles glanced at the licence. “It certainly looks real, but I’m not an expert.”

“It’s real enough,” Genie replied as she stuck her licence in her pocket. “I even made sure all of the witnesses on my birth certificate are dead just in case someone checks.”

“You killed them?” Giles asked warily.

Genie snorted. “Of course not, I just made sure to pick people that were already dead on the off chance that someone decides to investigate the company and my background.”

“Sorry,” Giles said, feeling a touch guilty for jumping to conclusions and wondering if other Watchers had ever been in his particular position, dealing with multiple magical beings and Californian teens at the same time, he rather doubted it.

“What about yearbooks?” Willow asked, curious how much effort she’d put into things.

“That was a touch harder but there were plenty of people that missed picture day, it’s not really that hard to twist every copy of a book to have an extra name, at least not for a genie. I appear in 3rd and 5th because there were two teachers that had died then. I didn’t bother changing the middle school books, it’s not like there aren’t plenty of people that they cut from the yearbook for various reasons. The college doesn’t do yearbooks, so it just took a simple twist and well this is Sunnydale, even if they can’t remember you, they’ll probably lie about it.”

“So you’re going to pay me, how much are we talking about?” Buffy asked, happy with the idea of not having to pay out of pocket for damaged clothing and shoes.

“Anywhere from a few hundred a week to a few thousand,” Willow said making a few quick estimates in her head and going with the conservative fiscal view.

“Let’s not get carried away,” Giles cautioned her.

Xander knew Willow was drastically under selling how much they could make, but didn’t see a point in listening to Giles lecture about responsibility or unintended consequences when he had a pair of genies to help him deal with any fallout. “How would you like to be harder to injure and quicker to heal?” he asked the older man.

“What would I have to do?” Giles asked warily, knowing nothing came for free.

“I wouldn’t mind a foot massage…” Genie trailed off as she checked Giles’s health and found a tattoo on his arm that was connected to a demon that she’d missed in her initial quick check of the area because of the miasma of evil covering everything. “Why do you have a demonically empowered tattoo on your arm?”

“Sins of a misspent youth, I’m afraid,” Giles admitted reluctantly.

“Do you want me to deal with that Boss?” Genie asked as she looked at Xander.

“Isn’t that against the rules?” Xander asked.

“Nope, while I can’t do anything that would reveal magic to the world at large, cleaning up some demonic corruption isn’t a problem. Though we should probably go somewhere that isn’t directly above a leaky portal to a series of hell dimensions.”

“Quite,” Giles agreed. “Can you do anything about the Hellmouth?”

Genie shook her head. “That would attract way too much attention from powers below and above that would… find fault with my actions.”

“Figures,” Giles agreed, with a sigh.

Genie checked Buffy’s house to make sure it was empty then teleported everyone there. “Sorry, I would have waited, but that place makes me want to take a shower in bleach.”

“The library makes you feel dirty?” Buffy asked, not sure what she had against libraries as she waved for everyone to have a seat and went into the kitchen to grab a soda.

“Not the library, the Hellmouth,” Genie said as she turned to look at Xander, as he and Willow sat on the couch with Jeannie, while she paced thoughtfully and Giles looked around nervously, not comfortable being in a student’s home. “No using magic on the Hellmouth unless it’s a matter of life and death without your ring.”

“Ring?” Giles asked warily as he glanced at Xander’s hand, noticing the new ring.

Xander snorted. “I wasn’t planning on it. It filters magic, which makes using magic on the Hellmouth slightly less problematic.”

“It also lets him turn into a cat girl and gives him a boost to his magic,” Genie offered helpfully, trying to subtly get Willow interested as she was curious as to what she would look like as a cat girl.

“Cat girl?” Willow asked, wondering what he’d been up to while she was in school.

“Where did you get that?” Giles asked, more than a little curious what had convinced Xander to acquire such an item, something many magic users and organizations would have gleefully murdered him for from the sounds of it.

“I have a Genie; she’s good at finding things. Speaking of, are there any magical items in Sunnydale worth walking off with?” Xander asked, a touch annoyed that it hadn’t occurred to him to ask before.

