An Update.

Hey, everyone. As mentioned yesterday, I've been going through some personal stuff that deserved it's own post, and I said that I'd explain today.

Three weeks ago tomorrow, I woke up to a phone call that my best friend of seventeen years was dead.

It was not expected.

At first, I was doing better than you'd probably expect. I was incredibly fortunate to have so many friends and family reaching out, making sure I was okay, letting me talk my way through it, sharing memories, helping ease the loss. In a lot of ways, I ended up trying to help them cope with it. An old acquaintance tried to explain to me that I had no regrets, because Jake and I left nothing on the table. We'd lived and laughed and enjoyed each others' company so much that I was able to handle the loss because our relationship was so full, whereas other friends, it was harder because they DIDN'T get to see him as often, talk to him as often, enjoy his friendship as often, and that made a lot of sense to me. It made me really glad to know that people understood our relationship, and their interacting with me was their way of saying goodbye to him.

I've been able to see his family--who are essentially my second family--only once, and that's been difficult, but I understand that maybe my presence isn't really helpful to them at this time. Hopefully that changes soon.

My girlfriend, who was able to establish her own personal relationship with him, has been incredible, and I'm super grateful to have her with me during all this.

But as the days have turned into weeks, the support has started to dwindle. And I understand. People move on at different speeds. A lot of those who reached out, they were old friends from middle school and high school, and while they have cherished memories of him, it's a sad loss but not a life-altering one, nor should it be. They hadn't really stayed in touch, and had only seen him a handful of times in the last ten years. Unfortunately, as everyone moves on, the reality of it has begun to set in a bit more firmly.

I was really excited to get back to JL8 at the turn of the calendar, and I still am, but the last few days have been especially hard. All those old friends who were in town for the holidays are gone now. Out of town friends who were able to make time for calls are back to their normal schedules, working and taking care of their families. So now it's just me, and without all the hustle and bustle of the holidays as a way to kind of tell my brain "oh, you just haven't seen him because you're busy with parties and reunions," I'm for the first time fully realizing that he's gone, and he's not coming back. As such, going into my studio room just feels like such a burden.

I don't want to go on some kind of extended hiatus. I've been unbelievably fortunate that my little comic brings happiness to even a handful of people, and I don't want to deprive people of that, because I honestly think that making the comic and seeing it make people happy will be really good for me. It's just that it may be a little slower to get back into the swing of things than I anticipated.

I'm not really sure how to end this, other than saying that I wish you could've met him. Some of you kind of have, as he was the inspiration for the Jake character in my self-published comic, "Gifted." For those who read it, I hope his antics made you smile.

He was my brother, and I love him.

-Yale