Going into 2019

Hi! I'm writing this because the year is at an end and it's time to reflect. I wanted to do this in the New Years Hangout but I'm far too distracted by personal events to focus so I'm gonna write it here instead, but first I want to explain a couple of things. 

First: The hangout that was going to be today has been postponed to january Sixth. I'll be home from my parents then, in my own apartment and that should make things a bit easier. The reason I've been distracted is that a close member of my family is sick and while it might be nothing, it could be something bad. I found out the same day I came home and, to be honest, I've been mentally preparing for the worst. 

That means I have focused more on taking care of and spending time with my family just in case I don't have much more time to do that, instead of working on the video. And that is what the holidays are supposed to be about anyway. This is also the reason why the video for my main channel is going to be delayed a few days into January as well. I'm sorry but in this case, I have to focus on my family. 

That being said my own health is improving rapidly. But having a family member be sick, spending time in hospital from time to time, gives me some worry that is new to me and some perspective I didn't want to have. But I know when to say take a break, and today on the stream I felt that I couldn't stop thinking about my family. I could focus on the stream itself and that isn't fair to you. So that's why its postponed until next weekend. 

I'm fine, there's no need to worry about me. 

Second of all: reflecting about the year that has been. 

2018 was, at the same time, the best and worst year of my life. If you followed me from when my channel began you know I took a seven month break to focus on my own health. And it has helped, but those seven months were a living hell for me. On a more personal note, this year I've gone from being almost married to single. From having a sortof step-child to no child. And I've lost a lot of friends along the way. 

But I've also gained new friends! Being on youtube has connected me to wonderful people all over the world. I've connected to other people in "lefttube", met wonderful people who are fans of mine, talked to people I've admired for years. And while my channel is small, I have cultivated a community of wonderful people. And it warms my heart to see you, my fans, interact with each other on twitter, in the stream chat and so on. My latest video almost doubled my fanbase, my subscribers, my view-count and so on and it has really solidified my belief in my own work.

I really look forward to release me next video, and the next one after that. And the next one after that. Because I know that nomatter what they are, they will be a part of me out in the world. And if nothing else I am happy to dare enough to do that. 

Going into 2019 

That is now a bit of a worry for me. At the start of this month I expected nothing but progress. My health improving, my channel growing. Things going up, up, up. But finding out that a member of my family is very sick has put those things lower down the list of things I care about. I'm hopefull for 2019, I hope that things are going to go well for myself, for my family. 

At the same time I am worried in a way I wasn't before I found out. Now, I am mentally preparing to not have the same family 12 months from now as I do right now. And even if everything works out just preparing for that makes things seem small. And it takes up a large part of my mind, as it did today and it's why I postponed the hangout. 

I hope the vlogs work out, I hope the podcast I want to do can be made. I hope that I manage to make several more videos and right now everything looks as if I can do that. But I also hope that my family will be okay.

I hope you understand why the hangout and the video were postponed. I am certain that my content will be moving along smoothly soon again. But right now, my mind if focused on my family and I should probably have taken the holidays of entirely to be with them and return in early january, as I am doing now. 

But finally, I want to say thank you to everyone who is supporting me on here. My economic situation hasn't been very good since I became too sick to work. But thanks to you I don't have to worry as much. You mean so much to be, and I hope that 2019 will be good to you as well. And I also hope that I will continue to be worthy of your support in the year to come. 

I say this without any reservation. I love you. Take care going in to the new year. And I will see you on the other side.