“Would you like me to bring them to you?” Jeannie asked helpfully, placing a hand on his left arm, hoping to do something for him.

Xander shook his head. “Some of them might be doing something important where they are.” He patted her leg.

“Okay,” Jeannie agreed, a touch disappointed at not being able to serve him, but leaning into him, with a blissful smile that caused Willow to mentally raise an eyebrow at, but ignore for now as it was just too adorable for words.

Buffy grinned. “I wouldn’t mind a magical sword if you find one,” she said as she returned with a soda.

“Most of the ones you could locate around here are probably cursed,” Giles pointed out, not wanting her to get her hopes up.

“Let me check.” Genie focused and searched the area for magical items. She frowned as the miasma from the Hellmouth made looking for stuff about as easy as finding a penny on the ground on a foggy, dark, moonless night. 

Some of the stuff stood out, like the Orbs of Nezzla'Khan and a gauntlet that channeled lightning, but most of it wasn’t powerful enough to register above the background radiation, unless it was clumped together like the stuff in the magic shop. 

“I found a magical gauntlet that has something to do with lightning and some crystal orbs that grant supernatural strength and durability to the person possessing them.”

“No swords?” Buffy asked with a pout that the teens knew was at least half fake.

“Nothing impressive enough to notice through the general Hellmouth stench. I could burn more magic to look, but I’d rather not have my scrying attempts noticed.”

Xander shook his head. “Yeah, I’d rather we not send up a bunch of magical flares.”

“Probably for the best,” Buffy admitted, not wanting to attract the attention of anything that worried a genie.

“How exactly did you get a demonically empowered tattoo?” Genie asked, curious if she was going to have to hit him with a dead fish, to underline the stupidity of dealing with demons.

Giles sighed. "The group I used to run with as a young adult used magic more frivolously than I’d like to admit.”

“Mr. Responsible, being irresponsible?” Xander asked in mock disbelief.

Giles looked down his nose at Xander. “We were quite young and quite stupid, you’d be surprised how often those two qualities are found together.”

Buffy shook his head. “Wow, young and wild Giles, those things aren’t mixy.”

“Feel free to deal with the demonic brand.”

Genie snapped her fingers and removed Giles’s tattoo. “That should fix that.” She snapped her fingers again and used a bit of the meteorite to lace Giles’ bones. “That should do it, one new and improved Watcher with the strength of an entire rugby team.”

“Thanks,” Giles replied as he flexed his hand and cracked his neck, feeling the weight of years beginning to lighten.

“You know what this means, it means training,” Buffy said with a certain amount of glee.

“I’ll try and contain my joy,” Giles replied dryly, recalling his current training sessions with the slayer and how… tiring they were.

“Don’t worry, you should be feeling fine in a couple minutes,” Xander assured Giles. “It just takes a minute for the effects to kick in.”

“I’ll try to contain my enthusiasm,” Giles replied in a deadpan tone. “Though she has a point.”

“Not to mention Giles is technically still on the clock,” Genie pointed out.

“Point.” Buffy turned to look at Genie. “Can you send us back?”

“Sure, we can head to Willow’s house for a couple hours, have fun with training,” Genie said then snapped her fingers and teleported Buffy and Giles back to the library and the rest of them to Willow’s bedroom after checking to make sure that Willow’s parents had left for yet another lecture tour.

Willow blinked as she went from sitting on Buffy’s couch with Xander and Jeannie to sitting on her bed with Xander and Jeannie. “Why here?”

“Xander’s uncle is enjoying some peace and quiet and your parents aren’t here to complain,” Genie said as she hopped up on Willow’s computer desk.

“Besides, staying at Buffy’s without her would be weird,” Xander pointed out. “You get the urge to poke around and then feel guilty, even though you don’t do it.”

Jeannie leaned into Xander as she looked around the room. “Is there anything I can help with?”

Xander briefly considered saying he was fine then changed his mind when he noticed her eager expression. “Would it be okay if she dusted?” he asked Willow.

