Elf Visits the Human Underground Script

I'd just finished Arcane for the first time and I was on fire. I love Arcane. Masterpiece of a show. And I got a comment that asked for an Elf listener. And I wanted to do a soulmates thing. And I finally got sound effects to work for me! That door sound effect at the beginning? I am so proud of that! 

Anyway, enjoy :) 

Elf Visits the Human Underground [F4A] 

We're closed. 

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I said we're...

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Huh. You know, you should really wear a hood. Ears like that will get you killed around here.

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You know exactly what I mean. What's an elf like yourself doing in this neighborhood?

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Obviously you want something, you're in my shop. Everyone who comes in here wants something terribly important. Something so important, it can't wait another moment, and yet they always wait when I offer them something to drink. So, take a seat. What can I get you to drink?

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Relax, pointy ears, whatever you're here for can wait a couple minutes. And technically, I'm closed so if you don't want me to kick you out, you'll sit and have a drink.

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Better. Now what would you like?

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Nah that's elf garbage. You think you're in the capital city? Hate to break it to you, magic fingers, but those golden streets and crystal towers are about fifteen stories above your head. You're in the underground now. Here, try some of this.

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Go on, sip sip.

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Ha ha, yeah, it's rough the first time, right? But you get used to it. Though, it gets worse before it gets better. Second sip is awful. Third sip is worse. But by the fourth sip it'll taste like the best thing you've ever drank in your life. It's just like a lot of the people around here. Awful, worse, but a couple of us? Best you'll ever meet.

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I couldn't say which category I fall into. Guess you'll have to stick around and find out.

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Now. We're miles away from your little elven buddies. Far far away from the libraries of your college which, I'm guessing, is where you're from. Am I right?

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Ahuh. I can always tell a college elf. Same overconfidence. Same complete confusion about the underground. Same insignia on your jacket pocket.

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Ha. You really don't know the meaning of subtly, do you? Have you really never heard the rumors about what happens to elves down here?

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Oh, big tough elf are we. Ok, now you've piqued my interest. What brings you to my tiny shop this time of night.

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Looking for someone, are we? Most people are... even if it's just themselves. You came to the right place. Though, you've risked a lot coming here. This person must be incredibly important to you.

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A soulmate? You're kidding. You actually believe that nonsense? What, one person destined for another! I digress. But what do you expect me to do, my flaxen-haired friend. I can't find someone who doesn't exist.

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Ok, alright, you have proof. Fun times. Did you pull a rabbit out of a hat and it said you have a soulmate?

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Fine, so, tell me how you know you have a soulmate.

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Blah blah blah, you lost me when you started talking. So you did some wizardry and got something that belongs, or belonged, to your soulmate. And now you want me to find them by this thing?

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First of all, I don't care what your magic tricks are called. Second of all, this sounds suspiciously like an assignment for a magic class. I don't get paid enough to do elves homework, ok, I barely get paid enough to do anything at all.

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It's a project? That's the same thing as homework.

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A personal project. Ah, I see. You want to use the college resources, so you don't have to buy any materials yourself, so you've got to call it that, but it's not required in a class. I gotcha, blondie.

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So, are you going to give me this object or what?

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Yes, I heard you the first time. If you want to give your object to the Finder, give it to me, so I can do my job.

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What, do don't doubt me now, do you?

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A bar maid. Oh dear, may the god Greil give me strength. I'm literally the only one here, my magical compadre, I'm not a bar maid, I am the Finder.

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Yeah, you walked into Lost, the shop of the Finder. I find things, people, places sometimes. If you didn't know who I was, you wouldn't have come here.

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You thought the Finder would be what. Older? Wiser looking? A guy with a beard? An elf? A witch? Take your pick. I've heard it all. But no, I'm just me. A girl with a remarkable knack for finding.

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Honestly you elves and your conclusion jumps. So, give me this thing, and I'll try and find whoever it belongs to. But you'd better not get your little hopes up alright? I don't believe in any of that soulmate nonsense and even if I did, there's no guarantee I can find them.

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You pay me for my time and my experience, barbie. That being said, I will be charging two ounces of gold.

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Don't start with me, santa's little helper. As far as I see it, you don't really have another choice. Can you find someone from just an object? No. Can any of your little elf besties? No, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Pay up.

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A once and a half.

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A once and a quarter.

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Done.

~ coin sounds?

Thank you. Now. What is this object of your soulmate's?

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A notebook? Oh excellent. I can take handwriting samples. That's always helpful. Come now, bring it out, let me see.

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Ok...what do we have here. Pretty standard looking notebook, average size, looks pretty worn and well-used.

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Have you opened it up? Is there anything written inside?

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No, you wanted to wait. That's good, if there is anything trapped inside like a hair for example, I can find it. But let's start with the cover.

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Black leather, black leather tie to hold it closed, looks like a dragon tear's pearl flake on the front. That's... interesting.

