Gilded cage progress 11-11-22
Added 2022-11-11 19:45:27 +0000 UTCGot 2900 words done for today. Todays writing starts at the highlighted bit. Not sure if I updated yesterday, but it has that progress as well. (I've been keeping to 1500-2000) words per day.
Comments
(remove parties death)
Cryodrake
2022-11-18 01:51:24 +0000 UTCCH 5 (MAKE SURE ITS THE CORRECT CH 5!!!!!) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 1:23 PM] the land in it’s inky (its) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 2:12 PM] The trees, roads and buildings were all still visible, only because they did not reflect the stars. (possible rewording?) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 2:13 PM] just a foretalon (word be angry) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 2:14 PM] Leon was flushed, lying on his back, despite his initial resistance, a pleased look across his face. His tail flicked, soaking up the novelty of having a handsome, naked half-elf laying just a foretalon reach away. (rearrange this at least, it sounds like leon has a tail) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 2:15 PM] Foretalons on either side (word be angry) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 4:23 PM] that were smattered about his (technically right but word says scattered would be better) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 4:24 PM] Olas’ heart (Olas's) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 4:26 PM] Foretalons moved to hold (Fore talons, word be angry) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 4:26 PM] He tried to squirm but it (He tried to squirm, but it) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:26 PM] Beak rubbed up against the man’s cheek, applying gryphon kisses with a melody of trills. (if a gryphon has to open up their beak for kisses, does that make this sentence odd then? Its like me saying, a horse went into the bathroom and used the urinal, when you stop to think about it how would that work?) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:27 PM] came with a price, the (came with a price; the) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:28 PM] gryphon released him Leon batted (gryphon released him, Leon batted) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:30 PM] These were his weaknesses, would cause his legs to kick, his body to thrash. (which would cause his legs to kick and body to thrash with gasping laughter) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:31 PM] the gryphons fore talons (the gryphon's fore talons) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:32 PM] they been I this spot? (in) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:33 PM] It splayed his ears forced him to act, (reword this) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:33 PM] beheld the gryphons form (gryphon's) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:36 PM] but would also warn the gryphon should the half-elf find himself in mortal peril. (in addition to a new homing feature that Olas enchanted upon it that would tell him of the half-elf's location should he be in mortal peril) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:38 PM] Olas’ steps (Olas's, suggest training word to stop auto correcting this) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:43 PM] If he didn’t want you he could have left (If he didn’t want you, he could have left ) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:43 PM] Shaking his head he returned (Shaking his head, he returned) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:45 PM] anything on your inspection dear (upon) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:46 PM] laughable threat, he’d (laughable threat; he’d) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:46 PM] roots of a grand red-wood. (red wood) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:47 PM] Pulling back he (Pulling back, he) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:50 PM] It was of course dominated books, spellcraft and history books to only name a few. (spell craft, and you used books and history books in the same sentence) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:50 PM] organized piles there were scattered (they) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:51 PM] down like some clumsy red dragon might. (funny but too on the nose, remove red) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:52 PM] crafted with her hands, (paws) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:53 PM] to the charming pictures of he and her painted when she (remove he and her and replace it with they) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:54 PM] hanging over every word he said. (minor reword) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:55 PM] those days seemingly vastly out of reach. (those days seemed vastly out of reach now.) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:55 PM] As he neared her bed he (bed, he) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:57 PM] him, even if she and he had their connection tested, there (even with the recent strain upon relationship,) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 5:58 PM] to invite his daughter to the cirus. (Circus) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:20 PM] already picturing the main gryphon rolling (maid) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:20 PM] Around the hall he carried on, like a tracking direwolf like they had in Drenedar. (used like twice) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:21 PM] she’d always loved that since she was a chick! (always loved going there ever since she was a chick!) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:22 PM] He had to focus, his daughter (He had to focus; his daughter ) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:32 PM] holding brushes as he and her (they) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:32 PM] resounding chirp of delight he (delight, he) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:34 PM] It’s shaft rose (phrasing lol, its) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:34 PM] the gryphoness’ talons (gryphoness's) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:35 PM] I did not mean to hurt your precious ears, yet disrupt your research.” (or disrupt) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:37 PM] be sleeping random humans I (sleeping with) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:37 PM] Or with his job complete, he slunk back (has he) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:38 PM] “Yes he did return (Yes, he) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:39 PM] All of which he can come back, catching your ear and using you (so he may catch your ear once again and use you) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:40 PM] She yelped as he did slide to her size, (She yelped as he slide to her side,) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:43 PM] “How about you and me, go to the circus!” (How about we take a day to our selves and go to the circus!) