Chapter 1 & 2 of Ancient Magic (book four, completely unedited, raw first draft)

Chapter One

I may have lied.

Silas is gone. And I have no fucking clue how to bring him back.

I can’t wrap my head around what happened, let alone the delicate details of his return. If that’s even something that is possible.

The more I process the events, the stronger the realization that I may be holding on to a false hope. A future that doesn’t exist.

That alone kills me over and over again.

How can I live in a world without Silas?

The words he uttered not too long ago, about not being able to go on without me, they cling to my very core and push my mind further into a darkness that consumes me from within.

He, an immortal being, who is meant to live infinitely, was ready to end his life in order to not live a day past my expiration. And here I am, stuck in a world I never imagined without him.

It shouldn’t have happened this way.

Silas was supposed to always be here. To be by my side and protect and love and cherish me for the rest of time. He was going to continue to let me break down his walls and love him despite how much he hated himself at times. Even Cameron and Deghan made progress with getting Silas to warm up to them.

And Sydney.

Watching the way they interacted at first, I never would have imagined the two of them ever coming together for anything, but somehow, they put their differences aside, time and time again, to do what was best for our little group.

And now he’s gone.

Not just dead, but literally fucking poof, disappeared straight out of thin air.

My mind flashes to that moment the angels guided me. The beautiful creature had assured me that I was doing the right thing, and that those responsible would meet a fate worse than the end.

A fiery inferno blipped across my vision and I followed along with their every request.

And with that, I lost Silas.

The one thing that ever truly made sense.

The other half of my broken soul.

I would trade anything to have him back.

I’d give up all the magic in the world to see him once more.

But that isn’t an option and it never will be. He’s gone and I have to come to terms with the fact that I made the biggest sacrifice of my life when I broke the Oliver curse. I freed my bloodline and now I’m left with this empty pit in my chest where Silas used to be.

I ache. My entire body hurts, like I’ve been hit by a truck. My heart constricts at times and makes me think it’s quite literally breaking. I can barely eat. I have had no appetite. No will to live. Simple things like breathing don’t even seem worth the effort anymore. If I had to pick one word to describe how I feel, I’d choose broken.

Utterly, irreparably, broken.

And with that, I can’t help but be ashamed by my reaction.

I have friends that need me and schoolwork that screams to be completed. There are three guys who would simply do anything to erase a tiny bit of my pain.

It’s even difficult to be happy about the return of my mother and the incredible realness of having an actual father. One that was ran out of town a long, long time ago, only to return once I rid us of the curse that plagued our family.

I might have completely lost my mind had it not been for that moment when my mom burst through the door to my college dorm. Granted I didn’t exactly hold it together very well when I collapsed into her arms.

A knock rattles my door and it creaks open.

My attempt at pretending to be asleep fails miserably.

Lillian peaks her head inside and we make eye contact.

“Can I come in?” she asks shyly but doesn’t wait for a response.

I sit up and scoot back against the headboard.

“I brought you a muffin.” Lill’s holds out a brown paper sack and sets it on my nightstand next to the other two identical untouched bags. “And a coffee.” This time, she hands the item directly to me.

So what if I’m basically living off of caffeine and the occasional force fed meal?

I pop the plastic tab and inhale the bitter roast. Sydney must have opted for espresso today.

“It’s been two weeks. I promised myself I would give you fourteen days to grieve, and then I was going to intervene. I’m not saying you have to be okay, but Willow… you can’t just forfeit your life because Silas left.” Her words are meant to be kind but end up slicing my heart in two.

Because of the strange situation, the girls are under the impression that Silas decided to leave. On his own. And I’m over here just sad that my boyfriend broke up with me.

Little do they know that he was taken from this world abruptly with no chance for a goodbye. Every day I’m wrecked with the memory of opening my eyes and not finding him standing in that circle with us. A crater opened up inside me and hasn’t stopped with each passing moment of his absence. It’s infinite and drowning and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly make anyone comprehend how empty I am without him.

It’s not normal.

I would have been thrilled to have Silas choose to leave and break up with me instead of the very unbelievable reality I’m forced to face.

At least then I would have some type of closure and finality other than him vanishing from my life all together.

I could have told him bye. I could have begged him for one last embrace to ease the pain of a life without him.

But instead, I’m stuck with this ghost of him that haunts me and reminds me of how fucking cruel this world is and how nothing will ever be the same.

“Wills, are you listening to me?” Lillian nudges my shoulder gently. “Come on.” She takes hold of my hand. “Let’s start with a shower. Anything to get you out of this bed.”

I catch sight of her crinkling her nose at the well-worn sheets.

Another thing I haven’t been able to force myself to do—wash them.

