Xander and the Remote Part 6

Genie snorted as she watched the whining boy get turned into a fat blob on the screen when he looked into a twisted mirror in a room he wasn’t supposed to be in. “Okay, I get that this is supposed to be a horror movie but I’m just not feeling it.”

“What do you mean?” Xander asked as he pulled his attention away from the TV.

“I might not be an expert when it comes to movies but a good storyteller should make you care about the characters, this falls flat. I mean sure, a naughty red haired 4.0 cheerleader that is selling her father’s old pain meds for extra money is interesting but the rest of the cast sort of falls short.”

Xander turned the volume down as the kid started pounding on the door screaming for someone to let him out. “I’m not sure it works that way for horror stories.”

“It should, a proper ghost story should chill you to the bone and make you shake in your boots for weeks everytime the wind blows. When your favorite character dies, you should cry, gnash your teeth and scream at the heavens.” Genie gestured at the TV. “This has none of that!”

Xander shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m sort of curious who Mrs. B is and what photos Vivian is blackmailing her with.”

“You’ll have to wait and see unless you want me to spoil the story?” Genie asked.

“Sh…” Xander trailed off as the scene swapped to show the twenty something manager, standing in a fairly normal looking old fashioned study, looking at a large silver framed mirror on the wall that showed Vivian in a bubble bath in a rather lavish bathroom. “At least Vivian is hot.” He turned the volume up.

“Certainly attractive, I could use a new apprentice,” the wizard mused to himself.

“She’s going to stab him in the back, isn’t she?” Xander asked as he watched Vivian sit up in the soapy water just enough that she could grab the soap off the counter.

“Oh come on!” the wizard grumbled as the girl’s nipples managed to stay perfectly covered with soap bubbles.

“He might be a peeping Tom but I have to sort of agree with him,” Genie said with a pout.

Xander laughed. “How many takes do you think it took before the soap bubbles stayed in place without looking staged?”

“Probably a few,” Genie mused as the mansion’s doorbell rang.

“Damn it!” the wizard exclaimed as he looked at the smaller mirror that showed the front steps and noticed an attractive woman in her early twenties with long brown hair pulling the rope for the bell. “Couldn’t you wait five minutes?”

Xander laughed. “Okay, at least they have some decent lines.”

Genie snickered as the wizard muttered something about getting the woman settled so he could get back to the show as he hurried out of his office. “Now’s a good time to jump into his office.”

“Oh right,” Xander replied as he pushed the button on his remote and zapped Genie and him into the movie as the door closed and the view panned over to the mirror as Vivian stood up, soap bubbles very much not hiding her athletic form. “Please tell me she doesn’t die.”

“Okay, she doesn’t die,” Genie said sarcastically, knowing that she was the only one of the main cast to make it out of the mansion alive.

“You’re just saying that, aren’t you?” Xander asked with a pout as he watched her grab a towel off the counter and start drying her hair.

“Maybe,” Genie teased as she walked over to the wizard’s desk and grabbed his spellbook. “We can leave whenever.”

“Is anyone worth saving?” Xander asked absently.

“Not particularly,” Genie replied as she leaned up against the desk to watch the show.

“Seriously?” Xander asked in surprise.

“Do you want spoilers?”

“Probably should since we’re here.”

“Vivian’s brother is a little shit that pretty much bleeds out because he tries to deflate himself with a letter opener, her mother ends up killing herself because a talking mirror pushes her over the edge trying to say hello, I feel sorry for the mirror.”

“Why do you feel sorry for the mirror?” Xander asked as Vivian started drying off her breasts and stomach.

Genie sighed. “She was just being friendly, the woman overreacted and thought she was going insane.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask, what happened to the father?”

“He hooked up with one of the other guests in the Bed and Breakfast and then found out about his daughter having sex with her teacher. He flipped the hell out and chased them naked through the mansion, tripping over a number of strange mirrors and pulling a Scooby Doo with doors opening to other doors and rooms twisting and rearranging themselves to help the girls. Eventually the father stabs the teacher, leaving her to die in front of a mirror that traps her soul.”

“What about Vivian?” He asked as Vivian put her right foot on the edge of the bathtub so she could dry her leg off, giving them a nice view of her classic 80’s bush.

“Her father eventually chases her out to the balcony and lunges for her at which point she uses her athletic skills to dodge and he goes flying off the balcony and lands on the wizard, killing him.”

