Patreon Exclusive.... Fortune Cookie Recap

I'm a Iced Tea Aholic

Kassandra Wells

On the topic of fires- I’m from Victoria Australia- so our state tends to catch on fire once a decade or so. Even having grown up aware of fires and the dangers- nothing can truly prepare you for the reality of when one of these firestorms happens. We had our worst fire day here about 15 years ago. Hundreds died. People who were all fire trained- grown up with fires- it was horrific. Decisions people made to stay and fight- or leave. This is one of my favourite documentaries about that day- it’s edited very well and takes you through the day, with witnesses and showing the radio calls are the fire took off and burnt area before official warnings had caught up. The main thing- in amongst the horror and sadness and grief- the INCREDIBLE stories of survival and community. I think in these modern times we assume we can turn on a tap and get water. Or call the fire brigade and they’ll stop the fire. We have a buffer between us and nature/ but these natural disasters remind us how vulnerable we are. We may have the best latest technology but it can’t do diddly squat if faved with a fire or tornado. Here’s the link to the doco which I highly recommend. (And for those who like Aussie accents and characters- this is full of them) https://youtu.be/O9Uz8ltWOGU?si=5zPpaEyNAj1Xcj4B

Tad Auty

For a happier fortune cookie story: the night before I was coming to visit my nephew got a fortune that said ‘you will be blessed with the presence of a loved one soon.’ My brother said he got really excited and said “It’s Tante! It’s Tante!” Tante is the German word for aunt and what my niece and nephews call me.

Heidi

First of all, Happy Birthday Lauren! Secondly, so sorry you are having to say goodbye to loved ones. Unfortunately “the candle” is briefer than any of us would like. This discussion reminded me of the idea of cultural insulators. People that dare to delve into the darkness to protect the light of those around them. First responders, people who work in the justice system, and the healthcare system for example. The people who see humanity at its worst, its most pathetic, it’s messy parts. I think the darkness itself is not the threat. It is too many people forgetting that it exists, too few people supporting the cultural insulators who brave the darkness to do battle with the monsters, and too few people willing to come together to shine their collective lights into the dark corners and drive those monsters out of hiding. I think journalism (true crime podcasts included) helps do the latter, reminding us where those dark corners are, that monsters are real, but so are heroes. They help us remember that we’re stronger together and to stand up against ideologies and attitudes that give the monsters more darkness to hide in. We’ll never eliminate all the darkness, we’ll never eliminate all the monsters, but we can try to make it harder for them to attack.

Marmalade's Mom

Thank you Dr. John and Lauren for your interpretation. At first I just interpreted it as darkness isn’t to blame for light being distinguished. It’s the things in the darkness that is the cause of light being distinguished. Love your in depth interpretation it makes me expand my mind.

RENE S

Happy birthday

RENE S

Happiest Birthday Lauren! Hello to you and Dr. John. This conversation had me for so many reasons. I wrote out a response that evening after listening to it and before hitting the send button my phone died. Things have been busy but today I am sitting down to respond. First I have finished Shari Frankie’s book. Two - Dr. John I can recite the Shakespeare Macbeth soliloquy Out out, by heart due to my high school English Lit. Teacher making everyone having to memorize it. The other one that stuck was Tiger Tiger burning…. It is true life is brief and our light is fleeting and that light can be gone in a heart beat. We are faced with loss and grief. I know life goes on but depending on who, what, where, why and how can put you in a tailspin of depression and despair but truly life goes on. Time marches on and we survive. We learn to carry on and never forget but carry those we lose with us. We try to see the good and light. I made peace with darkness and decided it is okay to be depressed sometimes because the glass is both half empty and half full it is okay. At times it completely full and the light is bright and all is wonderful yet when it is completely empty with not a drop in it we thirst. We are at our bottom and it is dark down there. So half full or half empty isn’t so bad. We have a choice. No one can be perfect and like my New year post of looking back and forward I choose to be happy. Now I agree with Lauren that happiness is found in the small simple things not grand trips and over the moon dreams. Gold colored shoes that make a little boy happy. 🙂 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 2a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; 7a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace" (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). I will keep Jaime and Lauren’s Mom in my thoughts and prayers. This is not an easy time. I understand and we have started 2025 with much on our plates but I am thankful to share it with people who understand. I am thankful for being able to share, to communicate. ❤️ 🕯️