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:44 PM] Oh you gave (Oh, you gave) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:45 PM] clear she was not going to get any peace. (clearly) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:46 PM] If I didn’t would I be (double check this, word be angry) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:47 PM] , past it’s surface the past made again (minor reword) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:48 PM] Luna as her great and powerful lord (.... technically yes he's her lord but family don't call their relatives that.) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:49 PM] Cooed Olas, nuzzling into his daughter’s offered one. (what? I think you missed a word here) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:51 PM] It was far into the night that Leon returned to Featherton, bags formed beneath his eyes. (It was far into the night when Leon finally returned to Featherton, bag had begun to form beneath his eyes from how tired he was.) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:51 PM] the way to his gryphon benefactor a road of safety (was a road) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:52 PM] in his insanity had left the comfort of Olas’ estate. (in his insanity, had left the comfort of Olas's estate at such a late hour.) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:54 PM] Muscles groaned, bones felt (groaned; bones) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:55 PM] What could have been came to him, of a night of serenity, held ever close, listening to the enchanting sound of Olas’ heartbeat. (a night of serenity, held ever close, listening to the enchanting sound of Olas's heartbeat) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:56 PM] Oh stop your (Oh, stop) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:56 PM] being a sentimental fool, this (being a sentimental fool; this) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:57 PM] Oh don’t give me (Oh, don't) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:57 PM] strapped to it’s base (its) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:57 PM] worn surface, it would (surface; it) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:58 PM] Oh come off it (Oh, come) (Also this is the third sentence you started Oh with so you might want to change that) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 6:59 PM] any of it’s other (its) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 7:03 PM] with me.“ (with me. ") Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 7:03 PM] now casting it’s inky (its) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 7:06 PM] that in those brown eyes (confirm they're brown eyes) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 7:07 PM] spirit him off to the ethereal plane. (i know this is word play here, but in DND the ethereal plane is a real place so i dont know if you want to use that wording now or save it for later) Cryodrake, [11/17/2022 7:08 PM] the gryphon’s sinfully dominating (gryphon)
Cryodrake
2022-11-18 01:11:37 +0000 UTCCH4 Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:23 PM] It was duck by the time Leon arrived (dusk) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:24 PM] He wasn’t sure if that was to be proud about or ashamed (was something to be proud about or ashamed of) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:26 PM] the working riding beast that he was (working and riding beast) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:28 PM] what to come would only be no more real than his multitude of illusions. (reword this) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:30 PM] Towers rose up from the path, of pristine granite, woven beautifully by magical claws. (remove up. Also, Towers rose from the path ahead, each made of pristine granite that had been sculpted beautifully together by magical claws.) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:32 PM] Towers rose up from the path, of pristine granite, woven beautifully by magical claws. It rested as a silent guardian, it’s windows lit with lights within, like the bright eyes of a larger beast. It’s dark almond turrets had oval opening large enough for the gryphons themselves, leading to a perch so that they might rest. There they could see for miles, one was there now, clad in bright silver armor, it’s glowing eyes locked upon Leon the entire time. The gryphon gave a knowing nod, swishing his white tuft tail. (Just saving me the time, lots of errors and rewording needed) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:33 PM] were servants stopped (where) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:33 PM] on the well known path, (well-known) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:37 PM] His form was wrapped in a dark blue tunic and black trousers, (word be angry) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:39 PM] So he was keeping tabs on him. (So, he) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:39 PM] but we pulled it through in the end. (remove it) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:41 PM] I’m glad that your gryphon friends were able to help (change gryphon friends to companions, its like a human saying, im glad your human friends. But then again when living in a multispecies world would that language be find technically? hhhmmm) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:06 PM] It reminded him of the forest and it sent a shiver down his spine. (as it sent) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:09 PM] I’m not here for an update Olas (update on what? I think he should say, I'm not here for a retelling of today's adventure Olas) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:13 PM] “I didn’t rather like the idea of someone tracking my movements.” (ask about this) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:18 PM] mans chin (man's chin) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:18 