With the scent of Silas still lingering, the thought of rinsing that out of my life seems an impossible task. I hold on to every last scrap of him left in this world out of fear that once all these little things are no more, then he really will be, too.

Despite knowing the excruciating truth.

Silas is gone.

“I thought maybe we could dive back into your course work. Get you caught up. No sense in having to repeat this term and fall any further behind. Everyone has agreed to do their part in helping you get back on track.” She hesitates and it doesn’t take much to figure out why.

Each one of my classes, I shared it with either one of the guys or girls.

All of which can be accounted for, except for speech. The one section I had with Silas.

Such a little declaration and acknowledgement nearly takes the breath from my chest. It’s everything I can do to maintain my composure in front of Lillian. I dig my fingernails into the palm of my hand to ground myself and disallow the sadness from bubbling up on the outside.

It’s enough that she thinks I’m crazy over a boy that disappeared, I don’t need to further prove her right.

If only she knew the truth. But that’s not something I’m permitted to do.

I’m already disallowed from telling any non-supernatural student about the shadow realm or the supernatural world, so telling my best friend that my vampire boyfriend was sucked into the abyss by an ancient magic taught to me by an angel who helped me break a forever long curse on my family, who happens to be full of powerful witches, isn’t exactly permissible either.

And that really, really sucks.

I lean against the counter in the bathroom with my arms folded across my chest. Getting out of bed is nowhere close to what I want to be doing, but I really could use a shower. I’m not sure how long it actually has been. Was it yesterday? The day prior? A week ago? I’ve lost control over the concept of time in my time of utter sorrow.

The door to my room opens and closes, and a second later, Deghan pops his head into the bathroom. His kind, warm eyes meet mine.

My heart constricts and I find myself drawn to his comfort.

“Hey, little one.” He waltz’s in without asking permission. Not that he needs it anyway.

I let myself melt into his embrace.

“Think you can coax this one into getting in?” Lillian reaches in to test the temperature of the running water. She looks to Deghan.

He rubs circles on my back and holds me tight. “I can handle that.”

“I’ll be back in an hour. I want her showered, fed, and ready to tackle some statistics.” Lill barks off her demands and heads to the door. “I’m serious.”

Despite being so consumed with my sadness, having her in my life when I had once thought I’d lost her forever is nothing shy of wonderful. To watch her be concerned about me is a welcomed reminder of what I have left in this life. Her friendship is absolutely irreplaceable.

She pulls the latch to the bathroom shut, leaving me and Deghan behind.

“All right, you heard the woman.” Deghan gently breaks his body away from mine. He grips my face between his hands and glides his thumbs along my cheeks. He presses a soft kiss to my forehead.

My arms dangle limply to my side. I catch a glimpse of my pathetic self in the mirror. Dark bags under my eyes from the insomnia, unruly hair from the constant tossing and turning, sunken in cheeks from the rather rapid weight loss of not being able to stomach any amount of food.

All the while, a different and powerful magic courses through my veins and it’s everything I can do to keep it contained. It’s like I’m bursting at the seams.

And I want nothing to do with it. I couldn’t care less about magic in a world without Silas. Call me foolish but being the reason one of the people you love the most in this world is gone forever isn’t something that exactly makes you very proud of what you are. Especially when using my abilities is what took him from me in the first place. If I never would have come to this stupid place, I never would have found out I was a witch and Silas would be here, safe and sound.

Sure, I might never have met him, but that’s a sacrifice I would make to bring him back.

“Can I help you?” Deghan tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

I nod and let him lift my shirt up over my head.

A moment and a few articles of clothing later, he guides me into the shower.

I stand there without moving, letting the almost too warm water pummel me. It’s pathetic that the simple task of taking a shower can be so difficult.

“Will?” Deghan speaks from outside of the curtain.

I turn to him with tears filling my eyes. My lip quivers and I bite the inside of my cheek to try to stop myself from losing it.

Deghan’s face hardens and softens all at once.

I don’t mean to put this on all of them. I feel horrible about showing my emotions, but I don’t know how else to handle the all-consuming agony cleaving me apart. It’s not like I can block them out completely. None of them would allow that to happen. Although I wouldn’t blame them for closing me out when I’ve clearly shut down myself.

Chapter Two

“What do you think about going to class tomorrow?” Lillian stares at me from overtop her Intro to Management book. Her eyes penetrate me while she waits for my response.

I shrug. “I should probably retake the term. I’m already super behind. There’s no way I can dig myself out of Statistics.” A chill snakes it’s way over my body at the memory of my sadistic teacher.

No one knows where he went, but he didn’t vanish into thin air like Sydney’s parents and Silas. Tremont fled. He ran. Fast and far and using some kind of magical abilities to help him flee the wolves that were hot on his trail. From what I was informed, he eventually jumped into a body of water where his scent was completely erased, disallowing the few that we’re hunting him to find their target.