Kay Louise

Hi Lauren & John, I am one of those who believe everything happens for a reason & I can't control what happens in my life but I can choose how I react and act. My life hasn't been easy. I have my share of past trauma from many causes. I have been medically diagnosed with severe depression & anxiety and am on medication for that. I have been at my lowest, where I was ready to give up and end my life. Then I decided I was not a victim and if I put my mind to it, I could see the light (that one candle flame) in any situation I found myself in. That decision changed my life. I still have misfortunes but I deal with them as best I can. My attitude is not 'why did this happen to me?' but rather 'what can I learn from this?' I choose to look for the good. I use my experiences to widen my empathy and help others who are struggling. I don't preach to anyone but I do offer a safe space & understanding. I'm a spiritual being & I believe the Universe will never lead me astray. Not all experiences are happy. Many are indeed tragic. It's important to give space to accepting that. Then choose how to react and look for the good. I totally agree with John, that compassion, understanding & empathy are the light that cannot be extinguished. They are the reactions & actions that can change one life and the whole world. Happy birthday Lauren. Never stop being 'glass half full'. 💖

Meredyth MacKinnon-Love

Happy Birthday Lauren!! 💐 And cheers to January babes… mine was the 11th!! My husband once received a fortune that said “May the bird of paradise shit on your birthday cake!” We have laughed about this for years and has been fodder for inside jokes. However I would love to hear Dr. John’s interpretation. 😆

Bridget Jeter

Oh dear

Paula Marie Cornell

Happy birthday happy birthday our sweet precious Lauren ! If I’m late so sorry. 🎉🎉🎉all for the week of birth celebrations!!!

Paula Marie Cornell

Oh yes cloud Panda oh yes !🤍

Paula Marie Cornell

Mc Spunky

I have been a volunteer for almost 25 years with a kids grief camp (I’m just naturally drawn to activities that sound like fun, really) and one of the really awesome activities that we do is have the kids write notes to the parent or sibling that they’ve lost and put the notes one by one in the campfire the night before camp closes out. As each small group comes up to the campfire we take those really sacred moments for each kid and reflect on how even with a small piece of paper, the fire gets brighter for a few seconds. As someone said in an earlier comment, energy cannot be destroyed, it only changes form. We talk about how whatever energy we hold in our grief for our loss, whether it’s sadness or anger or even hope or relief, ultimately, like you said Lauren, love and connection endure. And we can take that (the connections and coping skills and learning to live with grief that we’ve talked about and processed all weekend at camp) and let it move us towards a place of resilience within ourselves and support for others going through similar situations.

Life_w_Lora

Dr John, we named our first son Suttree ❤️

Mary Hatchet

People like Lauren are the candle

GoodChance

If you believe that energy is never created or destroyed, darkness may destroy their physical body but never the light of their soul. My heart is with you and your family.

Cloud Panda

Hello Vala I appreciate your kindness and prayers. May your day be filled with joy that continues to run over into each new day. 🕊️

Terrie

Also, not that either of you would think this, because you’re generous and not looking for reasons to be offended, but I hope you didn’t take anything in my comment as minimizing the things you’re going through, that are genuinely difficult. Lauren, I have been thinking about you, with your two family members on hospice. I was interested in the comment here, from a gem, about the 9-year thing and that you may be tying up loose ends, etc. We have taken some heavy losses in the last 9 years—all 4 of our parents—so this resonated for me; even though I don’t know anything about numerology, that’s definitely the end of something and the beginning of something else. Also, not intending to be “Pollyanna” with my story about bringing food to the firefighters, etc. I fully acknowledge all the darkness that’s around us. At our house, we say all the time “they’re not mutually exclusive; both things can be true” (and often are). I’ll leave it at that.