PM] Then I wont need (won't) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:19 PM] the need for your strikes (you) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:20 PM] It didn’t help that Olas was flashing the man his balls, the plump, furry orbs that could fill out Leon’s palm. (It didn't help that Olas was flashing the man his plump, furry orbs that could fill out Leon's palm) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:21 PM] race to Olas’ side, (Olas's side) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:30 PM] who was not striding up upon (now) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:31 PM] Hetake is trying to do better, and her mate Krantor doesn’t like the taste of horse meat. (double check it wasnt those two swapped) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:44 PM] as his horses paid attention to his passing, (horse's) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:47 PM] Why did you bring me here. (question mark) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:47 PM] up along side him, (alongside) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:53 PM] Just why. (is this a question or a statement?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 6:57 PM] “Have you not been?” (Have you not gone to one before?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 7:16 PM] Leon groaned, “Olas if this has to do with my cock, please, the horse one you gave me is enough.” “Oh heavens no, not that!” Olas playfully batted him with a wing, “Though it pleases me to know you enjoy your horse cock as much as mine.” He padded away, turning to draw the man’s eyes into his plump sheath. It trembled and twitched, the blunt tip of Olas’ molted shaft cresting out of it’s vanilla furred container. (Olas's and its) (Also why the whole paragraph? Because horse cock :3) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 7:17 PM] Olas, Olas, why the circus.” (question mark) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 7:46 PM] So it occurred to me, that (So, it) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 7:47 PM] twinkle in Olas’ (Olas's) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 7:48 PM] conceal having Leon right after his paws (in his) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 7:50 PM] Sure Olas was going to have his fun, (Sure, Olas) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 7:51 PM] Fine you win, but the pay will have to be (but the pay better be good) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 8:00 PM] come inside and (come inside, and) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 8:01 PM] to pull away, but found (remove comma) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 8:02 PM] You’ll here me (hear) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 8:03 PM] throw back my beak and shriek in passion. (throwback) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 8:36 PM] Not now, not with how a fire had been ignited in his veins. (minor reword) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 8:37 PM] Eyes hooded as he groaned, pressed ever closer as Olas returned the gesture (double check this) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 8:37 PM] Now lets get you (let's)
Cryodrake
2022-11-12 02:39:47 +0000 UTCCH 3: Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:41 PM] CH3 Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:42 PM] Krantor filled this time with his songs for his beloved, eyes fluttering as he enchanted her with gryphon melodies of various chirps, trills and warbles that only held meaning in his people’s tongue. (Question: Do gryphons have their own language or is this just random squawks?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:43 PM] the clerics of Parunga often took taking of life as a last resort (took the taking) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:44 PM] It’s buildings (Its) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:47 PM] though run by gryphon kind, (is this city like 99% gryphon or is there a reason for this sentence? It sounds like gryphons and ONLY gryphons are allowed to own shops)(Or it could be a me thing, not sure) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:47 PM] it’s surrounding airspace (its, you really should work on that to save time) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:51 PM] You wanted me to remind you of.... i think the description of gryphons or a town i think Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:52 PM] Some catburds trilled (catbirds) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:56 PM] leaned in to whisper (double check this) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:56 PM] into the stablegryphon’s open (stable gryphon's) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:57 PM] I’ve lost to gryphon accident’s or midnight (accidents) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:58 PM] back the horse does it (back the horse, does it) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:59 PM] Krantor chirped and stroked his chin, (they have chins?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:00 PM] Go get him hun (word be angry) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:00 PM] “Oh it sweety!” (did you mean, On it sweety?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:02 PM] “playfully teasing (random " in sentence) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:04 PM] “Yes I’m sure. (Yes, I'm sure) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:04 PM] push them off, yet failing (remove comma) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:07 PM] I’ll take one for the team it (if it) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:07 PM] that of a volcano he (volcano, he) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:12 PM] Shall I deliver sir Leon to his cluth-I mean his estate (need minor reword) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:14 PM] impatient to get to their night of fun. (time error, it was midday or at least very sunny out with no description of it being sunset. Did it take them like 6 - 8 hours to get into town, find the Happy Horse Hotel, and get their reward?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:15 PM] Not like we have a choice do I? I refuse and the wizard insists, pulling any string to make us. (need minor rewording) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 5:17 PM] I’ll be taking Draigo here, I don’t need him. (there, I don't need his help.)