“That’s it?” Xander asked in disbelief.

“Pretty much,” Genie replied with a shrug.

“That sounds more like a comedy than a proper horror movie,” Xander said as Vivian stepped out of the bathtub onto a folded up towel and started drying off her left leg. “We probably shouldn’t be watching this.”

Genie snickered. “She wouldn’t care, she doesn’t have any modesty as you’ll see in a second.”

Vivian turned to look toward the door as someone knocked on the door to the suite. She grabbed a fluffy white robe off the hook and pulled it on then walked out of the bathroom with the robe hanging open.

Genie smirked as the mirror changed to show the view out of another mirror in Vivian’s nicely decorated old fashioned yet tasteful room. “He obviously set the mirror to follow Vivian.”

“I can’t really blame him,” Xander admitted as Vivian checked the spyhole in the door then opened the door without pulling her robe closed, giving the wizard and the attractive brown haired teacher a nice view.

Vivian smiled at her teacher. “Miss B, please come in.”

“I see your point,” Xander admitted as he listened to the conversation.

The wizard managed to get over his surprise after a couple second enough to ask, “I take it you know the lady then?”

“Yes, she’s practically family,” Vivian assured the manager with a smile, knowing he was enjoying the show. “She’s my voice coach.”

Miss B walked inside and glanced around. “Nice place.”

“It has been in my family for years,” the wizard said. “If you need anything don’t hesitate to call.”

“Anything?” Vivian teased.

He grinned as he looked down at her crotch. “Exactly, a massage or dinner, just ring the bell and I’ll take care of it.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, we might need some apple cider to celebrate. Sadly, I’d hate to cause my father a heart attack over the bill.”

“Don’t worry about it, consider it a gift,” the man offered as he ran his gaze over her nipples.

“Thanks, take care,” Vivian wiggled her hips slightly as she closed the door a couple inches.

“I will, do you want any food with that?” the wizard asked, hoping for more of a show.

“See, creep,” Genie said teasingly.

“We could eat,” Vivian said silkily. “I like beef and potatoes, chicken or fish.”

“Except she’s totally working him,” Xander said, a touch amused at how well she was stringing him along.

“We have some delicious steak, on the house,” the wizard said as he pulled his gaze off the girl’s bits. “I’ll be back in fifteen minutes if that works.”

“That should be perfect,” Vivian agreed happily then closed the door after the man turned and hurried away. She turned to look at her teacher. “That was fun.”

“You’re insane, you know that right?” Miss B asked with exasperation.

“Yep, speaking of insane, off with your clothes.”

“So, now what?” Xander asked as the attractive teacher ‘reluctantly’ stripped, not sure about watching as he was fairly sure the teacher would mind.

“We should probably grab the rest of his spell books then figure out if we want to save the teacher. If we don’t save her, she ends up helping Vivian run the bed and breakfast which isn’t exactly a bad thing if we wanted to relocate the place to Sunnydale.”

“You’re just saying that because she’s stacked, aren’t you?” Xander asked with amusement.

“That and she has flexible morals which means that she might actually survive running a bed and breakfast in Sunnydale.”

Xander shook his head. “Considering her issues, it’s probably best not to take her or the house to Sunnydale, we don’t need them getting worse.”

“Fair enough. Still, we should probably do something about her family and let the wizard train Vivian, we can always check back later.”

“Works for me,” Xander agreed as he headed for the door.

0o0o0

Genie snickered as she sat down on the couch. “I still can’t believe you tossed her family through the mirror into Canterlot.”

“They were terrible people,” Xander defended his choice as he sat down on the couch next to Genie and opened the spell book on mirrors.

“What about the wizard?”

“He wasn’t violent, he was just a bit of a voyeur. Most of the trouble came from the guests going where they weren’t supposed to.”

“Fair enough,” Genie replied as she reached over and grabbed Jack’s remote and started flipping through the channels.

“For a creepy wizard, his spells are pretty practical,” Xander replied as he paged through the book. “Spells for expanding rooms, charms to keep rooms cleaned and repaired.”

“Yep, not to mention spells to link doors and mirrors,” Genie said as she flipped the channel and saw the first I Dream of Jeannie episode on TV. “I’m going to need your help.”

“What do you need?” Xander asked as he looked up at the TV and noticed which show was playing.

“Genies can’t interfere with the passage of a genie from one master to another which means I’m going to need your help.”