Lisa Fowler

Warning: this is really long Always love hearing Dr, John say “I have things to say about that.” We are in Northern California, the Bay Area, so we have a lot of experience with fires. It absolutely resonated with me, the discussion about how fast a fire can change direction, spread, grow, become terrifying. We have had days in very recent years when we woke up in darkness because there was so much smoke, and the air quality was the worst in the world. But we also lived here during the Oakland Hills fire, which was in 1991(?) following on the heels of the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake. That was a terrifying fire, but one of my best memories is from those days when the hills were burning around us. Because my mother in law was in a leadership position in our church congregation, and had lived here for so many years, people looked to her for leadership. On the Sunday of that fire, after church, we were sitting together in her home when people started calling her, one after the other. We are in Alameda, very close to Oakland, but it’s so unlikely that a fire in the hills will reach Alameda. We could see the flames, but Alameda is an island. People wanted to do something—anything—to help. My mother in law called the Red Cross, and they told her the firefighters might not have had anything to eat or drink all day, and they were trying to get them something to eat and drink. We made a quick decision to meet at the church and use that kitchen. LDS people are great with phone trees, so lots of people were contacted quickly. Everyone brought everything they had in their homes to make sandwiches, every piece of fruit, every bottle or can of liquid, water, juice, soda… Ziploc bags, paper bags. They went through this stuff quickly. My husband and brother in law loaded up both cars and drove them as close to the fire line as they were allowed, handed everything to the Red Cross, and came back. People felt like, “That’s it, then? We can do more.” Because I have had experience with the generosity of so many merchants, I decided to go to the grocery stores and ask if they would let us take the items without paying for them. Every single store manager said, “Take as much as you need. Make the store brand.” Nobody asked for identification, or credentials to show I was representing a church. We did this again and again, pretty late into the night. One store manager thought to ask if our church would write something on our letterhead for their “Corporate,” but they didn’t even scan the items to determine value or to make sure everything was the store brand. I asked, but they said, “No. Go, go, and God bless.” We ended up providing a letter for every store that donated, and I think everyone got a certificate of recognition from the Red Cross, but for my husband and I, these things weren’t even close to being the important takeaway from that day. I have reflected on that experience so many times in the many years since that fire. Always the biggest takeaway is the generosity of people; probably second is that we did what we could. Our efforts didn’t save even one house, but the effort was so impactful in other ways. And as is so often the case when you do something thinking to help someone else, you are the one who is really lifted up, time and time again. We try to do almost all our giving—personal and business—anonymously, and people will say, “But then nobody will know,” to which I say, “I will know.” And maybe that’s the most real meaning for me, of carrying the light or the fire inside you. You do it because you choose to. If Colby Ryan can choose this… I start to feel a little obligated to keep enough inner light that I can keep putting one foot in front of the other. We all have times when it’s more difficult to keep carrying a light or a fire, and hopefully those times are when other people hold us up until we’re ready to try it again. I love hearing about your partnership, and how you adjust sometimes to offset each others’ shifting moods. I’ve had a long partnership in my marriage and it’s the best way to go through this life, in my opinion. Happy Birthday, Lauren. My oldest son is a January birthday and no candle flame for him. He carries the fire inside because he just can’t help it— it’s who he is. I know of many good stories and folklore about candles and lanterns and flames. In real life stories, many good people who relate to the Vallow-Daybell case come to mind, actually, always starting with Larry Woodcock. I appreciate this community— lots of smart people, but more importantly, good people—and when I see your names in live chat, or even other true crime chats, it feels like home to me.

