Greed God chapter 130

February 27th 2016 Gemworld 8:00 PM EDT

When  I got back to the house, I noticed that the lights were mostly out. I'd  put this off for hours, checking on a few things around town to drag my  feet. Barbie was...difficult. She was intelligent, driven, focused, and  exceptionally useful to me. She was also willful, stubborn, jealous,  and generally bratty about most of the things I did. I'd MOSTLY trained  the second set of characteristics out of her, or at least arranged for  other outlets for them, but not all of them, and they were definitely  going to be making an appearance.

Despite all of that  though, I felt...an urge. A slight desire to make sure she wasn't too  upset. Not anything extreme, not enough to genuinely derail my plans,  but the sex was good, and she was a valuable asset. When it came down to  it though, the reason wasn't anything as logical or clear cut as that.  She was MINE. Barbie BELONGED to me. Body and soul. I could make her do  anything I wanted, but mind control wasn't true ownership. If I had to  force her to obey me I had failed, and I didn't fail at anything.

This  put me in a position that I didn't enjoy. I felt...not bad, but,  unpleasant, about the necessity of the actions that led me here. I would  make them again, because they were the best ones I could find but I  didn't want to deal with her being upset and dragging down my town and  household with her petty sniping. If I forced her to stop she would just  get passive aggressive and actively work to sabotage me, so I had to  appease her somehow, but the fact was, I had no fucking idea how I was  supposed to do that.

I was good at manipulating people. I  had learned from the best, and probably had some natural talent, but I  could make people do the things I wanted them to. I knew how to make  people do things, I even know at a basic level WHY they did those  things, because if I didn't I couldn't do my job. I was convincing,  sometimes charming, sometimes ruthless, but more than anything I was  detached. I wouldn't claim I didn't have emotions. I felt pleasure at a  job well done, I felt lust, I felt satisfaction, I felt anger, and rage,  and annoyance.

I did not however, feel things that I knew  some other people felt. I didn't feel compassion.I didn't feel  sympathy, beyond a passing acknowledgement that someone was unfortunate  for being in a situation in the first place. I didn't feel the sense of  attachment that Barbie felt to me, though I DID feel attached, if only  by my ownership of her, which was in and of itself anomalous for me.  Because I didn't feel those things, I didn't understand them. Not  really. I could elicit them if I was careful, I could abuse them. But  things like that were, at their core, illogical, and by their nature  couldn't be explained. Or so I was told.

Because of that, I  wasn't sure what to do here. I knew she would be pissed, I had a  passing grasp on WHY she would be pissed. But lacking an understanding  of the depth of that anger beyond 'really fucking deep' made it  impossible for me to predict or assuage it ahead of time. So I sighed  and pushed the door open, ready to deal with her anger, to fuck her into  submission, or maybe talk her down, but I wasn't at all ready for what I  found.

Barbie had turned her chair to the fire and was  curled up in it. Her arms were around her knees, her face looked pale  and drawn, and she was staring into the flames of a dwindling fireplace.  She heard me come in, but she didn't look up, she just said in a flat  voice. "You're back." She sounded...cold. Not angry cold or ruthless  cold, but dead cold, like there was nothing left inside for her express.

I  found that disquieting. Barbie was a bitch, she was irritating and  defiant and needy and sometimes frantic, but she wasn't this. I was  getting the unpleasant feeling this was going to go much differently  than I had expected, and not in a good way. I didn't like that feeling.  Being unprepared was a problem. But it was one I would deal with. I shut  the door behind me, then walked over and put my hands on the back of  the chair. She stared into the fire blankly, not saying anything, until I  finally spoke. "You heard about the engagement."

I didn't  fumble or try to explain. Aside from not actually having anything to  defend myself on it wouldn't have done any good. I'd address her problem  when she voiced it, acting like some simpering guilt ridden rat  wouldn't change anything. It did make me decide to do something unusual  though. I decided, within the limits of where the conversation went, to  tell her the truth.

Something was going to change tonight.  She would accept who I was or leave, or at least try, and I would let  her or I wouldn't. This had been put off for far too long. I hadn't  understood my situation when I brought Barbie into my life, hadn't know  about the Brand or how it worked, and since then I'd been reacting. She  was always a loose end. The one I didn't really trust, the one I didn't  empower. I knew it, and I ignored it, because I liked her. Because I  wanted her. Because I was greedy.

But it had gone too  long. This loose end was hanging exposed and it would strangle me if I  kept letting it be. She didn't speak for a while. "You lied to me." I  didn't respond. It was true, but I also had no clue which lie she meant,  I'd told a lot of them. "I ignored it at first. The sex was good, and  it wasn't my business, and then we had this weird connection and I  didn't want to give you a reason to use it against me. Then I explained  it away because I started to like you, but I couldn't ignore all the  little things."