“Sure,” Xander replied as he set the book on the couch then pointed his remote at the TV and pushed the button zapping them into the show. He blinked as he went from Colorado’s morning sunlight to high noon on a sunny tropical island without a cloud in the sky. “That’s bright,” he said with a wince as his eyes adjusted.

“Yep,” Genie agreed happily as she inhaled the fresh ocean breeze, completely unbothered by the change.

He squinted as he glanced around the beach, trying to find Jeannie’s bottle. He smiled as he spotted the half buried bottle in the sand nearby after a couple seconds of looking for it. He picked up the ornate purple bottle, blew off the sand, then flicked his remote, returning them to Jack’s living room.

“That was surprisingly easy,” Genie said. “I am honestly surprised no powers ever thought someone with powers like yours would go around collecting genies.”

“Two is hardly a collection,” Xander said, “and… I would suggest we don’t make a habit of this so we don’t draw any really negative attention from the powers. Besides anything more than two genies just seems excessively greedy.”

Genie rubbed her hands together. “Still, we should probably grab her annoying sister from a later season and drop her bottle off on the beach, that should restore the plot somewhat. Jeannie two was a lot more assertive and Tony needs a kick in the ass almost as much as the stick removed from it.” She teleported the tablet that she’d set up earlier and ran the episode in question. “Here.”

“He was certainly prudish to an insane degree,” Xander muttered as he used the remote to zap the tablet. “I’m not keeping this one,” he said aloud, just in case something was listening. He reached into table and grabbed the other Jeannie’s bottle, tossing it into the TV. He quickly closed the connection as he saw Tony accidentally kick over the green bottle releasing Jeannie two, just in case she tried to figure out what was going on. “That should do it.”

“So, are you going to open Jeannie’s bottle?” Genie asked impatiently.

“Of course,” Xander replied as rubbed the bottle and the stopper shot out with a loud pop. Pink smoke billowed out of the bottle and condensed into a beautiful young blonde woman with an excited expression on her face, and a wispy pink harem outfit on her slender, yet curvy body. He blinked as she lunged forward and hugged him while saying something in a language he couldn’t understand. “I wish you could speak English,” he said, recalling Tony’s first wish.

“Master!” Jeannie exclaimed happily as she released him then noticed Genie and stared at her in surprise and with a faint trace of disappointment. “You already have a genie?”

Genie smiled at Jeannie. “Yep, and the more the merrier,” she said warmly.

“I have one lucky master,” Jeannie said, relieved that it looked like she wouldn’t be competing for attention. “What is your wish?” she asked excitedly.

“How about to cuddle on the sofa for a couple of hours and get to know one another?” Xander suggested.

Jeannie pushed him onto the sofa and slid into his lap placing her head on his shoulder and shivering at the feeling of human contact after being alone for so long, her eyes growing damp with unshed tears. 

Genie carefully grabbed Jeannie’s left foot, slid off her silken slipper and started massaging it.

“I thought I was suppose to be granting the wishes,” Jeannie muttered absently as she groaned in pleasure and Xander stroked her back.

“We find life works much better when we all grant each other’s wishes,” Xander said softly as he held her.

“You can grant wishes?” Jeannie asked curiously, wondering just what kind of situation she had landed in, but not much caring.

“I can do many things, not directly but I have ways of getting things done,” Xander replied. “So for the most part it’s not about serving me, but being my friend.”

“Yep, he’s the best.” Genie smiled at Jeannie and Xander as she started on her other foot. 

0o0o0

Jack blinked as he walked into the living room and saw Xander and Genie sitting on the couch with a woman that looked suspiciously like Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie sitting on Xander’s lap with Genie massaging Jeannie’s feet. “Hey, who’s your friend?”

“This is Jeannie, Jeannie, Jack O’Neill, my uncle,” Xander explained.

“Pleased to meet you,” Jeannie said cheerfully.

“So… genie?” Jack asked warily.

“Yep,” Xander replied smugly.

Jack briefly considered asking for an explanation then figured any explanation would probably just lead deeper into the rabbit hole. “Right, is there a hockey game on?”

“We can probably find something,” Genie replied as she used a bit of magic to find an orcs vs elves hockey game from a nearby reality, “interesting.”

Jack raised his eyebrows as he saw the players as they rushed out onto the ice. “Sauron’s Slicers versus the Hometree Defenders? Yeah, okay, what the hell?”