Cryodrake
2022-11-11 23:22:03 +0000 UTCCH 2: Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:33 PM] Ch2 Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:34 PM] showing signs of it’s age. (its) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:34 PM] , it’s tail (its) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:35 PM] The wagon was filed to the brim with barrels and crates, each filled to the brim with flour, spices and spell reagents on order from Whitedell. (used filled to the brim twice) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:40 PM] Maybe they don’t our haunches. (don't what?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:41 PM] Typically they (Typically, they) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:52 PM] the follower of Parunga might (followers) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:54 PM] Just realized, are the bandits considered low level wizards? Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:55 PM] the descriptions that Leon had been given were dead to rights these catbirds in front of them (confirm this sentence is correct) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:59 PM] Bright-tail (multiple copies of this name pop up, is this how the name is spelled?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:08 PM] You got to tussle now, (missing " at the start) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:10 PM] He grit his (grits) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:14 PM] This ones (one's) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:15 PM] closer as it’s (its) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:15 PM] Was this was how (remove second was) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:16 PM] to ease it’s entry (its) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:20 PM] I’d have to agree with Leon dear.” (missing " at the start) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:22 PM] hinds loosing him (losing) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:22 PM] she squawked the draconic word of power required. (does she need to say that as a cleric? Just curious because wizards also do that) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:24 PM] froze mid air. (midair) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:27 PM] “After such a victory. (forgot " at the end) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:28 PM] with the bidings, (bindings) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:28 PM] to work hun.” (word be angry for some reason) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:31 PM] or the witches that wanted to sacrifice our souls to hades?” (scratches head on this. Might want to change hades to demon or something) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:32 PM] to go se him- (see) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:33 PM] great leads, once a month (great leads, and in return i once a month) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:36 PM] to return back to town of Fetherton, (the town) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:37 PM] Your sorry asses are going to treating us. Hope where ever you end up they go easy on you. (reword this and wherever) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:37 PM] wagon, a orange (an) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:38 PM] With a match stick he (matchstick) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:39 PM] Can’t you went and (Can't believe you went and) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:39 PM] the woman he held dear (female) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:40 PM] that on you doesn’t she (you, doesn't) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 4:40 PM] rising up to all (remove up)
Cryodrake
2022-11-11 23:21:33 +0000 UTCCH 1 Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:37 PM] One of no qual within Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:37 PM] and it’s free Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:41 PM] equally as important as Entis itself (as Entis or too Entis?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:41 PM] (o and this is ch1) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:42 PM] Mountains raise up to (raise or raised?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:43 PM] patrolled by airship (airships) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:45 PM] The summer’s tease the soul with their gentle caress, autumn is a beauty untold to witness. (while the autumns are a beauty) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:46 PM] it’s granite (its) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:47 PM] are expertly woven (are or were) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:48 PM] Spires draped in pure gold that sparkled like diamonds in the riding dwarven, gryphons in the distance around it’s coming, a screech typical to these lands. (riding dwarven?)(reword this whole thing) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:50 PM] With it come the stirring fire to coax the sheepish beast, many a catbirds shaking off their sleepy nature. (reword this) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:51 PM] his white furred paws to lost in some chase (to or too) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:52 PM] pulling back the brown blinds that clung to a massive oval window (minor thing, blinds were invented in 1700's so drapes might be a better word to use) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:53 PM] A sizable gryphon with almond feathers and fur chirped, pulling back the brown blinds that clung to a massive oval window. In came light to scare away the shadows, (massive oval window to unleash the suns light to scare away the shadows.) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:53 PM] , very muck like the leaves caught within autumn’s caress. (much) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:55 PM] wizard lord olas (Olas) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:56 PM] , I have a terrible head ache (headache) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:57 PM] and placed wo (two) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:58 PM] gotten to do last night (gotten up to last night) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 12:59 PM] He groaned as at was a blur. (He groaned as it was all but a blur at the moment) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 1:05 PM] Some where (were) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 1:05 PM] one that stretched high to lurking ceiling above (to the) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 1:06 PM] where the crystal chandelier did rest (the or a?