I didn't interrupt her, so she kept going.  "I lied to myself too. I told myself you needed me. That I was special  to you. That you might even love me. I told myself that despite all the  other women, despite seeing how you acted to them, despite knowing you  were using me, were using them. You did things sometimes, to show me you  cared, even if you never said it, to show me you wanted me to be happy.  I thought that was enough. That I could ignore the rest of it because  when you were with me you made me feel special. Not just the sex but  being together. Like we were partners. Like we were members of some  special club that no one else was invited to."

Her eyes  finally moved, slowly, almost weakly, as she shifted them to look at me.  "You don't love me, do you Nicky?" I didn't answer. I  felt...uncomfortable. I was pretty sure I might be feeling guilt, which  was crazy because I had literally never experienced that emotion. I  never felt guilty. Guilt meant you thought you did something to someone  else they didn't deserve, and people deserved whatever they got if they  got in my way. But Barbie didn't get in my way. I got in hers. I'd  fucked up her life with the Brand, and while I would do it again if I  had to, I wouldn't like it.

I sat down on the ground.  "No." I'd decided to lie to her, and I saw her flinch when I said it. So  I kept going. "I want you. I like you. You belong to me, and I  feel...protective, of you. But I don't love you. I don't even really  know what that is. Which probably sounds cliche, but it's true. I just  never got that one. I don't...I don't want you to leave. I dislike the  idea. I don't know why. You're obnoxious and inconvenient. You're a pain  in my ass and my life would be easier without you but you're part of it  anyway."

She studied my face, and I knew what she saw.  Nothing. I wasn't feeling particularly lusty right now, wasn't satisfied  with what was happening, and I wasn't angry. I wasn't feeling anything  that mattered and I didn't feel the need to pretend I was at the moment.  I usually did, because it made people more comfortable. But this wasn't  about comfort. Wasn't about any of that. I expected her to be angry. To  scream or cry or tell me she hated me or whatever women do when they  feel betrayed. But she didn't.

The only thing she did was  smile at me. It wasn't a particularly joyful smile. "Thank you. I don't  know what I'd have done if you lied about that, but I suspect it would  have been bad. I know I can't hurt you, even if I had the power you  could just stop me. But I would have tried. I don't know what to do now.  You don't love me. Probably never will. You do care, at least enough to  come here and talk to me when you could have just ignored it or forced  me to obey. So how am I supposed to move forward? What do I do now?"

I  raised an eyebrow. "Do you have to do anything?" She looked confused,  and I shrugged. "Nothing has actually changed in any way. You're aware  of some new things, but your situation is fundamentally unaltered. I'm  going to treat you the same, act the same, and think the same. This is  some big revelation for you, but, not to be an asshole, that's a you  problem. Your actions going forward decided how we proceed. So the  question of what to do isn't one for me. This situation is all in your  hands."

It wasn't. I would take steps to stop her if she  did certain things. Worst case I might even have to kill her, though the  thought made me unhappier than I would have expected. If nothing else  I'd put a lot of work into her, and killing her would be a waste. Still,  no use counting chickens before they hatched. She was the one who was  going to make this call. Live or die, it would be up to her. It was a  testament to why I found her so interesting that I wasn't actually sure  what she would choose.

Her blue eyes shone with  uncertainty. "Just like that?" She sounded almost confused at the  thought. "I just...what, pretend I don't know?" She paused and scrunched  her nose up. "Though...I guess I don't know anything new exactly. I  just unlearned a few things and disproved some assumptions I had." She  paused. "I...I can maybe do that. I can just focus on the truth. That  you do care about me, at least as much as you're capable of. There are  other things we'll need to discuss. If I'm doing this, staying with you,  I expect you to be honest. You can use the Brand to command me to  silence, but if I'm involved I want to be really involved."

That  was annoying but not surprising. I had been planning to be honest. A  binding to silence would mean she wouldn't be able to do any damage to  me easily, and the show of trust might placate her. I nodded. She  sighed. "Alright. That's...alright." She paused uncertainly, looking  fragile in a way I hadn't seen. "Will you come sit with me?" She  gestured to the chair, and I nodded, sitting down next to her and  putting an arm around her shoulder. We looked into the fire together for  a while, and I felt distinctly uncomfortable in the current position,  not that I said anything. She stayed quiet for a moment before saying.  "Nicky? You can lie to me now."

I looked down at her,  staring into the fire, and I felt a slight twinge of possessiveness. Of  anger at myself for making her upset because she was mine and no one  messed with my things, not even me. It wasn't rational, wasn't  productive, and it made me uneasy in a way I hadn't really experienced  before. But this was something I could give her. She wanted me to lie. I  was good at lying. She didn't need to tell me what lie she wanted to hear. 

Even someone like me could understand that much. I knew what lie  she wanted me to tell. So I did. I kissed her softly on the top of her  head like a normal person would in my position, and I said. "I love you  Barbie." She smiled softly and cuddled up against me despite knowing it  was complete nonsense and I internally shook my head. Despite my insights, I would never really understand women.