Everyone's a Catgirl! Bonus Quest: Clue

Author's Note: Thank you so much to Lady Toast for commissioning me!

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“Alright, you guys asked me to play another game together. So, this is Clue.” I gestured at the board and the pieces laid out on top.

“Oh? Did you have to finally buy a clue, Matt?” Ravyn snorted.

I cleared my throat. “Anyway, all of us choose a person to be. It’s a murder mystery, and we have to figure out who did the murder, with what weapon, and in what room.”

Cannoli’s eyes widened to saucers. “Could one of us be the murderer?”

“Yeah.”

“B-b-b-b-ut!” She sputtered the word into a trail of nonsense.

Keke rested a hand on her bicep. “It’s just a game, Cannoli. We’re not really murderers.”

“Sounds easy enough.” Ravyn shrugged and picked up the red piece alongside the character card. “I’ll be Miss Scarlet. Obviously.” She brought the card closer to her face and frowned. “Who’s this baka? She doesn’t look anything like me! No cat ears, no beautiful tail, nothing! Hang on.” She stood and vanished from the kitchen.

“All of the characters are human!” I called and rolled my eyes. I’d always thought Miss Scarlet was pretty hot. “Come on, Ravyn. You don’t even know the rules yet!”

“Kuso! I’m not playing a filthy human!” Ravyn’s voice echoed from somewhere in the house.

“Humans are not filthy at all, Ravyn! Sir Matt does not deserve such disrespect!” Ceres snapped.

Ravyn grumbled something about a shower, but I don’t think any of us could make out the full thought. I exchanged looks with the other girls. Keke sighed and crossed her arms, Ceres frowned, and Cannoli still looked like I’d told her we were about to kill a puppy.

I wanted everyone to have fun, and this was not a great start. “Cannoli, I’ll make sure you’re not the murderer.”

“Oh, goodness. Thank you.” She heaved an enormous sigh of relief, and the tension in her shoulders eased.

“While we’re waiting, why don’t you guys choose your characters, too?” I suggested.

“It seems Mrs. White is a Shi Island native,” Ceres said, choosing the white play piece and card. “She may be my elder, but I must respect our culture.”

That’s one way to put it. “Keke?”

“I’ll be the green piece. Oh! It’s Mr. Green! And Mrs. White! I get it now. That’s funny.” She giggled and looked at Cannoli.

“Mrs. Peacock is so pretty!” Cannoli marveled, picking up the character card. “I would love a dress like this! Look at her hat!”

“Here, you need this, too.” I handed her the blue piece, and Cannoli cradled it to her chest with her card.

Ravyn returned at last with paper, a pencil, and a pack of markers. She plopped it all on the table before sitting down and starting to draw.

I groaned. “Ravyn, seriously?”

“Explain the rules, baka. I’m listening.”

“We are rapt with attention, Sir Matt!” Ceres’s tail swished back and forth in a hypnotic rhythm behind her, and it was hard to pull my eyes away.

“Alright, so I’ll shuffle up all of the player cards, weapon cards, and location cards, choose one of each, then put it into this little envelope. Except Mrs. Peacock!” I added quickly when I noticed Cannoli’s face falling. She brightened, and I continued. “Then we have to roll a dice to move around the board…” I explained how guessing worked in each room as I shuffled the cards, then held my hands out for their character cards. “I’ll need those, please.”

Cannoli started. “Except—”

“Not you.”

Ravyn snickered, then proudly held up her piece of paper. Honestly, I’d never thought she could draw, but the quickly colored sketch looked pretty damn close to the portrait of her in the iPaw.

“You need to give me your game card. Or else we’ll know it is or isn’t you because it’s on different paper.”

Ravyn narrowed her eyes and growled like I’d just taken her favorite toy away from her. 

“Oh my! Ravyn, your drawing is so lovely!” Ceres looked down at her own card, and her ears drooped to her head. “Um, may I use the extra paper and markers?”

My forehead fell into my palm. We were never going to start this damn game.

Ravyn’s excitement returned. “See, Matt? This is the better way. Kehehehe. Here. I have an idea.” She went into the kitchen and returned with a pair of scissors as Ceres began her drawing.

“Do you guys think I’d look good in a hat like this?” Cannoli said, still enamored with Mrs. Peacock.

“Absolutely! You would look as fine as Nyarlean nobility!” Ceres replied.

Cannoli giggled and blushed. “I could have dinner with the queen!”

Keke picked out the pile with the knife resting on top of it. “Are these the weapon cards?”

“Yup.”

She fanned out the six cards and wrinkled her nose. “There isn’t a bow?”

Et tu, Keke? “No. I don’t think that’d be a great murder weapon, honestly.”

Keke grinned. “Really? Even after you’ve felt a few arrows yourself?”

How was I supposed to argue with that? “Maybe the people who made this game have never been shot.”

“We have paper and time. Adding one could be fun.”

“Remember what I said about the paper difference—”

Keke waved her hand in the air and pointed at Ravyn, who was gluing her new portrait to Miss Scarlet’s card. I opened my mouth to protest, then closed it again. Ceres was already commenting about how clever Ravyn was, and she would soon do the same. Though her drawing of herself was far less—how should I put it?—skilled.

“Alright, we can glue it over the revolver card.” I poked at the tiny metal tokens of each weapon on the table. “So do we just call the gun a bow now?”

“Of course not.” Keke reached into her [Cat Pack] and came back out with a small block of wood and a knife. “I’ll just make one.”