Lisa Fowler

We love this comment and love to know your chickens are laying again. Thank you for this. Here’s to hope and new beginnings.

Lauren and John Matthias

Yeah definitely. That's the point I was trying to get across but I'm not the best at explaining lol

Samantha Hughes

Thank you 💕

Lauren and John Matthias

I love this Samatha! If we can light one step at a time, we have the hope to make it to our destination

Lauren and John Matthias

Happy birthday!!

Lauren and John Matthias

Thank you so much Renee. This means a lot, and I like the idea of reflecting and tying up loose ends

Lauren and John Matthias

I agree and will read this book

Lauren and John Matthias

This is beautiful

Lauren and John Matthias

Thank you ❤️‍🩹

Lauren and John Matthias

Happy birthday!

Lauren and John Matthias

Now that I can get behind!

Lauren and John Matthias

So many feels from this convo - ty for giving us a regular peek behind the scenes and into your lives. Life is complicated and messy, often hard, especially in the work you do. And as we see all the harm to this planet and the people around us. This is why I resonated with Lauren's reaction to her fortune cookie! Not true, candles are going out all over the place, she says, in her first reading. But words and sayings can be understood on so many different levels, and Dr. John does not disappoint here. Literature and art bring so much insight into the human condition, much as science continues to explain our biology and the universe we inhabit. Has Dr. John read George Lakoff's Women, Fire, and Dangerous Things? It explores the cognitive science of embodied metaphors and categories. Dark and light are such fundamental sensory experiences, and as animals that are most active during the day, we associate dark and danger, light and warmth with safety and comfort. Except when that warmth turns to excess heat and light is fire.... I appreciate that Dr John brought up Young Men and Fire. If you haven't heard it, I highly recommend the haunting song Cold Missouri Waters, beatifully covered by the folk group Cry Cry Cry. Here is a link to it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/VxDV2nvk9pM?si=cWMT6bYLPl0HrXXQ It is about the Mann Gulch Fire from the perspective of one of the survivors, originally written by singer songwriter James Keelaghan. It captures so much of what you talked about here. Take good care, Happy Birthday Lauren and also so sorry about your family members on hospice. And to Dr. John, the light is returning - my chickens just started laying again - so may your depression lift as well.

Jen C

Happy Birthday Lauren!!! My thought has always been that a single candle can extinguish darkness. 🕯️ Prayers for you and your loved ones as they progress on their journey home.

Janet Trowbridge

Yes! to celebrating Bday 🎂 week!

Bonnie Schoeneman-Dilley

Praying for all those impacted by the CA 🔥 My son and his family evacuated their home last week

Bonnie Schoeneman-Dilley

Happy Birthday Lauren! From one optimistic (that views the cup half full to another:)) I am celebrating my Bday today too! The candle represents hope Hope helps us survive darkness.

Bonnie Schoeneman-Dilley

Happy birthday, Lauren. I’m wishing you a week where you are surrounded by your favorite people. I’m also hoping that those good people shine a little extra light on you during your family’s hospice journey (times 2). Soak in all their light and let yourself feel the warmth of all who love and have loved you now and always.

CB1

Happy birthday, Lauren!

Donna Holmes

A gem and Native Los Angeleno. The winds were like a dry hurricane. Today I saw so many trees knocked over. At one point, there was a fire near each of my relatives homes (Palisades, Eaton, Hollywood Hills and Windswept). It has been bewildering and there isn't a person who hasn't been impacted. Friends, homes, businesses. There is this area of Altadena that does the most incredible Christmas Light displays. Imagine a neighborhood where every house looked like it was on one of those light competition programs. They did this for the whole community. You could walk your dogs and be given hot chocolate and hear music. These people did this for the general joy. Each year, I thought these people are wonderful and now so many of the generous souls have lost their homes. Palisades was the home of the early skateboarders and there isn't a local who didn't go to the beach at some point to have a meal at Moonstones or walk to the beach to see dolphins in the ocean. My mentor met me for the last time in Palisades Village for an Italian cappuccino. This is a before and after event and we are in the liminal, in-between of it still happening. I'm grateful that I can write this next to my dogs and that I can get insights into the human condition listening to Lauren and Dr John.