“She doesn’t have to... but it would be helpful,” Willow offered when she noticed the disappointed look on Jeannie’s face.

Jeanie nodded and teleported all of the dust and spider webs outside. “There.”

Willow smiled as she noticed the shelve she’d been meaning to get to was dust free. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Jeannie replied as she relaxed against Xander, feeling better for having done some small service while her elder handled all the important matters.

“Are we going to collect the magical items you found?” Willow asked.

Genie checked the magical defenses and the area around the orbs and the gauntlet then teleported the leather, metal, and chain gauntlet to the desk. “I’m going to need an actual verbal wish on retrieving the orbs, considering the number of demons guarding them and their magical defenses.”

“That bad?” Xander asked warily as Willow stood up so she could get a better look at the creepy looking spiked glove.

“Nothing I can’t deal with.” Genie turned to look at Willow. “Don’t put the gauntlet on unless you want the spikes on the back to rip into your flesh and permanently attach the gauntlet to your arm.”

“Why would they do that?” Willow asked in disgust, uneasy with the idea of someone intentionally designing their stuff to hurt people.

“Either to remind the user that power had a cost or because they were sadistic.” Xander pulled his attention off the gauntlet and looked at Genie. “How long would it take the demons to notice the orbs going missing?”

“That depends entirely on their patrol schedule, certainly less than an hour, why?” Genie asked, curious what Xander was thinking.

Xander glanced down at the set of keys in his pocket. “I was thinking about having you grab the orb them jump into the pocket dimension so we’d have enough time to study them before you put them back, no harm, no foul.”

Willow turned to look at Xander. “Pocket dimension?”

“Yep, it could use a little redecorating but it has potential. I was thinking we should set up an entertainment system and some couches.”

“I’m looking forward to seeing all of your new toys,” Willow said excited at the idea of playing with high tech devices.

“See, I told you we should have hit the sex shop,” Genie lied as she checked on the orbs. “Okay, if we steal the orbs right now, we’ll have at least 3 minutes before they notice.”

Willow shook her head. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Go for it,” Xander said as he stood up and quickly grabbed his wizarding keys out of his pocket.

“Okay,” Genie said as she teleported the orbs to her hands. “Don’t forget the gauntlet.”

Xander grabbed the gauntlet with his left hand then used the keys to pull the group into the pocket dimension. “That should give us plenty of time to study the orbs.”

The group appeared in a large gray stone room, well lit yet with no visible source of lighting, and a pleasant neutral temperature. The ceiling was at least fourteen feet above them composed of a single sheet of smooth gray stone.

Willow smiled as she looked around the large room. “You’re right, it has potential...” she trailed off as she spotted the hoverboard that was floating a couple inches off the ground next to the pile of DVDs. “You have a working hoverboard?! When did you have time to build it?” she asked excitedly as she ran over to grab the board.

“I didn’t, I grabbed it from the second Back to the Future movie,” Xander replied with amusement as he gestured toward the piles of DVDs and tapes. “Same with the games, shows and movies.”

“Oh…” Willow trailed off wide eyed as she realized they’d could make hundreds of millions or even billions cheaply selling movies from what amounted to an alternate timeline. “We’re going to be filthy rich, aren’t we?”

“Yep,” Xander replied smugly. “Considering the technology difference I doubt most of the movies would match which means we can probably just have Genie or Jeannie swap the production and studio names and maybe some of the actors and rake in the cash. To say nothing about the technology we can patent and produce.”

“I’m not sure what you mean but I’m willing to learn,” Jeannie said brightly, wanting to be helpful but not understanding what they were talking about.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you caught up,” Genie assured her, giving a bare shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Do you want to help Willow and I decorate while Xander tries to duplicate the orbs?”

“Can I?“ Jeannie asked hopefully, wanting to make the room nice for her Master.

“We can take turns,” Xander replied, figuring he’d keep it if he liked it and change it after a couple days if he didn’t like it. “Orbs?”

“Sounds reasonable,” Genie said with amusement as she traded the orbs for the gauntlet.

Jeanie nodded and conjured a bunch of purple pillows to lounge on. “Better?”