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 1:07 PM] Into his personal chambers he stretched (wasnt he already in his personal chambers?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 1:11 PM] the taste of the alcohol from the previous night made him gag. (i assume on his feathers right?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 1:11 PM] He could recall was his books and a terrible sense of loneliness. (All he could) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:00 PM] Fastioning the last buckle (Fashioning) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:01 PM] was an embroided dragon, (embroidered) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:01 PM] one of gold and it’s wings outstretched. (with its wings outstretched) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:01 PM] spells andmovements that (and movements) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:03 PM] that he’d need (the which were required along with them) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:04 PM] Mages would do such things, all the way to the final bit of the spell. (It was a requirement for mages to do such things, all the way to the final bit of the spells they wish to prepare) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:05 PM] It took an hour to finish preparing all that he might dare for the day (reword this) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:09 PM] Every one had (Everyone) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:11 PM] whomever had (whoever) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:12 PM] upsetting the jewlered that adorned (jewelry) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:14 PM] I caught you and that half-elf toy fucking like a pair of common beasts? In our bed! Of places? (Change the question marks to exclamation marks, all of these are statements not questions.) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:15 PM] TAVERN? (A TAVERN?!) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:16 PM] Of me? (Of me?!) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:17 PM] would sire the heir of which we wanted for the treaty (sire the heir of which was required for the treaty,) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:21 PM] house of dark. (darkness) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:22 PM] You’ve not been her as long as the others (here) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:23 PM] like he were some feral gryphon of old (was) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:25 PM] gryphons found such a thing spine tingling, it almost demanded that he fill the air with his pleased trills. (inconsistency detected. Do gryphons feel something or don't? Voidwing was enjoying them but it was never stated if he liked the feeling or the taste, clarification required.) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:26 PM] He passed below pictures of the constellations above, one of Parunga, was said to dwell. (minor rewording needed) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:29 PM] that rested heavily upon his shoulders? (replace question mark with period) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:34 PM] Onyx feathers blossomed up her chest, all the way to her face, where red-orange eyes rested, smart, vigilant, snapping away they noticed that their father was still here. (Might require a second pass on description) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:36 PM] He leaned over, eye brows raising (eyebrows, also would it be featherbrows?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:37 PM] rousing conversation of her research (on) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:39 PM] I’m fifty! (Wait was that on purpose?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:41 PM] liked the man? (would a gryphon use a human terminology to describe another gryphon?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:42 PM] I could of (have) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:43 PM] but what of centuries from now? (how long do gryphons live? I thought it was two?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:45 PM] beak as to respond (to a response) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:50 PM] then rising up with (remove up) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 2:52 PM] darting too and fro like (i get what you are saying just make sure this is how its typed) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:00 PM] of all kind flashed (kinds) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:01 PM] It’s people (its) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:03 PM] It stood out, fine, pristine stone, with a flat roof (It stood out from the rest of town, constructed of fine pristine stone with a flat roof) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:08 PM] to this of course, but (word says you can remove comma) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:16 PM] and send them on their way (send or sent? Might not matter) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:24 PM] James Sparklebottom (creator of the necktwisters! X3) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:25 PM] Once you and you’ll see it, you’ll have to agree (Once you what?) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:25 PM] Gears began to turn in the gryphon’s head, a light cutting through the fog the morning and day had conjured. (reword this) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:26 PM] I’ve not been in a dragon’s age. (I’ve not been to one in a dragon’s age.) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:28 PM] It doesn’t matter my dear Sparkle bottom (Sparklebottom) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:29 PM] Tell the men outside that you have my permission they’ll work out the finer details. (I think he would provide a seal of the lord as proof or else anyone could just lie to the guards) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:30 PM] he knew just the man who he could request. (he would request to join them) Cryodrake, [11/11/2022 3:31 PM] mister Sparkle bottom (Sparklebottom)
Cryodrake
2022-11-11 23:20:58 +0000 UTC
