Emperor's Shadow chapter 16
Added 2021-12-24 17:00:11 +0000 UTCIn which talking is had, people get cross, a giant tree is found.
-updated- 1/7/2022
Comments
Up and again the gryphon found himself repelled from the earth as though it didn’t want him. Where there should have been pain or shattered bones from such a stop, instead was nothing but the feeling of being smattered by the softest pillows imaginable. His beak could only twist in utter bewilderment as Lyndis cheered out her relief to the sky. What had done this? Surely magic, but by whom? Who would wait this long? He didn’t need to search any farther than the unicorn standing before them with a stern look across it’s face. (maybe add them rolling and then flopping on the ground, currently it has them bouncing and then they are just before the unicorn. One could just assume they rolled before him but its just a suggestion.) “And is the one who caught her.” (change and to as) “Sure? Looked like you were being an ass.” (add you before sure) The changes are much better and the conflict at the end feels not only clearer and more fleshed out. My only other recommendation was would be adding more to the dinner scene however the chapter overall feels properly fleshed out this time.
Cryodrake
2022-01-11 21:13:30 +0000 UTC