“Yes,” Xander agreed, giving her a smile before he grabbed a pillow to sit on while he examined the orbs.

“Nice start,” Genie agreed as she snapped her fingers and conjured a large four poster bed with purple silk curtains in the corner of the room. “Your turn.”

Xander sat down on the pillow and started running through his various detection spells as the girls worked on decorating. It didn’t take him all that long before he realized he was going to need some help. “This isn’t working, I’m not nearly knowledgeable enough even with the work I’ve done recreating the rings. The spells are too divergent from the one magic system I have gotten familiar with.”

“What type of help do you need?” Genie asked as she looked away from the pink couch Jeannie had conjured.

“Someone with at least halfway decent morals that can help me figure out how to duplicate the orbs, and the cat ring for that matter.”

“Dumbledore from Harry Potter might work, but he’d probably lecture us on leaving things to the adults.”

“You have a Harry Potter movie?!” Willow squealed with excitement.

“Eight of them, they picked an all star cast,” Genie assured her.

“We’re so watching that,” Willow said with a giggle as she thought about her favorite new series.

Genie shrugged. “Balthazar Blake might work but we’d have to convince him that it’s worth his time and he has a new apprentice to deal with.”

“Balthazar Blake?” Xander asked warily.

“He’s a rather powerful sorcerer, decent guy, just a bit snarky,” Genie explained as she considered the rest of the pile of movies. “I’d go with the sexy enchantress from one of the Conan knockoffs but she’s got the morals of a snake, literally.” 

“Yeah, I’d rather avoid dealing with evil sorcerers until we have some better defenses.”

“I don’t blame you. Let’s see, we have a decent Harry Dresden show, there are a couple filler episodes that we could derail easily enough. He’s a wizard private eye with solid morals and a saving people thing.” She grinned at Willow.

“He has enough skill to help with our enchanting projects?” Xander asked in surprise.

“Probably, but his perverted spirit of intellect should be able to handle most of it. If nothing else, he’d have some useful insights into the process.” 

“He has a perverted spirit of intellect?” Willow asked warily, before realizing she was talking to the wrong genie about things of that nature.

Genie snickered as she snapped her fingers and set up the projector. “Yep, Bob is a very powerful information spirit that normally lives in a rune carved skull, if anyone can figure out how to help you replicate the orbs in the least amount of time, it’s him.”

“It’s worth a shot,” Xander agreed as he stood up. “Besides it’d be nice to meet a magic user who is a stand up guy.”

“Time really doesn’t move in here?” Willow asked suddenly.

“Nope, we are spending quasi-time here, as it is its own little universe with its own little rules,” Genie said cheerfully.

“So… we have time to snuggle,” Willow said with a grin as she looked from Xander to the bed.

“Why, I do believe so,” Genie agreed turning to look at Xander who started backing towards the bed like they were stalking him, making the two slowly start to slink towards him.

“Um, Master?” Jeannie asked confused. “Do you need help?”

“Possibly,” Xander agreed, grabbing her hand and pulling her behind him as they backed towards the bed. “Ready to wrestle?”

“Wrestle?” Jeannie asked, surprised as they backed away from the edge and the two redheads climbed onto the bed.

“No holes barred!” Genie said with a grin. “And no magic allowed.”

“One hole barred!” Xander corrected her.

Genie nodded. “That works too.” She snapped her fingers and everyone’s clothes fell off.

“Oh my!” Jeannie said before getting a look at her naked master from behind and losing her train of thought.

The red heads pounced pinning Xander to the mattress.

“I’ll help you, Master!” Jeannie promised before a lip lock by Willow took her down. She tried to get up, but then Willow’s hand found a breast and it took her a second to recover her train of thought. Her eyes glanced over at her master and she saw that he had reversed the hold the other djinn had him in… and was really giving her a pounding too! 

Jeannie moaned into Willow’s mouth as fingers drifted downwards and she told herself that by keeping Willow occupied she was helping her master keep the other one pinned down, vigorously, and really, her master hadn’t wished to be saved, had he.