Happy Newd year 2025 (script)

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“HAPPY NEWD YEAR 2025”

COLD OPEN

INT. BEDROOM

Kayla is on top having sex with a dude on New Years Eve, the count down can be heard in the background.

GUY: I'm coming...

KAYLA: Not until midnight, you're not!

GUY: I don't know if I can last that long.

KAYLA: Its 20 seconds....

GUY: Oh god, I can't hold it!

KAYLA: Uh uh, think of Grandma! Baseball! Grandma playing baseball!!

He knocks her off of him. She lands next to him as he ejaculates under the covers.

GUY: Oh god Yeaauuuuuhhhhhh

KAYLA: Ew...

She rolls over as she listens to the countdown strike midnight.

GUY: Happy new year.

KAYLA: You too...

They both turn over and face each other and say at the same time.

GUY: You wanna make this official?

KAYLA: You wanna Break this off?

They both are so surprised by the other's question, they can only stare at each other in silence.

CUT TO: TITLE CARD

INT. BEDROOM

Kayla is passed out, naked in bed. Guy enters the room fully dressed. He picks up her clothes from the floor, snickers and almost exits when he pauses and turns back.

GUY: (whispers) Shit. I suppose I should take the bedding too.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY/OUTSIDE OF BEDROOM

Guy is carrying off all of the bedding, snickering to himself.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM

Kayla is still asleep, naked on top of a bare mattress.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BEDROOM

The next morning Kayla awakens, shivering cold. She sits up in bed and notices the missing bedding.

KAYLA: Hey! Why'd you steal all the covers? Ya prick!

She steps onto the floor which is really cold as well.

KAYLA: God damn! Did you turn off the heat too?

KAYLA NARRATION: Today, I woke up on New Years Day still naked from the night before. We stayed at the AirBNB he rents out, and it was freezing!!

She braves it across the floor and into the bathroom.

INT. BATHROOM

She sits on the cold toilet seat, which causes an audible cringe from her. As she pees, she notices there's no toilet paper.

KAYLA: Oh for fucks sake....

KAYLA NARRATION: That's when I noticed there were no towels in the bathroom either....

Kayla bounces on the toilet a few times, shaking it off before exiting the bathroom.

KAYLA NARRATION: Something is really wrong here, I woke up with no covers, my clothes are missing, and so is my date....

Kayla walks down the hallway, inspects the laundry unit only to find its empty. She turns the corner into the kitchen.

KAYLA: Hey, Jimbob! Are you here?

KAYLA NARRATION: I looked all over that house. There are no curtains, no towels, no bedding, my clothes are gone! He even removed the toilet paper and paper towels!

KAYLA: (frustrated) Well what the fuck, dude? Am I supposed to uber home naked? That's so 2018.

KAYLA NARRATION: That's when I noticed the note on the fridge.

Kayla rips a note off, taped to the door and reads it aloud.

KAYLA: (note) Dear Frenchie. (chuckles) Oh shit, did I forget to tell him my real name? (continues) I had a really good time with you last night. I'm sorry you must have felt otherwise. I can't get over your deep cuts and therefore I will be gone when you awake.....As will be your clothes, the bedding and anything else you can hide behind. I leave you no choice but to expose your true self to the public.

Kayla looks up from the note.

KAYLA: What a psycho.

KAYLA NARRATION: pfft, I'll show him. I'll just call my BFF, she's used to picking me up naked from places.

KAYLA: Now where's my phone...

She looks around the kitchen, before returning her attention to the note again.

KAYLA: (Note) PS, I have your phone. (off note) Damn it. (Note) And I set the secURITY ALARM? The floors will become weight sensitive and will automatically arm itself upon the first pressure your feet apply to it in the morning. Hopefully, you find this note efficiently. You will have thirty minutes to get out before the alarm sets.

Kayla immediately looks at her bare wrist.

KAYLA: Oh shit! (looks to camera) I don't have a watch!

KAYLA: (note) If the alarm is tripped, the authorities will be contacted and will have been informed that no one is actively staying there. You WILL be dragged out naked, arrested and I WILL press CHARGES??!!

KAYLA NARRATION: This mother fucker!!

KAYLA: Well, I can't go back to jail! I'll take my chances, streaking!

She rushes toward the front door when suddenly the lights go dim, as the alarm is set. Kayla stops immediately in her tracks.

ALARM: Alarm activated.

KAYLA NARRATION: Oh shit! Now I'm stuck!

Kayla is frozen in place terrified to move.

KAYLA NARRATION: OH my god, the little psycho actually did it! I'm trapped, locked inside the house, NAKED!! I can't even move from this spot!!

KAYLA: What a way to start the new year....

Kayla slowly squats down and lays on the floor.

KAYLA NARRATION: Fuck My Life.

ENDING:

INT. FRONT DOOR

The spot on the floor Kayla occupied is now empty. The camera pans up to the front door. We hear a code being pressed in, the door opens and in walks her now Ex-Boyfriend.

GUY: Hey Frenchie! Are you still here? I figure you either stayed the night or got out in time...

He comes across a note stuck to the refrigerator door. He rips it off.

GUY: (note) My Dearest asshat. (chuckles) Nice.

The scene dissolves to show what Kayla describes in the note.

KAYLA NARRATION: (note) Congratulations. You got me with the alarm prank.

GUY: Of course I did.

KAYLA NARRATION: As I laid naked on the cold floor, afraid to move. I must have passed out, because I woke up stretched out across the floor....

Kayla slowly awakes, realizes she's far more stretched out then before. She moves into a squatting position and then crawls across the floor, before stopping again, and cautiously stands up.

KAYLA NARRATION: I then realized how expensive an alarm system of the magnitude you described in your note would actually be, compared to the value of this very modest at house.

Kayla takes a jump into the kitchen with no alarm going off. She breathes a sigh of relief and starts dancing across the floor.

GUY: (note) By the time you read this, I will be gone.... (to camera) I wonder if she walked home naked?

Kayla wraps herself up in paper towels making a dress out of it.

KAYLA NARRATION: (note) This is goodbye, but not without one last parting gift.

GUY: (note) it just was Christmas after all? (looks up) What GIFT?

He starts searching the house. Tearing it apart. Desperate to find it.

GUY: Where is it? What the fuck? Oh god, where did she shit? Is it a bomb? A hidden camera?

As he tears apart his own house, we dissolve back to Kayla wearing her paper towel dress, exiting the house with a smirk on her face and a skip in her step.

KAYLA: New year. New me.

THE END