Headmaster Walker has reassured me that Tremont will never be able to step foot onto the school’s grounds ever again. He even went so far as to extend the barrier a twelve-mile radius of the campus, which happens to barely include my mom’s house and Sydney’s parent’s estate. The town of Harper is vulnerable though, considering his protection spell could only be so powerful and extend so far.

And somehow, that’s supposed to make me feel okay.

Tremont can’t come within a dozen miles. Sydney’s parents got erased off the face of the planet. And my sweet, poor Silas evaporated with them.

I’ve prayed to the angels, begged them to come and talk to me and help me figure out this mess. But all I hear in return is silence. I’ve channeled every ounce of this newfound magic source of mine but come up empty handed every time.

They’re gone. The LeBlanc’s, Silas, and the angels.

I’ve lost the connection to all of them.

“Can we at least try?” Lillian gently closes the text and sets it beside her. “I’ve spoken to Walker, he said he won’t penalize you if you get failing scores. This is an opportunity to get back on the horse with no strings attached. If you bomb, no harm, you’ll take the term again and he won’t put the grades on your transcript. But there’s a possibility you’ll pull it off and won’t have wasted any time and can continue on the same graduation track with us. I don’t know of many situations where someone is given such lenience from a breakup.”

I scan her face with my gaze and note her pleading eyes. This really does mean a lot to her, and how could I withhold that from someone so kind and pure.

I sigh heavily. “Okay. But don’t expect too much out of me. I’m kind of a mess.”

A small smile spreads across her dainty face.

Maybe this will be a good thing, despite all of the terrible realities. This could help me pull myself up off the ground and begin the course of processing everything that has happened.

The grief and sorrow from losing Silas has overtaken me to the point I haven’t even fully comprehended that my father is back in my life. And, I’m aware that I should be over the moon about that. It’s a difficult task when swallowing the fact that I single-handedly erased Silas from this world.

Regardless of being lost in my own thoughts, I note the uncomfortable shift in Lillian’s energy. A strange rush of uncertainty and fear consumes her. Her brow furrows slightly but when we make eye contact, she forces a smile.

This snaps me out of my self-loathing in an instant. “What’s wrong, Lills?”

She shakes her head. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about me. You have enough going on.”

I narrow my gaze. “Come on, let me focus on something other than myself for a change. Humor me. What’s going on with you? Is it Ethan?”

Lillian bites at her lip, something very uncharacteristic of her to do. “No. He’s great. Perfectly wonderful, actually. It’s only… I haven’t really been feeling myself lately. I’m sure that sounds crazy out loud.” Her attention shifts to the closed book to her right.

Her and Ethan better be being safe during their time together. Getting pregnant during the first year of college is a sure-fire way to throw things off course. Along with finding out you’re a cursed witch and inadvertently killing your boyfriend while breaking said curse.

“Are you sick?” I tiptoe around the question I’d rather ask.

“No. Not like that. I have been more tired than usual lately, and hungry…”

Oh shit.

“You promise you won’t judge me?”

How could I ever? She’s pretty much a saint and one of the best people I’ve met. People have babies at early ages, we can work through this together. A hiccup for sure, but nothing we can’t overcome.

“Never, Lills. You can trust me with anything.” I hold out my pinky to her.

She locks hers with mine and a strange bit of static electricity between us crackles. She takes in a breath. “I think I’ve been seeing things…”

My heart nearly thuds out of my chest. “What do you mean?”

“You totally think I’m losing it. Oh god. What if I am? I can’t believe I’m even telling you this.”

I reach out and grab her shoulder in order to calm her down. A weird pulsing energy meets my hand. I nearly wrench away but stop myself. I don’t want to freak her out any more than she already is.

“You can talk to me.” I force my most serious expression and tone. “What do you see?”

She looks away. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Start from the beginning.” I gently try to coax the confession out of her.

Her mouth opens to form words, but she’s interrupted by the door to my dorm barreling open.

Deghan, Cameron, and Ethan come in with various food assortments. Compliments of Chef Cam I presume.

I shift my focus back on Lillian but with her evading gaze, I come to terms with the fact that this conversation will not be continuing right now.

Cameron strolls over and kisses the top of my head. “I heard you’ve been studying away in here. Thought you could use some brain food.”

The cool and beachy scent from his body wash wafts by, accompanied with a chocolatey aroma. Without looking in the bags, I’d bet anything that he baked me brownies.

“Thanks, Cam.” I flit my gaze to the door. “Where’s Syd?” I ache for the sensation of Silas being near. His absence has left nothing but an aching hole.