“You asked for hockey, it’s the middle of the day, that’s the only game that’s on unless you want reruns.”

“Okay, let me grab a beer...” Jack trailed off as Genie conjured a six pack of Guinness in his hands. “You’ve got good taste kid.”

“Yep,” Xander agreed.

Genie snickered as she continued to work on Jeannie’s feet.

Jack walked over to his chair and sat down to watch the game. It was surprisingly entertaining or not surprising considering regular hockey didn’t involve people cheating with magic or decapitations being a regular thing, those poor orcs. “Come on ref are you blind!” he shouted as the puck glowed purple and twisted directions. “Talk about cheating, at least the other guy managed to keep the glow down.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure how that’s legal,” Xander replied as an orc body checked one of the elves, knocking her to the ground.

Jack winced as one of the elf’s teammates raced toward the confrontation, brought his hockey stick up and decapitated the orc with a single swing. He stared at screen as the half elf ref declared a foul against the orcs for unnecessary roughness. “Okay, what the hell?”

“Eh, the ref might be a tad biased,” Genie agreed with a snicker.

“Just a Tad,” Jack replied with a smirk, enjoying the show.

“At least they take the game seriously,” Xander pointed out.

“How do I get the rest of the season?” Jack asked with amusement.

“I’ll add the channel,” Genie assured him.

“Thanks,” Jack replied then took another drink. “The General’s onboard for the serum, thanks for that by the way.”

“You’re welcome,” Xander replied thinking of the fun he’d had collecting the formula.

Jack laughed as the ref finally called a foul for one of the elves floating the puck off the ground and sending it into the goal. “Ha!”

“Yeah, I’m guessing it has to stay on the ground,” Xander mused.

Jack winced as one of the female elves slammed her hockey stick into an orc’s crotch with a thunderous bang which lifted him off his feet and electrocuted him. “How is that legal?”

“The ref was looking the other way?” Genie asked in amusement.

“At this rate they’re going to need replacement players,” Jeannie pointed out with a frown.

Genie shrugged. “Nah, they just resurrect them during halftime.”

“You mean that’s not just CGI?” Jack asked warily.

“Nope, it’s actually cheaper in that world to just resurrect them than it is to fake the games.”

“That’s more than a little disturbing,” Jack complained. ‘Yeah, still a damned good game though.’

“I was planning on dropping by Sunnydale to take care of a couple issues, if you don’t have any objections.”

“Do you have anyway to make sure you’re not recognized considering you’re supposed to be somewhere else in worse condition?” Jack asked.

“I have a couple options,” Xander replied, thinking about using magic to disguise his identity.

“You might also want to find something else for Jeannie to wear.”

“What’s wrong with my outfit?” Genie demanded, knowing the was actually talking about Jeannie.

Jack shook his head. “I meant the other Jeannie.”

“I wish that everyone could tell who we meant when we said Genie, genie of Jeannie,” Xander complained.

“Wish granted,” Jeannie said happily, crossing her arms and giving a quick nod as she granted his wish.

“He does bring up a good point, we should probably find something else for you to wear,” Genie pointed out.

“I can wear different outfits?” Jeannie asked Xander excitedly.

“Whatever you want, yeah,” Xander agreed, who quickly found his arms full of excited genie, something he was getting rather used to and quite enjoyed.

“Thank you, Master!” Jeannie said gleefully as she hugged him.

Genie glanced at Jeannie’s bottle. “Do you mind if I put your bottle in my bottle for safe keeping?”

Jeannie blinked. “How does that make it safe?”

“I’m bound to Xander until he dies, even if someone gets my bottle they wouldn’t be able to do anything with it and no force on this Earth could stop me from snapping my fingers and reclaiming my bottle and everything in it.”

“So I wouldn’t lose Xander? Yes please!” Jeannie squealed.

Genie looked at Xander. “Okay, I’m going to need an actual I wish on this one.”

“Oh, right. I wish for you to place Jeannie’s bottle in your bottle,” Xander said.

“Wish granted,” Genie said as she gestured at Jeannie’s bottle and teleported it to her bottle where it would be safe from anyone trying to steal it.

Jack made a mental note to ask Xander later why Jeannie had different rules than Genie. “Best of luck in Sunnydale, I’m going to watch the rest of this game and unwind.”

“Sounds good.” Xander picked up the book he’d been reading before Jack showed up. “Okay, take us away.”

Genie snapped her fingers and teleported them to Sunnydale.