Photographer Ava Young @gingeredspice
Added 2019-12-16 04:44:46 +0000 UTCIt'll be my birthday in a few more days. I'm ready. It's been a really wonderful year. I let go more than I'm use to and that taught me a lot about my limits and self care. I can't remember if that was my intent for 2019 or 25, but it happened. It didn't happen perfectly, but it has mostly happened. Something I've learned and continue to learn is to appreciate my own opinion and my work. It's hard for me to feel okay being an artist and a freelancer in a world of techies and big corporations. It feels like I'm doing something wrong when it also feels so right. I finally accepted to follow where the open doors lead me. I honestly feel so scared making the decision to become a freelance artist. Ironically, art has become my only certainty. Modeling has taught me to care about myself, stand up for myself, and believe in myself. It isn't the modeling itself, but that I found a calling. To be cheesy about it, I feel like I found my home. Even when I'm alone driving through the night to a morning photoshoot, I feel a sense of purpose. I looked for purpose in politics, animal husbandry, etc. Why did modeling give me a reason to wake up every morning? It doesn't matter, but we all have that somewhere in us for something. Some people wait a lifetime and still never find it. I've been given a blessing, and for my birthday I've given myself peace of mind. I don't worry that modeling is a curse that I've become consumed with and will make me a sexually exploited, bored, starving artist with a complex. That isn't what modeling is nor is it who I am. I had this fear because how should I be so lucky to do successfully at a career I love? Enjoying this harmony is all I want for my birthday