“He’s coming. Had to finish up a few things he was working on in the library.”

Ethan slips his arms under Lillian and hugs her tightly. “I missed you,” he whispers into her ear.

Her cheeks blush. “It’s been like an hour.”

He pulls back and grips her face. “That’s sixty minutes too long.” Ethan grins and plants a few kisses on Lillian’s forehead and cheek and nose.

The two of them together seem so… fluid. Lill’s is shy, and Ethan is more outgoing. They balance each other out well in this compartment. They have a lot of chemistry, despite Lillian attempting to avoid the PDA at times. I wouldn’t be surprised if she absolutely welcomed it though. She deserves to be smothered in love, especially by someone she’s mutually crazy about.

Speaking of that word—I need to get her alone and figure out what the heck she meant when she said she was seeing things.

Could what I’m thinking even be possible? And the more important question: how?

Deghan steals my attention when he places a plate in front of me. “Here you go, cutie.”

I glance down at the chicken tenders and fries. “Thanks, guys.”

“Cam tweaked his breading recipe, it’s stupid good.” Deghan claims the spot next to me on my small bed and wastes no time devouring his food. A moment passes and he looks like he’s saw a ghost. “Shit, I forgot your drink.”

I smile at him and put my hand on his arm to stop him from getting up. “I’m not helpless, Degs.”

“I can grab it,” Ethan offers. He points his finger at me. “Sweet or unsweet?”

“Unsweet,” I say in unison with Deghan and Cam. They know me well. “Thank you.”

Ethan shakes his head and smiles. He goes to the small table where they set up the food and pours two glasses of tea. He hands one to me and then places one on the nightstand next to Lillian.

What a gentleman.

I manage to choke down a piece of chicken and a few French fries. My appetite still hasn’t returned, despite the food being absolutely delicious as expected.

Sydney finally arrives when everyone is nearly finishing up. His dark bushy hair topples over his forehead in an unkept kind of way. Those notorious emerald green eyes glisten with a beauty from out of this world. He winks at me from across the room.

Sydney is the least likely of my guys to flirt, but man when he does, he does it effectively. A simple wink and my heart is picking up its pace.

With his entry, I sense Lillian’s energy fluctuating again. A spike in her anxiety laced with fear.

I immediately focus on her, studying her every move.

Her body is tense, and Ethan seems to pick up on that.

He wraps his arm around her shoulder.

Ethan speaks to her and I strain to hear.

“You having another one of those episodes?” He rubs her arm in an attempt to comfort her. If only he had the same calming effect that I do.

Deghan and Cameron are oblivious to Lillian’s reaction at Sydney walking into the room. They both greet Syd and start discussing the food. It’s not like they can talk about anything we normally do, considering Lillian and Ethan are in here.

I’m grateful that Cameron was grandfathered into the whole non-supernatural sworn to secrecy thing. I can’t imagine not being able to confide in him about that aspect of life.

I muffle an exhausted exhale at the situation at hand. Not only was forcing my brain to study daunting, but now I’ve agreed to go back to classes tomorrow, and something is clearly going on with Lillian.

I’d like to get the guys alone so we can talk freely, but I need to get Lill’s to herself and make sure everything is okay with her. This has to be some weird fluke.

Sydney sits at the bed across from me with his food. He takes a bite of his tender and examines my gaze.

If only we were touching, we could have a private conversation in our minds without anyone being the wiser. Of all people I’d want to discuss what I suspect of Lillian, it would be Sydney. He’s the most logical and informed. Not to mention, he was the one who helped me process the coming out of realizing I had magical abilities.

Sydney will probably rationalize this and give me some reasonable explanation to put my mind at ease. Because there’s no way my assumptions of the situation could be true.

“You okay?” Sydney mouths to me once he’s swallowed his food.

I barely nod and flick my attention to Lillian and back.

Sydney follows my gaze and crinkles his brow. He whispers, “We’ll talk,” and takes another bite.

Those two words help calm my nerves. Sydney naturally has that effect on me. He’s always been the one to bring me down to reality. He’s reliable and someone I can continually count on. He calls me out on my shit and reminds me daily of my worth.

“Wills, we’re going to take a nap.” Lillian stands from her spot.

Ethan stacks her plate on top of his and disposes of their trash. He takes her backpack and swings it over his shoulder then intwines his fingers with hers.

“But I’ll be back this evening to go over our plan for getting caught up, okay?” She eyes me cautiously like there is some hidden meaning behind her words.

She must be letting me know that’s when we can talk about things.

I bob my head up and down in understanding. “That would be great. Thanks, Lills.”

That gives me a few hours to have a conversation of my own with Sydney so he can bring me off the edge of thinking that my best friend might suddenly be some kind of a supernatural being.