Suddenly, Clue has an arts and crafts phase. “Sure. Why not?” I looked over the remaining pieces and decided on yellow. Green was typically my color, but I’d wanted to give the girls first choice.

Cannoli joined in, trying to draw herself in Mrs. Peacock’s outfit. I had time to mix everyone new drinks, make a sandwich, and pop us all some popcorn before they were done with drawing and carving. I’d nearly forgotten that we were trying to play a board game.

To her credit, Keke’s tiny bow was a perfect miniature replica, and the new cards were glued, dried, and ready for passing around. At last, I picked one from each pile, shoved them in the envelope, and asked for Cannoli’s character card.

“What?! No! I’m still drawing!”

“Cannoli, we need to pass out all of the cards,” I reminded her, working to keep my voice even.

“But I need her!” Cannoli pouted.

“Mou ii. We know it’s not her anyway. Just let her keep it,” Ravyn said. “I want to play.”

Are you sure about that? “Yeah, alright.” I shook my head and passed out the cards. “Okay, put your pieces in their starting positions.” I set Colonel Mustard in his place and the others did the same.

Except Ceres. She put her piece right beside mine.

“Ceres—”

“I must always remain by my lord’s side! It is my sworn oath!”

“It’s a fucking game, Ceres. You’re breaking the rules!” Ravyn’s cheeks were already flushed. “Get on your own damn square!”

“I-if anyone should be next to Matt, it’s me. So I can heal him!” Cannoli countered.

I silently moved Ceres to her space and slashed the air with my hand. “Stop. Game time.”

Ceres fell back into her chair and crossed her arms. A pout that I usually associated with Ravyn pursed her lips, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. The drinks brought the kitten out of her.

“Alright. The youngest person starts.” I knew it wasn’t me. Or Ceres. I’d never asked who was younger between Keke and Cannoli.

They exchanged looks.

“I think she’s older,” they said at the same time.

Cannoli’s tail straightened behind her, and she gasped. “It has to be you, right?”

Keke shrugged. “I thought it was you.”

Is nothing easy?! “Cannoli. Roll the dice,” I instructed.

“O-oh. Okay.”

Things finally went pretty smoothly until Keke got to the dining room on the board.

“I want to use the bow on Ravyn here in the dining room,” she stated so matter-of-factly that it had me wondering how much truth it had outside the game.

“Keke, you don’t use the bow. You’re not supposed to use any weapon.” I groaned.

“Nani the fuck did you just say?!” Ravyn spat.

I ignored her. “You guess who the murderer is, what the weapon was, and then use the room that you’re in,” I repeated.

“The victim doesn’t matter?” Keke cocked her head. “That seems strange to ignore.”

“No. It doesn’t. Try your guess again.”

“Are you kidding me?” Ravyn snarled. “Do you want to go, bitch?” She stood up from her chair.

Cannoli put a hand on her shoulder and guided her back down to sitting. “Ravyn, she didn’t mean it. She was guessing for the game.” She’d gotten so good at consoling Ravyn that our [Sorcerer] didn’t even flinch. She just sat down with another string of grumbles.

Keke continued ignoring the exchange. “Alright. I’m the murderer, with the bow, in the dining room.”

“That’s not it.” I was the first person to her left, so I laid the dining room card face down and slid it to her.

She picked it up and her ears flicked forward. “Ah. So, it’s not the dining room?”

I cringed. “You’re not supposed to announce it. It’ll be a really quick game otherwise. Just mark it off on your sheet like I showed you.”

“Ah! A game of intrigue!” Ceres cried, her cheeks bright pink. “We should raise the stakes! Whomever proves their investigative skills most worthy will spend this night with Matt!”

It was my turn to flush. “Ceres, wait, hang on—”

“Now we’re talking!” Ravyn cackled and polished off her drink.

“That’s far too easy.” Keke grinned and swirled her glass. “My perception outclasses all of you.”

Cannoli squeaked, and I watched the blush creep up her neck. Her face vanished behind her hair, and she also reached for her drink.

Was this really happening? But Cannoli was already rolling the dice and moving her token with shaking fingers. Then Ravyn. Then Ceres.

“You do not have the perseverance of a [Magic Knight]!”

“You’ve never had to find a lover’s snare in the middle of a forest,” Keke countered.

Ravyn laughed, and it echoed in my ears. “I’ll burn you idiots to the ground. Where’s the fire card, eh?”

“I-I think with how much studying I’ve done, I know how to piece this together quickly!” Cannoli looked so determined that it caught me off guard.

I quietly took my turns while the others battled it out.

“It was Ceres! In the billiard room! With the metal pipe, because that’s all she knows how to swing!” Ravyn announced.

“No, it was you, Ravyn, in the library with a rope. Assuming you didn’t trip over it first,” Keke challenged.

“Nonsense! It was I with the dagger! Like a thief in the night in the kitchens! For it would be all too easy to clean the evidence,” Ceres said.

That’s a little terrifying, Ceres.

“I think it was M-Matt, in the study, with the candlestick?” Cannoli’s guess was more of a question than the cruel accusations the others were throwing.

“It was Professor Plum with the wrench in the lounge. That’s my final answer,” I said on my sixth turn. I opened the little envelope and took out the cards. Sure enough, I’d guessed it right. I threw them down on the board and looked up at their faces. A mixture of shock and frustration shaped their mouths and narrowed their eyes.

“Well then. What happens to our contest if Matt wins?” Keke asked.

Ravyn’s mischievous glitter in her eyes returned, and her lips twisted into a knowing smile. “Then we all win.”

I’d never been stripped down so quickly in my life.