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Well, I hate to break this to you buddy, but overworlders don't use dragon tear pearls, let alone the flakes. They see them as inferior to actual pearls since they're so easy to come by. Down here, those flakes are on pretty much everything, just to give it a little flair. It's about all the luxury us humans can afford. Whoever this notebook belongs to is either a very poor elf who lives or shops down here, or a human.

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Hmm. You got a problem with that?

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Right, you'll love them either way, will you. Bleh. Elves and they're stupid ideas of love and romance.

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No, as a matter of fact, I do believe in love. But I think love is something that needs to be grown and nurtured. It's less hearts and rainbows and more working through real issues together as a team. So, I don't believe in love at first sight or soulmates. I believe in hard work. Speaking of hard work, see this crease right here, on the side? That means this notebook is in someone's pocket a lot, like nearly every day. But not a back pocket or something tight, a loose pocket. Like an apron. Kind of like the pockets of my apron here. See? Big enough to hold a notebook of that size. Actually, I usually have a notebook in mine, but I lost it a couple days ago.

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I think that's all we can find out from the cover. But don't be discouraged, that is a lot! We narrowed down pretty much everyone in the overworld, which is a significant step. That's like, several hundred thousand people you can rule out. And a work apron narrows it down even more.

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I think we need to open it up to get handwriting. Let me just untie the tie and open it up to the first page.

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Ok, first page blank. That's not a good sign, most people write their names on the first page. I don't understand it, but they do.

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Hm? Oh, I don't see why it's necessary to write your name. Even if you lost it! I mean, if the notebook holds important information and you lose the notebook, that's really your fault for being that careless. And if it's sensitive information, it would be better for them not to know who you were, right? If they read all this personal stuff about you then saw your name and returned it, a total stranger would know your name, your face, and all this personal information about you! That's just dangerous. Still, it would have been helpful in this case. But at least you know your soulmate has good standards for notebook personalization.

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These pages are thick too, that's interesting.

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Well, it means it might not be just any old notebook. The weight of this paper looks a little more professional. It feels to me like an artist's notebook. It feels like professional drawing paper. Not by overworld standards, but down here we take what we can get. Sketchbooks are hard to come by a luxury really. Which was why I was so miffed when I lost mine, they might not be overworld quality, but they're not cheap. Of course, it means that your soulmate is an artist. That's a plus, right? You elves like all that art stuff.

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Oh, I do a little sketching for paintings. I like to have notebook on me in case I get an idea. You never know when you're about to be hit with inspiration!

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Yeah! See that mural over there? I did that. I paint a lot of murals down here, just for fun.

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When I was little I used to dream about painting for overworlders. A friend of my father's used to paint and sell his paintings to an elf overworlder. The elf claimed the paintings as his own and made quite a lot selling them himself.

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Well, human artists don't stand a chance in the overworld. He figured out a way to beat the system. It might not seem fair to you, but it kept his family fed and his passion alive. I admired him for a long time. Until he was caught and killed. The punishments are harsh around here for tricking elves.

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All that to say, you can rest assured I won't trick you otherwise I'd be dead so. And I'm kind of an expert of drawing paper. That being said, let's see what's on the next page, shall we.

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See, I was right. A sketch. Here, let me pull the light closer. Dark green ink, that's typical, smooth lines and...

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How did you get this.

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You heard me, how did you get this. Tell me exactly what kind of sorcery you did. What does the spell do exactly.

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Any object that you could use to identify them? It just takes something random? How does it work?

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You have to know more, you cast the thing!

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Because that's my sketch! That's from a mural I was planning months ago. Look, here, the next couple pages? That's a mural I painted on the wall by the mechanic's. And this sketch, here? I was venting because one of my friends ghosted me. And this one, right here? Right here, that mark, I broke the tip of my pen and got so mad I threw the book across the shop. This drawing I made on my birthday when all my friends forgot. This drawing I made when I had enough money to pay off a friend's debts. This drawing I did of some kids I saw playing on the street. This one was a flower that I liked, and this one was a comic of a joke I heard that made me smile. This is my whole life since I got this notebook nine months ago. So, I want to know exactly how you got it.

~Gasp

Shh!

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I know what I said, just shut up! Do you hear that?

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Use those pointy ears of yours and listen! That stamping sound? It's the night guard. We have a curfew down here. A curfew your soldiers enforce. If they find you here, they'll start asking questions and I will be in huge trouble. You need to go before they get here.

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Here, use this cloak to hide your ears. I don't know whether or not you'll get in trouble if the guard sees you, but I'm sure you don't want to risk your precious life at the college. Hide your ears, keep your head down, don’t' look anyone in the eye and take the fastest route back to the upper city. If anyone bumps into you apologize and walked away. Don't pick any fights. You get it?

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Good, now go!

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No, that notebook stays with me. It's mine, after all.

~sigh

Look you need to go... but I'll meet you at the elevator tomorrow at four. You'd better have every single last tiny detail about how you managed to magically teleport my notebook out of my pocket. Do I make myself clear?

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Good. Now go!

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Yeah, whatever. It was nice to meet you, too.