Wendy Palms

Yay for January bdays!!

tsblanca

Happy early Birthday Lauren. Carry that candle.

Cindy Ginter

Happy Birthday 🎂 🥳

catherine mcallister

Lauren, I think what you do in life is about bringing light in the darkness.

catherine mcallister

Thank you for this. Always a pleasure hearing what you both think. My thoughts on that statement is. Even in the dark, light will shine through. For Christians we know the end result light wins over darkness. The loss of my mother has been devastating, lonely and sad, but through my grief and darkness her light still shines bright everyday, it's just in a different form. Darkness can never take the light and joy of knowing people or events of joy, even if they have been taken.

Cotton~Carolyn

A book I enjoyed after starting down the true crime path is Bittersweet by Susan Cain. There is a purpose to reflecting on sad moments.

Robin Murray

Lauren , in 2025 , ( just for fun ) you are currently in a 9 numerological year . It’s the time of completion, reflecting on the lessons of the past nine years. You might be tying up loose ends . It is about endings and closures . I’m so sorry about your Mom and Brother. ( My own brother passed and my Mom shortly thereafter. ) I wish and pray for their peaceful transition and wish that you have some healing time with your little boy , Banks and Dr. John .

Renée Price

Happy birthday Lauren. May the candles on your cake remind you that you are a shining light in this world. Thoughts are with you as you continue to support your mother and brother and your family at large. 💕

JenAus

Happy birthday to you Lauren 🎉 you better light that candle 🕯️❤️‍🔥 Praying for those who are struggling ❤️❤️❤️

Vala Hauksdóttir

Happy Birthday Lauren! Birthday Weeks are the best!

Dawn Reazin

Anybody who is looting the abandoned homes is literally going straight to hell. That’s just evil

Brittany Rohr

That was unexpectedly entertaining! I love the literary references.

Rise Above

No regrets!!! Love the discussion and tying and honoring the lost and the firefighters in so ca.

maria dog mom

I wish everyone *did* understand how incredibly fast these fires can spread, as John says, and how the fire can change direction literally in seconds. These high winds are unpredictable, and they cause wildfires like this to be incomprehensibly dangerous. The host of a podcast I listen to says he'll stay to defend his property, and will "jump in the pool" if it gets bad. That's sooooo dangerous and unwise — I hope he can be talked out of it!! My aunt lost her house in a huge fire in the Piney Woods near Austin, years ago. She had a fire plan, and got out with her most necessary and precious things, but as fires do, that fire moved so fast, and it was all so scary. My thoughts go out to all who are affected by this tragedy. I think it's really hard to wrap your brain around what it's like to lose almost everything you own. Wealthy or not, famous or not (one looter was caught with someone's Emmy — their Emmy!!), this is just utterly devastating. 💔

Julie Holden

We share a birthday, and your conversations are so comforting. Thank you!

JG

It makes me think of: Sometimes that candle is the only light we have to navigate our way in the darkness, only when we are deprived of oxygen will u and the candle extinguish. So in my view as long as you keep stepping one foot in front of the other we can carry on but it's when we give up breathing that we truly give up and cease to exist I came back to add this point. I wrote this before listening to the full thing so I'm sorry if I came across insincere to the fires. I ain't, it just hadn't been discussed when I wrote this. I truly hope everyone is safe. Hope you have a wonderful birthday Lauren.

Samantha Hughes

Happy Birthday, Lauren!! The world definitely needs more of the both of you, so I hope your candles don't go out for a very long time!! I will dedicate my time in the chapel on Friday for you as well as continue to have you in my prayers daily for you guys and your family. Much love!

Missy Rehn